cakes1979

I was with a guy for a year and a half. We fell in love very fast and we were on top of the world for the first 9 months...then things changed. I wasn't being treated the way I needed or wanted. He kept say that he was going to move from Phoenix to Chicago (where we are both from, met in Phoenix though). Anyway, he finally came to the decision that he way moving. We left things that "we would see what happened" but that we would both move forward in our own lives. This was 2 months ago. This guy lived with a roommmate here in Phoenix. The night he was moving out of his apartment his roommate was having another friend move in, he was moving from Chicago to Phoenix...coincidence??? That night I met the new guy. The three of us were sitting on the couch, just shooting the * * * *. The new guy say to my ex, "does she come with the room" to which he responded, "if you want the headache"!!! I was crushed by that comment. Anyway, over the next couple of weeks I hung out with the new guy quit a bit. It was so nice having someone to spend time with and we have a blast together. One thing has lead to another and now we are "seeing" each other. It's great because this new guy has all of the qualities I'm looking for in someone. He is very respectful, is very easy to talk to and we communicate great with one another. In the mean time the ex has contacted me several times saying what a mistake he has made with me. That he feels we are soul-mates and all that stuff. The thing is that I'm done with him. There is nothing he could say or do to make me change my mine or want me to ever want to prosue a relationship with him. Tonight I told the ex that I didn't or really couldn't have contact with him, that I just want to move on with my life and that it complicates things when we talk, e-mail or text. He know about me seeing the new guy and said that I was disrespectful for moving on so fast and for seeing this guy in particual. He ever said that the only reason I'm with him as to get back at him for the headache comment!!! I told the new guy about the conversation and he feels we shouldn't see each other right now. That I need to get my head on straight and be ok on my own for a while for a relationship to work out. I do agree with him on this. He doesn't think the ex should be having this much effect on me if I was truly over him. How much time do I need to give myself? The thing is, I really do like this new guy...or is it just a rebound???

Well I actually grew up in Illinois and finished college there. My family is no longer there but do have a ton of friend who live in Chicago. Over the weekend I was trying to think of ways that things could work. The only way that I could see moving there would be for myself. I am considering going back to school for my Masters and would consider schools there. That way if things don't work out I would still be taking care of myself. When I brought this up to my bf he said that he see's it best for us to go our separate ways and move forward in our lives. It hurts so bad to know that he is not willing to fight for our relationship. But he has started to send me mixed signals. Yesterday he sent me an e-mail asking to get together today (Valentines day) because he had something for me and if not he would just drop it by. I said yes that we could get together, because my heart is still with him. Well in the middle of the night he sent me a text message saying Happy Valentines Day and that he still really loved me. I got to work and there was an e-card sent to my e-mail. It said that he hoped I was having a great day and hoped I know how much he cares about me. Then he called just to chat! I didn't know what to do about it because I thought we resolved to move on. I called me back to say that I was confused and he said that he didn't realize and that it was best for us not to get together. I feel like he is playing games with me. That he really doesn't want me to move on with my life so if things don't work out for him in Chigaco he has me to fall back on. Any insights?

My boyfriend of a year and a half has decided to move back home to Illinois. He is moving because he wants to be close to his family and feels he has more opportunities as far as career and quality of life there. I completely understand his motives for wanting to move home and respect him for that. I have not expressed any interest in moving because I have a life for myself in Arizona. It hurts so bad that his decision to move did not include me. I don't see how a long distance relationship could work. Since we met he has talked about wanting to move back but I never thought it would actually happen. We have talked several times about what would happen to us if he did move, which usually ended up deciding that we would go our separate ways. Now that it's down to it I don't want to move on from him. I want to have/share a life with him and just don't see how to make that happen. Does anyone out there have any advise??? Should I just move on with my life and look for the next best thing?

Thank you so much for your advise! I was unsure on how much contact is too much and really like your suggestions. I think that just having fun with one another on a limited basis could help bring us closer together. And like you said, "can't hurt to give it a shot." Thanks for your reply!!!

Oh, and about counseling he is against the idea. I have been seeing a terapist for myself and am taking time to make myself happy, with or without my man. I have to say that I'm finally happy again and want that to flow into my relationship.

I do want things to work out in terms of our relationship. But I feel like nothing we have been doing is making anything better except creating more tension and stress. We are at a point where we don't know what do but know that it can not continue on the way things are going. I just want the tension and stress to be over so we can enjoy being around one another again and go from there to see if we can work on the relationship. And I want things to work in our relationship "without trying". For a long time I have been holding on to the way things were at the beginning of our relationship but in the past couple of weeks I have let it all go. I'm at the point that if things are meant to work out they will and if not than they were not. It is very painful to be apart, which is why I'm hoping that working on our friendship could be good. I'm just not sure...

