l0stNc0nfuzzLed

well none of us have kept contact since that day. hell, before he "broke up" with me, he ignored me for 4 days straight. i pretty much waited til he got out of work and went to his place. that was probably the only way to get him to talk.

i'm kind of in the same situation right now. can someone help me out? i mean, since the break up (like, on tuesday) i didn't attempt to or was even tempted to contact him. and of course he hasn't contacted me. but all of a sudden i want to call him, to contact him. what should i do? the answer seems obvious, but how come all of a sudden i want to contact him when this whole time i never tried, or wanted to?

drinking makes me feel good, period. there was only one or two occasion where i was all crying and depressed because of the events that were happening at the time. but normally, i'm all happy and loud and obnoxious, in a good fun way. but after what my ex pulled, i wanted to drink to numb the pain. i haven't had the chance yet (i'm going to party hard tomorrow) but my friend said that's a bad thing. at least the reason why i'm drinking. my friend thinks he knows everything, but he said that's how alcoholism starts. you connect an emotion to alcohol and everytime you feel that emotino, you drink. in other words, if i drink everytime i feel depressed, i will depend on it every time i am depressed. it makes sense, but i dont know.

well i hope you're right that it's normal. and that maybe eventually i'd stop doing it.

and also, back to the whole "am i not letting myself heal?" thing. i think i might have not explained it correctly in the initial post. it's like this. i realized i've been better these past 2 days. but the thing is, when i AM better, when i say to myself, and acknowledge that i'll be okay, i can get over him, and i know this, i try to make myself miserable. i'd say and realize "you know what? i'm alright." and in that instance, i'd think about him because i want to cry, and feel pain and want to wish that he would take me back. why? i dont understand. are you sure this is part of the healing process?

all situations are different, but i don't believe two people can be just friends after they broke up, especially if it was a strong relationship and even one, if not both partners is still attached and having feelings. to be just friends, there needs to be a separation period where there's no contact and where the feelings dissipate. because i dont think you're being a bad friend. you still having feelings for him and you're use to staying in contact with him and you want to keep that connection. i was like that with my ex. we broke up on mutual terms but still remained friends, hung out and stuff, and when he got a new girlfriend, his girlfriend didn't like me calling him so much and stuff. and he didn't call me much either. the contact between us suddenly dropped tremedously, almost like a bad break up. but i kept saying "our friendship is one-sided. he's not doing his part as a friend, blah blah blah" but in reality, i wasn't over him. that's what it was. you need to cut off communication with him until you're okay to become just friends with him.

well it's not that he had no friends per say because he does, but on myspace, he doesn't have anyone on his friends list. not even tom. he didn't even add his sister. i guess he didn't want the girls he was messaging, including me to know much about him except for whatever he was feeding me.

i think thats cool, but i'm in a similar situation. i want my ex to feel my pain, i want him hurt, but i want to see it, and know it. but of course that would never happen. it's not like we have mutual friends or anything.

yeah. there were times where i wanted to get back with my and at the time when i said i'd do anything to fix it, but it didn't include death, though at the time i was going to ditch my friends for him and thank goodness i didn't do it. but sometimes people can get desperate. i know from first hand experience. i mean you mentioned her dad's abusive and her mom's somewhere else, so maybe you're the only other person she has, so that's why she is the way she is. but you can't sacrifice your happiness for someone else's. though if you did leave her and she did hurt/kill herself, i know you will prob ably have a guilty conscious and would beat yourself up because you could have prevented it, despite the fact you don't want to be with her anymore and find her annoying. but what would i do if i was in that situation? i really don't know. but the others made some good suggestions. slowly limit your contact with her and try to find her help.

i'm trying. i'm really trying. and funny you mention internet strangers because i met him off of myspace. and when i saw in his profile that he has no friends, that should have said something.

yeah i know you want her to feel pain, to go through what she did to you. but if she's really not worth it a penny, then don't even waste your time with that. let karma do it's job. just forget her and move on with your life.

i guess. but i dont learn. this is the third time he's broke up with me but this time, it's for good. and if right now he wanted to take me back, i'd run back into his arms in a second. i know it. and it's like, i don't want other men. i just want him. because he makes me happy.

my friends tell me that, and i try to be mad at him, but i try to justify everything he did. he really made me happy despite the stuff that he did. i love being with him. i love spending time with him, especially in the beginning. he would do all these things that made me smile. i can't help but think back on those things. i want nothing more but to just be in his arms.

