falloutboy

With respect, Scott, you're obviously wrong. I guess there are a lot of people who start figuring out their sexualitiy at an age you haven't even reached yet, so I wonder if you know what you're talking about. No offence. @beau_ridge, as chblueguy has told you, you will have to tell us more, otherwise we surely can't help you. If you try and write more about your thoughts and problems, there's at least a little chance of receiving some wise posts. I'm sure there are some guys in here who also were or are going through these things. And it might even help you if you're just writing about your issues. Look, if you can't talk about it even in an anonymous forum, where do you think you can talk about it then? Just want to encourage you, it's your own decision, of course.

@ nomore You do surprise me again and again. First you seem to have overcome your own problems somehow, and now you have some wise words to say to other guys. Quite a good comeback, isn't it? @confused77 Listen carefully to what nomore, beec and ihtw47 say. Have nothing to add so far.

@drahcir Good question. Seems like you're not the only one here... I'd like to add myself to the list: My dad made some remarks about it when I was about 12 but nothing which I hadn't learned in school at that time. None of my parents talked to me about sex since that day. Sometimes I wonder, if this is a reason why I have the one or the other problem with my sexuality, which is nothing easy to deal with. Agree with everyone who wants to talk more open about this stuff to his own children. But I'm not sure if I ever manage to have any. Back to you: Are there any problems caused by the behaviour of your parents?

Thanks for your replies, ocean9, quimninja, xkirrax, jessijes, time to respond for me: @ocean9, fine, thanks. It's Friday night, and after playing football (soccer), I'v ended up in my room with a bottle of wine and Leonard Cohen... @jessijess I' m not sure. Don't want to be offending to anyone, but sometimes when I had sex with this guy, I felt not only like this is not the right thing for me, but that it's even unnatural. I always thought this was something that I don't want to do for the rest of my life (and I feel so bad that I didn't end the relationship at an earlier stage). On the other hand, it's not like I couldn't wait to have sex with women, but I just want to get the experience. THis is a real problem: I find it quite hard to date anyone, and I hesitate to do it only to make an experience. Or is it wrong to think so? @xkirrax That's the question: Am I done with guys, or was this guy just the wrong one? If I could tell... Thats what I'm thinking about every night, and I can't have enough beer, wine and liquor to get the answer. I tried to explain it above, and I think it's still true: I felt that I can't love a man like a woman, because if I'm hanging around with my boyfriend, I just can't act as I suppose a lover would do, I always act towards the other guy as he'd be a pal of mine, you know what I mean? (certain kind of humour, alway a little bit rude - in a friendly way, of course) @quimninja Let's say I'm bisexual- I'm quite sure I am- so it's not about judging my sexuality. Ok, I've got this from my view bad experience, bad enough. I know that I'm still somehow attracted to men. But for the moment, I' just don't want to give in these feelings. There's something I've been thinking about for a long time: I've got to nephews, aged one and four. They are so lovely. Sometimes I think they're are the most important persons in my life. And I often think that I'd love to have children (with a woman) one day. But there's something my ex told me when we discussed this in general: If you ever found a family you'd be likely to leave your woman and children one day for a man. I'm sure I won't but I can't forget this warning. As I said, I'd like to go for girls now, but that's not too easy, If you are in my age and have to do a lot of work as far as the career is concerned (or at least I should, in recent weeks, I merely try to solve my personal problems...), you can't do the trial and error scheme for too long. How should I date girls? (Can't go to a forum on enotalone designed for high school kids). For the moment, I know only few girls, all of them out of the question. But I have just no time to do any activities were I could meet girls. I could afford going out about once a week, and I basically like it, but I'm not sure if I could meet a girl in a club or a bar and I don't want to go out alone, but most of my pals are not available. I alsowonder what I should tell her if she asked my about my experience concerning sex and relationship... As my puberty used to be boring and I didn't really learn what you should learnat that age, I fell like I should be going through kind of puberty once again- you got the picture? And it still sonds so ridiculous... Thanks again for reading all this, I'd be glad to get even more replies.

