Kwothe28

In short, yes. If she considered you a friend and wanted nothing to do with you romantically, its highly unlikely anything changed. You may think it did because you talk now. But even the stuff you talk is not romantic stuff. Its just friends stuff. In short you are her best friend, not the boyfriend material. Also, walk away. Again, its highly unlikely she even considers you for anything else. And you developed a crush and need to move on from her. And your best solution for that is to just not have her in the picture, not even as a friend, at least for a while.

Do you want to get Covid? Because that is how you get Covid. I dont mind you pining after somebody until she completely brushes you off but please, dont risk getting infectious disease from her lol

OK, you dont like the guy and think you are above. Just say that there is no chemistry and move on. You both seem superficial, you think he should "stay in his lane" and he thinks attractiveness is everything. There is no need to continue anything here when you simply dont like him enough for your standards.

Pot meet kettle. I dunno where to start, with you or him. Anyway, its a very, I dont like to use that word, toxic thing. It never developed because, well, you are both not ready for a real relationship. Just cling to each other for a convenience. In a situations like that, leave it alone. And work on yourself.

She is making you miserable. And honestly keeping you there just because you are useful. As soon as you stop being, she runs to other men. There is no love there. Even your claim to love is very, very wrong. She talks and probably cheats with other guys and tried to kill you. If her cheating wasnt a wake up call to leave then her literally trying to take your life away should off. And you still cling on that "But I love her" line. Again, she tried to kill you, your kids would stay without a father. There is no love there. Take care of yourself and your kids. That is what is important. You dont need to impressionate her little helper(at the risk of your job btw) and stepdad to her kids. Not for her, not for anybody else. Especially for somebody that doesnt appreciate that and again, I cant stress it enough, tries to take away your life.

Actually If we want to be precise. 😁

I would ask if she needs help preparing for a cut of that money lol Its just a hypothetical question. Its like "The Trolley Problem" in philosophy. Its a fictional scenario where you are presented with both though scenarios where you need to decide for one. Like "Would you let the trolley kill this 5 people or divert it to different track and kill 3 kids". Neither choice makes you a murderer, its just something to think. I mean what are the implications here? That she is materialistic and that she would in some hypothetical scenario do it for the very obscene ammount of money? That she will leave you for some rich guy? I dont understand implications here. Also, in "Indecent Proposal" Demi Moore did it for much less. With the husband none the less. You could have look at that movie instead of some lame Instagram post based on that movie lol

If your company has a policy against coworkers dating(some places do have that) or if he was innapropriate(in messaging or maybe saying something disrespectful) or just suggesting stuff that you should be with him to be promoted or that you will be fired(that kind of stuff would go under "mobbing"), and if you have proof of that, then you would have a good case against him. But I am sorry, "taking away concentration during office hours" is probably not something HR or anyone but places like Twitter would react to. I dont want to take away from your experience, he is a sleeze and am sorry you have fallen for his act. And what he did certanly wasnt alright from moral standpoint. Just saying that you should have something that breaks workplace rules if you would go to HR. If you think you do and if you have multiple women to confirm that, then please do.

This your song? Also, I would more work on the reason why you have such a "short fuse". Is it work related problems? Personal? Maybe that theft you talked about or assault? Where you like that before or is it a new thing? Those are all the things you should maybe work on. As well as your reactions. For example is it possible for that fuse to be longer and maybe dies off before it explodes? For example I just say it within myself without being vocal about stuff like that if it annoys me. Some people use "Count to 10" technique. Other meditation. There is no need for a minor stuff like that to escalate like this. You are in control of your reactions so take that control back.

Hey, its "the heater" argument couple? How is the darn thing? Is it too cold where you live now(as it is in my country lol), so you can use it properly? Also, as much as I agree that you both dont communicate in good manner(I think he literally told you that you are not a good person as you wrote on some other thread), this one is on you. He tried to communicate and you brushed him off. I dunno if your friend is an "emotional vampire" of some sort(because you mention heavy themes and that it constantly happens after you two get together) but its not really good to tell him that "football is on" bitterly even if you are exhausted. At least try to communicate properly. Also, dunno if I already wrote you that on previous thread or not, after a while all some couples are left is "longevity". That is that feeling where you stay because you got used to each other. Even though you both know everything else that connected you is pretty much gone. I feel that is the case with you two. As much as I understand that your decision to stay is probably based on that, its not really a good solution. Especially if both of you are unhappy in doing so.

