theoneandonly0708

I know that he said that from the beginning. However, when I asked him again when we were starting to talk, he told me that I was helping him to believe in relationships, he loved me and everything, we even talked about our future together about how he wants me to live on campus in college so he an come and visit me everyday. He might have "thought" that he was ready, but, he apparently isn't ready. I didn't push anything whatsoever. He's the one who wanted me to ask him out. I didn't do that on my own until he starting hinting at it.

Okay, so I met this guy about three to four weeks ago. He messaged me through facebook. Now, he's an openly gay guy in our school, one of the most known flamboyant ones in our school. We messaged back and forth on facebook a few times and he wanted to know if I was gay, and I said yes. Then we started talking on AIM. And from there we started texting and we talked on the phone once or twice. Then we went out to a movie where nothing happened. When we were texting we admitted we both liked each other and that we wanted to do "stuff" last time at the movies. So, we went to another movie later that week and we made out like twice, held hands, cuddled during the movie. Then there was this two day period of us not really talking, partly because I went over my texting and my parents had to adjust the plan so it was free. Now, he had told me from the start he didn't believe in relationships, he believed in {mod edit}ing, because it was pure and pleasurable without {mod edit}. This turned me off, but we had kept talking. I had asked him again, he said I was making him believe in relationships. He had a little "encounter" with this one kid that he was with before me, not even two weeks before he started talking to me. This left me uneasy to where I felt that he may have feelings for him, which he also said that no matter how much he liked me, he would always have feelings for that other kid. Which, I didn't really understand fully because they weren't even in a relationship, they were pretty much just {mod edit} buddies. Anyways, when I got it back we started talking again and everything. And one night he asked what all of the stuff we did makes us, and I said I'm not really sure. And so, the next day we hung out, I basically picked him up and we sat in the parking lot of Target, due to the fact that my parents don't know about me yet and know that he is, and my dad is kind of against that, but I won't get into that right now. So, that night we made out in the truck for a while, and the brought up what he was saying the night before of what this made us, and he wanted me to ask him out. And he said he wanted to, so from that night forward we were going out. Texting nightly, the whole I love you, everything. We then hung out again at that Target parking lot and made out some more, then that weekend, we went and saw another movie. Which of course we didn't watch and then of course we went to the Target hotspot again. At that point we started to do the whole "hands down the pants" thing but that's as far as it went. So, this past week we had a snow day at our school, so I had him come over since both my parents were at work. We were downstairs made out a bit, then he wanted me to show him the rest of my house, and of course we ended up in my room on my bed. We made out for a long time, cuddled, then started the hands down the pants thing. And it got to a point where he did jack me off. But, then I had to go and pick up my mom from work because I had her truck for the day. One oddity that happened that day, was that when we were downstairs making out his phone vibrated and it was a text from that kid he was with before me, so at that point I became uneasy and a little distant, but I got over it. He said it was just him telling him that there school had a snow day to and that they're still friends. So, then he wanted to do something the next day, which we did. It was in the hotspot again and this time we jacked both each other off, until we came. While he was jacking me off, he said he wanted to give me head, but I said it's too fast, not yet. And so all we did was jack each other off and eat a little bit of each others cum, which tastes really bad. So, that was a very good night. Then, around Thursday I noticed he hadn't been texting me as much unless I made the effort to text him. But, we started texting and he said he thinks we're going too fast, which I agreed. Then, Friday, is where it went downhill. We made out everyday in school during a "bathroom break" where I would text him and we would meet in one of the bathrooms. Friday, that didn't happen, which he was busy so it was fine. But, we were texting when I got home and I asked him what he was doing this weekend and he was busy practically all weekend. I asked what time he got out of work that night, and he said 8, but he was going to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends right after. And, I replied texting him saying "oh, cool..." or something along those lines. And I didn't hear from him texting-wise since. Which, up until that day, we were always texting. So, I began to worry slightly. I went out with my friends that night for midnight bowling, and when I came home I decided to text him saying that I didn't feel like he was making much of an effort and that I was kind of stressed that I haven't heard from him and stuff and that I felt maybe he doesn't care as much anymore. I woke up the next morning and received a text from him saying he's sorry, he was busy and he will try to make more of an effort. So, I felt better, then we seemed to be texting okay again. That was until I was on facebook and noticed like I sent him one of those "gifts" for valentine's day and I asked if he got it and he said he didn't know it was from me, he also had sent one to this other kid he was with at the hockey game, but, I couldn't see his profile unless I was his friend. That didn't bother me that much, but it made me think. So, I asked him and he was like "dude, calm down. it's freakin' facebook.", I was pretty upset at that point because he had an attitude when he was texting like he didn't care anymore. So, I told him that I was going to watch a movie and that I would talk to him later. And he just said, "ok...". Around midnight last night, well today technically, I texted him and asked if he was mad at me. He said, "no, why?", and I said, "well, I thought you were for some reason...", and here are the the rest of the texts from that point on: Him - No, I'm not mad, I've just been thinking about stuff. Me - Thinking about what? Him - I don't know, about us... Me - Talk to me, what's wrong? Him - I don't know, I just think we're moving to fast with everything. Me - With everything... explain... Him - Like we said I love you after like two days of going out and I really don't think that we've had a long enough time to get to know each other to even stay stuff like that. And I just don't want you to get hurt emotionally. Me - Well, I thought that when you wanted me to ask that question, that we were okay. I thought everything was going good up until like yesterday. Him -Yeah, but the thing is, just because you're going out with someone, doesn't mean you love them. You have to give things time to develop, and everything was fine but like I just didn't get how you could feel like we are drifting apart just because we didn't talk for a night. Me - Okay, I'm sorry about that I was out of line with that whole thing. I think because this is my first relationship, I'm learning and tyrying to develop just like you are. I have strong feelings for you, I'm sorry I said that I thought we were drifting. I really don't think that, I think it was more or less that it was like the first day we that wasn't like the rest. But, I'm over that now. Him -Okay. That's good. But like, I just don't want you to get sick like you said you were. If you are then I'm not sure if it's in your best interest to be in a relationship. I just don't want to see you make yourself get hurt. Me - Okay, I might have been exaggerating that but yeah, I think I just question whether or not you feel the same because like we always were texting and everything and it like stopped, so I was worried something was wrong or something. Like I hate stressing over stuff like this, I never thought I would, I don't know. Him - Yeah. I understand, I'm just not sure if I have the maturity for a relationship at this point in my life. Like I never really believed in relationships. I told you that the first night we ever talked. So, I think that because this is my second one, and the one before ended weirdly, that I just got over attached. Do you understand where I'm coming from? Me - Yeah, I know what you mean, but like we've been fine up until now. Him - Yeah, but now I'm starting to think about everything. Me - Me too, but this happens in relationships, we'll work it out. Him - Yeah, but that's just it, I'm not sure if I'm ready for a commited relationship yet. Me - Oh my god, what are you trying to say... Him - I don't know. I just think we should give it a little time. Me - I understand, I'm just learning how to commit, we'll get through it. Him - I think we should be a little while as friends and then if I feel differently then we can revisit the relationship subject. Me - Why did you want to in the first place if you knew you weren't ready? Him - Because, I thought I was. I'm sorry. Just give it some time. If you really do like me, then you won't have a problem being friends for a while. Me - Okay, but do you really like me? Him - Of course I do! Me - Please be honest with me, does this have anything to do with (other kid's name)? Him - Absolutely not. I'm completely over him. Believe me. He's an * * *. Me - Okay, there's nobody else then right? Him - No! I just want to take a break. I'm not like that, I would never see somebody behin anyone's back. Me - Okay, good, that's relieving. Him - Yeah, you'd never have to worry about a thing like that. I'm really sorry. I hope you're holding up alright. Are you okay? Me - I think I'm okay, confused, but okay. Him - That's good. Me - Bedtime, night. Him - Okay. Once again, I'm sorry. Goodnight. And so, we are currently not going out anymore. Any suggestions, thoughts, comments?

