arrrrffff

She does not seem to be asking for a date in that scenario. It seems like she's just asking you to go to an event where her friends will be. She asked you because you asked her if she still wanted to do something that weekend. So she invites you to something. She has a boyfriend, so you should NOT be expecting a date nor should you accept an invitation for a date.

Your going to have to assess if she really wants YOU back or just someone because she feels guilty or finds that the "grass isn't greener." I believe that everyone makes really dumb mistakes. Were all human. I'm not saying she made a mistake becuase I didn't go through your realtionship. However, sometimes, it takes seeing other people to really know that "hey, I made a mistake, I really do love my ex." Dating is not marriage, and it takes alot of 'trials' to determine who you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you do get back together, you take it really slow.

Thank-you. You know maybe I can see us being being friends with our ex's in the LONG run, but right now I agree with you. Being friends is not what we want. We want a relationship. So it's that or nothing at all. I mean I can't imagine seeing her. It would just start the hurting cycle all over again. Yes, her friends and her are probably doing the same thing as you and I... pondering what the other is doing. The more you do that, the more false stories you'll believe, and that is just unhealthy. Devote your new time + energy to other pursuits. I find I'm way more talkative and open that i ever was. It's 7am... still writing papers... so I probably didn't make any sense, lol.

I don't know how he's getting into your laptop. Do you live together or something? If he's physically going to your location then you'd have to tell him to stop, and if that doesn't work, the authorities. If it's just online... change your passwords or change e-mail accounts. Don't tell him about it. Hacking is a crime, so that can be reported too. Your friends should NOT be giving information about you to him.

Tintinout, I'm in the same scenario as your are, execpt we were together for 3 years and the breakup was well, 7 weeks ago, lol. Anyways, I did the same NC that you did, deciding to do NC with her mutual friends too. I've also had contact from her friends. One was checking up on me for my bday today. One was this compeltely random message: "Hey you! Hows it goin? How was your trip" for which I was completely confused because I went on no trip, and her girfriend never says Hey you! to me. I get the feeling my ex was trying to check up on me by asking her, which is kind of weak in my opinion. The rest of 'em them and my ex have not directly contacted me... some friends those are. I didn't respond to any of the txt messages. Haven't been on MSN either. I just don't feel it would help me in anyway be replying. Really I don't think your ready to start any sort of communication with your ex or her friends. Your healing just fine, and I don't want to see you hurt anymore. If your ex or mine really wanted to talk to us, they'd directly communicate with us. Just let it go and don't analyze. I'm sure if their message wanting to be friends was genuine, your friend would understand why your not replying. Best wishes.

You know we can't predict the future, nor can be be accurate by reading in between the lines. You have to think about yourself, not her. I commend you in knowing that you do not want to be friends. Who cares who she's seeing. Cocentrate on you and your loved ones. She broke and you don't owe her anything, unless it's an emergency. Your not being friends for the benefit of you, and there is nothing wrong with that. If he cared for you, she'd understand this. It kind of looks like she wants you back in her life, but she has to say that clearly. Anything else, is just a waste of your time.

