Steve_uk

I appreciate the words of advice, I really do, but im sure you undertsnad its hard to take at the moment. Today after I had sent her a text, I was on lunch and i didnt get a reply from her so i tried to call her a couple of times as i needed some answers from her but she didnt pick, she would have started work as i finished my lunch so that isnt a problem, its now 11.25pm here and she should have finished a while ago, so again I tried to call her to get these answers and know for sure whats going on and where we are at, but again no answer, so now im worried she will think im pestering her and not giving her space in the ffirst instance, when all i really want is clarification as to what the hell is going on, its not so much to ask is it?? its not so much to be told so you know wether your coming or going is it?

The 2 guys in the pub with her with 2 friends from work........not just guys she had randomly met.....

Let me explain, I started seeing my girlfriend 15 months ago, im 25, she is 19, her parents moved away from the area we live so she had to move in to her works accommodation, she is a trainee specialized chef, which involves a college course for 3 months a year as well as a work placement in a top hotel. She had just split up with her ex when she met me and we hit it off straight away and started seeing each other, everything was great, she stayed at mine(still at home at the moment, but thats another story) whenever possible to get away from being at work all the time and everything was wonderful, but then the new year came this year and she had to go away to college for 3 months, it wasnt too bad, we saw each other every weekend, and we new it was only for 3 months. Just as the end of her college time was up the news came that she was to be moved to a new hotel which was 30 miles away from me, again it wasnt too bad, but we would only beable to see each other at the weekends, like we had been doing, she was upset and so was I but we were determined to get through it, but as time went on things became more strained with us. I used to get jealous of her going out alot with people, mainly guys, from work, as cheffing is a very male dominated area. I trusted her but just wished it was me going out with her more. She said i had nothing to worry about, i trusted her and i was right to do so, she hasnt cheated (as far as i know!). Things started to get really strained and we talked about having a break to ease things so we did, as we were arguing alot, constantly sniping at one another, and we just werent talking or seeing each other as much.... the break was only for a week and it was very difficult, it was my choice to do so as i thought it may help, no contact whatsoever. Things werent so bad, and then we went on holiday (vacation) to the Caribbean for 2 weeks, we couldnt wait, but the night before we went we had a huge row over something so silly, and it kinda ruined the mood. While away things started ok, we got back on track but again we had another huge row, she ended up calling home in tears and if there was a flight that day she would have left, I felt the same way to be honest although I loved her to bits. We lasted out the holiday although we said we would have a break when we got back. The morning we arrived back she took all her stuff from mine and went and stayed with relatives for a couple of nights, but that evening she started texting me and she said how sorry she wasit had come to this, and it wasnt what she wanted, how tough she was finding it (the thought if being apart) she said it was torture. So anyways we ended up seeing each other about a week later, I went to her's, and we didnt really talk about it as we said we would, we just carried things on as deep down i dont think either of us wanted to split. Since then we have had a couple of small rows but nothing major, and I thought things were going great, we have been going out lots, to the zoo and parks and fairs etc, having alot of fun and alot of laughs. I dropped her back at her's the weekend before last and we said we would see each other the next weekend (the one just gone) and said our goodbyes. Then i spoke to her on the wednesday and she was in the pub, which was cool, wth 2 guys, again i was cool with it, it was late so i went to bed at mine and told her id speak to her tomoz. Well i didnt hear from her all day, i didnt get in touch with her either, and then on the friday the bombshell came....."Ive been thinking loads, im not happy at the moment" I was shocked, she say's she wants a change, a break, to be single for a bit, to live a little....But i dont understand it, i let her live, i dont stop her from doing anything.....I met her on the saturday to talk and i broke down in tears, i couldnt control it, i was distraught, i really love the girl, again she said the same thing (she wants a break) she was talking months, not just weeks. Anyways that night she was going to Paris for the weekend with a girl friend, it was something we had discussed doing and so i said I wish we could go one day, and she replied "maybe we can one day" ......it just confused me as to what she wants. She came back this morning, and after reading this thread I sent her a message about having no contact (as she still wanted to go to a concert with me for example) and i dont think she was to impressed... she replied "fair enough, if thats what you want to do" but it isnt, i said its up to us both and i need to know what it is she really wants.... a split or just a break.... she says she doesnt know and that she too is confused, she also said maybe im right about no contact and it may give me a chance to think and realise that there is better out there! what?! i dont want better, i want her, she isnt going to push me away. She has always said she doesnt know why im with her as i could do better, and she has always been down on herself, she was on anti depressants when i met her but has come off them over the last half year. She often puts herself down. I have hardly eaten since last friday, ive lost nearly a stone in weight, havent slept much and im in a total state.....I dearly love and care for this girl and want to be with her, all my goals were looking towards us, not her, not me but us and i so want to be with her but im so confused. Help

