Steve_uk

Well well well...... So we split up end of January, she turned into a right b**** towards me, slagging me off an awful lot for a couple of weeks afterwards. We didnt speak for about 6 weeks, and then I contacted her, things were iffy at first, but we started talking more and things became friendly. We saw each other a couple of times, went out for dinner, out for her birthday, and we were texting each other nearly every day, at times it was her texting me more than her, then I called her up 1 night this week and we were talking and we got onto the subject of phone pictures, she admitted she had some entertaing pics on her phone of her body, I asked a few questions which she didnt like and she hung up on me, I admit I didnt like the thought of her having sent pics to other guys of her body! I dont know for sure they were non decent but there you go, anyways since then she hasnt been talking to me, isnt interested, has been really b****y towards me again, ive said sorry for asking questions about what she got up to, but she isnt willing to forget easily and is very angry towards me, she has even admitted the pictured she sent were to a guy who used to text her constantly when we were together, and all he ever wanted was to get in her pants. We spoke briefly yesterday but again she was b****y to me, and sent some texts saying I hadnt chnaged and basically isnt interested in being friendly, then today she has sent me an 'accidental text' saying "Anyways I have to go back to work now Hun but ill see you tomorrow x "..... I havent replied and wont but I know she is trying to make me jealous. I should add that I did mention to her there was another girl now interested in me and she wasnt happy about that asking me questions and bringing it up at times, calling her my lover and stuff! when infact I hardly know this girl and havent followed up any interest she has in me. So it all sucks, again, after we had been gettin on so so well as friends and seeing how things went.

Well i failed the test, phoned her, text her back, she was arsey with me, kept trying to call her all night, just wantd to talk to her, she wasnt having it, kept trying this morning, we finally talked when she decdied to answer but she hates me right now.....

Well i got a text by accident She meant to send it to her best male friend, but sent to me by 'accident', breaks my heart.

Yes we did hook back up, kind of. We were never officially back together. We spent xmas time together, and it was amazing, but then soon after new year things went downhill, she had all the same thoughts as before, she wanted time and space away from me, to be single, to do her own thing, concentrate on her college and work etc.....so now we have separated again, I got pushy after xmas time n wanting us to be offical in getting back together, she wanted to take it slow still. I made quite a few mistakes which i regret, she now says she doesnt have the same feelings for me as before, I find it hard to believe as i was trying so hard for us to try again that i feel like she is saying it just so i give her the space she wants, as its all she has kept on about for about 2 weeks, but i was unable to stick to NC. I feel like i had my 2nd chance and I messed it up, as i say xmas time was amazing, lots of fun, like the old times, she said she missed me when i wasnt there etc etc and wanted me around...... So now im going through the break up all over again, 2nd time around But this time more than likely for good, I still love her to bits and its just as hard now as it was before. I didnt change some of my ways, and have lost her for good.

i guess i should add that im very insecure, I tell her i trust her and i tell myself i do, but i cant seem to actually do so.....constantly worry she will hook up with one of these guys she texts who she is friends with, one guy she met when at college wants to be with her and tells her that much, asks when they are going to hook up etc.....she says when he gets like that she tells him she isnt interested or stops texting him back. She says if she wanted to cheat or be with one of these guys she would have done so by now.

Thankyou for taking the time to reply, were you in a posisiton where she wanted to give things a go?? When i tried to initiate sex, she said wait, not now, be patient, just wait a week or so....good things come to those who wait etc..... She has gone out and brought my family xmas presents since we have started seeing each other again.... I know she misses me at times, as so many guys text her that if she wanted she could occupy her time with them, to be honest it annoys me she talks to so many guys, and some of those want her. Although she says she isnt looking for anyone else, and i trust her..... We both want to give it a go, and i had and to still do have alot of changing to do, but its the whole taking it slowly and not rushng back into it.....where do you draw that line of whats acceptable etc.....how slowly do you take it all....as i said the other night when in the pub it felt like we were together, sitting there, she was playing with my hand, we got up to leave she put her arms round my waist, then held my hand as we walked home.....although there was no proper kissing.....by that i mean long lingering kissing on the lips, we have kissed each other hello and goodbye...... The other thing is that she has an important year ahead with college work on her cheffing course, and her parents want her to concentrate on that and dont want her to be in a relationship that will mean she doesnt get her work done......her mum has said to me though that she knows "what my daughter wants, and if it makes her happy then im happy and ill support her", i just have to prove to them i want to help her rather than distract her from her work.

