Does “I’m not seeing other people” automatically = exclusive?

Been seeing someone for a little while now, coming up to 2months. i was very open and said I wasn’t seeing anyone else (about 2weeks ago)- multidating isn’t my my thing! He said he wasn’t either.

Since then I had gone back on tinder because I panicked myself into thinking perhaps I was putting all my eggs into one basket. My question is - does saying ‘i’m not seeing other people’ automatically put the exclusive label on? neither of us said “i’m seeing no one else....nor do i want to” so I assumed by him saying that it could change at any time. I haven’t actually met anyone either and quickly deleted my account again as I realised I’m being stupid - I like him, why deny myself that! Should i feel guilt or is this normal? Is another chat needed?

No, I don’t think “I’m not seeing anyone else” means they are not open to it if the situation presents itself. It just means they are currently not seeing anyone else. I find it odd, though, that the exclusive question was not the next question in the conversation. It’s like you had a half a conversation lol!

I don’t think you need to feel guilty, but I do think you need to finish the conversation so that you are on the same page and know the best way to proceed...

Maybe you are putting all your eggs in one basket if he doesn’t want to be exclusive. Maybe you would be throwing something away or not giving it the attention it deserves unnecessarily...

I think you should finish the conversation.

He likely isn’t seeing anyone else , but that doesn’t mean he isn’t looking.

Your comment that you were not seeing anyone else also does not imply that you are not looking.

It is not a good sign that he simply replied no . If he was invested he would say of course not , I’m interested in you,

But it’s ok that he didn’t say that because he only met you 8 weeks ago.

If you want to know where you stand with him, ask him?

In a light hearted way.

Tell him you are interested enough to continue to see him and would like if it was exclusive until you guys see if any compatibility.

Stop guessing and start communicating.

If you are on tinder then you are not and do not want to be exclusive. Is that where you met him? Make up your mind about him and if you want to be exclusive speak up. Be specific and explicit. Never assume anything. The exclusive talk often happens when things get physical.

Been seeing someone for a little while now, coming up to 2months.

Since then I had gone back on tinder because I panicked myself into thinking perhaps I was putting all my eggs into one basket.

I would err on the side of that meaning right now he is not and he's not closing off options for the future. I had the exclusive talk typically months before we had sex -the one time it was connected to the sex talk was the one time it was obvious he wasn't that into me as far as a commitment -it was more about sexual monogamy than that.

I know of people who met their spouses and exclusive partners through Tinder.

If you are on tinder then you are not and do not want to be exclusive. Is that where you met him? Make up your mind about him and if you want to be exclusive speak up. Be specific and explicit. Never assume anything. The exclusive talk often happens when things get physical.

I know it seems that way but I really do. I just have a habit of getting ahead of myself and was wroried that was what i was doing here again so needed to slow my pace

Proceeding and making decisions at your comfort level is never wrong, as long as you're reasonable. And if you're being intimate or not will also come into play as far as those decisions go. I, myself, have always felt that exclusivity was a must-have before becoming intimate with someone, as I'm not into sleeping with someone who is free to also sleep with someone else.

If you're afraid of losing someone by speaking your mind, don't be. You will only lose them if they are not compatible with you on how you like to date. If that's the case, you will be free to find someone who is a better match for you.

I know when I dated, I stopped dating someone because he said it would take him a really long time to decide on being exclusive with someone, and he liked to multi-date. I held out for someone who liked to concentrate on dating one person at a time, as did I, and we've now been married for 8 years.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Proceeding and making decisions at your comfort level is never wrong, as long as you're reasonable. And if you're being intimate or not will also come into play as far as those decisions go. I, myself, have always felt that exclusivity was a must-have before becoming intimate with someone, as I'm not into sleeping with someone who is free to also sleep with someone else.

 

If you're afraid of losing someone by speaking your mind, don't be. You will only lose them if they are not compatible with you on how you like to date. If that's the case, you will be free to find someone who is a better match for you.

 

I know when I dated, I stopped dating someone because he said it would take him a really long time to decide on being exclusive with someone, and he liked to multi-date. I held out for someone who liked to concentrate on dating one person at a time, as did I, and we've now been married for 8 years.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Love this advice. Thank you.

This is all normal and healthy, in my opinion, including the spazzy Tinder relapse. I’d see that all as a healthy step toward becoming more serious, well paced at 8 weeks.

My question for you is: Do you think you went back on Tinder because something in your gut is telling you he’s not serious about things, or because you were just panicked, jittery in the uncertainty? Aside from the inevitable nerves about all this, is there anything giving you the impression that he is ambivalent?

I ask because I think the ideal in all these steps toward exclusivity is that they come from a place of connection and curiosity, not fear and insecurity. You want it to be a celebration of a shared feeling, you know? Ideally, at least in my opinion, the famed “exclusive” talk is almost sweetly redundant when it happens—a label being put on something that has been the case for a bit.

No. Why don't you ask him where he sees the relationship.

Oh brother. Why people feel the need to bear their sole to someone they are dating and turn them off is beyond me. Keep your mouth shut and go on with your life.

If you want to get something off your chest, tell it to a counselor. Stop sabotaging your relationships.

Never assume anything before it's clearly spelled out to you. In my opinion "I'm not seeing anyone" doesn't automatically mean that you're exclusive. Many people don't like multidating so they won't be seeing several people at the same time ("I'm not seeing anyone" ) but if exclusivity hasn't been explicitly discussed, it doesn't mean that they're not opened to be with someone else if the chance comes along naturally or that they want to pursue an actual relationship with you. Many people like the comfort of having just one person there to date and not be chasing others, but it's not enough (yet) to be in an actual committed relationship.

I don't like multidating either and will usually date a man at a time, but I've learned to not put all the eggs in one basket by learning to never assume anything if it's not clearly said and demonstrated with actions.

Oh brother. Why people feel the need to bear their sole to someone they are dating and turn them off is beyond me. Keep your mouth shut and go on with your life.

 

 

If you want to get something off your chest, tell it to a counselor. Stop sabotaging your relationships.

How is being honest with your feelings a bad thing? playing games is dumb!

How is being honest with your feelings a bad thing? playing games is dumb!

It's not about honesty. It's about choosing to share feelings or choosing to keep them private. Certainly if someone asks how you feel and you want to share, you don't lie -but you always have the option of saying "that's a personal question and I'm not comfortable sharing." You chose to share your feelings about whether you two were on the same page as far as dating - it wouldn't be playing a game at all to choose to wait to bring that up or to never bring it up. It is playing a game with yourself if you tell yourself that he means to be exclusive with you instead of asking him what he meant.

Like you wrote -you chose to be "open" about your views on multi-dating and about your feelings- that's different from being "honest" and it's an important distinction because people often justify oversharing or saying something inappropriate with "I was just being honest." I don't think you overshared - you wanted to know where you stood with this person.

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