boltnrun

When I was in the wrong relationship with the wrong man I felt as you do. When I was in a good, healthy relationship I didn't feel that way. I think what you're struggling with is how to determine if he is in fact a lying, shady gaslighter or if it's just your projection. However, you say you're usually right whenever you have suspicions, so... I just hated living that way. And I've decided to never live that way again because it's bad for my mental health.

Also look into codependency. This is when you are so focused on trying to "help" others you do things that can actually harm yourself emotionally, financially, even physically (health). This is done out of fear of being unloved or forgotten. You are not required to finance this man's poor choices.

My friend has a master's degree in communications. She was a television news anchor (yes, on TV!). The dirty little secret is, those jobs do not pay well at all. I think she was making $14 an hour. As an anchor! She quit and got a job writing reports for a government agency. She's making a TON more money now. You act as though getting a job to pay the bills is beneath you. That's fine as long as someone else is financing you. But you say you have no money to go out, so...not sure how this is supposed to work out. Decide your priorities, then take action to work toward your goal. If making it as a blogger is your goal, be prepared to be low on money for a while.

Are you trying to get your husband to act loving toward you?

And who chose to engage in behavior that got him fired from his job? Who chose to engage in cheating and sneaky behavior that resulted in him losing his wife and his home? HE did. He didn't make a "mistake", he chose this. Just as you are choosing to finance and reward his bad behavior by paying his bills for him. You can feel empathy for people who deserve it. But this man? Got what he figuratively asked for. He hasn't suddenly realized he loves you so darn much, BTW. He wants your money. Period. I still strongly recommend you change your number and block him from contacting you.

Hypocrites! Don't go around lecturing people about following the teachings of Christ and warning that naturally occurring phenomena are the result of God punishing us when YOU ran around banging your personal trainers and others while married. Just stop it. Deep breath... I'm looking forward to this weekend. Hopefully the weather will be nice enough for me to get outside and breathe some nice fresh air. Also got to get training for my upcoming 5k!

Change your number. Seriously. Why allow him access to your money AND your emotions? Please don't tell us "but I LOVE him!"

Excellent. Let him carry on sleeping around at work and with his exes or whoever else. It doesn't have to be your problem anymore. I do highly recommend you get STI tested. I know women who have contracted STIs from their cheating spouses or partners.

I can't say if she has a personality disorder (impossible to diagnose via this forum plus it would have to be diagnosed by a medical professional). I can say she acts nasty toward you for whatever reason. Just realize she acts nasty. Be civil but no more nice gifts or favors.

He sees no need to change he his behavior. He gets everything he wants while you? Not so much. Do you two live in his home or in yours? Or is it a shared lease or mortgage?

I doubt they're just fine with their partners cheating on them. They would probably just rather be with a cheater than be single. Which I think is a sad way to live. Again, I know this because I tried to convince myself it wasn't all that important that my ex cheated. I told myself "I'm the 'primary', he travels with me, he spends every weekend with me, his parents and siblings know and love me, that's all that matters." But I was lying to myself. I felt humiliated, degraded and low. I felt terrible about myself. I had constant anxiety. It only went away after he dumped me (yes, HE dumped ME for one of the women he was cheating with). I hope you don't decide to try to be "fine" with the man you love being intimately involved with other women. If in fact he is.

If you keep changing what you want to do career-wise, yes, you will likely struggle. Also, social media or media in general is a really tough industry to get into. You will have to stand out from the tens of thousands of others who are also trying to achieve fame and income from a media presence. It's super competitive. Also, as you know it's not your typical 8-5 job where you can just set it aside until the next morning. You have to HUSTLE, oftentimes all day every day for 10-12 hours a day or more, trying to attract viewers, get sponsors and seek collaborations with more established media personalities. It leaves little time for a social life. Sometimes people have to find a job to pay the bills until they can achieve a guaranteed, reliable income from what is truly their passion. Having a steady paycheck could take some of the pressure off.

Do you honestly feel you are fine with having a relationship with someone you believe cheats on you? You don't feel cheating is something you should have a "huge focus" on? If that's true, and you honestly don't care if the person you're in love with cheats on you, then I guess I don't understand why you would even care who he bought tampons for. Or are you trying to convince yourself you are fine with sharing your emotions and your body with someone who shares those things with other women? How others choose to deal with knowing the person they love cheats on them is irrelevant.

I would stop telling your other family members about how you feel she treats you or reporting mean things she says to you to them. It could come across as you trying to recruit people to your "side". Instead, consider the source. Again, she may secretly envy you your freedom to come and go as you please.

You have said yourself you have chosen to be in a relationship with a man you don't trust. And you also said you believe if you ask him outright why there was a receipt for tampons in his car he will likely lie or gaslight. And THAT is what I'm questioning. Why you would choose to be in a relationship with someone you believe will lie to you or gaslight you. I also asked if you truly believe you can successfully not think about this issue (which you said you would try to do). I also said I have been there and the only resolution came when the relationship ended. Because prior to that I too was doing the Sherlock Holmes routine, which was degrading and exhausting.

Then leave her to it. She will follow her own preferences, not yours. I'm sure if she wants to see you she will let you know. In the meantime you have the ability to have your weekends to yourself to do whatever you choose.

She doesn't seem to want you to "make allowances" for her. In fact it comes across as condescending to tell her "I know you're struggling". It sounds as though you find her defective. Now, her lashing out is not the way to resolve conflicts. But she has asked you for space, not an evaluation and commentary on her behavior or her health. Please resist the temptation to reach out to "check in" on her. If she needs help she will ask.

Perhaps she secretly envies you for being free to do whatever you want.

Is he married or in a relationship? It's extremely common for students to develop crushes on their teachers. What is your social like like? Do you have a friend group? Have you done any dating?

Is someone watching her and reporting back to you?

How successful are you at "trying" not to think about something that obviously upsets you? I read this somewhere: "When you look for trouble you usually find it". I have found this to be true.

If you're reluctant to discuss your concerns with him because you're convinced he'll just lie or gaslight, again...why are you choosing to remain in this relationship? I can't fathom ever again choosing to remain with someone who causes me to feel anxiety, fear or distrust.

My husband was a virgin when we got together. He was 20 years old. I did not look down on him. I loved him.

That sounds like an anxiety producing, stressful way to live. Yeah, I've lived it. My life became exponentially better when I no longer put myself through that.

She waited years for you to make changes but you didn't. Now that she's gone you suddenly want to change? She may view it as too little too late. You didn't appreciate who you had until she was gone. Keep up the good work on your health. It's good for you even if she does not choose to reconcile.