amy, ocean9, thanks for responding. Somehow I was sexually attracted to him all the time during our relationship. But on the other hand, I felt uncomfortable with the kind of sex we used to have, and what I wanted to do least were further experiments... Now I wish that we never had entered this relationship so that we could be friends as we were before these things started. Ok, he kind of persued me, he always took the initiative. In the beginning, I was somehow curious and wanted to try this out, and of course, he encouraged me to do so. Later, when I felt that we were not made for each other, I admitted that to him, but he somehow persuaded me to go on. Hmm, what do you mean? By whom?

orion75, this seems to be really serious, and I hope I can make some helpful remarks. First, I have to tell, that I have been like the guy on the other end of your story, to some extent at least. I once met a guy (who's been openly gay what I didn't know at that time) and we became friends. We've had a great time together, and everything was fine. When he told me being gay, I told him I was fine with it. (That's not been entirely true as I was not sure about my own sexual orientation that time.) To make it short, he told me little later he's in love with me and asked me if I was gay, too. I denied being gay (but, in fact I've ever been attrected to either sex). It seems to me, that you are at his point right now. What he gave me next was like what you referred to as "bit of a shove". The result was that we somehow ended up in a relationship. After we broke up recently, I feel like I did something what I've never really wanted, because I never really loved this guy. And I think it would have been better to keep on denying being gay, at least as this guy is concerned. As mentioned above, this is a very short version of my story, but now back to yours: His behaviour is quite strange indeed. He might be still figuring out his own sexual orientation, or he knows he's bi at least but he has decided not to give in his feelings towards men. I think you should absolutely respect his decision. It doesn't matter so far if his stories about his sexual activities are true. It seems to me rather he is pretending. That is a shame becaus it could influence your friendship. So he might be bisexual indeed, but if he doesn't want a relationship with you ( and that might well be the reason for his lies), it makes no sense to try and persuade him. This is just my opinion which is likeky to be biased by the things I went through in recent years. I will be thinking about this again and make a second reply. I want to add that there was something in your story which I didn't like too much. You said that you were the one to pay all the bills and make the gifts. Did you feel fine with this? Were there any reasons? I mean, wouldn't you consider this situation being a bit strange: two guys, none of them openly gay, but one of them making gifts all the time? Or did I get something wrong? I'm not going to judge his behaviour, but it would be nice, if you could tell us more. (You don't seem to be too lazy in writing, do you?)

hurtbylove, murrayfaces, thanks for reading all this and replying to it also. murrayfaces, you don't have to apologize for anything. You were not blunt at all, and obviously I started this topic to get some open feedback. I very much appreciate that you ' ve been thinking about my situation that much. As there is a lot to say and to think, though, this time i'm going to refer to just some opinions you gave me, and to others later, hopefully. Generally, I' would not be sure about this, too. On the other hand, as I pointed out in my last post, we've had kind of sex, which you might classify as being minor to what people are usually doing. But I did not aim to do more, i even was afraid that this physical thing could damage our friendship (which it turned out to do at last), so I was like preferring having no sex with this guy at all (maybe apart from the experiencing phase right at the beginning). May sound sort of strange to you. I didn't really get that, but I stress, that this violence was a rare exception, it merely used to be the culmination of our arguments in very few occurrences. That might have not been said clearly in my first post. But I'd like you to explain it, as I can't see a connection between violence and coming out. Hard to tell. I just feel that I could love a girl rather than any guy, it's somehow down to emotional reaons (it's like I'm a man and thereforeeee I'm giving my love only to girls, but don't get me wrong, I don't force me to think so. I't s being like my personal assurance after all the things I went through). That's exactly what many of my problems are about , I guess. Ok, this is a big and urgent issue. We are still in contact. We currently discuss how our relation should look like in future. Proposals range from cutting ties over staying friends to (he 's really suggested this) staying friends without ruling out occasional intimacies. The latter I'm quite sceptical about, to say the least. I'm going to stop here for now, any comments would be great.

