jbaskerville

why did you guys break up?

this is such great dialogue. i do think that sometimes you have to let go of a person in order that they resolve issues on thier own. there is only so much another person can shoulder before they can't take it anymore. i have truly learned this the hard way. i personally need time away from my relationship (i grudgingly realize) to work on me. it is not something that i can do while trying to be with another person. DN-- i agree with you. sometimes the other person has to leave in order to retain some sense of sanity.

thanks!

i have a hypothetical question for all the men out there. if you left a woman because she had way to many issues, only to find that sometime down the road she had become a stronger person, would you want to be with her again? and yes, i am digging for answers to my own dilemma! hey, at least i admit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know that it depends on the circumstances surrounding the break up as well-- so if you could, please tell me that as well. thanks!!!!!

i think his measures were drastic because his act was probably drastic! He probably screwed up big time. would i take him back? depends on what he did, or worse, how many times he did it in the past. once again, i would have to say he must have screwed up royally.

dragongirl724: thank you for sharing your experience with me. like i said, everything that i read about on this site is really helping me, a little more everyday. in my situation, we broke up (upon his strong suggestion) because the timing was bad. i have issues that need to be dealt with-- and this problem was manifesting itself in me being selfish and clingy. i need this time to take for myself-- even though i love him dearly. i realize that i need to get myself together before i can be in any relationship, whether it be with him or not. also important, if i truly love him, i must give him the space that he has asked for. again-- thanks alot. you seem to be a very strong woman!

dragongirl724: the NC rule is game to some and a way to heal for others. i personally am hurting too much right now to contact him anyway. i think you may misunderstand my intentions for asking about the effect of the rule. so many people have written about it, i just wanted to know if it actually worked for them or not. however, thanks for the support. this dialogue is certainly helping me more than anything else!

dragongirl 724-- while i think that what you said in your post (the link that i read) is true some of the time, i don't think it is true all of the time. I wanted to know from a dumper if the NC rule has ever worked on them. apparently, sometimes it works, and sometimes it does not. the one thing that i know for sure in this whole process is that there are no set hard and fast rules, and nothing is guaranteed. on another note, this site is really helpful because you get a chance to see so many perspectives on one problem. some people are really positive, upbeat and really want you to feel better. others seem to be really jaded, and although they have harsh words for you, they want you to feel better too. tough love i guess. as for my situation, all i know is that i hurt, really, really bad. i really do love him (not the idea of him), but at the same time-- i know that i need time to myself. lack of that time for myself is what probably got me into this predicament in the first place. i just want to get to the point where i don't feel so cruddy anymore. i want to get to the point where i don't think about him all the time. i want to get back to myself. this website is definitely something that can help with that process.

thanks hope! the more that i talk with people on this site, (and read previous advice) the better i feel. hope all goes well with your situation too!

excellent question! i would like an answer from the "dumpers" as well. does the no contact rule work? has it worked on any of you?

i think that all realtionships and situations are different, and that no one can predict what will happen. but, i agree with muneca in that sense that you can create an atmosphere that will make getting back together a little easier. right now, i am going through a break up with someone that i truly adored. i am no where near the "he is calling me, and i need to play it cool stage". roxy, reading about your experience, and reading the advice that muneca and hope 75 are giving you is really helping me as well. i hope that you will find happiness regardless of how the situation turns out. however, being the diehard romantic that i am-- i hope that you get him back!!!!!!! good luck! ps. i will definitely be taking alot of the advice that i have seen posted here!

thank you so much. this website is really helping me through this tough time. even if we don't get back together, i know i will be okay.

wow! tough call to make. has he ever made any indication that he would like to try a relationship with you? if he is seeing someone else, it may just be that he digs you as a good friend. sometimes, we fall in love with people who make us feel comfortable-- who allow us to be ourselves. one thing i would suggest is to give it some time. plus, this is your first year in college. you have so many more folks to meet and greet. if you really can't see yourself with anyone else, let him make the first move! good luck!