I would also ask why you continued to return to him after him being flacky. He literally "ghosted" you. After that you should off have no intention to even talk to somebody like that. In fact you should avoid flacky people in general. Because even if you started something with somebody like that, he would bail on you whenever he see fit. Its a certanty with people like that, they dont tend to stay around.

I recently helped a friend with his washing machine. He bought a new one but didnt want to pay for delivery service extra fee for taking it into his home because it was only from outside the street to his house. So he asked for help and I did it. Its the kind of favors you dont really expect repaying. Would he help me if I needed something similar? Yes. But you dont expect them to kiss your butt just because you helped. I think its more appreciation thing. You want to feel appreciated and that is fine. But you have to be able to sort of "read" people for that. If you think people will take advantage of you, just dont help. I have a local politician friend. I fully know he expects you to help otherwise he gets mad, so I have no trouble refusing it. That kind of people will never appreciate it and will always just take advantage. Same with your friend from a previous thread. He helped you but expects to be able to "unload" emotionally on you every time he feels fit. You fully should expected that from somebody who has feelings toward you. Not saying that just for life, I also mean professionally. You have to be able to know stuff like that so you would know what to expect from who.

I would also like to add that he would probably find out anyway after you get back together with your ex and will be crushed. Those kind of things dont stay hidden, even though you mentioned ex is LDR. But please dont tell him, poor guy would probably be crushed as it is. Saying to somebody that you leave him for somebody else is indeed cruel. Be truthful enough and just say that you dont feel it for him as you dont. That should be enough, there is really no need to destroy the guy with whole truth.

OK, just asking. Because people usually just move on when they see the other side isnt really interested. Few years ago, I met a girl. She was back in town fresh from college as me, we talked and added her on Facebok. I asked for a drink but never got an answer. I considered that a "No" and just moved on. We still see each other sometimes in town and talk but I dont look at her like that and that is about it. Made the mistake at the beggining of this year when I pursued something I shouldnt with another girl. But that girl was a special case and whole situation was confusing in general. What I am trying to say is, in situations like that, its usually not worth the trouble and you just move on. Again, if he is interested in anything, he wouldnt at least ignore you and your messages. Even if he is shy, he would find a way to get close to you in any way possible. I know its a phrase but "there is a plenty fish in the sea". no need to lose yourself over somebody who isnt willing to reciprocitate even the tiniest effort like answering your messages. In time somebody you like would show that interest and reciprocitate. There is no need to bend yourself over people who wouldnt.

Why didnt you? It was a valid answer. Also, dont introduce her to friends. She doesnt appear to be interested in anything serious with you but to just attend social gatherings and party. She is not a girlfriend so why pretending she is one? What if she hooks up with some of your friends? Again, I dunno why you persist on something that doesnt go beyond FWB after months of you trying to progress it and she refusing.

I am sorry, but the guy that likes you would at least try something. He wouldnt stop communicating, he would answer your messages and he would even try to single you out at that event by inviting you to catch the fresh air with him. No ammount of your "proactivity" would get you there. That might work with initial meetings when you get the guy to notice you. He already knows that you exist. He is just not very interested in progressing anything. Unless he plays the games like "by appearing disiterested she will like me more"(which seems to work on you from some reason btw), he is just not that interested. And in a situations like that you should move on to somebody you like and that is interested in you. I would also like to adress this and that it seems to be a pattern. Are you generally attracted to "unavailable" men? Because you appear to have no trouble in attracting men. But are hung up on the guy who doesnt appear to have a slightest interest in you.

No, I am not. Probably part of the confusion but its still my fault. I thought you were a guy, not your mom. If you meant by "bad guy" I meant that as a "villain" not as a gender specific. And I agree. Just saying that she loves you. And that she probably saw you hurt and reacted in that way because of it. Its not OK, just saying why she did it. But OK, as long as her and me are the bad people here. Oh and your friends apparently because you mentionred them and not agreeing too. But not the person who actually hurted you. No, no, no, only excuses for her lol

