Andrina

It'd be best to not stay friends, or even stay in contact, because he might never be open to dating you. It's best not to wait around for someone to be ready, because in the meantime, you could be letting great romantic prospects walk right on past while you're waiting around for an unknown. You only have so much brain power and emotional energy to devote to a love interest. Don't use it on someone who severed those ties with you, for whatever reason he did this, which is actually irrelevant. He might be truthful in why he broke up, and he might have fudged the truth to not hurt your feelings or cause drama and arguments. You might never know, and that's okay, even if frustrating. You only need to accept this is likely totally done, for your own good. Is there a possibility he might one day contact you and say he is healthy in mind and spirit and wants to date you? Yes, but it's best not to put yourself on ice, holding out for that. Go on with your life as you did before you met him. And frankly, I question someone who was comfortable asking a person he barely knows, a single mother especially, to be running errands for him. I, myself, am uncomfortable about asking people for favors, and very rarely do, even with people I know extremely well, such as immediate family and close friends. His decision-making in many areas leaves a lot to be desired. Perhaps see it as a favor that he let you go so you can be free to meet someone who's a bit wiser in that department.

This situation is not frivolous at all. Especially when you're moving to the next stage in a relationship and sharing a home, you're accountable to each other whenever one's decision will affect their partner. The logistics of caring for another dog and the expenses that go along with it totally do affect you. Like others have said, this isn't a one time and it's over problem. Know that she won't consult you when running up 3 credit cards, buying a parrot that will live to age 80, and showing up at your work to whisk you away for a surprise vacation without you being able to plan things in advance with your boss. Yes, I'm giving extreme examples, but always expect these type of things when she's already shown you she'll do whatever the hell she wants without consulting you, and make you feel like you're crazy for disagreeing. If you turn away from this giant red flag whipping you in the face, you only have yourself to blame when all of these consequences of her actions eats away at the relationship and you begin to resent each other.

It's common to outgrow a relationship during the decade of your twenties, because it's a big time of self-growth, leaving the teens to become an adult, and the adult brain not completely maturing until age 25. Your fears are common ones that most think about, but they are no reason to stay. You have lost respect for her because of her interests which you consider a waste of time. Free her to find someone who respects her and likes her just as she is. You're not doing her any favors by staying. Her lack of a support system is her own doing, and if she hasn't continued to seek therapy, that's her decision to make as an adult. No, I wouldn't delay a breakup. If she tries manipulation and threatens suicide, tell her you'll be calling 911. If you truly fear for her, after the breakup, call her parent to let them know to keep an eye on her because of her suicidal thought.

Living mostly in cyber world is not reality. If a love interest can't physically meet with you during the first 2 to 4 weeks for ANY reason, stop communication for your own good. You falsely get a sense of closeness and it prevents you from seeking out dating in the normal way. When she first got a bf, it was unethical for her to continue speaking to you at that point, knowing how you felt. It showed that she lacked relationship boundaries and showed a lack of caring for you, knowing you'd be suffering by the continued communication with a man who would remain frustrated and heartbroken. You can't see this truth because your infatuation is blinding you to who she is. Either she sees her mistake now and her ethics have improved, or as the other poster said, he caught her and called her out, and her relationship is too important to throw away for someone who provided an ego boost and nothing more. When a person is taken, they are off-limits to one who has good ethics. Strive to live by that rule, because people with poor ethics never have happy endings. With time and distance, meaning no contact and no rereading past communication and looking at their photos, you can get over a crush. Stay off the computer and start doing activities where you can meet single women your age who are good dating prospects. It does take more effort than cyber space, but the results are usually far more promising.

What he talks about is what's on his mind. His ex is on his mind, and being angry with her about betrayal shows his feelings are in the present about her. His heart has one chamber still filled with her, so he's not fully capable of giving his full heart to anyone. Many women start to bond with a man, even if he's not right for her, if they are intimate. Here's an excerpt from an article explaining why: A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more, says Dr Arun Ghosh, a GP specialising in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital. It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. Women produce more of this hormone, although it’s not clear why, and this means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex. Successful dating requires two people who have the same dating goals. One major problem with you two is that your goals are extremely vague. What does "casual" mean to you? My definition would be that you're enjoying each other's company when available for activities and sex, and that you can do the same with anyone else because you're not exclusive, and there is no goal for long term. There are no rules for often one should communicate. Seeing each other could stop at any time without the drama of the whys, or begging for another chance, etc. So in my definition, why would you care if he was communicating with an ex, looking at her Instagram, or even having sex with her because he's a free agent, just as you are? If your definition of casual is different than mine, what is it? Get real with yourself about what you really want, and then have standards that align with your dating goals. If you go into a dating situation knowing a guy's goal is different than yours but hope he will change his mind because you're terrific, you're being naive.

