emit_remmus

Are you rude and boring? Do you find yourself giving guys the cold shoulder. Watch yo' self...

Since the Virginia Tech shootings have toiled down, this posting has haunted me. I have tried telling myself that I am doing righteous things, but I am afraid my subconscious will sneak up on me more than ever. More so, what if my true intentions, for example, giving medical aid to people living in developing countries, were for personal selfish gains and reasons? Reasons such as a thrill for adventure, fame, or self-enlightenment. Another instance, when I show gratitude and sincerity towards others, is it because I really want something out of it? I do know that I want that happiness that I have felt in the past because it felt very ecstatic. If this is the case, then I am selfish. However, I have many friends, but I do not know why. Many I have betrayed, many have betrayed me, many I have left, many have left me, many I chose to discontinue association with, many the same, but many I will have made.

My social life is exactly like yours up until college the red. All I've been doing in college is meeting different people, trying new things, but I haven't had a girlfriend yet. So it looks like you really screwed up in college.

On hanging out, how much is too much?

To start I am naturally introverted but I can become extroverted if I want to, and I don't know how to make close friends. I didn't have any close friends or best friends as a kid because I was always moving. I was a loner at the beginning of high school and towards the end I started to just hang out with everyone but wasn't really that "in" in all the groups' little circle. Now at the beginning of college, I found a few cool people to hang out with but I sort of strayed away from them because they would often ditch me or not invite me to stuff, and I only had one person's number in that group because he seemed to really connect with me. Recently, I met someone cool and started hanging out with him and his friends for a couple nights straight. I don't know if this is the way to make close friends and become part of a group, but I like the group and I'm attracted to a girl in the group. Is it too late to ever join any social circle? How do I become part of the group? Should I start something with the girl I like so soon? How do I become friends with everyone?

What should I be doing? I want someone, but do most college students want a committed relationship or just a hook up? BTW I've been messaging this Myspace girl for a good week now, everyday. But she lives way up north out of state. Whats the point of getting her number? Sure I love our conversations we have through the messaging, but I'm convinced I wasn't made to be a lover. I am seriously really convinced because of the circumstances that always come up, such as her being out of state so far away. Look I'm just really down right now because I see freaking couples everywhere holding hands and kissing in public, its making me sick I want to throw up in my mouth. And I tried doing something about it by asking girls out. Yeah, it got me motivated to do that. I can't focus on school right now because I'm not motivated. Especially biology, I hate this course but its a prerequisite for a course I already took which was awesome(Physical Anthropology, I got to play with bones), somehow I beat the system. My future is archaeology and that probably means I won't have a permanent home, I'll be moving always. I probably won't be meeting many girls either, but I just want to do this career because I love it. So maybe I'm not meant to be a lover, I would love to. It gives me that high. I've tried, and right now I think this is the phase where I give up for awhile because I'm tired and broken. I've gotten to the first date so far. Oh and I do regret my past. Its empty, and I'm tired of hearing people talking about their past with their great high school sporting achievements and their stupid friends and past relationships, I LIED TO MY PHYSICIAN ABOUT MY ACTIVITY IN HIGH SCHOOL, I DID NOT DO CROSS COUNTRY, but for some reason I lied, in fact I didn't do anything. My past was empty. I regret my past. Believe me I'm trying hard with this clean slate. I've messaged classmates through Myspace recently and they refer to me as the quiet guy so I have to give some facetious reply. I SERIOUSLY regret my past. If I was given a chance to start over I would take that chance, so that I could experience the experiences I did not experience. Looking back, I seriously do not know what I could've done though. My parents were strict, and I felt like I needed them at the same time too because I was afraid of the world. Senior year I was investigating in the military branches just so I get out of the country away from everything, but my dad threatened to disown me if I did that. So instead I landed in this university that I had no other choice but to attend and I hate it here. I don't think I fit in, but then I don't know if all universities are the same. I was accepted to the other university I wanted to go to, but I wasn't allowed to go because of distance and my parents heard it was a party university. I really need some happiness right now, and I don't want to drink because I don't want it to curse me as I have the horrible biology exam coming up in a few days.

What the does it mean when the girl says "I'll let you know"?