I honestly don't get it... I've accepted myself as gay at this point, but I am not out to anybody... not at this point... Lately, I have been literally DIEING to find a guy that is maybe gay or bi but not out... I was all over this one Ricky kid as some of you probably remember from previous posts, but really I got sick of him, sick of wasting time "hoping" that he was gay, I've moved on... There's this other really hot guy now, that I've been beginning to know, the only weird thing is, I'm a senior he's a freshman, but I guess he failed a year and shoulda been a sophomore... anyways... I first met him through my gym class then this past weekend I found his MySpace and asked for his SN and everything and we talk online... and I wanted to hang out Sun with another kid and him but it never happened finally we did on Mon. we went to the mall.. Ever since then he's been very like talking to me and stuff which i like... but I have no freakin clue if he's even gay or bi he could very well be straight becuase he tends to talk about how hot his volleyball girl coach is and this other girl is I guess so that always throws me off... and I don't know why but it depresses me when he says that, I get this feeling that I'll find no one, he's so hot and we've been talkin A LOT but idk we really havent had any one on one talk ive always been with other friends... idk what to do... i feel like i'll never find another guy that would care for me the way i would care for him and I still can never picture myself or my family accepting that to happen even though my feelings/heart really truly want that to be happy its just so confusing right now

I've been on these forums for not even a year and have posted about the major love I have for this guy that I can't make go away. I can only picture myself with him, and only him. He's the only guy that is alike me on so many levels and we get a long so well. I'm not going to go into the whole thing about him again because it gets me no where. A couple of friends and myself have talked about him secretly on the possibility of him being gay or bisexual. At times, if I were to explain to you how close we get to "kissing", you'd instantly think he was gay, but then their are other times when I feel like he isn't even into me. He definitely sends mixed signals, and it's driving me crazy. It's been almost a year long crush over him. I can't break it. I'm in love with him and it seems impossible to get rid of it. I can't help it. If only I would be able to come out to him and other people and it would be accepted and I wouldn't have to worry, then maybe things would be better. But no, this world is so critical on what people are, it scares people - including me - from ever telling anybody. The thing is, I don't want to live my life in hiding, I want to be out and be able to be accepted and just live my life the way I want to, not by the way of others. But, I can't break the fear of what my family will think of me and my friends. Due to the fact that they are also extremely religious, I feel as if I will never be able to. This is beginning to drive me insane to a point where I just want to escape and live somewhere where I will be accepted. Everything is just so hard and confusing right now, especially with the major crush I have on top of it...

