trueblue30

I understand how you feel about coming out. This is what I did. I looked in my heart and I discovered who I trusted most, and I just told. It went better than I ever expected. My parents are taking some time to come around, but they're from the old school--uneducated, not to mention religious. However, the dialogue that we are having is really helping. You would not believe how many people actually really don't care one way or the other. It's NOT wrong to be gay. Also, you know I have a friend who I thought was homophobic. It turns out he's far from it and very accepting of my lifestyle. I'm wondering if maybe you are so afraid of him being homophobic that it's clouding you're judgment of how he will respond to you. If he's really your friend, it won't be a problem, trust me. Maybe a letter is a good idea. That's what I did and there were no questions or comments or anything bad from anyone. It all went very well (again, except for my parents but that doesn't bother me so much as they're coming around). Well, I hope some of this helps. Be confident with yourself. Trust me, you do know who you can trust, you just have to look inside your heart. Good luck and I really hope everything works out for you.

Hi everyone. I figured it's about time for an update. Well, everyone in my family knows now. My siblings are 100% supportive of me. My parents on the other hand are having a bit of a difficult time with this. They say they just need more time to let it sink in. They keep thinking it's possible I will change back. I hear the disappointment in their voice every time I say that that is not going to happen. You know, I am so angry at society right now because if society hadn't created this stigma, my parents wouldn't be this way. I had to convince my parents that being gay is not wrong! Society has made it wrong because of the stigma and persecution that was created by society. You have to understand that my parents live in a town that is in a time warp--think 40 or 50 years back. This town is not educated and not knowledgeable. Not to mention that I have religion working against me. Fortunately, my parents saw a priest and everything is going much better now. He is quite liberal minded and told my parents that being gay is now accepted by the Church. So they do feel much better about it now. It's just really sad that they have to have to take a priest's word for it and not their own son's! Anyway, sorry I'm babbling here. I guess I'm feeling a bit frustrated. Nonetheless, I don't regret coming out. I have tons of support from siblings and friends, and I know my parents will come around. Just wanted to give you all an update. Any thoughts, insights, advice......?

Another update here. Everyone in my family knows that I'm gay now, and the responses I have received have been so accepting, warm, kind and respectful, even from those I least expected. I still haven't talked to my parents yet because I haven't been home, but I'm more sure than ever that they'll be ok. I truly feel a peace within myself that I've never felt before--it's amazing. And a little lesson I learned is that you should never underestimate the love of your loved ones. I'm now about 65% sure I'm going to return home. Before it was probably about 40%. I think I deserve to enjoy being around my loved ones after everything. I really hope that my story helps others on here to find some peace and come to terms with their sexuality. I'll update more later. Cheers

Hi there everyone. Thought I would give another update here. Well, I wrote a tell all letter to my parents. I felt it was the best way to explain my situation. I would rather do it in person, but I'm not in a position to do that being overseas. I could do it over the phone, but I think a letter will allow them to think about it and let it sink in. I sent it today. I have to admit I felt nervous sending it, but I feel it was the right thing to do. So now I just have to wait and see. Still feeling much better about things and life in general. I think I do really want to go home when I'm done here rather than move to another country. The problem is I just don't know what I would do career wise. But a part of me just thinks I should enjoy being around my loved ones for awhile without being afraid or feeling like I have to hide. Anyway I have a little time to think about it, but I'll need to make the decision in the next month or so. I still welcome any insights here. That's about all I have to report. I guess what's important is that I'm feeling good and happy. Cheers everyone.

I think you're doing the right thing in discussing it with this guy. At least you know where you both stand. Good for you! And don't feel bad for feeling this way. As long as your honest and open with yourself (and your partner) it should be ok. Good luck

I have to agree with KIDD on this one. I was involved with a guy where I thought it was leading to some sort of relationship and I fell for him. I've realized it was just a friends with benefits sort of thing. I had my heart broken and we can't even be friends without benefits now. This guy's out of my life now but I think about him everyday. Maybe you don't have the feelings but you have to be prepared that the other guy could fall for you. And once that happens it's incredibly difficult to just put those feelings aside. You're not a * * * * * or anything like that, so forget about that, but I would recommend having a chat with this guy if you're going to continue the friends with benefits. Make sure you're both clear that a relationship is not in the works. I hope this helps.

Thanks Ballys. Really and truly all I had to do was look inside my heart and trust what I saw there. I think if you do the same, you'll find the answer and it will give you the courage to come out. I finally talked to my friend on the phone. It went so well, and I knew it would. And she made me promise never to torment myself like that again by bottling things up. And I think that's a promise I can keep. Now that I'm feeling so liberated, I don't ever want that torment back. It was such a great conversation that it made me late for work! I could probably have talked on the phone the rest of the day. So now I'm faced with another decision. For years and years I've been seeking love and acceptance under false pretenses (because I was in the closet). For years I just wanted to be who I was around the people I love. Now, here I am living an exciting life overseas, and was about to go on to live in yet another country and experience more. However, now I finally can go home and be around the ones I love and be comfortable with myself, and I want to feel that love. So do I continue on living my dream overseas or do I return home so that I can really be whole again?? I suppose there will always be time to travel if I want to--it's not like I have to live overseas. What do you guys think? Could use a little insight here. Anyway, that's my update for today. Hey, how do you get these quotes to stay under the messages?? ____________________________________ "To thine own self be true"

Well, I just thought I'd give a little update here. I'm still feeling great! Heard back from my friends who I emailed, and once again, very supportive. I'm going to call them on the phone today. You know, I'm just feeling like "isn't life wonderful?" now. I know I'll still have my moments, but I'm going to enjoy the moment because it wasn't just to weeks ago that I felt like life wasn't worth living. I feel like a new person. And I'm not really concerned about going out and meeting other guys right now, I just want to enjoy being who I am. So this is a happy post, sending you all good vibes.