So my ex broke up with my about the 11th November, at first she didnt wanna know me, gradually we started to speak, it was her who initiated contact etc, have seen her a few times now, stayed at her's....a little bit of fooling around, in the last week i have stayed at her's 3 nights....I know i needed to change my ways as i was very selfish previously in our relationship so i set about making positive changes, she says she can see them in me.....and can tell i have been different.....we have spoken about getting back together, just having fun and seeing where we go, but being more open with each other and talking more. She says the feelings for me are still there. The last time i saw her we went out for a meal, then went to a pub with friends of her's, had a really good time, when we left she was holding my hand etc.... The next day i told her that i had a really good time, she said ok you dont need to keep saying it, (i had already told her when i left yesterday morning) so anyways i didnt text or speak to her again during yesterday, mainly as she was at work and couldnt talk then i went xmas shopping in the evening and didnt get home until 10.30pm (when she finishes work).... I didnt contact her as earlier that day she said I needed to take things slower, and i agreed. So she text me at 11pm ish saying to watch a certain tv programme that was on, so i put it on but didnt reply, then 10 mins later she texts "hello?", so i text back saying hello and im watching it, she replies with "wow, so you do know how to text!" (she normally always puts an x at end of texts for a kiss) so i could tell she was pissed at me for some reason..... so i put back "erm yeh, whats up x" she replied "er nothing"..... so i called her and she is like why havent you text me? i say well coz you are at work all day plus i have been out xmas shopping all night, and she is saying that she manages to text me when she is shopping etc....anyways she seems real pissed off, dunno if work was bad or what, but she is not very talkative.... I ask her about a friend of her's who was with us in the pub and if the girl who was all over him that night "did they do anything?!", she says "no why?" i say just asking, and she says apparantley the girl was being like it with him as she was trying to make my (ex) gf jealous!!, i ask why, and she says i dont know, prob as we are really good friends....they are like bro and sister (her words), so we talk for a lil bit but she just isnt very impressed saying that the previous night id done something that i said i wouldnt do and that i said id change....and she was saying how i need to change it (when she goes quiet and stuff, asking her if she is ok, and worrying i done something worng) so i say yes i know, i realised at the time i shouldnt have said anything to her. I ask her why she didnt put kisses at end of the texts (jkingly) and she says they just disappeared! so she says she is going to go...so we hang up on pretty bad terms......its like bye, bye, put phone down but its awkward..... So then she texts me 15 mins later saying "night x", i reply with the same and fall asleep. Wake up this morning to a text from her, "It might snow soon, woohoo", she sent it at 2.30am, i reply with "where? thought you wanted an early night!?", and she says I did but just couldnt sleep....so i say ok, how comes, you normally fall asleep v easy!, and she says just couldnt fall asleep, so i leave it at that i dont reply, she sends the same text again an hour later.....she texts me an hour later "ignorin me? x", i reply an hour later with no not at all.......have text her since then and she has text me back, one thing she said was "took you a long time to reply".... now the previous night on the phone she said not to be so full on with the texting and stuff.....yet she is getting upset at me not texting her, things were really cool for a couple of weeks we were just jokin around, having fun etc.....I know we need to take things slow, but its difficult to know how slow??? The nights we spent together in same bed, she said be patient and wait a bit, dont rush back into it, which is fine....but it kinda feels like one min we are back together (as in the night we went for dinner and to pub) and the next just friends taking each day as it comes..... I should add she broke up with me as she need the old time and space, and wanted to do her own thing. She has since said she just wanted a time out and a break, but need to take it slowly to get back together..... Ive never been in this situation, how slowly do i take it? what do i expect should happen?? I dont text her for a half a day, and she gets upset at me for it! yet im meant to not be so full on etc! Im probably missing out lots of details but my head is kinda buzzing...

I dont really know where to begin with the latest, but last week she was texting me loads just like when we were together, even putting an 'x' at the end of texts which she stopped doing when we split. On thirsday she sent a a photo message of her new hair cut out f the blue. On friday i text her, first time i had initiated contact, she was busy doing some coursework, anyways i called her in the end as i was at work and couldnt text alot, and mentioned if she was up to anything that night, she said no, and asked me the same i said no plans, well anyways it ended up me going to her's for the night with a bottle of wine.... just sat and talked, chilled out and had a laugh..... she had work on saturday but i waited for her and again e chilled out, she said what am i doing this evening, i said i could stay if she wanted me to but didnt know how she felt, she said you wouldnt be here at all if i didnt want you here. So i stayed for a 2nd night. Both nights we had to share a single bed together which was awkward from my point of view as i wanted more, i did try but she said it wasnt right at the moment and to behave! i said to her you are very strong willed or you h ave no feelings for me now and she said "im strong willed", she still says she just needs a bit of time, and to be patient. When i said i need tog et on with my life and meet new people etc, she said "why? coz i have asked for a break and a bit of time?", she says she doesnt mean months and months, but just a little time.....really confusing. Things were friendly and flirty, but relaxed between us. We are meant to be going to 2 events in London at the start of next month on consecutive days, we were both on the same wave length and thought of getting a hotel room for the night.....she wants to as it would be easier, id like to aswell but id want to as a couple, it wouldnt be right i dont think to do that as friends.....I meant to be booking a hotel room but im unsure.

