Starlight925

OK, I have to say this first: I think the term "Sex Positive" is about the stupidest thing I hear these days. What does that even mean??? So your married boyfriend impregnated 3 women in the span of a few weeks, and you want to know what we think. He's monogamous until he's polyamorous. This doesn't even make sense. He's married. Right now. Feel better about yourself, and learn that you deserve more. Instead, you give us a list of 25 justifications for his actions. There's only 1 thing you need on the list: Your own self esteem.

Alex, this is your problem right here ^^. You live for your family, particularly for your mother's approval. So when your mother shows compassion for someone else, you feel it takes away the "specialness" of her love for you. This is not the case. It sounds like your mother is working hard to include her. If you would open your heart to include her too, you would be much happier. We have told you in hundreds of pages now, that you need to develop and live your own life, detach from your enmeshment with your mother. It's been said on this very thread. Do it.

As a female, I love this. The guy bringing up that he wants to hide his profile, and then him actually doing it, is very attractive. It makes my attraction to him grow fonder, especially if he's someone I like. The worst that happens is that you'll later unhide it and go back to the drawing board. The best? That she feels the same way about you and we read about your happily-ever-after journey. Have you spoken with her since your date? I know she said she wasn't feeling well enough to schedule, but have you texted or called to see how she's feeling? To say hello? Again, if I like the guy, this would get major points.

I've asked my 20-something year-old niece this question, as she & her adorable friends are all dateless. These are college educated girls at the peak of their lives, yet all the guys want to do is play video games and watch porn. In group pictures, they all look like models living the times of their lives, but not one has had a guy ask them out in a long time, many, never. The girls have to be the aggressors if they want a guy to do anything, and even then, all they get are "meh" responses. Studies are showing testosterone rates have dropped significantly in the past 20-30 years. Japan has a serious birthrate problem. This could largely be due to anything from the garbage that gets sprayed on our food to our indoor lifestyles full of screens, EMF, and radiation.

I've highlighted all the psychobabble terms you used in just this one post. These terms are keeping you stuck. They are giving you an excuse to ruminate over her, over this situation. Stop using these terms, and if talking this through would help you, then a great therapist might be in order. There is nothing "wrong" with you. But a qualified therapist can help walk you through how you got here, and how to move forward, finding a nice girl who will treat you well.

Nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, I'd bet many of us are on this board due to initially coming out of a fog of a horrible relationship. 🙋‍♀️ Just don't try to apply "closure so she'll beg me back" as a method. She's a bad relationship bet, no matter how many psycho terms we want to throw at her. Don't place the bet. Walk away from the table. You still have chips left. "Closure" would be throwing all your chips down, rolling the dice, and coming up empty. Don't do it.

Be honest: You want to reach out to give her "closure" in hopes that she'll beg you to stay. Prove me wrong. You are addicted to this push-pull, to this pins & needles feelings of will she call, will she wait 2 weeks to call, when will she call. There are studies linking this to the serotonin uptake caused by pinball machines. 9 out of 10 times, the player comes up empty handed and keeps throwing money in. Why do they do it for hours upon hours, spending thousands of dollars? For that addiction of the once an hour where a small payoff occurs. Figure out why you are addicted to this. What is it from your own life, maybe your childhood, that keeps you tethered to this woman who only gives you crumbs when she feels like it? And yes, stop with the psychological buzzwords. You sound like you've received pallets of self-help books from Amazon. In the end, it only matters if you can link it to your own past and stop your own harmful track of staying with these awful women.

Men lie about their age too. Happens all the time. A friend met a great guy online, and about 9 months into it, she wanted to know what he wanted to do for his “Big 50th Birthday”. He fessed up that 50 had been several years ago. She just laughed, and he said well you would never have responded if you knew my real age. I think you’re doing fine here. Enjoy your time with her and keep us updated!

We all get it. She’s been diagnosed as OMGCDGKKDHD. Check. She sounds like a miserable person. So do you. Stay away from your grandchildren. They don’t need any extra misery in their lives.

Yes, you are dependent upon each other. She needs to attach to someone and glue all of her problems and emotions onto that person. You need to be needed. You have a need for this focused attention, this scenario of being her complete world. She can't even clean the home without you. Instead of being disgusted by this barnacle-attached friend, you crave it. And now that she has a boyfriend and is pregnant, she is clinging barnacle-style to him, and this hurts you. You are trying to stay in the middle of her life with all of these questions, all of this analysis, while she's looking over there, at someone else, to fill her every need. This isn't healthy for either of you. Serve out the terms of your lease and move out.