Happy because I have hope, of course it may just be a fantasy, but I have a plan and its right here--->

Ok last night, so the first girl I called said, she'll let me know. Does that mean no? Then the second girl I called, didn't get very far, I said hi and then she said I was on the other line, she'll call me back later. She didn't and its today. I'll call her again later today. Should I? Third girl, I've known her for 2 years now and I'm also friends with her roommates, she lives in a dorm, but I didn't know how to pursue her until now having an idea of how to date. I'll call her last. I'll ask them all the same thing, sushi and rent a movie. I've gotten over the holding part, I think it'll be easy, its just another step up. EDIT: Just called the second girl, I didn't even ask because she's leaving early for spring break.

Ask her out and get her number.

Thanks for being supportive guys. I'm going to wear a fake smile today.

Honestly, I'm not looking to settle down, but getting into a relationship seems like the only way to get some. Of course this is the part where I say its not all about the sex but the love and caring bla bla bla whatev.

Maybe I'm on here all the time because thats the ultimate answer I want to find, which says most of the time I'm unhappily sad.

And this isn't a rhetorical question. I'm for real and I'm sick of it. In and out goes my happiness.

"Happiness, more or less, it's just a change in me, something in my liberty. Happiness, coming and going, I watch you look at me, watch my fever growing, I know just where I am, but how many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn? All the love I have is in my mind?" I'm sick of having to rely on other people, things, and drugs to be happy. How do I find it inside my mind? How can I get these feelings at the snap of a finger? I was feeling happy and high yesterday and a few days ago, but now I feel like crap again because the fantasy I created in my mind, of love, of companionship, isn't real.

So she'll let me know.... This puts a damper on that day. Is it a good idea to ask another girl I'm seeing the same thing but schedule it on another day? So if I do get the first and then the second then I get 2? And if the second says the samething, then I could try the third girl I'm seeing and hope the 3rd times the charm? But if all 3 turn out to say yes then I get 3? If all 3 say no, then does that mean that advice sucked?

OHHHHH thats how you do it! Thanks bro, I'm calling her right now.

All of it is good advice, but it really depends on the situation and how and when to use the advice. I'm not going to follow it word for word because thats how I ended up in a crappy apartment.

Thats good. I like it. Now I just have to think of a way to point the phone conversation to that. I guess I could still do sushi then say that. But bro I can just imagine how it would be. Us sitting on the couch at opposite ends. Do I just scoot closer to her? As she scoots further away? lol I can see that happening. I don't know how to do these moves bro.

I bought both tickets.

I don't even feel like my place is sexy. The only part of my apartment thats sexy right now is the bedroom because thats the only thing I moved out with. I don't even have a desk to study on, all my work is cluttered neatly on my dining table. I keep it clean but its just empty and void and not sexy. Is there another way to avoid coming to my place? I'm just nervous about this intimate stuff. I need to get over it. I need to put this in a different perspective or something, and get over the way I was raised in to see it. Ironically, I have no problem grinding with girls, and thats why I was leaning towards the clubbing thing. From there, I was thinking it could go more? Go eat sushi, go smoke some hookah, and go dance? Just any advice that doesn't have to do with my place please. I don't even let my friends come to my place. It just feels so loserish. Plus I love eating sushi, I love smoking hookah, I love dancing.

Sure we could get buzzed or not. I don't need it to have fun. To be honest, I've gone without being wasted for months now. Use to I would drink everyday last year. Again I'm nervous about the kissing, and what you said, that just sounds creepy to me. Again I don't even have TV. Can you help me to get motivated and face this in another perspective, as I have done with asking out girls?

My place? We can just sit at my dining table or chill on my bed because thats all I have and I think that might be awkward unless she's will ing to try something, but I'm not feeling the body language from her right now. We do lock eyes a lot, and I tried to do some body language as far as hand brushing. I don't even have cable. Sushi and rent a movie sounds good, but again I'm nervous about going to her place right now.

For some reason I'm afraid of inviting myself to her house and yes her house, because my apartment is empty because I can't afford furnishing right now. All I have is the bedroom furnishing and dining room. I just came out of living in a duplex with 2 girls... And I'm afraid to kiss, I've never kissed before. I just thought of this: sushi then clubbing. I like sushi and clubbing will lead us to touching. Thoughts?? I'm about to call....

Don't you think that would be too intruding?