Thanks! Still feeling pretty good and liberated. My sister called to make sure I was feeling good about myself. Today I woke up and I feel like I'm going to have a good week. First time I've felt like that in awhile. I'm also feeling a little more secure with myself. I emailed two really good friends of mine who I poured my heart out to. I haven't heard from them and it's been two days. I'm prepared to lose them if it must be. I'll be disappointed, but I'll be ok because I have my family and I feel good about myself. That's how I feel more secure. And I'll definitely keep you updated.

Mrjsmom, I commend you on your relationship with your son. I just posted about coming out to my family. I wish someone in my family would have talked to me and made me feel it was ok. If you're son is gay, then he will thank you for that reassurance so early in his life. I'm not a parent, but I hope that a lot of parents have dialogue with their children about being gay or lesbian or other lifestyles, I mean regardless of whether they show signs or not. It would help to make the next generation more accepting and we could have people be more comfortable and confident about coming out. But I'm getting off topic here. Anyway, I think you're dealing with this just brilliantly

Hi everyone. I'm not sure if you all remember me or not, but I posted a while back about a guy I was seeing who basically broke my heart. I don't know how to post a link to a former post, but I'm sure it's on here somewhere. Anyway, I don't think it's that relevant to what I'm going to talk about. Well, since my last post in here, so much has changed in my life, and these changes have to do with me really coming to terms with my lifestyle. I've still been logging on and reading posts, and some of them really helped me along in the direction I'm going, so a big thank you to those who post their stories about coming out. The more stories out there on the positive effects of coming out the more we may be helping those who want to come out. I'm sorry if this is so long everybody, but here's my story.... I think I always knew I was gay, well since I was a teenager anyway. I only really began facing it a couple of years ago---alone. I grew up in a small community and I come from a family with strong values. My parents are religious (although I think they are more open-minded than they used to be). My surroundings contributed to my belief that it was shameful to be gay, and I avoided my feelings like the plague. Generally, I'm a good-hearted, laid-back person and introverted. My life outside work is very private. I started experiencing stereotypes, not to mention a whole lot of verbal abuse about being gay. It made me so angry, and at the same time so guilty because they were right, but I didn't want them to be right because of the stereotypes. This really took a toll on me. I became very anxious and depressed, and I made up problems so that people couldn't tell what was really going on inside me. Oh, the torment was terrible. And it was all because I FELT (emphasis on the past tense here) ashamed and I honestly thought that if I accepted myself as being gay, my family and friends would just disown me. It finally got to the point where I told my best friends, who seemed to be ok with it. So I said ok fine I'll accept it, but I'm never telling my family. I went overseas shortly after I came out to my best friends. One of the things that attracted me to the guy I met over a year ago was that he was so comfortable with himself. He told me all about his story. And let me tell you, he takes no S**t from anyone. His professional life is completely separate from his personal life and his attitude is basically anyone at work who asks it's none of their business. He doesn't walk around advertising, but he tells the people who need to know. In short, he is free, and that's what I wanted. So, even though he broke my heart, he helped me to not feel ashamed anymore. I'm sorry this is so long everyone, but I'm feeling so much right now, it's a lot to get out. I still miss him like crazy sometimes, but I realized that I had no outlet to express what I was going through (I also had no outlet to express how great I felt in the beginning--you know, those first love tingles that you get after meeting someone who you think you click with). I had enotalone, and it helped a lot when things really went sour (a special thank you to Ballys here on that one for all the helpful PM's), but I needed the support of my loved ones. A couple of weeks ago it clicked just how much I wanted that freedom, and the chance to just be who I am. I started to realize that I can trust my family, that they'll love me no matter what, and that if I don't tell them, then I'm robbing them from knowing who I really am. In my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do. So, last night, I called my sister and I told her. I can't believe how unexpectedly good it was!! Together, we are going to tell the rest of the family. She was so happy for me, and so glad that I told her. And I told her about the guy I was in love with too. Before I came to this realization about talking to my family, I was starting to believe that I could never go to my country again, I was going to stay away forever (don't get me wrong, I still enjoy travelling and living in a different country). Now, I'm seriously considering returning in a few months. The love and acceptance I've been looking for all this time was right in front of me and I didn't trust it enough. I can't tell you how much I needed to hear the words that she spoke. When I got off the phone, I cried so hard (a happy cry though) because I felt the torment that I had felt for so long be released, and I know that everything is going to be all right. I'm so proud and happy and thankful for being part of such a large, loving family. And because I'm being open now, I feel I can finally move on from this guy that broke my heart. I will never forget him, but I will move on, and find a guy who really returns my love. I know that there will still be jokes and persecution, and I'll find out who my real friends are, but I have my family, and that's all that matters to me. I post this to give others who are experiencing this turmoil hope. It's ok. Being gay is becoming more acceptable every day, and it's because we are becoming more aware. I hope I made sense in all this, there's so much emotion it's hard to put it all into one coherent post. You don't have to be alone if you don't want to be. I looked in my heart and thought about who I trusted most, and then I opened up to them. It's so hard to put how good that felt into words--hmmm let's see if some of the smilies can express it =D> \\ I was doing the happy dance that's for sure. Thanks for reading everyone. Stay tuned, for I will update you during this process of coming out.

