Anna2983

The deadline is today. I just wonder how can I block him and not have his number on my phone? Not even in my blocked contacts list because I don't want to make the same mistake over again as I did in October.

Yes, that's true, I fell for his empty words and false promises. He sold me the dream since I've never had a relationship before and he told me everything I wanted to hear. Well, I gave myself a deadline to block him, I might do it before that. It would be easier if I were angry but I can't seem to get angry not matter how much I try, even though he's still hurting me. I feel pathetic

Well, I'm more of an introvert and sometimes I can be socially awkward, so socialising and meeting new people can be a challenge. For fun? Well, baking, reading, writing...

Hi, thank you. Well, that's the thing, at the beginning he would do that and he would be so attentive and it seemed like he cared. But after I fell for that he would become cold and distant again and that kind of behaviour is always confusing because I can only ask myself "what the hell happened?" and that change would happen overnight or in a matter of days. But yeah, I know he hides something, I'm not that stupid and I just keep ruminating about what that might be, which of course, it's detrimental for my mental health. Also, as other commenters put it, I am feeling lonely. I live abroad and most of my friends are in my country of origin. And of course, my grief plays a role here. My mum was my best friend. But this thing with this guy started a few months before she died. I find it hard to connect with people and this guy seemed to know all the right words, at the beginning, of course. I think I thought it was real this time because he seemed excited about us meeting up, booked the accommodation and seemed supportive during this difficult situation I was going through. Silly me, I know. I obviously fell for potential and I must say he was good at selling the dream. I feel like an idiot because I know I'm responsible to some extent. I have (obviously) low self-esteem and a lot of wounds from my childhood, including abandonment issues. Things that I'm trying to work on but it's not easy, especially after he returns because when he does this sh*t I'm left feeling not good enough, worthless and abandoned, again. And today, writing about the subject, I realised that every time he's in my life, I can't seem to remember what peace feels like. This whole situation consumes me and it is an emotional roller coaster that I can't get off, or at least it seems that way when I'm the middle of the situation.

Hello, I don't know what am I looking for here, maybe some advice or support, either way, please be kind. This is a long story so I'll try to shorten it I met this guy online a year ago, we live in different cities, 3 hours away by car. At first, I ended things because I noticed he would blow hot & cold and he was giving a lot of excuses to not meet in person. A month and a half later he came back, saying he wanted to be friends and meet so he set the date for January, he said he couldn't in December because he's only free at the weekends and that's the time when he has his son. I agreed and we resumed our chats but he was doing the same thing. We had a normal chat on New Year's eve and then he disappeared for 2 weeks until I couldn't take it anymore and I reached out to him. He said he was struggling with depression and he had his son with him and all that. As a depression sufferer myself, I tried to be understanding and we started talking again, he giving me mixed signals. We couldn't meet because we went into lockdown again. But 2 weeks later after a seemingly normal chat, he ghosted me. I tried contacting him but he ignored me. A month after that my mum died and I was broken. Double grief, although losing my mum was obviously the worst. This guy tried to come back in April. He sent me this really long text that I couldn't read completely because he deleted it. I couldn't be bothered, I've just lost my mum and I didn't care anymore. But in July, he definitely came back. I wanted to know why he ghosted me (at least that's what I told myself) so I allowed him back into my life. Again, we made plans to meet but oh surprise! he started blowing hot and cold. I was getting angry (finally) and then I decided to block him (again, finally). He left me alone in the middle of a panic attack I had while I was chatting with him and he updated his profile on the dating app we met after telling me how much he missed me. Maybe I was wrong in feeling that way but that certainly hurt. As I was angry, I didn't feel bad at all, on the contrary, I felt empowered for the first time. But, 3 motnhs later I was going through a difficult situation and I got drunk so I unblocked him (big mistake). The same as always, we started talking again and everything was great at the beginning. He was the guy I liked and we made plans to meet again and he even booked our accommodation. He seemed supportive while I was going through that difficult situation and I thought to myself "Oh, maybe things will be different this time". NO. 3 weeks ago he started to become distant again. He apologised and told me to be patient with him, that he was feeling depressed again and his work was stressing him out. Again, I tried to be supportive and understanding, even though my gut was telling me "run". I must confess that I find it hard to distinguish between the voice from my gut and the voice from my anxiety. Then, a week ago, he apologised again for being quiet and I told him that I understood but I thought he shouldn't isolate himself because that's what depression wants. Then, while I was having my lunch break at work I saw he read my message and didn't reply. I tried not to worry about it but I could only think that history was repeating itself because that's what he used to do before disappearing: He would read my message and then he wouldn't reply and then, poof! disappeared. So this time, I decided to be upfront and I asked him if he was gonna do the same thing again. He said, "I won't be able to have great conversations right now, so what's the point?" I didn't reply to that, I was angry and I didn't know what to think. The next day I found out he's still using the dating app. Apparently, he's not too depressed to use it. I know what you will probably say, "you have no right, you don't have a relationship", yes but it still hurts so much. Especially after all the future faking and that he hinted we would be together. Anyway, that was a week ago and he's been even more distant than ever. He switched off the blue ticks on WhatsApp, I sent him a text last night and I haven't had a reply but of course, he's been online you know where. I know it's my fault but God, I'm so destroyed. My head is a mess and I've been trying to get angry again so I can block him for a second time but I've only managed to get sadder and sadder and I feel so small and weak. I don't know what to do.