What to say, I'm in quite a freak situation, I don't even know which is the best forum to post my story... I'm attracted to boys and girls since I started to think about these things. But I never had a girlfriend, and I never even thought of having a boyfriend. ( At least due to the fact I knew no gays.) So you could say I was one of those guys usually posting in this forum like "24 years, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin". But things got changed at the age of 23, when I met a guy and we became friends. It was a very nice friendship, and he was the first person in my life I could talk to about all my problems, one of them of course that I never had a girlfriend. It was really cool and we were hanging around a lot of time drinking beer and so on, until he finally came out to me ( to say the truth, he's already been out to everyone, but I didn't know it). However, you guessed it, we finally became a couple. It's hard to shorten this story, but I think I have to. This relationship turned out to be very tough. It was by no means the initial start for me to have a satisfied live, for several reasons. We' ve been arguing a lot of time, (he urged me to come out, especially to my family, which I refused,this was one of our most popular issues, but we had a lot of arguments about minor topics, it often was like a bad french movie, it could take nights, there has been even violence one time or another) I was not able to see and treat him as a lover somehow, but rather like a good friend. As far as our sex life is concerned (i'm trying not to go into details unless it's necessary): We never had anal or oral intercourse ( I appreciated that), we were rather like masturbating. And we kissed, but I have to say, that I never liked it when it came to mouth kissing. If you ask: How long did this hell last (ok, i have overdone a little)? Nearly two and a half years, we finally broke up a couple of days ago. Now, being 26, I'm absolutely convinced, that I never want to have a same-sex relationship again. I mean I think I can´t live with a guy as a couple and act like this. I'm still attracted to guys somehow, but I just want not to give in these feelings. I'd rather get a girl, and I feel that I could give her all my love, (I just feel like I never felt real love for anyone.) But I don't now, if I will be able to find a girl (remember that I'm still a virgin in a way), and a lot of people know that I ve had a gay relationship for years. What will girls think about that, if I met any at all? Thanks for reading all this, I'd very much appreciate any comment, opinion or advice.

Basically I m with Jamie. But why not give it a try? I mean, try to see her sometimes, even if you just become friends, that will do no harm. (Never heard that knowing older girls does). But keep in mind that you don't have to put yourself under pressure. Few boys will get girls who are three years older at that age. And in your case it's easy to imagine half of the college also going for her. Can you figure out if she somehow likes you at all?

Don t want to discourage you, but a m16/f19 age difference is a bit too much, I'm afraid. But you never know... Is there a chance that you can see her again? Or is she to far away in terms of miles, at least?

First of all, I think it s great that you managed to talk with him in that way. (He could have turned angry or hurt because you discovered something about him as well) Now trust him. Even if he is really bi (I do think that this kind of sexual orientation exists), there should be no problem , as long as your re still in love with each other and he is not cheating you with a male or a female, and there is no reason for you to suppose this..

So your situation doesnt seem to be too bad when your gf even knows that you ve been attracted to a boy and she is fine with it. It might have been just a phase. But even if not, theres nothing to worry about. You ve got so much time to figure it all out. If you re really in love whith that girl (or at least like her)- and she is with you- there should be no problem, even if you occasionally think of men. It could be different, if it turns out that you dont get along with that girl or another- but dont put any pressure on yourself ! Youre just 15 and these things usually dont work right from the start. So for the monent, you dont have to be too confused. And by the way, I cant see that there is kind of illegitimate sexual orientation.

Well, you already got some good advice, I think. Im not going to judge you because you used this spy software. I see that you question yourself if this is has been a good idea (and hope that you will never do things like this in future relationships). Just ask yourself, what you would be thinking about your gf, if you were spied on by her. However, it s clear that you cant ignore what you came to know. And Id say what your gf did is really bad. I cant believe that she is completely fine with the relationship, there must be something wrong. If you really think that you ve got to get out of this (easy for me to understand), than try and tell her as soon as possible. It makes no sense to let these things going on for a long time. You would regret that later. Thats my advice, but its only from distance.

johnjohn, just a question : does your girl know that you met this boy?