You should have called him, Im sorry but i think its your fault He proboaly feels stood up as you didnt get in touch and is too worried to get in touch with you, just give him a call and apologise before it gets too far down the line.

caveat, your story is inspiring and a great testement to your will power and strength, but was I the only one hoping you would say 'and so in the end we got back together, giving her space was the right thing to do'?? because I am now in that situation...... Let me explain, I started seeing my girlfriend 15 months ago, im 25, she is 19, her parents moved away from the area we live so she had to move in to her works accommodation, she is a trainee specialized chef, which involves a college course for 3 months a year as well as a work placement in a top hotel. She had just split up with her ex when she met me and we hit it off straight away and started seeing each other, everything was great, she stayed at mine(still at home at the moment, but thats another story) whenever possible to get away from being at work all the time and everything was wonderful, but then the new year came this year and she had to go away to college for 3 months, it wasnt too bad, we saw each other every weekend, and we new it was only for 3 months. Just as the end of her college time was up the news came that she was to be moved to a new hotel which was 30 miles away from me, again it wasnt too bad, but we would only beable to see each other at the weekends, like we had been doing, she was upset and so was I but we were determined to get through it, but as time went on things became more strained with us. I used to get jealous of her going out alot with people, mainly guys, from work, as cheffing is a very male dominated area. I trusted her but just wished it was me going out with her more. She said i had nothing to worry about, i trusted her and i was right to do so, she hasnt cheated (as far as i know!). Things started to get really strained and we talked about having a break to ease things so we did, as we were arguing alot, constantly sniping at one another, and we just werent talking or seeing each other as much.... the break was only for a week and it was very difficult, it was my choice to do so as i thought it may help, no contact whatsoever. Things werent so bad, and then we went on holiday (vacation) to the Caribbean for 2 weeks, we couldnt wait, but the night before we went we had a huge row over something so silly, and it kinda ruined the mood. While away things started ok, we got back on track but again we had another huge row, she ended up calling home in tears and if there was a flight that day she would have left, I felt the same way to be honest although I loved her to bits. We lasted out the holiday although we said we would have a break when we got back. The morning we arrived back she took all her stuff from mine and went and stayed with relatives for a couple of nights, but that evening she started texting me and she said how sorry she wasit had come to this, and it wasnt what she wanted, how tough she was finding it (the thought if being apart) she said it was torture. So anyways we ended up seeing each other about a week later, I went to her's, and we didnt really talk about it as we said we would, we just carried things on as deep down i dont think either of us wanted to split. Since then we have had a couple of small rows but nothing major, and I thought things were going great, we have been going out lots, to the zoo and parks and fairs etc, having alot of fun and alot of laughs. I dropped her back at her's the weekend before last and we said we would see each other the next weekend (the one just gone) and said our goodbyes. Then i spoke to her on the wednesday and she was in the pub, which was cool, wth 2 guys, again i was cool with it, it was late so i went to bed at mine and told her id speak to her tomoz. Well i didnt hear from her all day, i didnt get in touch with her either, and then on the friday the bombshell came....."Ive been thinking loads, im not happy at the moment" I was shocked, she say's she wants a change, a break, to be single for a bit, to live a little....But i dont understand it, i let her live, i dont stop her from doing anything.....I met her on the saturday to talk and i broke down in tears, i couldnt control it, i was distraught, i really love the girl, again she said the same thing (she wants a break) she was talking months, not just weeks. Anyways that night she was going to Paris for the weekend with a girl friend, it was something we had discussed doing and so i said I wish we could go one day, and she replied "maybe we can one day" ......it just confused me as to what she wants. She came back this morning, and after reading this thread I sent her a message about having no contact (as she still wanted to go to a concert with me for example) and i dont think she was to impressed... she replied "fair enough, if thats what you want to do" but it isnt, i said its up to us both and i need to know what it is she really wants.... a split or just a break.... she says she doesnt know and that she too is confused, she also said maybe im right about no contact and it may give me a chance to think and realise that there is better out there! what?! i dont want better, i want her, she isnt going to push me away. She has always said she doesnt know why im with her as i could do better, and she has always been down on herself, she was on anti depressants when i met her but has come off them over the last half year. She often puts herself down. I have hardly eaten since last friday, ive lost nearly a stone in weight, havent slept much and im in a total state.....I dearly love and care for this girl and want to be with her, all my goals were looking towards us, not her, not me but us and i so want to be with her but im so confused. Help