Hello, OK, well me and my man of a year and 3 months have been on the rocks for a few months now. A month ago we decided it best to "take a break". I love him and know that he loves me as well and we keep trying make our relationship work, except nothing has really changed. We have gone without contact for about a week at a time, then when we get together we either end up talking about the relationship or we can't have fun together. Yesterday was a PERFECT example. It's crazy but I won $10,000 at my work christmas party. Needless to say I was extremely excited and wanted him to share that with me. When I called to tell him the news he was very happy for me and asked me to meet him out, he was at a going away party for someone he works with who I know. He kept saying that I was acting weird, which is becasue I'm not sure how to act around him since we are on a break. Anyway, instead of having a great time and celebrate we ended up talking about how we can make things work. I came to the realization that I don't want to talk about our relationship anymore because it keeps putting presure on us. I called him today and proposed that instead of putting our energy into making our relationship work, that we work on being friends and enjoying being with each other. He said that he agrees and that it might be a step in the right direction. I'm just a little unsure if this will do anything at all and am not sure if I know how to just be friends. Any advise???

I'm not sure if he is hur or feeling rejected that I wanted a week. I feel like he is more playing games. And I think that teacup is right, he is making any sort of effort to take any action to work things out. He has said to me in the past that this is how he is and that if I can't accept him as he is than we probably won't work! He does want me to settle for whatever he gives ~ which right now is crumbs. I really want to have an "intimate" relationship with him. Where we share our hopes and dreams to see if we are going in the same direction. It used to be that way but for whatever reason he stopped giving. It's SUPER hard because I'm so in love with him, or in love with the way things used to be. What can I do to get that back?

Thank you! I feel like you do understand what I'm going through. Our relationship is totally off balanced right now. I have tried to talk, and talk, and talk with my bf about it but it always ends up the same. He just says that if what he is giving me is not enough than maybe we are not right for each other. I think it's because he really doesn't understand what I need from him and our relationship. Do you have any suggestions for books on communicating with my boyfriend. Also, I did go see a therapist this week and have another appointment next week. I'm hoping to get some more insight on to how I can better communicate my feeling and how to get him to open up to me. I am totally hurting inside and this next week is going to be total hell.

You don't have to muscular to be hot! And even though you may be "scronny" now in a few years that will change. Plus what you see in the mirror is not what all of these other girls are seeing

I guess what I wanted to say to him on Monday was excatly what he said to me tonight, that I was confused by him continually contacting me while we were on a break. I feel like me wanting a week (which yes I have not given) has backfired on me. He is a very hard person to talk to about anything serious. He totally closes off. I want us to be able to talk about anything openly without having to sit down and have a serious conversation. Which usally ends up with me talking at him. I want things to be easy again. I'm so tired of playing games. I really wanted to go NC but I feel like I'm dying inside and wanted to talk to him. What should I do???

Well this is my second topic I've posted and I'm really needed some support on this one. A week ago (Wed) my bf and I decided to "take a break." This was mostly his idea because I kept feeling unwanted/unloved by him and we keep having the same fight. Anyway he sent me an e-mail Friday saying that he still loves me, he called me on Sat saying how much he missed me, came into where I work on Sun, and called me twice on Mon. On Monday night I went to his place with the intention of telling him that I thought we were on a break and I needed some time. When I was there he was trying hard to let me know how important I am to him, gave me lots of hugs and kisses on my head. Before I left I told him that I needed a week to think things over and figure out what I need and want from him and our relationship. I felt good because I felt that the ball was back in my court a bit. The past two day I have felt that I have had time to think things out I my end. I ended up sending him a text saying how much I missed him. I then called him tonight to see if I could come over and talk. He was very cold and distance when I called him though. He said he was confused because he thought I needed this time and he had set his mind to not seeing me and he didn't want to talk. I told him to give me a call when he is ready to talk. NOW, my mind is going crazy! I can't stop thinking about him. I want things to work out so bad, and YES I know that he probably needs time to think as well. How can I let this go. I feel like suck an idiot.

OK, well he just sent me an e-mail. I'm not sure what to make of it, how or IF I should respond. What do you think? "I know you think all of this is easy for me, but it's not and I hurt as much as you; I still love you as much as I ever did. Anyway, hope you have a good day and I'll talk to you soon." DO I take this as him stilling wating me? I know I shouldn't hold on to someone that is not giving me what I need...but it's so hard to walk away. Again, his words try to convince me one way, but his actions don't follow. Plus I have no idea what's going on in his head to know. My heart is officially broken

It's hard because when I have talked to him about it in the past, he insists that he is very much in love with me...but his actions don't show that. Obviously I don't want to be with someone who is not in love with me, but at one point it was not something that I even questioned. Do you think there is any hope for things to change and have a better future, or a future at all?

Thank you. I feel like you understand what I am saying. And you are right, he doesn't repect me. But for some reason I don't want to loose him. Our relationship has become all about him, doing what he wants, when he is available and I bend over backwards for him. I don't want to be "that girl." I am trying to take this time to concentrate on myself and I know not to call him. I have lost self-respest and allow him to treat me however he feels for that day. As for the guy I was with for 6 years. We met in college and lived together for 4 years. I was really in love with him for the first 3 years, then that faded for me. He was my bestfriend but I wasn't attracted to him, thinking about sex with him made me sick to my stomach. I knew I didn't/couldn't be with someone I wasn't totally in love with.