I dont like to chime in unless there is something to add of substance. Since none of you was willing to say anything and you all tip-toed around the bush, I said it. Was it blunt? Sure. But sometimes its something people need to hear. Even if it makes them mad at the moment. Lots of people here dont take our advices good. And again, that is OK. I dont expect OP to get it even now that my advice comes from good intentions toward her and that she, you and others think I am a bad guy for saying. But again, so be it. If it needs to be said I would always say it. Sure. Did you get it? Or did you just make her feel less bad about herself? While still being in the same mud awaiting that message? And no, you didnt stand up for yourself. Again, she should be begging you for even an answer to that message after what she did. Left for 4 months, blocked you without even telling you the reason. Instead you had to hear some excuse from friends and after all that you still listen her back along with internal jokes like nothing ever happened. Awaited her message for 3 days only to told you how she isnt ready to face you. And you still excuse her even after that. Awaiting for next message that might never come. Yes, you are owed apology. But after what you have gone through you dont owe her anything. If she wants to apologize she knows where you live and should need a lot more then unblocking after months of not even knowing why she left. She can come and beg and hope for you to even listen to what she has to say. Because that would be a proof that you really respect yourself more then "oh I love her and I will just await that next message when she dignifies me with an answer". No, respect yourself more. You should be livid. Mad even. Somebody left you without saying a word. Its your right to feel mad, what happened was indeed awful to you. You shouldnt be waiting for 3 days for her message, she should be waiting for yours. And now instead on your way to acceptance and healing you are back in the mud. Awaiting the message that might never come. Precisely because you answered that message instead of maybe ignore it. PS I forgot to mention. Do you know why your mother misgendered her? Because she has hurt you and your mother see that. If you are maybe willing to forgive, your mom probably isnt. There, nobody had the guts to say that to you either.

No, they wouldnt. Sorry to disapoint, I dont make too much difference. I did advised to multiple people here the same no matter the gender or preference. Does it really matter when the problem is that she was left in the mud? And that she doesnt stand for herself? Also no matter what you or anybody else thinks my advice comes from the good intentions. Always.

Oof. Sorry to hear that, yes she sounds like not ready for something serious or that wants to explore other options. Either way, its not what you want. So look at it in that way, dont get disapointed and look further.

OK, sorry for misgendering.

And that is OK. I am perfectly fine with you and him being mad at me for telling him how it is. Even if it is crude. We all tip-toing around him and telling him how his mother is actually a real bad guy in this situation wont bring him any good. The end result was exactly as I predicted, her not caring for him other then her feeling a bit better for leaving. And that he shouldnt even let that happen in the first place because after what she did, its him who should be mad and not allow her back in any form unless she shows that she is serious about apologizing. Because he has every right to be mad. And he doesnt and just makes excuses for her. If that makes me the bad guy in this situation, so be it, I can live with that.

I dunno, after almost 2 months I would be interested to see if it goes somewhere else aside of seeing each other once every weekend. You should even probably know stuff like that. For example why is she on dating apps? Is it to find somebody long term or just something casual? What is her situation in general? Job, maybe kids, living arrangements? Does she wants to settle or still just wants fun? Those are all some things you maybe should already know after 8 dates if you even remotely talked to each other about the theme of dating and life. Also, did she deleted dating apps or just deleted and blocked you so you wont see her on it? I am not trying to discourage you, I think its going OK, just saying that if you do want to invest further into relationship, yes, you should know at least in general what she wants from relationships and if and how you fit in all of that. Also, from the level of interest standpoint, her waiting 2-3 days to even contact you and ask how you are doing is concerning. It doesnt have to mean a thing if you say she enjoys your company and is, for example, engaged in conversations, but nowadays with cell phones, 2-3 days without even contacting isnt really showing high level of interest. Its not a big deal and some people arent like that but at least at start you cant wait to hear from the other person so you wont wait 3 days to contact them. So I think level of interest is a valid concern.

Here is the thing, some people(especially women) will sometimes say they dont want a gift but they certanly wouldnt mind getting one. If you are in a relationship she probably expects at least something for Christmas. I mean maybe she just doesnt like Christmas and gifts, but from her answer I think she wouldnt mind getting one. Because its more in the lines of that she wants to appear modest but wouldnt mind one. Its nothing that big so I would still go for it. I would also advise to be cautious if its one sided. Gift or no gift, one sided effort means that she either expects you to plan and pay everything or just doesnt want to make an effort. Neither is really a good sign for a relationship.

Kind that takes you for granted? There are people who are like that. He knows that you are always gona be there for him, invite him to do stuff, call, message, so why bother? Friendship, like any relationship, is a two way street. If you dont feel appreciated and respected, what is the point? Dont overextend. He doesnt want to see you and claims he is busy? OK, dont make plans with him. If he sends email or message to ask how youve been, answer and you can ask him next time the same. But dont go overboard for somebody who wont return that back. And dont take "lazy" as an excuse, he is perfectly capable to pick up a phone or message and call you to hang out. When I started doing "reciprocity" and not overextending even for long time friends, I can tell you that Ive been much happier with quality of my friendships. There is no reason to bend over backwards over anybody who cant even pick up a phone and ask how youve been doing.