I have to agree with those who say to go NC. I know it's easier said than done, but it's better for you in the long run. Use the time to focus on you. How about going out and exploring the UK a bit? I've been NC for 4 weeks with someone I've been in love with and who didn't return the love. I lost myself in this process, and it was darn hard to go NC, but now that I'm finding myself again, I feel a whole lot better, and I'm feeling glad I got him out of my life. We're all here for you. Keep writing about how you're feeling. Enotalone is a great place to let it all out. Take care and I really hope you feel better.

Here I am again, and it's been awhile. I was feeling so good after reading your post Bally's, then I got some bad news. I don't even know what I should say. I have no one to talk to about it, and I'm scared to say something on here. I'm so embarrassed, ashamed, and scared. I never dreamed in a million years that this would happen to me. Bally's, you've really been listening to me, would it be all right if I sent you a private message and explained my situation there? Thanks.

Yes, I was diagnosed with GAD almost exactly 3 years ago now. And I too have had it my whole life. Did you have any depression with it? I suffered some depressive episodes with mine. I think if you haven't had any depressive episodes you might approach things a little differently. I was in therapy, I took meds. I'm not completely cured and frankly I'm not sure I'll ever be, but I'm no longer on meds and I no longer am seeing a therapist. I just learned to cope with life and learned to use the tools that therapists gave me. I'm not sure what will work for you in terms of helping with your nervousness because everyone is different, but I'll tell you what worked/is working for me. I balanced my life out. Found out who my friends were, focused on them, dumped the bad baggage. Surrounded myself with my loved ones. Took time out for me and concentrated on doing the things I loved to do. If I got stressed and needed a day to myself, I called in sick and did something that made me happy. (I'm not saying do this on a weekly basis, but once every 3 months or something like that is ok). This sounds irresponsible, but I've learned that you're mental health is just as important as your physical health, and no one is going to steal that from me, no job, no profs at university, I think you get the point. I even found the career that I really wanted and went after it, but just because you love something doesn't mean you shouldn't take a breather, time out for you--it's all part of that balance. I wanted to beat this thing and I was willing to do anything and everything to do it. Some days you get tired of it and you just want the anxiety to go away, and those are the times when you have to ask for help, just having someone listen to you and not judging really helped me. Go to those only you know you can trust. Once I knew what I had, I fought. You can also use this time to really get to know yourself. And for people with GAD, I think one of the hardest things for us may be confidence in ourselves. So whatever you have to do to build your confidence, do it. Exercising really helped me with my confidence. I just feel good after exercising. Well, these are things that worked for me. I hope this helps you out too. I feel for you and hope you don't let this get you down. Keep us updated.

Wow! Two great things here. One... I went to work and halfway through my day I realized, no, I don't want to tell him that I'm in love with him. Even if he was good enough about the whole thing, he would do or say anything and everything to make me feel bad. Then I read your post Bally's (eureka--thank you!). What you said about the degree of power with older/younger people, sooo true. And I did let him have all the power. I'm usually a very independent guy--heck, I moved accross the world in part just to be independent, and I really am at my best when I'm relying on my own independence. Ya, he is older and too set in his ways. I thought about it even more, his longest relationship was 7 years and he left it because of work. His other relationships have lasted no longer than 2 years, and apparently he's had several, and they ended because of career choices. And, this relationship he's in now?? Already there's problems because his boyfriend doesn't want to get serious. Gee, I wonder why? I don't think he can have a relationship with anyone because he seems to have a problem with commitment. He once told me that the guy that he had a 7 year relationship was his soul mate and he always will be, but he had to make a career choice. Excuse me??? If you find something that good, you would do everything to hang on to it. I know I would. I probably sound judgemental, but there seems to be a problem with him and getting together with anyone in general. Anyway, I know I'm babbling here. My point is that I'm realizing that I think there is something seriously wrong with him, and even if we ever did get together as a couple, his issues would end up hurting me even more. He doesn't seem to care when he hurts people, and people like that are not worthy of my love. I'm going to read your post everyday Bally's because it lifted me right up, and it helped me see that I'm worth a heck of a lot more, and that no one has that kind of power over me. The independent me is the real me. I'm still hurting, of course, but I see things differently now, which makes the hurt far more bearable, and it will be easier to overcome alll that hurt. Thanks Bally's.