Batya33

But if my husband was a top priority I chose my son to prioritize -meaning not dragging him on a plane to a hotel and potentially to a funeral he was too young to attend. Anyway I get it. Look your friend has to find his own words, his own backbone. Look up the lyrics to this famous song from The Most Happy Fella -"I made a fist" about a man who discovers his backbone. Look your friend made a choice not to rock the boat. I'd stay out of it unless he asks you for advice. I once listened to a friend vent on and on about how her boyfriend was taking her for granted. I don't remember telling her to break up with him but I validated her - that his treatment was disrespectful, uncaring, etc. Well he proposed she said yes and I was dumped as a friend - she very obviously didn't want to be around someone who knew all the dirty laundry.

Yes this. Order seltzer with cranberry juice and a twist of lime so it looks like a drink. If you have to wear a bathing suit wear a coverup. Promise yourself you will talk to at least 5 people. Leave as soon as it's ok and appropriate to leave. I went to an unsafe covid-wise event last month at my office because it was a really important retirement related event and showing up meant a lot to the person retiring. I was seen, I made sure I spoke to a number of people, and I stayed for the most important part. My reasons for not wanting to go was the time it would take to get there but mostly I was concerned about covid and felt awkward as it was my first time in person since 2020. I am so thrilled I went. I met some very nice and very very important people, reconnected with others and the person retiring really appreciated that I came even though well over 100 people were there.

Around 9 years ago my mother in law died after a long illness. I spent a lot of time with her in hospice and loved her very much. About 6 weeks before she died we went back home about 800 miles away. Our son was 4. My husband continued to travel back and forth to spend time with her and his father. When she died he had to leave for the airport that night to go be with his father. The funeral would be in a few days. He didn't want me to come then because he had to make all the arrangements, help his father. He knew if I came to the funeral a couple of days later I'd have to fly alone with our son -which I'd never done -and would have no help once I arrived there (my parents were too elderly to be able to babysit, etc) and would have to stay at a hotel with our son for a week. His father said that I shouldn't attend because it would be too hard with my son - my husband said that based on what his father said he also didn't want me to go to all that significant trouble to be able to go given our son. We also weren't sure if our son was ready to attend a funeral. I tell you this because I did want to go. I did want to be there in person. And if they had asked me I would have. But I knew I wouldn't be able to be supportive given child care and our child might be more of a disruption than a real support. I had one close friend who judge me for this -she said -who cares, pack up a bag tonight and go and be with your husband. She had kids. Obviously with a 4 year old it's not that simple to just pack a bag. So you know there will always be those who judge. And judge without all the information available. I wrote a eulogy for my mother in law which my husband read. I watched the funeral from the website. I supported my husband when he came back and supported him by solo parenting when he had to keep returning there to help his father. But yet my close friend thought as a wife I was obligated to be there and should have moved mountains to be there whether or not it was going to be really hard with our young child. It hurt that she judged me that way. Please take that into consideration before you express your concerns to your friend or imply that he is going down the doormat path. I don't love that she posted the photos of the wedding but social media is rife with these kind of "breaches."

Just -personally -I don't relate to this theme you describe of a woman cheating on her boyfriend for someone who is "better" at sex - how does that even work -so the unsatisfied woman goes out trolling for a guy who she thinks would be better at sex and tests him out? For me personally sexual satisfaction was intertwined with the chemistry, passion, and our commitment and love -not technique. Not looks either - chemistry which is not the same as looks. I felt the most satisfied when I was engaged to be married and when we were trying to conceive -that was really fun, too most of the time. So this whole theme of a woman seeking other partners because she thinks someone else might be better looking? Better at sex? That's really odd IMHO -not a real life scenario.

I think in general there's more than enough focus on people's physical features and especially the really silly assumption that women want to be complimented by strangers on their physical features. I try to be more specific in my compliments and less focused on physical features -so I might compliment a child's smile, or someone's fashion accessory or sneakers, or politeness/manners/thoughtfulness than some general comment about handsome or beautiful.