Well over the past two weeks he's been over my house about 5-6 times, and he keeps revealing those signs that he maybe into me, maybe bi, maybe gay, but at the same time he can reveal signs that throw you off that he's more than likely straight. For instance, I'm not going to type everything, because I can't remember everything, but... There's this one song on the show, "The Hills", and it's a girl song, my sister watches that show and I've heard it before. Anyways, he came over for the day not sleeping over and we were downstairs. My sister played that song from the main show open and he started singing it, and I looked at him, and then he's said I know all the words to this song, me and my cousin were singing it in high pitch voices and everything. I'm like okay. Also, one of my other friends was working for dad, which I was too, and we had him over to eat at my grandma's house and then he went home. Anyways, I was joking around talking to "HIM", saying, oh why don't you stop over like you did last time after your doctor's appointment. And he said, I will if you want me too, but I had an away message up that said "Here With Mike", Mike is the other kid that was working for us and had dinner with us. And then he says "Or you can be with Mike..." and didn't talk to me for like rest of the night. I was like wow. He also managed to pull my pants down, "panzing" me or whatever when i was standing, not my boxers or anything, but I was just like whatever. So, just last today he was over spending the night and left this morning. Last night he was on the phone with his girlfriend like always and stuff, and then Mike called me cell and was asking about work and stuff, it was only like a two minute conversation. Anyways, I hung up, and I said "That was my girlfriend." And HE FLIPPED OUT, he was like WHAT?!, and I was like JUST KIDDING! And he's like Thank God, you scared me for a second and he was telling his girlfriend and stuff that I pulled one on him, but his reaction was like insane. Then he says, "MY NICKNAME, DOESN'T NEED A GIRLFRIEND, HE NEEDS TO STAY SINGLE...", that made me wonder. Why would he want me to stay single? He always manages to sit RIGHT next to me in the living room when there are like 3 other couches. And he always has his head tilted towards my side when we are watching movies. And of course he still does that looking me in the eyes thing. His girlfriend even thought that either I or HE was gay because I guess she read the text messages I sent a long time ago that said "I love you...", because he always does them to me, but he just told me this like last night. That would mean he would have saved them I would think because anytime I texted him he was here, not in MI with his GF, if I remember correctly, I don't know. I have a major crush on him and I don't know what to do. He's so perfect, yet so mysterious. A lot of people I ask think he maybe gay or at least bi.

Maybe, next time we hang out or something. But, I just have a hard time bringing stuff like this up with him, he can sometimes be very open with me, and other times be very on the defense. I'm too into him I think, and I don't want to be anymore. I mean, it's very possible he is gay or bi, if you look at my other topic which I wish I could just merge with this one, I talk about him more and all these signs on the way he acts towards me... But aside from that, I may tell him, but I just need some type of "jumpstart" for the conversation if he doesn't bring it up again... I don't know... BTW, that is my screen name in that conversation, feel free to IM me on this whole ordeal, it's much easier than typing out long things like this on forums...

It's very possible, if you read my other threads I have about "So Confused...", and "Coming Out, So Unbelievably Nervous..." I've tried to come out to him, but I'm just to nervous, but I really do think he may be gay but hiding it very well. We have so much in common and he always sit next to me and close to me...

I had so many oppurtunites (he slept over last night) to tell him, but I just couldn't something is blocking me, I'm to worried about what might happen, for some reason when I see him in person, I get quiet and just hide it. I don't want to though, it's just all so confusing because he looks at me like he's into me, but yet he has a girlfriend in a different state, he was close to me a few times, but, I don't know. He's way too mysterious, I think I'm starting to just waste my time with him, should I even be involved with him, I need to just let this crush dissipate, as it kind of did because I wasn't too excited for him to come over yesterday. We are so alike on so many levels we like the same things, we ordered pretty much the same exact thing for dinner when we went out with my family even my sister said out loud, you too are so alike, your like lovers. He just looked at her and made a face and didn't say anything. What is blocking me from telling him! Sometimes I wish I could just kiss him because we get so close and that would end my problems with having to tell him and figure him out. I just want to get over him now, I feel like I'm wasting my life away being so into him, if he didn't have girlfriend, I would think differently, but I don't know... So confusing... I feel like I'll never meet another guy who is just like me ever again, and I'm worried that after our upcoming senior year, I won't see him again for the rest of my life, and I'd hate for that to happen. I did type out a two page letter explaining myself to him, but I feel like that's too corny, I want to do it in person, but whenever I get the oppurtunity, I don't take a chance...

