Here goes...(I'll try and be as concise as possible) I met my now ex-gf my Freshmen year of college. I was local, she was out of state, and had a boyfriend at the time (I was fairly fresh out of a relationship). We clicked really well, and I think I more or less convinced her to end her relationship with the highschool bf for me. Things were great the first year, and that summer I took a class at a local college with some friends of mine (all female).
Things went well that summer, between us, but Sopomore year is when some of the problems started. The jealousy issue was the main problem. Basically, there was one girl that was a good friend of mine, since I started at school, we were in all of the same classes and remained friends throughout. Completely not my type, and I could never see myself with her, the gf knew that; yet, was still very jealous of the time that I spent with her (in class, and studying).
Sophomore year ends, she breaks up with me very soon into the summer. We don't talk for a bit. I see a picture of her online with her highschool bf and I call her, very upset. I go to MCAT class that night, and when I got back she had driven 3 hours and was waiting for me at my home. We were back together...she talked to my mom a long time about the whole jealousy thing and I thought it was resolving itself over time, but it didn't.
Junior year was OK, still some of the same problems. Broke up AGAIN that summer and in very short time she was back with the highschool bf, this time MUCH more serious. It was the worst summer of my life. Anyways, she was with him the whole summer, and THEN we got back together the first night back at school, which wasn't what I had intended. First semester was a lot of reconciling and things were good. Gave her a Promise ring second semester...things were pretty good, we graduate, each move back home. I started getting wind that she was in communication with highschool/summer bf, but it "wasn't like that". I asked if she would rather live here or back home. She said back home, and in conjunction with the former beau, I had enough and said I was throwing in the towel.
I broke rules with NC and talked to her a couple of days ago. The long and short of it is, she wasn't comfortable enough with the relationship to move out here, being unsure, and the same for me. We both agreed that things were pretty good between us, but didn't scream marriage. She feels that she should know that after all this time, I say that there's been a lot getting in the way of things (including our past and stress of finding a job).
Added to all of this, her parents for the past 8 years fought a ton and got a divorce during her Sophomore year (they are each now twice remarried and single). She doesn't trust relationships and thinks that we have problems, how will they ever get better, they can only get worse. That was very frustrating to me, and I got pretty upset about that, especially because I come from parents who really love each other.
Anyways, I don't know what to do. It's like I expect we'll get back together (even though the outlook doesn't seem good), but I don't know what I want. I miss her terribly, like I do every summer. I make excuses up for her about why she does what she does. In many ways, we are perfect for each other. On the other hand, trust was really an issue, if you could imagine that! What do I do??! (Sorry it's long, thanks for reading it all).
I'm thinking just give it time (NC), don't crawl or beg to her (anymore). Let her figure out what she wants and what I want to. I thought I did that last summer, and that it was finished, I was wrong.