well honestly, i feel he probably isn't hurting from the way he broke up with me. he ignored me for 4 days and i had to pretty much hunt him down to find out what the hell is going on. he told me reasons whether they really were or not why he wants to end it. he even said he wasn't sure if he was ever going to contact me or not if i didn't go look for him. and after the talk, he expectd me to give him some sex. and he acted like everything is okay. like i said, i like to believe alot of things. i like to believe that the way he acted was just a mask and he really feels guilty and he's hurting and he also wishes to patch things up.

well whether this girl is the one or not, it's good it's helping you move on.

well i hope you're right. but it's hard not to wonder if he's with someone else. it would honestly kill me to know he's with someone else already, yet i still want to know. i don't want to see that he's happy without me. i want him to feel hurt, to know how i feel. i hope he realizes he made a mistake and that he's suffering like i am.

these past few days i've been devastated. crying all day, thinking about my ex. it's only been 4 days since he broke up with me, and today i'm much better than the past few days, but sometimes i'd get back into depression mode and start crying again. i'm a little delirious and tired right now, though. but could it be possible that i'm not letting myself heal? i torture myself by listening to depressing music, check to see if he's online, wondering if he's with someone else, looking at his pictures. sometimes i think i do it to make myself cry. but why? do i want to be miserable? sometimes when i'm fine, i try to make myself cry. i'll look at his pictures and try to make myself cry. what the hell is wrong with me? but right now it's the end of the day, and usually i'm all cried out and tired. could that be it?

no he didn't make me do it, but i didn't say no.

i'm just taking it day by day. that's all i can do at this point.

because i never listen to myself. that's why. you know what? i didn't plan on meeting him at all. one day i was on my way to work and he just called me to ask where i was. and he asked if we can meet and i figured, why not? and that's it. when i met him, i fell immediately. i thought he was the cutest thing ever. and after work he wanted to spend time and to call him when i got out of work. of course i didn't because not jsut did i not know this guy, but i didn't want to get involved. and so he called me when i was leaving, because he probably knew i wasn't gonig to call him. but i ended up spending time with him anyways. it's just.. i never seem to learn.

even if he is with someone, he wouldn't tell me. i mean, he could have been with someone the day i talked to him. people tell me he's an * * * * * * * for what he did, but i try to justify the things he did. i do.

i can understand you, but to me, if this heartache and this pain comes with the experience of loving someone and someone loving you, i'd rather never fall in love at all. because i dont feel anyone should go through this pain. and if i never fall in love, i wouldn't know what i'm missing. i specifically told myself i was going to avoid guys for a while because i had just gotten over someone and to avoid getting hurt, and this guy just comes along out of nowhere, steals my heart and sweeps me off my feet, and then stomped on it, ran it over with his honda accord, then reversed over it, and then tore it into shreds. that's how much i'm hurting right now. and i told myself i wasn't going to get involved with him, and i did. if i listened to myself, i wouldn't be going through this.

but the thing is, i'd like to believe he WILL come back to me, but i really don't have much hope because of what he did. i mean, he broke my heart, told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore and expected sex. what kind of person does that? like, he acted like everything was okay. i want to try to contact him to see if things can be fixed, but i think i want to give him time, and hope he's not with someone else. i know he was an * * * * * * *, but i can't help it. i still love him.