Okay, I've come to a conclusion where I'm not going to tell him, if he's that fragile and uses religion * * * *, I'm not going to bother, though I'm sure he'd be friends with me still, I don't care anymore. He has a girlfriend, although the signs are there maybe he's just straight and I've wasted about a year trying to figure it out with him... Anyways, here's our converstation this afternoon... HIM (4:26:18 PM): hey mac macCarOne489 07 (4:26:30 PM): hey HIM (4:26:35 PM): is your sis home HIM (4:26:44 PM): i just wanted to know if she needed rides from school HIM (4:26:47 PM): from soccer i meant macCarOne489 07 (4:26:50 PM): yeah shes home HIM (4:26:52 PM): k HIM (4:26:54 PM): can you ask HIM (4:26:59 PM): so your mom doesnt have to go pick her up macCarOne489 07 (4:27:14 PM): well my grandpa does but sure ill ask macCarOne489 07 (4:28:17 PM): she said she doesnt care, she'll talk to my mom when she gets home HIM (4:28:49 PM): k HIM (4:28:51 PM): thank you mac HIM (4:28:56 PM): i just figured it be easier HIM (4:29:00 PM): since it like HIM (4:29:03 PM): 10 seconds out of way macCarOne489 07 (4:29:08 PM): yeah HIM (4:29:24 PM): k HIM (4:32:43 PM): so hows life macCarOne489 07 (4:32:47 PM): pretty good HIM (4:35:38 PM): good good HIM (4:35:42 PM): so your not going to tell me? macCarOne489 07 (4:36:04 PM): just let it go i dont want to anymore HIM (4:36:18 PM): fine HIM (4:36:25 PM): so you expect me to forget about it HIM (4:36:34 PM): and just know that somethings wrong with you HIM (4:41:13 PM): k HIM (4:43:37 PM): hi macCarOne489 07 (4:43:42 PM): hi macCarOne489 07 (5:03:04 PM): i may not have to work tomorrow cuz my dads getting his tooth pulled haha HIM (5:03:38 PM): sweet macCarOne489 07 (5:03:47 PM): it sure is HIM (5:04:44 PM): tell your dad im praying for him macCarOne489 07 (5:04:55 PM): lol im sure he'll be fine HIM (5:05:49 PM): k macCarOne489 07 (5:06:24 PM): yeah macCarOne489 07 (5:07:15 PM): i went on a cleaning frenzy yesterday in my room haha HIM (5:07:31 PM): sweet!! macCarOne489 07 (5:08:04 PM): everything is perfect, not a speck of dust, perfect macCarOne489 07 (5:08:05 PM): lol HIM (5:08:10 PM): woah macCarOne489 07 (5:08:26 PM): well maybe theres a speck but HIM (5:08:35 PM): haha macCarOne489 07 (5:08:55 PM): so did you get my text messages this weekend HIM (5:09:01 PM): i did macCarOne489 07 (5:09:13 PM): well thats good macCarOne489 07 (5:09:20 PM): at least i know now that i got through to you macCarOne489 07 (5:09:42 PM): but your afraid to lose 10 cents which is kinda depressing HIM (5:10:03 PM): yes HIM (5:10:31 PM): it is macCarOne489 07 (5:10:51 PM): ok we can drop the "one-word response" attitude just because i told you to drop what i wanted to tell you about HIM (5:12:04 PM): no HIM (5:12:09 PM): im trying to talk on fone HIM (5:12:10 PM): and get off HIM (5:12:14 PM): cuzi need to take shower HIM (5:12:41 PM): BYE mac HIM (5:12:43 PM): LOVE LOVE LOVE macCarOne489 07 (5:12:47 PM): goodbye

I haven't talked to him all weekend long, and now he has soccer try-outs this week for school so it will probably be a while until we see each other again...

This especially bothered me... HIM (11:49:16 PM): they can lust at anything HIM (11:49:18 PM): and its sin HIM (11:49:24 PM): and the more you sin HIM (11:49:30 PM): farther away from god you get HIM (11:49:38 PM): and begin to destroy self HIM (11:49:42 PM): pretty simple concept HIM (11:49:49 PM): but the world makes many excuses for that stuff ???

I do find that strange why he said that and I disagree with him as you could probably tell. If I could explain in greater detail how he is with me in person he can really appear to be gay sometimes. My sister and my father both think he is because the way he is in person. However, he is also homophobic at the same time, well maybe not completely since he does have another "best friend" who is gay he says. But he really is using his religion when it comes to that if you have probably noticed. I could not disagree with him more on what he said. I think he has to have an idea that I am, but doesn't want it to be true for some reason? As you might have read throughout this thread he does have girlfriend in a completely different state who he visits like once every six months. He is a very good-looking kid, I'm not sure how he is keeping that relationship going but it's not any of my business. We are both seventeen, and he goes to one of the churches that are unlike most catholic churches, they don't do communion, palm sunday, etc. He goes to church on halloween, I do the exact opposite and I am catholic. Lately, I've been fine that I think I subtly let him know that I could be gay, I don't know. At this point, I really can't waste my life and time over trying to figure out if he's gay. Although so many people think so in person...

Can anybody help me with this? It's driving me crazy, again, sorry for the length...