Hun (k, that just seems weird coming from a guy, lol, but I miss her saying that to me), There ARE people that are going through what you are going through. There ARE couples that have gotten back together, and NOT gotten back together. The possibilites are ENDLESS. So if you dwell on all the 'IF's', 'what-IF's', 'I should have done this/ that', 'if only...', etc... your hurting phase will never pass. Sometimes you have to let go because you cannot possibly change their mind because THEY ALREADY made up their mind. Think about him for a minute. Everyone probably around him knows that he has broken up, and probaby why. If he were to take you back now, it would be appear foolish on his.part around his family/ friends . You have to let go, and give yourself TIME to heal. It may seem impossible, but time will heal you. He most likely doesn't hate you. You had 2 + years of memories, and that simply does not pass. He does think of you, and has no forgotten you. He will NEVER forget you. It seems like he seems to 'hate' you, but that is not true. He's trying to have some space, and he knows that if you keep contacting him like this it will only hurt you even more. He's actually caring about you. He may not love you, but he does care for you. I know how much pain you are having right now. Everything you do to get him back seems fruitless. Please know that begging, pleading, and the like will only drive him away because that doesn't show him you are not CLINGY/ NEEDY anymore. I also know it seems like doing this NC thing and not trying to get him back, seems like you are not trying and giving your all to get him back, but believe me, giving him time and space to MISS YOU tells him your are no longer clingy anymore. Further, use this time to work on yourself. Don't change who you are, but improve on your qualities. Work hard at work or school (as hard as it is), learn new hobbies, meet new people (I don;t mean dating asap, but meet new friends, spend time with family). If he really does love you he will come back to you. You did NOTHING wrong, girl. He let YOU go. The next move is his. Give him time. You may very well meet each other again, but when he sees you you will be successful, happy, and a better more confident person. And he will be attracted to that. ------------------------------------------------------------- My gf broke up with me 4 weeks ago after a 3+ yr relationship. She was my everything. I'm giving you all this advice, but yea, I've broken everyone of them. I was clingy and needy too, and started being pessimistic when my mom was close to dying and finally passed away. I KNOW she sees all the good times we had together, but she also went into university, and started the party scene and meeting new friends. Will it wear out? Will she see that the grass isn't greener and all I did was treat her like a princess? I'd love to say yes, but I also know I cannot read the future, so if I dwell on all these questions, I will destroy myself and I will hurt for eternity. Right now I am trying my darn hardest to focus my energy on school, and trasfer into university. I will make friends, and be skilled at things I do. I will be passionate, and humble. It's so easy to say, but doing it is hard. I know I will. I hold on to a small hope she will see the person she always loved, but I am keeping my options open. Don't think of him as your everything. I know I did that and now I lost... everything. Always put yourself first. If your not happy and successful, the people around you won't either. You said you were crumbling. So am I. I am 3 weeks behind school and finals are in 1.5 weeks. I am an amotional wreck. When I go public, it's like I wear this happy 'I am so OK' mask. I torture myself by looking at photos her friends take of her now which are like bullets peircing my body as they show how happy she is without me, I've put a hold in all my volunteering work, I've cried so much i can't anymore, I'm daydreaming and dreaming of her all day, and I wake up clinging onto the blanket she gave me, I just spent $400 on clothes today which i don't even need, all I talk is about HER around my family and friends, of ALL the people I've talked to whether it is my bosses, friends, family, counsellors, co-workers, classmates, EVERYONE has different advice which just onfused the heck out of me but I learned to integrate it all and formulate my own advice, and frankly seeking help sometimes brings things that you DON'T WANT to hear etc... A MESS. I'm with you. I'm sorry for rambling on and on, but just know that were all here for you. You WILL get through this.

Outdoor., I am pretty much in the same situation as you are, with the difference that we live in the same city so noones going away anywhere. See the problem here is not with you or me, but HER. You really did nothing wrong. This was her choice. I know you want her back. And as much as you try to move on and change for the better by focusing on things that make you happy, it will hurt. Time will eventually heal us, but it's not going to be today or next week or probably not even this holiday season. It really is painful when you see her at all those parties with a smile without you there. You wonder if she even misses you. Do not dwell on this though as much as it hurts. There are times when I DO NOT want to say she will never be back with me. There are times when I am confident she will want to get back with me. There are times when I just hate her for doing this to me and want no part in any of her life. There are times when you just want to read her blog, look at photos, or itch to drive there and see her. What if I did this? What if I did that? I should have... All these IF's will just put you in a rut. You won't go anywhere as a person. It will only drive her away. Change by making it happen. Don't just say it. Start by working on yourself right now. Write it down to see your progression. She makes the next move. You have nothing to prove to her. You didn't nothing wrong. It was her.

Yes, you do make sense. I didn't see it like that. So I'm doing NC but there's still contact. Right now, she has so many guys hitting on her, and it seems like she likes that. It makes me feel so unwanted and forgotten. However, I have come to a realization that I have done nothing wrong in this relationship. It was her. I provided for her, was always there whenever she needed it whether it'd be for her family or herself, loved her, and treated her with respect. So I really shouldn't be the one trying to win her back. She will have to show me that she cares if she ever wants me back. Yes, I can back out of the ski trip as with most 'fun' functions. However, the price of the condo did have a special rate for 11 people, so if I back out I'd probably screw them all over, although I'm pretty sure they could find a replacement. How is she going to miss me if I keep appearing in her life? I thought maybe it was destiny that out of the blue I get a chance to see her every week (which has presented itself), but I'm staying far from her at the moment. It actually kinda sucks as I am here studying at home, while she is out there probably having a blast, dancing the night away at some multimillion dollar casino resort. It's so hard to NOT imagine her with someone else. I mean, if she had a guy for that ski trip in January, it would just be too much for me (right now anyways). I'm so confused because there are threads about 100% dropping off the face of the earth NC, LC, and avoid her at all costs even if shes around at the same event NC. I was NEEDY, so wouldn't it be a bad idea to see her at all? She doesn't get the fact that people who lost their moms don't act a lil' 'not themselves' afterwards. I can't believe I still want her back, even though my friends and you guys emphasize that a girl whos not there for you in these times of need, shouldn't even be worth my time. I love her so much still, and I forgive her for all this pain. :S