sounds to me like you guys have two different views of intimacy. i was in a relationship with a guy once who thought it was okay to SLEEP IN THE SAME BED with his "friend". i had a serious issue with this, as most people would. if you are having a serious problem with what he did, take a break from him for a while. maybe it will take something as dramatic as that to wake him up!!!!! as far as him not being sure about being committed, and feeling that you are replaceable, he is a jerk for that. the guy i mentioned earlier, he used to tell me that i "was not all that", and that he could do better. in effect, i was "replaceable". i am sure that you are a great person-- leave that fool alone. don't let him make you think that you are replaceable because you can't ever be replaced.

well-- basically i started dating him while on the rebound. unfortunatley, i fell in love with him. because i was still suffering from other issues (could not get over ex, baggage, etc.), i became very clingy and very needy. he did what he could for a while, but ultimately, he needed space. because i was so stupid and clingy, i did not give it to him. it pushed him further and further away. finally, after asking for space three times, (and telling me to get my act together-- lost job, lost apartment, etc.) he wanted to call it quits. how could i possibly have loved him, if i did not love myself? i was extremely selfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/url]

have you talked with him about how the incident made you feel? I really can't say if it was cheating or not. i am so sorry that it made you feel crappy though.

right now, i am reliving every selfish, clingy,crappy thing that i ever did to my ex boyfriend, and it sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel horrible. i apologized to him for my selfishness, and have decided that if trying to convince him to come back is selfish too! i also realize that i am more in love with him now than i ever have been before--- and i love him so much that i wish him all the happiness in the world. at the same time, if i was blessed with the chance to be with him again, it would be so wonderful. i hope that he has accepted my apology, and i hope that one day he can forgive me.

Okay Guys! I apologize for the lengthiness of this story, but i really need some input. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years just completely called it quits this past Sunday night. During this relationship, we have had several ups and downs and he has asked me for space at least three times. i did not give him the space that he asked for until the last time. Anyway, he told me before that he needed a rest from our relationship (hence, the "space") because I was draining him emotionally. I admit, I gave him a run for his money. When we first got together, I was trying to get over an ex boyfriend. Hind sight being 20/20, I should have waited. The problems I had with getting over the Ex spilled over into our relationship. He asked me for space then, and one other time, and I did not give it to him. We continued on, and he began to loose his connection with me. He was falling out of love with me. The third and final time he asked for space came after a rough time of transition for me. I lost a job, I lost my apartment, and I was in the middle of a job search. (i still am). I was not handling any of this well. I was constantly having emotional outbursts, lashing out at him, crying all the time, etc. He did not have a problem with the events during my transition period (for 8 months), he just had a problem with the way that I handled it. He said, once again, I was emotionally draining him. One night, two weeks ago, he said that he wanted me to get myself together. He said that I was not being proactive enough in my job search, and that he wanted me to step it up. He also told me that he did not feel as though I loved him because I did not show him I loved him. He also felt like he was in the relationship alone because as his partner, I was not giving him enough support. I was not "relating" to him in this relationship. He told me that he wanted to remain close friends with me, and that he wanted to know how my progress with the job search was going. He even wants to work out with me. He wants to be a close friend to me like my girlfriends. On the negative, he also told me that he did not think he was the man for me, and that job or not, he did not want to continue the relationship. After that, i told him that he was the man for me, and I asked him for some time to get my act together, to go back to the strong person he originally fell in love with. I asked him for a chance to revisit the relationship again. I did not ask him to wait for me-- I just asked him to keep an open mind to the possibility of being with me again. At the end of our conversation, I asked him if he meant it when he told me that if I wanted him to fall in love with me again, that I needed to get myself together. He told me that he meant that at the time. I am really in love with this man. It is not a case of me being on the rebound. I also know that for some time now, I have needed some time for myself. This is a perfect oppurtunity to take that time, and I will do so. However, I want him back! This is not the denial phase of the five stages of grief!!! I feel like he will come back to me in time. One of my girlfriends said that eventually, he will come back to me. What do you think? Am I spinning my wheels?