this is hitting too close to home. since last thursday night, my ex just completely stopped talking to me. i didn't know what was going on. we made potential plans to go out during the weekend and he's not picking up his phone. it killed me. i sent him a text message with "i haven't heard from you. i'm worried." and nothing. then some time later, i text him again with "look, if you don't want to see me or talk to me anymore, just let me know because what you're doing is not cool." then i really got worried. i was hoping nothing happened to him. i even sent him last msg with "can you at least tell me you're alive and well? that's all i ask" and nothing. and monday rolled around and i knew he had work on monday and on the way to work the bus i take passes by where he works and i saw his car parked outside. so he is at work. i tried calling him one more time and he didn't pick up. i was expecting the worst. i had this feeling he didn't want to be with me anymore i wasn't planning on doing this but it seemed like the right thing to do. the next day i happened to wake up at 7am (which is rare since i normally wkae up at like 10 for work) and i couldn't go back to sleep so i went over to the firehouse where he works to see him when he got out at 8am. apparently he had already left because his car wasn't there anymore when i passed by so i went to his place. i was like, one step behind him because as i was walking down the block, i saw him taking his stuff out of his car and going on. i was happy to see him, but at the same time, my stomach completely dropped, not knowing what to expect. so i rang his doorbell and he opened the door, though i dont know if he was surprised to see me. but basically, he didn't want to be with me anymore and that's why he ignored my phone calls. and i even asked him if he was going to eventually contact me and he siad he didn't know. we talked and he told me his reasons and stuff, but it wasn't enough for me. i want closure too, but it's only been like 3 days, and i've been better than the past few days, but actually, i'm tearing up writing this. i also have so many questions, that i can't seem to get an answer to. i haven't tried to contact him since tuesday, and of course he hasn't either, but i'd like to. sometimes i even wonder if it could have been prevented, if i made different choices. it hurts. it really does. and when he was stating his reasons, at times it seemed like he didn't care, but at other times it also seemed like he tried to make me feel better. like, he would say "it's not like you did anything wrong" and "'i'm sorry for being a jerk. you deserve better." even though my friends said he only said those things to protect my feelings because it would make him feel less guilty, even though he doesn't really care. it's just for his own conscious. but we were so happy together. i dont understand how he did what he did. i'd like to believe alot of thing. and it would kill me to know he is with someone right now. i miss him so much. and the thing is he said there was lack of communication between us. well, he needs to communicate that with me. that's a start. to try to fix it instead of waiting for it to happen. you know? my friends say he just wants out and it's easier to hurt me without him actually seeing it, taht's why he ignored my phone calls. and this is actually the third time he broke up with me. except this time it's over. the first two times it was my fault.. well, partially my fault, but this time, it came out of nowhere. but i totally feel you guys with the whys. i still want to know. and i still wish things were back to normal. when we were happy. i hate to believe he just used me, but we've been together for about 5 months and i met this guy off of myspace. one of my guy friends was being brutally honest with me, saying guys would go so low to get into a girl's pants. i think it was more than that though. he told me he loved me. and i didn't even ask him. i mean, i was the first one to say it, but he said i was crazy. and actually i was glad he told me the truth that he wasn't there yet, and not lie about it. so i stopped telling him that because i didn't want it to be awkward. and one day out of nowhere he told me he loves me. so he had to have loved me and i still hope he does. i *pray* he just needs his space and time and he'll realize he made a mistake, and that he's with someone new he just met off myspace. and it doesn't help that he doesn't keep in contact with his exes. that's what he told me and he really doesn't have females friends at all. so that means he's not going to keep in contact with me. my friend said basically his logic is, why keep in contact with them if he can't sleep with them, because bascially that's all he cares about. i do remember the second time we broke up, i was trying to mend things and i asked if we can be friends at least (but we got back together) and he asked me why. and that he'll just keep asking me for sex if that was the case. and jsut sex. i dont' understand how someone that loves me would do something like that. even on tuesday, after we talked and he was telling me he didn't want to be with me anymore, he tried to convince me to have sex with him. it's unbelievable. almost like a nightmare. not real. i'm sorry, i almost forgot what the original post is. i'm sorry for the ranting, but it's hard to get closure if the other person is being difficult. i haven't tried to contact him and he hasn't tried to contact me so of course i dont' know how hard it would be to get some closure, but at the same time i dont want closure. i want us to be back together and to be happy like before.

you know, i'm in a similiar situation in terms of my happiness fading when my ex broke up with me (like 3 days ago) and i nothing can fill that void but him. and maybe i'm not feeling as down anymore because this is the third (and last) time he broke up with me. my friends tell me he is an * * * * * * * and not worth it and he doesn't deserve me, yet i still want to be with him. sure, i do but only the times where we were happy together in the beginning and before the breaking up and all that stuff. and they tell me, why do i want to go back to him? because he's just going to end up breaking up with me and hurting me again and again and will do it if i allow him too. don't get me wrong, i'm still hurting. i still have that little bit of hope that he would realize what he did and that he misses me and wants me back. but keeping in contact with him isn't going to make you get over him. and it's good you're with someone else who is treating you well, but if you're still thinking about your ex, you're not ready for that relationship and as great as it might be, you not getting over your ex is going to affect your new relationship in a bad way. moving on doens't just mean being with someone else, but also you're not hung up on your ex anymore. as my friends are telling me, don't let him predict your happiness. let yourself control your happiness.