It's not surprising this didn't work out. He didn't have a longterm handle on his depression, playing around with stopping meds. In my first marriage, my husband only agreed to get on meds and seek psychiatric help when I threatened divorce, and then when things were going well, he said he never meant to be on meds the rest of his life and went off them and he became even worse, which then resulted in an actual divorce. Relationships are difficult enough without adding untreated depression in to the mix, especially when a person is prone to starting and stopping on a whim. And it's good that you will seek help for your emotional baggage. That's always a self-sabotaging fault. Nothing more unattractive than a quivering, fearful wilting violet. At this stage, there's no need to go into discussions about what wrongs have been done to you in the past and you live in great fear of it happening again. What your mindset should be is that you'll have a wait-and-see attitude for this relationship which will always have a 50/50 chance at success according to each person's efforts and if all the major needs are met and dating/life goals match. If you find yourself dissatisfied, no need for teary discussions and examples from your past. You simply say, as an example: When I'm spending time with you lately, you're not really present in the moment. This relationship is no longer working for me. Those sorts of statements show self-worth, and that if someone doesn't treat you as the special person you are and doesn't date in the way you like to, then you're out of there. If you feel the need to nag or complain about not enough communication, why not instead realize he's not a compatible partner? Don't cling to someone just because they were heavenly on the first 2 dates. If things are going downhill instead of uphill during this very early stage, take it as you don't belong together. Why do you want him back if he's regressed and not progressed, and loses interest while this should be the extreme high of the honeymoon period? With therapy, you will see in hindsight what your mistakes have been to learn from them. Good luck in ditching that heavy, useless emotional baggage you lugged from room to room. I'm sure that was exhausting.

What's your family life like? Sometimes when closeness and attention is lacking in home life, we seek out that closeness in a guy, who really ends up not filling that void and causing more issues at this young time in your life. I was really boy crazy too during my teen years and too intent on always having a bf, and then when I had a dry spell, I went into a serious depression. As an adult, I realized what had happened was just as I said here, that my parents weren't the worse parents, and were good in some areas, but there was some distance between us and I lacked a normal affection most parents give like hugging, amongst other things. If this is the case with you, I'd speak to a school counselor. Maybe ask your parents what you need from them, as they are not mindreaders. I wished I'd not made getting boyfriends a big goal in my life--relaxed in that area. I did have girlfriends and played soccer and did value alone time. I guess those are some things I did right. Like the other poster said, think about other areas you can focus on and find fun with your own company and also with friends. When you find yourself obsessively thinking of boys, redirect your mind to other thoughts and get busy doing something else. Practice makes perfect. Take care.

Stick to hanging out with girl friends right now, because you don't recognize red flags in guys, or ignore them. Enjoy your freedom, being single without the stress a short term romance will be at this time in your life, because with the maturity levels of these guys you're attracted to, it will end up very short term and with a lot of heartache.