So the party today sounds SO fun!!! I hear there will be like 40 people. However, I am avoiding it. Same goes for next weeks dinner. Really? Go on the ski trip? The deadline is this month, and she already paid my $100 deposit before we broke up. I know it's far away, but I think I would only have her on my mind all the time even though there would be alot of people.

Thank-you for all the replies. I really am backed into a wall here. Another one of her friends has invited me to her birthday party in 2 weeks. So I have 2 mutual friend birthdays which I am not planing on attending. If this keeps going on, I am going to sound like (well I will be) a pretty busy guy or one that is trying to avoid her at all costs, but I fear I will lose them by being disrespectful. If I keep avoiding events involving my ex., I am afraid I might be excluded from all other functions in the future. I don't want to tell them the truth that "I'm not comfortable with her there, and I need to give us 2 space," because it will eventually get to my ex's ears all convoluted.

My gf of 3 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I still love her, and do want her back although I have let her go, and respect her space. I'd be lying if I told you memories don't torture me throughout my day. Our relationship was great. We didn't fight, we'd be laughing, and had a great time. However, my mother passed away last month after a 5 year bout with cancer, and I became an emotional wreck. I became pessimistic, needy, and just plain annoying to her. I'd message her, text her, call her and show up after class and at her house unannounced all the time which was too much although she said it was okay to do that when I asked her. So I became the depressed guy around her, and it drained alot out of her school study time. I didn't give her her space. She stated she wanted to be single, and doesn't see me in her future. She said she is noticing other guys, and wants to try new things. She sees me as just a friend, even though she said that I am the perfect bf, that I've been doing nothing but make her happy, and she knows if we were to stay together she'd be happy and safe with me, etc... So her breaking up with me after 3 solid years came as a shock to me. How could she say these things and give up what we had together? I understand she wants to try new things, so I respect that. She says, if our relationship was perfect, she wouldn't be noticing other people. This is so confusing. I thought in a relationship, a couple discusses things and works things out. I thought, yes, I have been really emotional lately because I lost the girl of my life (my mom), and I thought (any my friends and family also thought) that your suppose to be there and understand I am like this because I'm trying to get over a death. But she just couldn't take it. She also isn't ready to settle down. There this 28 year old that has been flirting with her at school (who's NOT single btw). There's also a 26 year old lab aide who she likes, but doesn't see any possibility between the 2 of them. Shes 18!!! I have no clue what she is trying to do. I've made just about every mistake there is including: begging and pleading that I've changed a week after & showing up drunk last weekend on her bedroom floor just out of the blue @ 6am (I have never drunk in my life before that). I try to be happy, and do well in school, but this week I have absolutely no motivation. I've missed 3 days of school already, and I can't get her off my mind. I've cried HEAVILY, talked to a counsellor, friends (I made the mistake of even calling HER friends, which are also mine), etc... So I've seen her once a week after the breakup. I do want to do NC although things just keep happening. Question: Her friend (also mine) is having a birthday party this weekend. I said I'd attend. Well if I am to maintain any sort of NC, I can't go right? Else, it would mean I have seen her for the 4th consecutive week. I want to do NC until at least the end of December so I can heal. I mean I can see myself having a great time, and be the guy that she loved, but at the same time I don't want to be in her life that much. Also, I am signed up for a ski trip in January 2007, that we signed up together with 10 other friends before we brokeup. Is it wise to go to this? I plan to just say I am busy those days and leave it at that. I am focusing on my life right now, and making myself happy as hard as it is. I'll let her make the next move.