Yeah, great question: Why haven't you sent the Xmas presents? Punishing your grandchildren by withholding gifts? Classy.

Let's say your daughter is 99% wrong. (even though I don't think that to be the case). 100% of you doesn't get to see your grandchildren. Sometimes, we have to let that person be wrong, agree to disagree, and move on with our life.

Oh my. He snowed you but good. Please remove all traces of this narcissistic weasel from your life.

I must be really old school, but not only am I not flattered, I’m disgusted when it happens. For me, it’s an auto-block, but to each his own. Once, years ago, I didn’t have my picture on a site, and a guy asked me to describe myself. I said I’m 200 lbs overweight, with pitted acne and scraggly wiry hair. He then proceeded to send sexy messages! Which made me realize, all they are looking for is a recipient. Any recipient.

Ugh, this "trend" is awful. No, I don't think this is ok, and no, I don't continue with anyone who wants to sext. One guy asked for pictures of my feet. Um, yeah no, buddy. I think it's gross, personally. More importantly, I would NEVER share anything sexual over text, lest it be held against me in future. Why put yourself at risk with electronic communication?

Rita, if I understand the reason you posted to begin with, it's because you're worried about what people will think? Reading through all of this, there seems to be a lot of moving pieces, and a lot of misunderstandings based on all those pieces. Whether you have 1 baby or 10 with a man who has 1 baby or 10 is no one else's business. The question I have for you is, why does it matter? Are you prepared to care for this child? If so, then what does it matter what anyone thinks?

High amount of IG followers is today's version of a movie star. It's akin to Clare Danes wanting to date you. You get to say, "My new girlfriend is Clare Danes". You get to say "My new girlfriend has 10,000 followers". Just as OLD has drastically changed, so has this social landscape. Heck, my friend's boyfriend forgot her birthday last year, which he said was because she's not on Facebook, which is how he gets birthday reminders. He is 70. Mind you, I am someone whose 12 followers include all my nieces, lol.

From his perspective, a woman with a ton of followers is considered desirable, and his worth is tied up in how much his partner is desired by others. If his girlfriend has 10K followers, but she chooses him, he gets to pat himself on the back for being her chosen one. It’s not so different from the boys in school who want to date the popular Cheerleader, or the girls who want to date the cutest Quarterback. Let this go with the knowledge that his insecurity and shallowness are his shortcomings and his alone. And you go kickbox some ass!

My condolences on your dad's passing. When my dad passed, it literally didn't matter to me what people said, just that they acknowledged it. Man people empathized by sharing their stories, and honestly, all that mattered to me was that they reached out in some way. It was such a whirlwind that I didn't even have time to think of why someone was saying something. Now, had you gone on and on about him, that might have been a bit annoying, but not block-worthy. And I don't think that's what you did. Who knows why she blocked you. People are funny. A co-worker with whom I've been friends for years blocked me. ???? She still calls me, she still asks about me, she still comes over to me at meetings. But she blocked me. WhatEV. Hold up your head, you did nothing wrong.

I wasn't suggesting that the OP's mother sleep on the trifold, sorry if that sounded confusing. OP said she sleeps on the floor & gives her bed to mom. I was suggesting OP get the trifold for herself instead sleeping directly on the floor.

Deleted, duplicate.

LOL, sound like the one I'm talking about. Trifold, folds up neatly, apparently very comfy. And not expensive at all. I have a foam one that rolls up, and it's a workout to roll it back into its box, and when my nieces sleep over, it's such a chore, which is why I have this trifold one in my Saved items.

So the update is....no update. Same ol', same ol'. We all have the same advice: quit, find another job, even if it means sweeping floors. We get it. She's awful. Check. ✅ In addition to all the other horrible things she does, she doesn't pay her employees on time. That's actually not your business; it's between them & her. If people want to work without getting paid on time, that's on them. If you want your paycheck on time, then you have every right to demand it. What I don't get is why you're allowing this to go on, 2+ months now?

Agree with moving mom into assisted living, if that's financially feasible. If not, then yes, it's absolutely fair for your sister to ask you to assist. Just because your sister has a larger home does not mean she has to bear all responsibility here. Having an extra person in one's home nonstop is an intrusion, and I'm sure your sister would like a break now and then. It's actually not fair for you to question this. There are very inexpensive, very comfortable memory foam floor mattresses (Amazon has one for $89) that you can sleep on while you work together with your sister to assist mom in getting the dignity she deserves in her final years.

Why is he breadcrumbing? Because he can keep you (and possibly several others) in his phone rotation, so that whenever he wants company, he has easy access to willing participants. After this few dates, this much analysis is an indicator to cut this one loose.