He made mistakes and so did you. It was ridiculous to ask someone out while he's going through this serious medical crisis. He was wrong to introduce you to his child before knowing if the relationship would be longterm, and you were wrong to accept that invite, and wrong to suggest he meet your daughter at the 2 months mark. As you can see, this wasn't a stable relationship and didn't last longterm, so children shouldn't be introduced until the test of time proves it to be a stable, serious relationship. When you already haven't been established as a sexual, longterm couple, you nursing him might've come across as motherly instead of perhaps an intended message as your worth as a great lifetime partner. The psyche can be complex and that might be the case of one reason this didn't work. Another mistake is that you texted instead of speaking in person about something so ultimately serious--the introduction of children. And then when he didn't reply, you didn't gauge his lack of interest, letting that speak for itself, and didn't let him fade away, as he might have. You reached out again which shows a lack of self-worth. Why make more effort than you're getting? You're angry that a relationship ended after 60 days because you feel it's unfair that someone has the gall to do that after you spent so much time nursing someone. He doesn't owe you anything like continuing to stay with someone who gave him the gift of time and nurturing if he's just not feeling it. New relationships are always a big risk and often end, even for minimal reasons like you can't get past their weird bellybutton. You can be upset and disappointed, but instead of letting anger eat away your insides, maybe think: We are both humans and made mistakes. Right now I just need to learn from my mistakes, and maybe have better success next time. Whatever his thought process is is no longer my concern. You don't know him. You don't know who he is as a healthy person and if he would meet your needs. Assume not so that you can move on and not hope for any future with him when he is healthy. Best to start with someone new, who is physically and emotionally ready to properly date. Good luck.

What exactly does this mean? Can you be concrete in examples of what is said and what the expectations are? What family values do you speak of? How often are family gatherings and where do they take place? What is expected of her during the gatherings that you and your parents feel is lacking? I don't see why you criticize her concerns of when finances fluctuate. It's better than spending money frivolously. If you don't give your parents money and that's not what she's complaining about, I don't understand what concerns you about pinching pennies. Why would she be selfish about her own well-being? Doesn't any smart person have that as a goal? You need to be more clear about your explanations. Your descriptions are too vague.

Yeah, basically one week every quarter with a mother-in-law like this, and I would not be a happy woman either. It's unclear of who is visiting who. If it's a family of four flying that many times a year, is that really affordable? I hope you're able to save for retirement and have an emergency fund and aren't foregoing that to pay for these trips. If your parents stay at your house, I'd stop that practice and let them know it's better for the family as far as getting along, however you want to word it, if they stay at a hotel. And then treat them to a nice meal at your house, and get takeout and bring it over to their place. Ask your wife to be involved in whatever activity she wants to and to be excused from the rest. You should also stay at an Air B&B or a hotel when visiting them. Because when you erect boundaries, you need an escape. If you've told someone to avoid a topic or not to engage in a particular behavior and they ignore that request, you can ask them to leave or if you're at their place, you excuse yourself. That's how you teach a person to treat you how you should be treated. If they want your company, they will have to abide by those reasonable rules. And make sure you don't blame your wife for the change. You two are a team and you need to speak in those terms and use the strength of two, here. And you could leave her out of it altogether and make it clear it's your decision so she isn't seen as the enemy. If everyone was willing to have one or two family meetings (without the children) with a therapist, it could be helpful to hear a professional's advice and take on things. Maybe your mother would finally listen to a professional, and it would make her see the seriousness of the matter. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

The online friend is preventing you from bonding with a guy you can actually be with in 3D. You're just not that into the local guy, so free him to be with a woman who will appreciate him. Tell the cyber crush that for your own good, you need to lose each other's numbers.

You don't say if the effort was mutual or you were the one mostly reaching out and asking to get together. In any case, if this was moving to something serious, there would be progression. There is none, and now there is even regression. That's a clear signal he's just not that into you. If he wanted to wow you and make you his alone, he'd be treating you to nice outings at a restaurant, ask you about your life, and seeing you more than once a week. Perhaps learn from this experience and go about trying to date in the more normal ways. Giving the guy the chance to ask you on real dates and see if he has patience to get intimate. That will probably be more along the lines of getting what you really want out of dating. In your quote, if you can't speak to a guy about those important things, it's a shaky situation that you know will crumble, so that's why you're hesitant. I'd tell him you wanted more from a dating experience and if he asks details, let him know. If he doesn't ask, walk away.

He was late paying half his rent, so this particular job of driving that even a 16 year old could do, isn't cutting it financially. Let me guess. He was carefree and a lot of fun when you began dating. And he in turn chose a partner who will be ultra responsible career-wise and financially, so he wouldn't have to worry about that since he'd always have you for shelter and all the other necessities. Ever hear of people filling voids in the choice of their partners? Basically, it's a life of frustration. One needing to nag and the other arguing about the nagging. When you're with the right person, you never feel the need to nag. If you think chores should be shared and if you want a man who will be able to contribute financially, and even be able save for retirement and have emergency funds saved, then free yourself in order to eventually meet a man like this. You should have standards for picking a lifetime partner. It's one of the most important decisions you'll ever make.

