Tintinout

Thanks all for your advice. I have been entering into the 'festive mood' - am not a complete Scrooge! I don't actually live in the US so the 'letter from Santa' isn't translatable. I do however work in a hospital and will be assisting with the Carol Service tomorrow. It might sound only like 'small potatoes' - but every little bit counts! We all just have to keep remembering: That which doesn't break us makes us stronger. All that you seek you already have within you. Thanks again all.

I'm having a really tough time managing my feelings over this Holiday Time. My partner walked out of my life 9 weeks ago tomorrow (not that I'm counting!) Yesterday would have been our 5 year anniversary. I posted a few weeks ago about a random text I had received from a 'mutual friend' saying that I was invited along with my 'new girlfriend' to stay whenever! I do not have a new partner, that's furthest from my mind! I didn't rise to this text and sent no reply. I 'asked' for NC as I knew from previous experience that I would need to heal. I thought I was improving but yesterday I was awash with emotion (literally). I couldn't stop the tears from falling. There was no recognition of this event from my ex. Indeed there has been nothing from her in the whole 9 weeks. I think she moved on to 'pastures greener', although I have no evidence to confirm this. I don't want to know really. It's her birthday on Friday. I wasn't going to acknowledge this as I do not feel I've healed enough to cope with no response or a negative response. I cannot yet give up my 'hope' but know that with every hour that passes it fades. She kept saying to me " If you love someone let them go, if it's meant to be they will return". She said she wanted to be on her own to 'find herself' and that she hadn't been alone for over 20 years - she went from marriage to divorce to two failed relationships and then to me. There was never 'overlap' just not much time in between for her to think and be herself. I miss her so much. I want to share my life with her. I hope and pray this overwhelming sadness will fade with time. I 'hope'.... Should I acknowledge her birthday? Should I attempt to let her know somehow I am not with anyone else? Aside from maintaining NC is there any other way to progress through these stages of 'loss' with anymore maintenance of dignity? Just as my friends were beginning to relax and think that i was 'on the road to recovery' I'm back to being a blubbering wreck again. Tin

I didn't reply Dave. I talked to my Mum who said I should respond as she is of the 'old fashioned school' that thinks the truth should be stated over and above anything else. She thought I should proclaim with textual anger and affront that even the idea of someone else was malicious! I did however read the posts and actually ended up following my initial feelings. I did not reply! It feels good now. If information is required then the person who matters knows my phone number, address, mobile number, email (work and home), place of employment.... The posts on here over the last few days have been inspirational. This week has been harder (understandably) but I know it will get better. I still have some hope (the "if you love somebody let them go" quote was said 4-5 time during break-up hour) but I'm not stopping it from letting me heal everyday and work on myself. Before all this I used to run 3-4 times weekly and had just run a Half Marathon (having been a couch potato 18 months prior). Shame to say I've only been out once in the last 7 weeks. Partly because of the cold but mainly because I have to run past a "mutual couple's" house. Stupid I know! But sometimes it's the little things that disable us! Anyway, thanks for listening, Tintinout

Thanks to all who've replied. Posts from my heroes too - thanks SuperDave and heloladies! I've not replied. It feels good to have not opened channels for communication that could only potentially open new wounds for me. NC is the way to go!

Happy Birthday arrrrffff! Well done too on the 7 week NC - it's not easy is it! Really want to set the record straight. I don't know what they think I've been doing this last seven weeks but it seems like their thoughts are way off reality! It was all I could do the first 3 weeks to sleep beyond 3am and I lost half a stone in weight! Thank you all for your support. Feels like I'm a part of a family. Tin

Hi! Been lurking on this forum for the last 7 weeks. My partner of 5 years decided that our relationship needed to end. I was very upset but let her go, even managed to make it mostly lighthearted and then went immediately into NC. She kept saying as she was leaving "If you love somebody let them go, if it's meant to be then they will come back to you!". I guess I hung onto this as a minor sign of hope but have since come to realise that this probably eased her conscience! This forum has been so helpful. Cannot thank the likes of SuperDave and Heloladies 21 etc enough!! I was asked to "be a friend" on our last meeting but realised that it was "lovers or nothing". I stated this clearly and also asked for NC. There has been nothing so far. I lost many friends through this, they were of the mutual-type (most better known to her). I sacrificed them so that I would have no knowledge that might hurt me whilst I was trying to heal. I also wanted her to have all their benefits as she went NC with me. I got the general feeling from her that I was being "replaced" (although I have no real evidence for this - just gut instinct based on a previous "indiscretion" on her behalf). Anyway last night was just settling in to bed (typical!) when I received a text from a friend (definitely more her ally than mine, and her friend first!) saying "Hi ya B i know u and S r not 2gether but cud we still b friends as we really liked your company. you and your new partner will always b welcome please take up our offer lots of love" It's knocked me for six! Firstly because I've had NC for so long, was starting to heal. Secondly, I DO NOT have a new partner and am far from that thought process at present. It's taking all I have just to love myself at the mo. Is this a "fishing text"? Should I respond and set the record straight? Advice really appreciated. It seems like all my hard work over the last 7 weeks is about to be undone, Tintinout