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Thread: LC? NIC? NC? Reconciliation chances? or No?

  1. #1

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    LC? NIC? NC? Reconciliation chances? or No?

    Hello all, I posted here in the Getting Back Together forum, because I want some open minded feedback.

    Female dumper here. I broke up with my ex of 10 months about 22 days ago. I have been in NIC (Not initiating contact)/Low Contact with him because he wanted to stay friends and I think he was heart broken from me dumping him. But so was I from his neglect.

    Reasons for breaking up: Neglect on his part, he kept disappearing on me, and I felt lonely in the relationship. I felt like he prioritized his hobbies over spending time with me. One day I couldn't take it anymore and I said I didn't want to be with him anymore because I felt alone in the relationship.

    So far for the last 22 days, its just been small talk initiated by him "hope you are well" "how are you doing" in which I reply with "I'm good, hope you are well too".

    Honestly though, I do not want to be friends with him. During the relationship, I felt neglected, and this small talk type of deal is driving me insane.

    If he wants to fix things I would be willing to be open to it. But I can't do this small talk LC anymore.

    What should I do? But if I should just disappear into the void, I will do that too.

    He initiated a conversation today with "how are you?"

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Honestly, if you were to get back with him, nothing is to say that you will end up in the same place. He gets you back and things go back to normal.

    My suggestion would be to close the door entirely. Tell him straight up to stop contacting you. It didn't work out so you are trying to move on and you would appreciate being left alone to get on with your life. If he refuses, block him.

    Is this feeling of loneliness something that has happened in other relationship, or just this one? Either way, I woudl suggest not jumping back into a relationship with someone else straight away. Spend some time in your own hobbies, or find some if you don't have any. Get to know yourself for a bit before putting your expectations onto someone new.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You broke up for good reasons. Don't bother with the chitchat. you just wasted another 22 days in addition to several months on a go-nowhere situation.

    Go no contact and delete and block him. You dated long enough to know it didn't work out and you're incompatible. Get off his radar, he doesn't want to get back together. Go no contact so you can move forward and start meeting guys who don't disappear.
    Originally Posted by FreeGirl
    I broke up with my ex of 10 months about 22 days ago
    Reasons for breaking up: Neglect on his part, he kept disappearing on me, and I felt lonely in the relationship. I do not want to be friends with him.

    So far for the last 22 days, its just been small talk initiated by him "hope you are well" "how are you doing" in which I reply with "I'm good, hope you are well too".

  4. #4

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    Yeah but I'm the one who broke it off and want to mend things.
    I talked to him and he said it wasnt the case that he wanted to be away from me. It's how I perceived it which led to me breaking things off.
    In his mind we were going strong but he just wanted space when he went to do his hobbies, but he loved spending time with me.

    I posted in the getting back together because both of us are open to reconciliation.

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  6. #5
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    Post break up friendships mean different things to different people. Here you EX thinks it's a path to reconciliation. You breaking up with him was a wake up call. Now he knows to step up his efforts to pay attention but you no longer want his attention. You are a kind person so you said yes to this "friendship" not fully understanding that he'd use the limited connection to try to persuade you to come back.

    Your version of post break up friendship is more of an I don't want any drama if I bump into you; I'm a civil person so I will be polite but that is about all there will be.

    You are better off fading. Don't respond to the bread crumbs. As you go silent, hopefully he'll get the message

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Just more of the same. He put very little effort into the relationship and now he's putting minimal effort into reconciling.
    What was your motivation for breaking up? Was it that you were really done, or was it to teach him a lesson?
    If you don't want to be his friend, you tell him so. If he wants to reconcile, he knows where to find you.
    But at this point, there is no motivation if he can have easy access to you at a reduced capacity.

  8. #7
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    "How are you doing" is not exactly scintillating conversation, is it? Or very original.

    Perhaps he bought one of those "Get your ex back, guaranteed!!!!" programs. If he suddenly vanishes off your text list for exactly 30 days, you'll know he did.

    I would ask him to please stop with the texts (unless he stops on his own). You can be civil without several times a week meaningless texts.

  9. #8

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    Okay sorry but we're in the process of reconciliation right now. Initiated by him.

    I guess there's no real actual formula to getting back together with an ex

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Did you tell him your reason for the breakup? If not, why not, and if so, what was his response?

    Breakups are not a great way to fix anything. If you want to move on, just stop responding to crumbs.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok that's a great reason to break up. Now stop all communication.
    Originally Posted by FreeGirl
    One day I couldn't take it anymore and I said I didn't want to be with him anymore because I felt alone in the relationship.

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