CaliDreaming

Considering we were planning on being engage right now, it is pretty tough just to sit back. I see what see does next and update thread. Thanks.

Unfortunately, I have had to switch from the Trust and Relationship forum to this one after breaking up recently. There are several other posts I have created in the other areas, so I wont give you the whole story. My GF had been having a tough time figuring out if this the right realtionship for her. I could see about 4months ago that it was probably not going work. After every bad move she made (going out, lying, disregarding my feelings etc.), she made a worse one. She apoligized, cried and begged for forgiveness each time, but never did anything to make up for her mistakes. About a week ago, I took her out for dinner. I really wanted to dump her, but felt guiltly. Our families are very close, and I didn't want to hurt her or her family. Anyways, I think she read into it. So the next night she just blew me off. The following day (after she blew me off) she called and I told her that was it! She apologized over and over again, and said she would make it right. I finally agreed to see her again. I went to see her a few days ago and we broke up. I now feel like the getting the pain, I was protecting her from. So here it the question: I talked to a friend who's a professional relationship consuler. He said break off contact for a few weeks completely. Then, she called and left msg the same day! I didn't return her call and sent her a message saying that we should not communicate for a month. If I still really care for her, is this right? I don't want to get hurt worse...

Thank you all for replying. I wanted to get more info before giving feedback. Since the original post, I have confronted GF - over week ago - about the "boundaries" I consider important. In response, she lied to me about the personal contact with another guy. I wasn't sure how to react; so I waited a week (think of way to handle) and then told her that I knew she was dishonest. She told me she wanted to deal with it herself and try to diffuse without creating a hostile work situation. At this point, I am pissed off that she lied. She knows it. I am going to wait and see what she does next. If she doesn't fight for the relationship, it will fade away.... To answer the questions by Ocean: 1) In what ways does she "hide" the fact that she hangs out with this guy? See info above. She says midnight text messages are wrong #'s 2) As far as your knowledge goes, has she had male friends in the past? Not many...mostly girls 3) Are you very openly possessive? I mostly hold it back. Based on previous relationships, this tends to ease up as trust builds. Thanks again.

RayKay: She doesn't like me being to possesive - even though it's my way. As far as I know (we don't live together yet), the face-to-face interaction is only in groups. She never invites me to go out with her friends from work. I'm not going to budge in considering the situation. If she asked me, I would certainly go out with her work friends. Right? Thanks!

My GF has been communicating with a single guy at work (Phone calls, text messages etc.). She occasionaly goes out to clubs when this person is there. We have been exclusive for several months? She knows this stuff bothers me, but she says she just likes to have friends at work. She tries to hide it, but not very well. This discussion has come up before. It's not like we don't talk about it??? Question: If someone trys to hide relationships (whether or not it's physical) from their partner that are potentially (sp?) damaging, is it unfaithful?

NO! I have seen a friend of mine do this, only to realize that his GF was the woman of his dreams. His GF dumped him, and never took him back. He regrets it to this day (and sometimes I wish he would shut up about it - the dumba__)! They always find out! If someone is not satisfied, they need to work on it or move on.

I know what you are going through. However, there are two ex's involved in our situation. We are both jealous of the other's past relationship. She got dumped by the man she expected to marry. I got divorced from a 5+ year marriage. I am possesive and jealous, and she is somewhat... My ex is very attractive, and that bothers her. Although I have convinced GF that I was never truly in love with Ex, she is still jealous. GF has met Ex a few times. On the other side, she was truly in love with her Ex - based on the way she talks about him. I have not met her Ex. For the first 6months into our relationship, I never said anything. I let her bring it up, and it was the best thing that could of happened. As far as the jealously, it was the right time to talk. The truth is that different people have different things they contribute to a relationship. There are special things in your relationship that can never be replaced. The same goes for past relationships. Maybe he won't feel for you in the same way as he did for someone else. The question: Are the feelings strong enough? I think once your really in love with someone, it never goes away. You will need to accept that? If my relationship continues to sputter, I will be able to tell you at some point

Right on...If you let you negative emotions take over, it will damage you, your career, friendships, other family relationships etc. My divorce was extremely difficult, but I woke up one day and said: "I will find somebody better". It was true. I did meet someone. It's going to take some time - hang in there. Shyness is not reason to think you will never meet anyone. You might not meet somebody in a bar; that is a good thing. I am the same way. Try to network through friends, church, clubs etc. I am not suggesting that you should give up. Two months is not nearly long enough to heal, but it sounds like you should start to look more ahead than behind.

I have been divorced in the last two years. About 9-10 months ago, I met someone I instantly feel for - in every way. It's not the rebound deal; that occurred way before this relationship. The relationship was rocky at first because we both went through very difficult breakups. She got dumped by the person she was intending to marry. My wife left me and two kids for someone else. However, I have expeceted things to level out - especially after month 6 or so. At this point, I am not happy with the progress of the relationship. It seems to make me unhappy more than happy. At the same time, I have never felt this strong for any woman (in my mid-30's). If things would went better in the last couple months, I would of asked her to marry later this summer. Here's the data: - She is insensitive to my feelings by: going out to meat-market clubs, not putting away ex-boyfriend personal items, not consulting me on large decisions.... - I can not seem to get over things she does. If there is something she does that bothers me and she knows it, she will push it to the boiling point. All of the negative things she does build-up and I can't seem to let go of any of them. This is out of character for me, as typically don't hold grudges. - There is still tension between me and the Ex - I feel like I may be taking out my Ex-wifes mistakes on her. - We have already had 3 mini-breakups. The last one was initiated by her. - I am much more affectionate and passionate then she is.. - She is in her mid-30's and definitely wants to settle down and have kids, and I want to have more. But, it seems like she doesn't have courage to try to look again. - It seems like I am emotionally drained and not as attentive to the kids. I am holding by a thread..... Any thoughts?