Okay, I posted another topic this past week about me coming out to him. I've made my decision and decided to just go for it. However, I was never as nervous as I was in my entire life. I brought it up very, very subtly online a few days ago that I had something I wanted to tell him. You can read an excerpt of it in the other topic about "Coming Out, So Nervous...", the last post is old too but now I'm focused more on him than on me... He did ask me if I was gay, but I denied it and told him I wanted to tell him in person. Fast forwarding a few days he came over and slept over even though he had to wake up for work at six in the morning. He came over and we ate at my grandmother's house for dinner and when we were talking during dinner, I don't know if it was a coincidence but he would say the same things I would be about to say. It was so weird, and we couldn't agree more with each other we were like twins almost like he knows what I'm thinking and stuff, very strange, so of course my mind is going "Oh, this is nice, we definitely are compatible...", it happened a lot throughout the day, then when we came home, we ended up watching Titanic since he's never seen it before! (Just goes to show how sheltered he is...) By the time it was over it was around 11:30ish and he wanted to get ready for bed. So, we went upstairs and he asked me if it was okay if he took his shirt off! I was like "Sure, go for it...", he has a very nice body mind you. So it was really weird we were just standing there when he did and he was looking in my eyes dead on saying absoultely nothing, I couldn't help to look at his body and I walked very close towards him but ended up walking by him, I became way too nervous. So, then he lays on my bed, and we talk about games and stuff, then he said I have to brush my teeth (since it was too late for him to go back home and pick up his stuff), so I told him he's more than welcome to use mine. Now, I'm a health freak OCD kinda person, and I usually don't want anybody including my family using my toothbrush, etc. But, I insisted that he used it, besides I have insane oral hygiene and never get tartar, plaque or cavities. So, we were both in the bathroom and he was brushing his teeth. Then, I took out stuff to wash my face, which included a cleansing cloth recommended by my dermatologist. And he asked about why I had to use them, I told him for acne, but he's like well you don't have acne, I'm like exactly because I use these. Then he asked me if he could watch me wash my face and use the clothes and stuff, I thought that was a little strange so I laughed and asked him why but he just kind of laughed it off. I led him out of the bathroom so he wouldn't. So, I do my routine, get ready for bed and I walk in and he's on my computer looking for some girl on MySpace. He's searching, ends up not finding her. And as he looks through some of them are men and some have an orientation that say Gay or Bi, and he's like thats so gross, and he asked "Don't you think me and you should shoot all the gay people?" -- Now, I was planning on telling him that I was around this time but this caught me off guard and I was thinking if he acts this way, there's no way he'd accept me. I told him, "No, I don't think so...", and he didn't say anything. Then he brought up, "What did you have to tell me?", and immediately (insanely nervous), I said "Oh, it's nothing...", he's like "Just some stupid thing?", I'm like "Yeah.". So, then he has me set the alarm for him and he goes right on the top bunk to go to bed. I was extremely upset, so I was giving him one word answers and barely talking to him. I couldn't sleep, so then I thought - I still need to tell him so maybe I'll leave him a little note if I don't catch him waking up tomorrow. I did in fact and I was awake but pretending to be asleep when he did read it but he just stuck it on my forehead, LOL. That whole morning for me at work I felt like complete crap, I didn't want to do anything. My mind was going absolutely insane worrying about what he thought and about the night before. Then when I came home for lunch, he stopped by! I guess he had returned a hat he borrowed for work. So, I was really excited. And my dad was downstairs with us, then of course he had to bring up, "I got your Post-It, you liar...", smiling. So, I gave him a look for "Not Now..." and he stopped and we talked about work and all, and he eventually left when I had to go back to work. Later, I get home get online and he's online and he starts asking me again what it was, I told him I couldn't tell him but when he asked me if I was gay again, he said "As long as your not gay, there are no problems...", I think he had a hunch I was but didn't want me to actually tell him... So, then after a brief argument of why I won't tell him, I talked to him later... Here's the converstation... My SN is in there, I don't feel like going through and removing it, I did however remove his for his privacy. HIM (10:20:15 PM): tell me macCarOne489 07 (10:20:26 PM): ? HIM(10:20:30 PM): tell HIM(10:20:30 PM): me macCarOne489 07 (10:20:42 PM): tell you waht macCarOne489 07 (10:20:43 PM): what* HIM(10:20:47 PM): wat you wont tell me macCarOne489 07 (10:21:16 PM): i think you know HIM(10:21:22 PM): i have no idea macCarOne489 07 (10:21:29 PM): oh HIM (10:21:36 PM): have i said it HIM(10:21:39 PM): and you denied it anyway HIM(10:22:13 PM): well its kind of just creepy beacause its a reason y we cant show our love HIM(10:22:17 PM): which i thought was a joke HIM (10:22:20 PM): then just got weird macCarOne489 07 (10:22:26 PM): ? HIM(10:22:32 PM): the thing you wont tell me HIM(10:22:35 PM): over im HIM (10:22:44 PM): over AIM macCarOne489 07 (10:22:58 PM): i was joking about the whole we cant show our love we do that all the time HIM(10:23:10 PM): so wat cant you tell me macCarOne489 07 (10:24:09 PM): thats the problem i cant tell you anything your too idk negative i guess? HIM (10:24:29 PM): im to negative?? HIM(10:24:37 PM): what did i do to make you say that macCarOne489 07 (10:25:25 PM): its nothing.. sometimes u just say things that push me away from wanting to tell you anything HIM (10:25:52 PM): like wat?!?!? HIM(10:26:30 PM): ???? macCarOne489 07 (10:26:42 PM): just things HIM (10:26:47 PM): explain HIM(10:26:50 PM): in detail macCarOne489 07 (10:27:14 PM): its hard to explain HIM (10:27:18 PM): no its not HIM (10:27:22 PM): i got time macCarOne489 07 (10:27:31 PM): its not whether u have time or not macCarOne489 07 (10:27:35 PM): its whether your understand or not HIM (10:27:40 PM): *my nickname* HIM (10:27:42 PM): ill understand HIM (10:27:50 PM): smart kid HIM (10:27:51 PM): member macCarOne489 07 (10:28:44 PM): i dont feel comfortable enough to a point where i can tell you and not be hated HIM (10:28:54 PM): did you do somthing against me? macCarOne489 07 (10:29:04 PM): absolutely not HIM (10:29:09 PM): or i wont understand in a sense that i wont forgive you? macCarOne489 07 (10:29:16 PM): possibly HIM (10:29:21 PM): just go ahead HIM (10:29:24 PM): ill forgive you HIM (10:29:26 PM): dont worry about it HIM (10:29:49 PM): you can tell me anything HIM (10:29:52 PM): we are friends HIM (10:29:57 PM): dont hesitate macCarOne489 07 (10:30:04 PM): ik macCarOne489 07 (10:30:09 PM): im just worried HIM (10:30:15 PM): just go ahead HIM (10:30:17 PM): dont be afraid HIM (10:30:22 PM): ill forgive you HIM (10:30:33 PM): ive never not forgivin somebody macCarOne489 07 (10:31:08 PM): ik macCarOne489 07 (10:31:33 PM): but your the only person ive ever brought this up about, the only person, not my family, close friends, nobody else HIM (10:31:48 PM): so y stop now?? macCarOne489 07 (10:31:56 PM): i feel i trust you, yet i feel like the outcome will be bad HIM (10:32:02 PM): no it wont HIM (10:32:08 PM): dont worry HIM (10:32:12 PM): you got to let it out HIM (10:32:15 PM): or it will eat you up macCarOne489 07 (10:32:29 PM): believe me its been eating me up insanely macCarOne489 07 (10:32:49 PM): and its not like i can help it HIM (10:33:06 PM): you can HIM (10:33:07 PM): just let it out HIM (10:33:08 PM): right now HIM (10:33:10 PM): 1 HIM (10:33:11 PM): 2 HIM (10:33:12 PM): 3 HIM (10:33:14 PM): gO! macCarOne489 07 (10:33:54 PM): idk im worried i wont be able to trust you to not tell a single soul HIM (10:34:09 PM): *my nickname* HIM (10:34:13 PM): you dont even need to worry about that HIM (10:34:15 PM): come on now macCarOne489 07 (10:35:04 PM): its just that when i want to tell you this bomb of questions in my head explodes, questions of consequences if i were to tell anybody macCarOne489 07 (10:35:20 PM): and its not like this was a choice for me HIM (10:35:43 PM): so this was just put upon you HIM (10:36:03 PM): are you in some conspiracy or somtin HIM (10:36:03 PM): haha macCarOne489 07 (10:36:10 PM): no HIM (10:36:28 PM): so this wasnt just put on you macCarOne489 07 (10:36:34 PM): it was macCarOne489 07 (10:36:40 PM): or at least i think it wasz macCarOne489 07 (10:36:42 PM): was* HIM (10:36:47 PM): have somtin to do with the computer macCarOne489 07 (10:36:55 PM): no HIM (10:37:00 PM): wat does it have to do with macCarOne489 07 (10:37:04 PM): me HIM (10:37:08 PM): awt about you HIM (10:37:11 PM): wat** macCarOne489 07 (10:38:43 PM): i really overall have a pretty good life, i stay out of trouble, i absolutely hate drugs, smoking and alcohol, i always put my family and friends first, im willing to do anything for anybody in times of need, and i think i do the right thing and make the right choices macCarOne489 07 (10:39:01 PM): as my grandpa always tells me "i have a good head on my shouldersr" macCarOne489 07 (10:39:05 PM): shoulders* HIM (10:39:14 PM): ..... macCarOne489 07 (10:41:18 PM): but i've always known there was something "wrong" with me as far as i can remember and i dont remember doing anything or choosing anything to be who i am, but the problem is, society is so strerotypical that they label it as "wrong" even though its something i cannot help, or change though ive wanted to its imppossible HIM (10:41:54 PM): ... macCarOne489 07 (10:42:24 PM): you dont understand how nerve-wrecking this is for me to tell you this HIM (10:42:31 PM): if it that your gay HIM (10:42:35 PM): i dont want to hear it.... HIM (10:42:38 PM): anything else is fine HIM (10:43:06 PM): its** HIM (10:43:20 PM): .... HIM (10:44:20 PM): ....................... HIM (10:45:02 PM): *nickname* HIM (10:45:32 PM): whered you go HIM (10:46:18 PM): ??????????????? HIM (10:47:24 PM): helloooooo HIM (10:49:08 PM): fine just leave HIM (10:53:20 PM): ?? HIM (11:02:59 PM): mac macCarOne489 07 (11:03:56 PM): im exhausted and very upset right now i think i might just go to bed HIM (11:04:05 PM): upset? HIM (11:04:06 PM): y HIM (11:04:17 PM): ?? HIM (11:04:20 PM): did i do somtin macCarOne489 07 (11:04:47 PM): you dont understand and you dont want to even try to understand HIM (11:04:59 PM): well i cant try HIM (11:05:01 PM): if you dotn tell me macCarOne489 07 (11:06:24 PM): by the looks of this conversation i think you care more about what a person is than who a person is HIM (11:06:47 PM): huh? HIM (11:07:08 PM): just tell me your not gay macCarOne489 07 (11:08:03 PM): why exactly do u keep asking that if im gay? macCarOne489 07 (11:08:05 PM): do i act gay? macCarOne489 07 (11:08:08 PM): do i look gay? HIM (11:08:08 PM): no HIM (11:08:12 PM): cuz HIM (11:08:19 PM): you keep saying all this stuff about who you are HIM (11:08:28 PM): kind of scared me for a second HIM (11:08:32 PM): so tell me!!!! HIM (11:08:39 PM): im very excited macCarOne489 07 (11:10:22 PM): omg exactly what i just said, even if i was gay you would be scared of me? is that it? so you do look at a person of what they are rather than who they are just what i thought macCarOne489 07 (11:10:28 PM): ill ttyl HIM (11:11:08 PM): ok? