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Thread: Making sense of the nonsense

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by asalways
    You know the one thing I can't find online is, videos of actual dates which I can learn from. Machine learning is exactly that, and I see no reason not to learn from people who already know how to do it.
    Anyone have any URLs to share of such media?
    Here in the UK, we have a weekly TV show called 'First Dates'. It basically follows ordinary people going on blind dates to a 'First Dates Restaurant'. It's really interesting to see what they talk about, how they relate to one another, how some people come across as warm, others cold, what they say / do that sometimes upsets / offends the other person. If you can find the episodes online in your country (here they're available for free on the Channel 4 on demand website), they're well worth a watch.

    Some really good advice in this thread btw. I can somewhat associate myself with the first post (frustration with repeated dating knockbacks, getting over-invested too early) so I've been reading the responses really thoroughly (even copying and pasting a few quotes that really resonated into a Word doc to go on the wall of my office at home )

  2. #42
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    My suggestions are -you both are obligated to keep up your half of the conversation. But, do 80% listening and 20% talking. Ask good and not prying follow up questions about her interests. Make good eye contact. Be on time or a little early.

  3. #43
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    Your anger and resentment screams out from your post.

    No need to go further until you do something about it. The problem is you, not women. Don't shoot the messenger.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    Here in the UK, we have a weekly TV show called 'First Dates'. It basically follows ordinary people going on blind dates to a 'First Dates Restaurant'. It's really interesting to see what they talk about, how they relate to one another, how some people come across as warm, others cold, what they say / do that sometimes upsets / offends the other person. If you can find the episodes online in your country (here they're available for free on the Channel 4 on demand website), they're well worth a watch.

    Some really good advice in this thread btw. I can somewhat associate myself with the first post (frustration with repeated dating knockbacks, getting over-invested too early) so I've been reading the responses really thoroughly (even copying and pasting a few quotes that really resonated into a Word doc to go on the wall of my office at home )
    Hey that's great, I'll look it up to see if I can watch it. Absolutely, and thanks for sharing your experience as well.

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by Sportster2005
    Your anger and resentment screams out from your post.

    No need to go further until you do something about it. The problem is you, not women. Don't shoot the messenger.
    Yeah, I realize that, and I'm doing it. The answers are incredibly easy:

    1) Don't confuse "dating" with "meeting new people"
    2) Don't take "dating" so seriously
    3) Forget about spending any real money and giving gifts until you are sure that the other person is the one
    4) Don't overlook red flags and conform to the other person if your gut tells you to run away
    5) And repeat #2 as much as possible

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    My suggestions are -you both are obligated to keep up your half of the conversation. But, do 80% listening and 20% talking. Ask good and not prying follow up questions about her interests. Make good eye contact. Be on time or a little early.
    Right on! And if it fails, it fails. I had a date once where I felt no different from a clown with a red nose on my face; No matter what I said, asked, etc - the response was the deer in the headlights look and more silence.
    Kevin Hart couldn't save that date, so instead of further burying myself, I should have just got up and left. So lesson learned there as well.

  8. #47
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    Ha! You got it. You know BC was spot on. When I first read your post, I was hesitant about responding. I expected an angry defensive reaction to any constructive criticism. The person that you actually are, I'm here sitting thinking I'd love to go on a date with. What a difference in a wonderful way. Show it and let it shine is all I have to say. Definitely don't seek to pretzel yourself into whatever your dates want, but rather seek to see if they are actually a fit for you. Relax, have fun, enjoy the journey.

    Your "gotta" story reminded me of a date I had some years back. He invited me to this complete hole in the wall, excellent food though, and then proceeded to lecture me on table etiquette and yammer on about how it's important to him that his woman is a lady, he is looking for a lady. So here is this pretentious , looking down his nose at me, giving me a lecture on table etiquette which he is completely wrong about, while we are sitting in a sketchy looking hole in the wall, eating finger food that he is trying to stab with a fork. The absurdity of the situation wasn't lost on me. It was pretty hard not burst out laughing in his face. The craziest part is that he was shocked that I declined another date with him and demanded to know why. I mean..... dates like that, you just have to laugh and move on. They make for hilarious stories with friends.

    When you do meet the right person, it's just easy. The conversation flows, you feel comfortable around each other, you have fun, you laugh, you both look forward to seeing each other again. It's not work and any misunderstandings are easily talked about and cleared up. You won't see eye to eye on everything, but you can easily respect each others differences, understand each other. You don't have to pretzel, pretend, or wear a mask around them. You can both be yourselves, flaws and all.

  9. #48
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    Thank you for the kind words! With the way my perspectives were misaligned for so long, I totally understand how my thinking sounded. You know how it is, wake up to the same negativity and go to sleep with the same negativity, and slowly but surely, it will become fact for a person.
    +1 on your table etiquette story, and how you handled that.
    Exactly, I think having to use a triple filter with another person in a getting-to-know / dating situation creates a lot of undue pressure, and drowns out the whole motivation and positivity from the situation.

  10. #49
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    How did your dates go this weekend asalways?

    I've just set up a journal to chronicle my dating experiences in the Journals sub-forum - if you were interested in doing the same, it'd be good. We're both in a similar situation i.e. both male, similar age and we're both working on similar dating 'issues' if you like - so it'd be interesting to be able to follow your progress. No worries if not though, just an idea

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    How did your dates go this weekend asalways?

    I've just set up a journal to chronicle my dating experiences in the Journals sub-forum - if you were interested in doing the same, it'd be good. We're both in a similar situation i.e. both male, similar age and we're both working on similar dating 'issues' if you like - so it'd be interesting to be able to follow your progress. No worries if not though, just an idea
    Thanks for checking in Ian4996, I think it's a good idea. Let me do that now.

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