Yes- it's not about being open minded just about being thoughtfully-minded. For example I know people who are very focused on a certain breed of dog. I most likely would not go to someone's home if they had that breed of dog and the dog would be in their home nor would I let my son be around that breed of dog in someone's home. But I would never suggest that someone do as I do. And I would if possible avoid commenting on my issue with that breed of dog so as to remain polite. For example if the friend who owns the dog wanted to meet us outside of their home. I had to limit my friendship with certain dog owners because we only could meet for a short amount of time if they would have to leave their dog alone at home or they would have to bring the dog which would mean being outdoors even in bad weather/only go to restaurants where we could eat outside. I don't agree with that sort of prioritizing unless the dog is sick. But I am able to accommodate their priorities to an extent. Those are not values that offend me but they are values that impede our ability to see each other and perhaps our ability to be close. It's a degree thing. One time I went out of my way to research vegetarian restaurants in my city so my friend who agreed to come into the city to meet me (because my city was really fun and she grew up there) could enjoy a meal given her choice to be vegetarian. She canceled last minute and didn't try to reschedule. Cumulatively, it annoyed me even more because I'd gone out of my way to accommodate her values.

Yes, I thought so too immediately. The porn is the least of it - is it just that it's easier for you to label the issue that way instead of what's really going on here? I'm sorry too!!

I don't think it's a general question but really specific. For example, I stopped developing a friendship with a woman who lied to me about being an ex-con (white collar -and yes since she asked me for a specific favor her omitting this was not cool at all) and then committed the same type of crime as a mod for a parenting facebook group I am on a couple of years ago -I didn't unfriend her (she was removed as a mod) and she served time and is trying to better herself but I've decided to keep my distance. But other women have not as I see how they post to her and continue to be close with her. So for me personally I can't be close friends with someone who committed the crimes she did and hurt people including me (luckily I wasn't a victim of her scam but could have been, easily) but apparently others can. I don't judge them for their choices. I've refrained from eating meat in front of vegan friends who are vegan for ethical reasons (I have a good friend who is vegan and it's for health reasons only-her personal health reasons). I would not be ok at all being judged by that person for my decision to eat meat or to serve my family meat. Just like I would not be ok being judged for my decision -completely hypothetical - that I would have had an abortion under certain very narrow circumstances - it's analogous since that decision involves, to some, taking a life, right? So with my example we can easily avoid discussing hot button issues and it's easier than the diet thing because many friends eat together, etc. Just saying from my end of things - I've been in situations where people try to give me unsolicited advice about food -might be about meat, or processed food, or the various keto/paleo/drink your calories diets (no I don't need to be on any diet at all - that does not stop a number of people from imposing their dietary beliefs on others-especially if they make a commission doing so). I never ever do that. My mother is allowed to do that to me LOL, I'm allowed to do that to my minor child (and even that I limit as much as possible) - but to a friend - no, I don't judge, I don't comment about food choices -it's a sensitive area in my life over time and I think it is for many others. I get that you have ethical reasons for eating as you do. I respect you completely for your choices but if you're going to feel that uncomfortable that your friend eats meat and hunts then I'm not sure you can be a real friend to him. Other people in your shoes might be able to -take a good hard look at the degree to which it bothers you -it's not an easy decision I know!!

Your post struck a chord in me because I could relate deeply from your end. I was single until my early 40s but had close friends of all "statuses" -meaning married, single, children/no kids, men, women. I've continued that and have been a married mom for 13 years. A number of my friends were from elementary school/high school too. And a few like you describe. And it's painful because there is that long history! Also even if Miss Busy/Women are Negative/Draining actually made a plan to see you I bet she'd find an excuse to flake. So don't bother. I too would let it fade out. I am really impressed you were so open with her about what was concerning you -good for you!! Given the history I wouldn't rule out resuming the friendship if she contacts you in the future and seems to have changed and wanted to change. I've seen that happen, too in my life and others. I'm sorry for this situation -I bet it sort of feels like a breakup.

I stand by my suggestions whether or not you work at a physically demanding job because I was focused on the mental health benefits. From your dismissive comments I see you are trying to deflect and focus on venting as opposed to taking some responsibility for your choices. I am sorry you were mislead by your provider. I don't have the cynical attitude you do but when it comes to insurance coverage I always reconfirm.