oooh hello...sorry, i havent read your post, but i was taken aback by your name

No outcome as of yet, although we are talking and getting on. I went to see her last night, its a long story, she wasnt sure if it was a good idea if we met up but we did, just talked and it was nice to see each other, she was giving me hints that in the future who knows what may happen, for example i was saying that "you know what id like but i cant change your mind" and she responded with "you can, we just need to change things" and she was talking about us communicating better and compromising more instead of having stupid arguments. When i left her's she wanted me to send a text when i got in so she knew i was home safe (30 mile drive at 2am) which was nice, she still says she just needs this time at the moment. Her words were, "when you touch something hot, you are wary of touching it again", I guess time will tell.

Wow, I could have written that post irishman (but without the engagment), and i know exactly how you feel, just give her space, give her what she asks for, think about her and what she wants and give it to her, you can do no more than that at the moment.

Feeling very down today. She has still been sending texts, .....I dont know what to do, the last one she sent at 11.15 last night, I didnt reply and havent. I miss her so much.

So she has text me a couple of times lately, she has broken no contact, Mainly to do with things we had planned before we split, which we are still going to try and do, a concert on 14th dec being one of them. Still its tough though.

I hear ya, its the same for me. Awful feeling, lonely, down, depressed, unloved, rejected, emotional, and most of all it feels like they dont feel like that at all, i know how you feel. But you have to see it from their point of view aswell, it was probably a hard thing for them to do, and they have their reasons, you have to respct their feelings and try to imagine it as if you were them.

What you need to do is realise its over, im in the same situation as yourself, there is nothing more id like than to get my ex back, but she wants space to do her own thing, I have to give it to her, give them time.....she will think of you in that time. The first thing you need to do is start posting in 'Breaking up' rather than 'Getting back together', harsh but true......

Losing love sucks biiiiiiiiiiiiig time.......rejection urgh.

Its so difficult, I miss everything...everything about us being together. The thought of her being out, other guys trying it on with her, her being with someone else, getting to know someone else..... jeez

Wow, yes when you put it like that.....thankyou. There wont be any contact between us for a while anyways....I will just say that when we talked online that things did seem ok, I wasnt being pushy and stuff, just friendly, and she was doing the same...lots of "lol" and stuff..... Its going to be a lonely time

A friend in the future? The chance for her to see that I can be strong and take it, and change my life, make something of myself, work hard etc....to be the man i was when she first met me????

Its all **** really, if you want to contact someone then do it, they could be thinking, "oh he may contact me, so ill wait for him blah blah blah".... just do it, if your over her and want to speak, just be friendly and do it, no harm in it. You may forever be thinking what if...... if you dont think you could handle the consequences then dont do it, simple... sorry if im being harsh...... Go with your gut instinct....its normally correct.

Its difficult for me Foz, I needed to change things in my life, i wasnt going anywhere, at the weekends id sleep in, id be lazy, i wouldnt do anything, id moan that i was bored in my job etc, and thats why she left me, because i needed to change things, i needed to be happier myself..... she felt she didnt want to be with me because of it, she wasnted her time and space away from me. So if im not in contact with her how does she know im making an effort, how does she know im changing?! she wouldnt, I know i need to do it for myself, but id love to have her back in my life too, and i want her to know whatim doing to change things..... like today, I signed in to MSN, and changed my name to "downstairs hoovering and cleaning"... she signed in quickly before she left her parents, she commented on it when i came back to the PC, she was like "finished hoovering now?!" because its not something id do much before (I should add I havent been able to move out of home due to 2 redundancies and a badly broken leg in last 4 years), I didnt make a big deal out of it, i just said yes and changed the subject, but i just want her to know im trying. Pathetic maybe, but I dont know how else to go about it

Ok, so she messages me, being friendly and civil to each other, im not just going to ignore her! We are not kids, we can talk and stuff, jeez. There is a period on enforced no contact now as she will have no internet access as she is going back to her's after being at her parents for the weekend.

Help, nobody offering advice, im probably messing things up here

Well, been talking pretty much since 4pm uk time (now 1am) on msn messenger..... not constant talk as she went to eat and cooked etc, but friendly chat, tried to stay away from our relationship but it turned to that a couple of times.....i asked a couple of things i shouldnt but she didnt seem to mind, like i said about giving us a 2nd chance and me a chance to prove im true to my word in everything i say, she just replied that she couldnt say anything at the moment. She gave me "speak to you laters x" which is nothing and shouldnt read anything into it, but its nice. I told her i want her to have her space, and its cool, we can talk and get on but yes it is hard at times as of course i miss her, and i hope i hadnt been too much or on her case over last 2 days.....she just replied with a smile....... I want a time machine now, fast forward 1 month please, no make that 2