boltnrun

She waited years for you to make changes but you didn't. Now that she's gone you suddenly want to change? She may view it as too little too late. You didn't appreciate who you had until she was gone. Keep up the good work on your health. It's good for you even if she does not choose to reconcile.

If I feel the need to go to the extreme of checking the receipts of his parents for card numbers the relationship is already doomed. Do you have good reason to distrust him? If so, why bother to stay in the relationship?

I had no boyfriends in high school. I also was a virgin until I was 18 and in college. Nothing was "wrong", that's just how it worked out.

Just because someone becomes interested in someone else doesn't mean you did anything "wrong". There have been guys interested in me who were perfectly nice, even attractive, but for whatever reason I felt drawn to someone else. The right young woman will choose you, just as you will choose her. And it won't be someone who exclusively communicates with you online.

We can't know "why", we can only speculate. If you never find out "why", can you still move on?

So what is it you're getting out of this relationship? You say sex is non-existent, she's been horrible to you for months and before that she greatly reduced the amount of time you two spent together due to her horse hobby and other interests. It can't just be because she got a puppy and said you two can "share" it.

I'm so sorry. I had to have my girl kitty put down about 2 1/2 years ago. I still miss her every day.

Apparently it's no longer common practice for medical professionals to actually examine you anymore! She didn't put a hand on me. Not once. However...she was aghast the other (bad) doctor I saw didn't order an A1C test along with the blood glucose. Well, that's because that other doctor didn't believe me! She thought I was making it all up until she saw the test results. So this one ordered an A1C test. Also ordered a sleep study. She thinks I may be exhausted all the time because I might have sleep apnea.

When I met my husband (in college, we lived in the same dorm), we had many in person conversations prior to getting romantically involved. Of course that was before cell phones and the wheel and fire were invented 😆, but I guess that would be the stone age equivalent of a text or phone conversation before deciding to meet and date. Same with other men I've had relationships with. Multiple phone and in person conversations before it turned romantic/physical. And I didn't find any of them on a dating site but rather met them in other ways, primarily at events we both participated in. I met one boyfriend because his dad's company was a vendor of the company I worked for and he came by frequently to do business. If I were dating nowadays using a dating site I would want a phone convo before meeting. However I don't plan to use dating sites when I am eventually ready to date. I'll probably go to events and join activity groups.

What doesn't fit into the potential medical diagnosis theory is her mother saying she's always been like this. However it is entirely possible she has some undiagnosed medical condition. It's good she is under the care of a doctor.

Sorry, but this sounds like an excuse to keep seeing her. Let me give you a heads up on what's likely to happen. You'll insist you still need to see the puppy. So you ask her to let you see it. She may fight you on this until she sees it as a golden opportunity. She might act as sweet as she was in the beginning to get you to soften towards her. She may even entice you into having some mind blowing sex. Then when she thinks she has you hooked again she'll go back to being the real her. You'll be hoping somehow it'll all work out so you'll stick around. Maybe even do things for her to get her to be nice again. But it's a game to her. She's either a really awful person or she's got something wrong with her that convinces her you deserve this treatment. So she'll keep it up until you're such a mess you can't tell which way is up. Ask me how I know this, BTW. There was a thread that got deleted here because it was too upsetting. But it was written by a man who also couldn't pull himself away from a toxic woman because he was convinced he "loved" her and that he could somehow find a way to get her to be nice to him again. Let's just say it ended very badly. With the thousands of women in the world, why attach yourself to a toxic one? If you really want a pet, look into how you can move somewhere that allows pets.