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Auto Response from macCarOne489 07 (11:11:08 PM): in the worst mood of my life... going straight to bed... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HIM (11:11:13 PM): god HIM (11:11:15 PM): dont pms HIM (11:21:50 PM): hi mac macCarOne489 07 (11:22:35 PM): what HIM (11:22:42 PM): saying hi HIM (11:22:46 PM): to *nickname* macCarOne489 07 (11:22:58 PM): ok HIM (11:23:35 PM): bad mood still HIM (11:23:36 PM): my fault? macCarOne489 07 (11:24:03 PM): * * * do u think macCarOne489 07 (11:24:18 PM): i think its mine, i should have never had broughten this up ever in the first place HIM (11:24:28 PM): k HIM (11:24:35 PM): it wont be such a big deal HIM (11:24:37 PM): just pray about it HIM (11:24:39 PM): itll be fine HIM (11:24:53 PM): you being stressed about it is you telling God that he has no idea wat he is doing macCarOne489 07 (11:25:18 PM): i've prayed my whole life macCarOne489 07 (11:25:32 PM): to understand : why me? HIM (11:25:39 PM): tell me! macCarOne489 07 (11:25:55 PM): you blew it *hisname* and i will not do such a thing HIM (11:26:01 PM): i blew it HIM (11:26:07 PM): well sweet HIM (11:26:13 PM): i see wat you think ofme macCarOne489 07 (11:26:31 PM): um right its not what i think about you HIM (11:26:42 PM): well obviously it is if you wont tell me macCarOne489 07 (11:26:52 PM): its because you wont let me HIM (11:26:58 PM): im letting you HIM (11:27:02 PM): go a freakin head macCarOne489 07 (11:27:07 PM): no your not macCarOne489 07 (11:27:14 PM): i know your not HIM (11:27:30 PM): go ahead HIM (11:27:32 PM): righ tnow HIM (11:27:35 PM): im not stopping you HIM (11:27:45 PM): your stopping yourself with these excuses of y not to tell me macCarOne489 07 (11:28:38 PM): that maybe part of it macCarOne489 07 (11:29:03 PM): but your not letting me HIM (11:29:12 PM): EXCUSE^^ macCarOne489 07 (11:29:53 PM): i need to make excuses because your making me extremely uncomfortable everytime i try to tell you HIM (11:30:02 PM): im sitting here HIM (11:30:04 PM): waiting HIM (11:30:16 PM): im not trying to make uncomfortable macCarOne489 07 (11:30:57 PM): well some things u say make me uncomfortable HIM (11:31:08 PM): k sorry HIM (11:31:11 PM): at your house HIM (11:31:12 PM): or online macCarOne489 07 (11:31:19 PM): both HIM (11:31:22 PM): really HIM (11:31:25 PM): wat do i say at your house? macCarOne489 07 (11:31:26 PM): mostly online HIM (11:31:36 PM): wat did i say at your house? macCarOne489 07 (11:32:01 PM): it was minor, but its what completely shut me down from telling you last night HIM (11:32:11 PM): wat was it?!?!?! macCarOne489 07 (11:32:39 PM): if i told you it would give it away HIM (11:32:55 PM): no HIM (11:32:59 PM): wat did i say macCarOne489 07 (11:33:35 PM): you probably thought nothing of it macCarOne489 07 (11:34:05 PM): but it was in question format and i disagreed HIM (11:34:18 PM): during movie HIM (11:34:22 PM): or just before bed macCarOne489 07 (11:35:07 PM): figure it out on your own HIM (11:35:19 PM): the can i take off my shirt question HIM (11:35:20 PM): haha HIM (11:35:21 PM): KIDDING macCarOne489 07 (11:35:36 PM): well i didnt disagree to that so obviously not HIM (11:35:45 PM): ummm HIM (11:35:50 PM): giving me your password? HIM (11:35:51 PM): haha HIM (11:36:42 PM): you did disagree with that HIM (11:36:43 PM): haha macCarOne489 07 (11:37:00 PM): why would i make a big deal about a password macCarOne489 07 (11:37:01 PM): seriously HIM (11:37:09 PM): idk HIM (11:37:23 PM): good question HIM (11:37:30 PM): idk....you dont disagree with many things i say macCarOne489 07 (11:37:46 PM): alright so i guess you didnt remember scratch that then HIM (11:37:58 PM): was it about your sis? macCarOne489 07 (11:38:02 PM): no HIM (11:38:14 PM): k good HIM (11:39:10 PM): wat were you doing in the bathroom for so long? HIM (11:39:17 PM): showering macCarOne489 07 (11:39:17 PM): omg macCarOne489 07 (11:39:20 PM): WASHING MY FACE macCarOne489 07 (11:39:24 PM): BRUSHING MY TEETH macCarOne489 07 (11:39:33 PM): I HAVE TO WASH MY FACE WITH SOAP THEN THAT PAD macCarOne489 07 (11:39:40 PM): THEN I HAVE TO PUT THIS STUPID MEDICINE ON macCarOne489 07 (11:39:42 PM): thats what i did HIM (11:39:52 PM): well i thought you were showering HIM (11:39:54 PM): thats y i asked HIM (11:40:19 PM): you disagreed with me going to work HIM (11:40:20 PM): in morning macCarOne489 07 (11:40:40 PM): that wasnt it HIM (11:41:03 PM): ...i really dont feel like playing guessing game anymore macCarOne489 07 (11:41:14 PM): its unfortunate that i have to macCarOne489 07 (11:41:16 PM): im no trying to macCarOne489 07 (11:41:22 PM): but your basically making the game for yourself HIM (11:41:26 PM): well HIM (11:41:29 PM): cuz