Although it's fine when feasible to occasionally help out a relative, in this case, the ask is too big. You're sister's an adult. Maybe she missed or ignored red flags about her ex when they dated. Regardless, she's an adult and will have to deal with the consequences without imposing on you. If other people support her on this, good for them, but don't feel guilty for choosing to do what's best for yourself. Get a book, or read articles on establishing relationship boundaries. Even though they are your parents, they are criticizing your character. Not good. If they start doing this in person, tell them it's time for you to leave if you're in their home. If it's on the phone, say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, because I don't. Well, I have things I need to do so I need to go." People will learn to treat you how you want to be treated if you enforce boundaries. They will lose your company, being critical, and will learn they will have to improve their own behavior for you to want to be around them. I actually disagree about contributing money if you don't already have 6 months of savings for your own emergencies, and aren't contributing to retirement savings. The child is only two, and this could go on another 16 years. I'm sure you wouldn't rely on your sister for financial needs like this if you were in the same situation. Your gf is reasonable to lack confidence in going to the next stage if you get involved in your sister's mess. If your family is interfering in an important goal like setting up a life with a wonderful partner, then your choices now will be very telling to that partner and she will have decisions to make for her own good. Be prepared in dealing with the consequences of your own actions. Good luck and keep us updated.

Sounds like you like the ego boost that he'd been a fan and paid attention to you. Now that you've lost that attention, you miss it and you're angry with him for stopping. You're playing with fire. You should have been treating him like any other co-worker, and expecting he didn't treat you any differently than any other co-worker. Obviously, he's not your friend, because friends check on you when you're sick, so realize this and that the new dynamic is for the better. Whether he's trying to distance himself from you for his own benefit, or to punish you for not going out with him, it doesn't matter. The only thing you should be doing is distancing yourself from the emotional energy you've poured into him. Be polite as you would with anyone at work, and make friends outside of work instead of relying on work as your social outlet.

Isn't that all you need to know? If that's what you're feeling, why continue? I'm assuming you know how it feels when two people share an equal interest/infatuation with one another at the beginning. This isn't the case, so leave. I'd also advise not to get into another situation that is not the normal way of dating at the beginning. At this point, you should have only been getting together once or twice a week, not for a smothering, too-much too-soon marathon, even if he seemed to like it. You could have taken the bus, taken Uber at least halfway, and other alternatives. If you don't want that hassle, date someone closer, where you don't rely on others to get from point A to point B. Why do you have four or more days off from work? Why don't you drive? As far as texting, maybe you overdid it. Some people just aren't into it, and don't want their lives constantly intruded on. If that's the only reason you don't think he's into you, you might be assuming that. Spending four days a week at the beginning doesn't give a person time to miss you, and in need of a breather. Things are rarely one-sided. Look at your own behavior and expectations to learn what you could have done better. If nothing, you've learned what you don't want in a relationship.

Do yourself a favor and stay off the Internet to find love. It's not working for you with the way your faulty mindset is. Get into the real world and physically get to know single guys in person. I knew one couple who met volunteering at the local zoo. Some couples meet taking dance lessons. Attend Meetup .com groups for activity groups that cater to singles in a particular age group. Make sure your self esteem is at an optimum so you don't attract, and aren't attracted to, kooks and abusers. Read books on how to date wisely. Good luck.

Well, after 7 years, I'd certainly give couples therapy another go, depending. And this time give it a lengthier time. But is she worth this effort? Does she care for you when you're sick? Does she ever do anything to benefit you to make your life easier? Does she contribute her fair share of finances and chores within the household? I don't know what you mean by pennies in the bank and her own well-being. Maybe you can expand on that. Do you live with your parents?