If it were just the friends issue I would do it -I once had a second date as a superbowl party at his friend's house - and Poorlittlefish made a really good point that he needed to reschedule because of you being too busy. Since you started the sex type talk I am less concerned that he took your lead -and I am confused as to why you would be concerned if he tried to initiate sex -he might think you're interested in that sort of thing based on your choices and behavior.

Oh ok -and you are never supervising them alone, right?

I don't see it that way especially the last paragraph. I am friendly with exes as is my husband. My ex boyfriend took a photo of me in a park which my mom has framed in her home. I mentioned this. My husband might or might know who took the photo and it really doesn't matter. Staying in touch with an ex has nothing to do with this situation -she chose to have her ex boyfriend take sexy pictures. That's not just staying in touch. Or being friendly. She wanted to give him a gift that revolved around her -that is what she wrote. That means she likes being the center of attention on her physical/sexual features. That's fine in appropriate settings. She prioritized wanting to give him a gift that revolved around her over his feelings. I mean isn't a gift usually something that focuses on the other person? I've given my husband photos as presents -either they include him in the photo or maybe me and our son.

I wouldn't like it at all unless it was a very specific context - like someone I know well saying "you are a beautiful person or "you have a heart of gold" or a long time friend who is married joking around with "oh I'm sure you looked great as always" - it's contextual. I don't like being told I am "beautiful" by a man I don't know well out of context - whether he is married or not -it would feel objectifying. I would never tell a random man I think he is hot including because I am married.

I'm married and my married camp boyfriend from the 1970s (he wasn't married then -we were 11!) reached out some years ago and once in awhile we chat on FB. Completely harmless. He sent me a camp photo of us from way back when which was so cute. It's been fun keeping in touch and he gave me some helpful info re: an activity to try with my son I would do no third party involvement either -just message him and you'll see what happens

Are you too self conscious to briskly walk? To dance in your living room for 20 minutes or do a workout video? To scrub your floors on hands and knees? Run up and down stairs? I do at least 30 minutes of cardio exercise daily - for many years. Awesome for my mental health. I do it when we travel too - I power walked in Death Valley, on a hiking trail in Disney World, and on a treadmill in Sweden at 4am. I make it work because it works for me- for my health. I highly suggest you make it work and not make excuses.

Are you taking care of your nieces alone while you are drinking?

I think it's fine if he was a photographer and there were safeguards over where they would be disseminated but then she couldn't really share them with any new partner -keeping them for her personal stuff is fine.

It's my personal thing. I was never interested in casual sex and not interested in getting to know a person who thought it was appropriate to talk about sex toys and sex after the first time meeting the person. I'd worry about his lack of boundaries in other situations and be concerned that he was hyperfocused on having sex and having sex early on. If I were a person who enjoyed talking about sex toys with people I'd just met and/or interested in having sex right away/a casual sexual arrangement then this person likely would be a good fit.

I was always extremely busy at work when I dated -often crazy busy -and if I was really into someone I made time for the person unless a true work emergency. I think you're hesitant in general to see him again. For me the sex toy stuff and the rest would be a complete dealbreaker this early on.

This is why I suggested google. I don't think you actually want real or practical advice.

But you were interested in some way in your boyfriend seeing photos of you your ex took -as his birthday present. So you're interested in getting some sort of reaction or attention to show that another man found you sexy.

Yes. And to me sometimes a suggestion to Google is very good advice - it's not no advice. And it's also because of what Tinydance wrote here.

Why didn't you call your insurance company in advance to confirm? I've found that in network docs can suddenly be out of network, etc. I'm sorry for all of your challenges -I know it starts to feel cumulative. I can relate. How often do you do very vigorous cardio type excercise -whether outdoors, cleaning your house, at a gym - for at least 20 minutes at a time? that helps me a lot when I'm feeling this irritable and overwhelmed.

I would also call his physician and express your concerns -obviously there are confidentiality restrictions but the physician is of course permitted to hear what you have to say. Also does he exercise? Can you make time to go for a really brisk walk with him outdoors or even do like mall walking? And I am not a doctor but no -prescribed anti depressants are not addictive from all I have heard (never taken them myself, know many who have). Would he be willing to talk to someone at your place of worship if you have one? My suggestion is to marshal outside sources/resources ranging from professional to trusted friends/family members so that you are not alone. I'm sorry you are going through this.