you wont tell me!!! macCarOne489 07 (11:42:31 PM): i know for a fact that if i told you based on how you are, you would never talk to me again, not want to have anything to do with me, and our friendship would disintegrate HIM (11:42:48 PM): as long as your not gay HIM (11:42:50 PM): i wotn care macCarOne489 07 (11:44:08 PM): okay so apprantly you think i am? HIM (11:44:23 PM): no HIM (11:44:24 PM): i dont HIM (11:44:29 PM): thing you are gay HIM (11:44:38 PM): but tell me please HIM (11:44:43 PM): im getting kind of annoyed HIM (11:44:50 PM): and that takes alot for me to get annoyed macCarOne489 07 (11:45:39 PM): i have a question, for the reason why you keep asking me if im gay, why would it matter to you if i was? you would actually destroy a friendship over sexual orientation? thats pretty low of you i think HIM (11:45:56 PM): no HIM 11:45:59 PM): mike steeves is gay HIM (11:46:03 PM): im still his best friend macCarOne489 07 (11:46:32 PM): that makes no sense you just said "as long as your not gay, i wont care" HIM (11:46:54 PM): well....i dont want mac pauly to be gay HIM (11:47:19 PM): cuz HIM (11:47:22 PM): you need a gf HIM (11:47:24 PM): and gf are good macCarOne489 07 (11:48:11 PM): not for nothing but do you think that gay people want to be the way they are? did you not want mike steeves to be gay at one point? HIM (11:48:25 PM): of course HIM (11:48:31 PM): and being gay is your decision HIM (11:48:53 PM): its mostly from lust and the devil is in process of destroying you....etc. etc. macCarOne489 07 (11:49:03 PM): oh so basically someone can go "okay, i want to be gay today" and their gay?? HIM (11:49:10 PM): no HIM (11:49:16 PM): they can lust at anything HIM (11:49:18 PM): and its sin HIM (11:49:24 PM): and the more you sin HIM (11:49:30 PM): farther away from god you get HIM (11:49:38 PM): and begin to destroy self HIM (11:49:42 PM): pretty simple concept HIM (11:49:49 PM): but the world makes many excuses for that stuff macCarOne489 07 (11:49:55 PM): dont play the religion card with me HIM (11:50:10 PM): its not a card mac HIM (11:50:12 PM): its the truth HIM (11:50:24 PM): i would hope you want to hear the truth macCarOne489 07 (11:51:09 PM): i always want to hear the truth, but i am far from the idea that people decide to be gay HIM (11:51:17 PM): WOAH HIM (11:51:29 PM): def. a decision HIM (11:51:35 PM): its sin HIM (11:51:38 PM): just like stealin HIM (11:51:41 PM): lying HIM (11:51:43 PM): so on so forth macCarOne489 07 (11:51:43 PM): um how is it a decision? explain it to me really HIM (11:51:55 PM): a decision to lust after your own sex HIM (11:52:00 PM): its a sin HIM (11:52:04 PM): simple as that HIM (11:52:49 PM): and when you sin more and more you get farther from God and allow the devil to enter your heart and if you dont repent or have Jesus in your heart in the first place then you will destroy yourself and the devil would have completed his mission HIM (11:53:06 PM): dont know how else to explain HIM (11:53:09 PM): its pretty simple HIM (11:53:55 PM): .....i must go though HIM (11:53:57 PM): bed time HIM (11:53:59 PM): night mac macCarOne489 07 (11:54:15 PM): bye macCarOne489 07 (11:56:30 PM): i thought u were leaving HIM (11:56:36 PM): i am -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Auto Response from macCarOne489 07 (11:56:36 PM): in the worst mood of my life... going straight to bed... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HIM (11:56:38 PM): you want me to? macCarOne489 07 (11:57:01 PM): i dont want you to but you said "you must go" HIM (11:57:15 PM): ...I DID.....sorry....saying bye to my cuzin HIM (11:57:37 PM): later dater.......say hello to family for me and tell your mother i may get my lasagna somtime tomorrow if its not gone! HIM (11:57:38 PM): byeee! macCarOne489 07 (11:57:49 PM): bye Sorry for the length, but just so much went on, I had to put it all in... PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS, IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH!

Okay, so here's the story, he had already went to sleep he had to work tomorrow, so I was thinking about leaving him a simple little note that I needed to talk to him about that and I lied earlier when he asked me what it was all about. So, I was halfawake this morning when he woke up and he was reading it, and of course he stuck it on my forward when I was like waking up. But anyways, I felt like crap all morning, thinking he thought it was a joke and all. So, me and my dad (who I work for) came home for a late lunch around 1:45ish... I ate and we relaxed for a while... I was upstairs and my dad was taking a nap downstairs, then I heard him yelling at my dog insanely, then I thought I heard a car engine pull in the driveway. So, I looked out and it was *HIS* car! I was shocked he just stopped over. So anyways he was just looking right into my eyes and said "I got your Post-It thing, you liar... (smiling)"... I just kinda lauged it off giving him a look because my dad was right down there with us and I didn't want him getting suspicious... I think he might have come over to ask me again... I don't know... Sorry to cut this short but he just IM'd me, and asked me again... and he said "Are You Gay?" again, then he said, "If not, there are no problems then...", great he pushes me away from telling him more and more I talk to him, I denied it again and he's pissed at me now because I won't tell him, if he's like so homophobic and won't be able to accept WHO I AM rather than WHAT I AM he was never a friend at all...