When people come with a warning label, read it very carefully and don't convince yourself to stick around because you think you can handle short-term, fluffy, no-strings fun. If you could, you wouldn't be taking the time to get answers by seeking a key to unlock another's brain on this forum. People who issue these warnings do not want to put in the effort a serious relationship requires. After they get the intimacy they want at the beginning of a relationship, when it gets to the point he's sensing the woman will want to go to the next level, it's time for him to bail. He can then be seeking out his next temporary target. He cares not one iota for you, because he's trying to keep you dangling, like an oxygen starved fished, from his line that he will NEVER reel in. Block him on all social media. If he does ever manage to contact you and intrude on your closure, ignore him. People usually get tired of communicating with a non-willing participant, and will stop, unless they are crazy stalkers. And it doesn't matter if he ever improves in life to be a good partner to someone else. If so great, but he is no longer your concern and NOBODY is worth waiting around for, wishing and hoping he will someday be a good partner for you. You're in the drivers seat, so steer your life in the way you want it to go. Learn from this experience so that you don't repeat a pattern in who you choose to date. Good luck.

So many dealbreakers. A list of many. I don't know what you mean by got your own house, if you bought or rent. If you're living beyond your means and need another's finances and can't afford transport for the disabled, then you'll have to downsize and live within your means. Clearly, he's not a good partner. He shows in his actions that he doesn't love you. Good luck in your studies and creating the life you desire.

Even as she ignored you, criticized you, failed to give you affection, it never once occurred to you that you didn't want to be with someone who treated you like this. Although you probably won't admit it to yourself, you have poor self esteem. People who suffer from this subconsciously choose, and stay with, people who treat them poorly, because that's what they think they deserve. It just feels right. And a person like this who dates a together person might sabotage that relationship, feeling something is "off." I'm going to guess you're attracted to a bad dynamic. Even if you pooh-pooh this idea, what could it hurt to work on boosting your self-esteem? Give it a shot, and maybe you will all of a sudden see other women who will be a better match as more appealing. Never settle with those excuses that the few other ladies you went on dates with didn't do it for you, so you should continue on with a toxic person because you have chemistry with her. Dating is a numbers game. You have to date a boatload to find someone who matches you in every major way. Expand on the ways you can meet women. Meet up groups, volunteer work, dance lessons or other new hobbies. Good luck.

I don't see that walking away was done so easily. She stayed for 7 years. By the point you wanted to fix things when you saw things as dire, all the problems had already killed all the love she'd once had, and to her, it was too late. Within so many days of texting, I as a woman, if interested would think: He made the effort to reconnect. Perhaps we've both grown and now know how to be better partners. Let me get to the bottom of this, since he seems shy about broaching the subject. Do we want to give this another shot? Doesn't sound like that happened. As for me, I've never once gone back with an ex. I'd rather risk my heart on someone new. But if you're intent on giving this a go, ask her to meet if she wants to discuss dating. I'd lay it all out there, because that's what you want. But only if you can treat it as a fresh slate, a wait-and-see attitude, just as you would with someone new. Enjoy each moment as enjoying someone's company in the present, without projecting to the future. A final note: Very often, when one is not happy in the present, one often looks to the past to find it there. There are some successes in that area, but they are in the minority. If you want to gamble with the odds stacked against you, go for it.

IMO, once you've crossed the line from friendship to romance, it's usually not wise to return to friendship. Eventually you will want to get serious with a wonderful lady, and she won't appreciate you communicating and hanging out with a woman you once wanted more from. And women are intuitive, so she'll know there is something different about that friendship, and you also shouldn't keep secrets about such things, so it's best not to put yourself in that situation. Tell her for your own good, you will be losing each other's numbers. She doesn't need an in-depth discussion about it or a reason. She doesn't need any explanation at all. It's none of her concern, as you are in each others' pasts.

Her bad marriage doesn't ethically give you a free pass to enter an emotional affair. If something is unethical and unhealthy, it's like believing the Rumpelstiltskin story that you can spin gold from straw. Something good coming out of something bad is never going to happen. If she was a mature, together lady, she wouldn't have started another relationship before ending her main one. And emotional affairs can be just as harmful as physical ones. If you wouldn't want their spouse to be a fly on the wall, and privy to what you two said, then it's plain wrong. As long as you don't see what you did is wrong and hold hope she will one day be ready to give her heart fully to you, you'll be bound to repeat the same pattern. Your strong feelings for her makes you see her in a false positive light. We as impartial observers see her without rose-colored glasses, so really listen to this advice which will go against your your faulty instincts.