Someone I know has 6,000 Facebook friends. In fact, he had to go to Facebook tech support and ask them to allow him to add more friends because they put a limit at 3,000 or something. No way can he be close to 6,000 people, but I guess he likes seeing a big number or something. I always had a lot of friends but I define "a lot" as maybe two dozen. Not hundreds! Now, as an older lady, I have a handful of close friends. I tend to value my family more now that I'm older. As for romantic relationships, I've dialed back on those as well, especially since I had some form of connection from age 18 to age 48-ish, with hardly a break in between. I am not pursuing that currently although in time that could change. I enjoy doing things alone as well as with one or two friends or family members. So in summary, I think it's OK to take some time to reflect on what it is you really want from interpersonal connections. Just try to make sure you're not actually withdrawing due to depression or any other health issues.

I'm curious, how did you go about telling the man during the phone call that you didn't want to meet him?

Abusive people never act abusive in the beginning. If they did they would never get anyone to agree to be in a relationship with them. And it works like a charm. You're emotionally attached to her so you're hoping to "understand" her behavior so you can give yourself permission to remain in the relationship. Bipolar? Depressed? Stressed? BPD? Not her fault, she's "hurting", and that means you can't leave her because what kind of monster leaves a woman when she's in such pain? It's all calculated BS to get you to stick around so she can continue to enjoy berating you. Yes, she does too enjoy it! That's precisely why she does it. Alternatively, she could just be acting so badly so she can get you to leave her. Maybe she met someone at her horse stable hobby or at work or in her neighborhood or whatever. And she doesn't want to be the "bad guy". She gets you to breakup with her and she gets to lament about how she just doesn't know why you left wonderful little her! Neither of these possibilities sounds warm and fuzzy, do they? If you don't like being treated this way you have the option to leave the relationship. Again, you are not required to remain in a relationship with anyone. You are free to go.

😆

It doesn't matter if her behavior is "normal" or why she's an insufferable PITA to be around. All that matters is, do you want to commit to a lifetime of this? If not, please realize it's not mandatory for you to remain in a relationship with anyone let alone someone who inflicts misery on everyone around her. You can leave at any time.

Do you think it's your fault he treats you poorly?

I can't believe they didn't even tell you. I would be furious if I had given up my previous home and packed everything up and moved it all only to find out the house didn't even have the basics. One time when I moved they installed a new toilet that same day but that was no big deal. The guy was finishing up when I got there.

Ugh, moving and then getting settled in is always such a nightmare. Add in long distance and it quadruples. It would have been nice if you had been notified ahead of time the house wasn't ready!

I agree that "required" wasn't the right word for me to use. Maybe "preferable"? Or "wiser"? My cousin has been with her partner for over 25 years. They own two homes together. They are not married. I think buying separate properties hasn't even occurred to them. But their commitment to one another is clear and obvious. OP, based on what you've written your boyfriend's commitment to your future together doesn't match yours. You say he mentions being together but has he said "Yes, I intend for us to get married"? If he told you he wants to buy separate properties and he won't commit to marrying you, would you choose to remain in this relationship?

I don't know that it's required to be married to purchase property together. I never wanted to get married (but did, and then got divorced 15 years later!) but I have always wanted to own a home. Sadly, I have never accomplished this. However, it seems like you do indeed want to get married to your boyfriend. Do you feel that buying a home together is a progressive step that will lead to marriage? If so, I agree that it isn't really a great idea, especially since there doesn't seem to be any concrete plans to get married. I would definitely confirm with your boyfriend that a marriage is going to happen. And if he waffles or deflects or says "someday", I advise you don't proceed with buying a property together.

If they hassle me about not completing my trainings I'll just tell them I planned to complete them on April 31st. I received drawings from the outsourced engineering firm years ago at a different job. The drawings were all date stamped "February 31st". 🙄😆🤣

Someone in the EHS department sent an email notifying us that training classes have been assigned and the due date is April 31st. 🤣😆

Just for the record, I didn't know he was smoking crack when I got into a relationship with him. About a year and change in there was an incident and that was when he confessed to me. I thought about it for a while and then I decided I just couldn't have someone like that around my child. I loved him but I'm a mom and that has to come first. He never mistreated me. He actually was pretty good to me even though he apparently was using drugs. But I just couldn't be around him. Drugs=bad.