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Everything posted by asalways

  1. asalways

    Red flags

    Man, what you're experiencing has been rinsed and repeated so much that it's listed in the dictionary under "beating a dead horse". Don't worry, I was young and naive once too. You're doing the right thing for questioning all this. 99.999% she is done with you, she just don't have the decency to tell you; and it's so much more fun to mess with your head and keep you hanging on then just tell you outright. She's spending time with her friends, but she can't find 5 minutes to communicate with you beyond a few words over text. That seals the deal, anything else is just making meatballs. Do
  2. Must be a local thing, for a relationship to even start in this situation, because in the Northeast US region, a guy living with his parents is a big red flag, and interacting with his parents on a daily basis, is an almost guaranteed let's just be friends. And no one cares about the details, it's the finish that counts. Disregard the 4 years thing, none of that matters, people come and go without skipping a beat. If you are going to go start dating anew, either move to an area where you can afford to live by yourself, or do something, because I'm telling you, no one cares about the why, it'
  3. I can sense a lot of engulfment and urgency in your writing, and I learned a long time ago, don't play with your mind. The mind is one fragile and delicate thing, and while others may joke and he-he, ha-ha about obsessions and thoughts, they won't be laughing if they're sitting in front of a $400 / hour psychiatrist. So, if I were you, I'd resolve this quickly, and go one way, or the other. Letting this linger is the absolute, worst possible thing you can do. Whatever happens, don't let this hurt your work, since you mention work, because then the situation can just spiral out of control.
  4. In my neck of the woods, living with parents yields an automatic rejection 99% of the time. This used to get on my nerves and I would counter that with "My parents live with me", because I paid the full ride for the whole household. Actually, interacting with parents was and is still frowned upon in my community; but it's all good when these geniuses get fired and have 1000 dollars to their name and then come quietly crawling back to their parents' house. I live alone now, my own house, my own everything, but I won't lie, being looked upon as a victim degenerate for living in the same house
  5. Man, ghost her and keep it moving. If she gets smart, tell her that you'll take night classes in high order mathematics if you want to get tested.
  6. What did the OP say that would elicit such a response? Really, enlighten me, a guy mentions nothing about anything sexual and then your question comes out of the blue.
  7. Focus on surroundings, like tell her look at that guy dancing, that's so cool, look at her shoes, they're shiny, look at that painting, it has so many colors, etc. Whatever happens, do not under any circumstances talk about anything 9th grade level and up. If you do, you will be "too serious", "too intense", and you won't generate "any spark." Since I don't drink alcohol, I can't kill a bunch of brain cells in prep of doing all this, so what I do, is I just concentrate on something else so only a part of my brain is engaged. Small tangent, why do you think that these days, grown men watc
  8. After a lot of experience with this, this one is easy as day for me. Texting is for when you want to buy a used washer and dryer on Craigslist and you don't want to spend 30 minutes chit-chatting with the dude, you just need a price, yes, no, bye. Texting carries with it a power game - who texted who first, how long are the texts, how long did it take to answer, etc. etc. I'm meeting multiple people right now, I don't call it dating anymore, and the only texts I send are of the form can I call you at x oclock. I do that because a straight up phone call out of the blue with 10 people around
  9. Agreed, a change of scenery is definitely in the works in terms of my social circle. Thanks!
  10. Sad to say, those were the exact words, that's why they stuck to me so hard. You guys bring up great points about expanding my social circle. I think that's the whole problem, I've been circling around the same tired people. Exactly, why did they give me all these comments without actually doing something that will help me by giving me actual contacts, is a great question. Honestly, I never thought about the fact that the people they'd recommend, could be coming from the same mindset. So why I even kept pushing the subject with these people, that's on me, I should not have. One thing you
  11. Agreed, I could pick someone apart inside and out if I wanted to, I never have. That's generally good advice, to never give advice on such matters as body image and such unless asked for it.
  12. You raise good points, the reason why I am so sensitive to other opinions is there is the mantra of "we like you for who you are, just be yourself" which then turns into "but you should do this, that and the other". That's a good coin metaphor, 2 sides to the story. It's not just the hair thing, I've had this happen to me for a very long time. Even at 25, I've had women tell me how nice my arms and calves are, but that stomach, what a disgrace. So I took care of that, and then came the gold and jewelry I like to wear, yuck, that's so gross and conceited. And now the hair lol, so yeah, it'
  13. Classic beta nice-guy mistake, don't worry, I've been there too. First mistake - giving gifts and paying for the restaurant before establishing the relationship. Despite popular opinion, this is not being a gentleman, this is being needy, desperate and pathetic. Your no-contact move, good choice, you're getting warmer. But don't post the pictures and updates for the sake of her checking in on you, remember - we live in a disposable society; people throw each other way all the time, people don't know what they want, today it's this, tomorrow it's that, the next day they are sorry. Life is t
  14. Thanks for all the replies. It's full bodied, thick, and well brushed. No pony tail or anything like that, but if I were to put a label on it, sure, it's more of an 70's look than it is from today. I looked up famous people who have my hairstyle, and Adam Brody is a good match, to give you reference. Who do I hear this from? Women who are in my social circle where in the majority their husbands and significant others fall into the bald / thinning hair category. Perhaps my circle is so small that I don't have enough of a sample size to make a clear judgement call. Their comments roll in wh
  15. Hello! Interesting question about hairstyle. Compared to the people I know and see around me and my social networks, at 38 years, my full head of hair is beyond what the other guys I know can even hope for. They're balding, half-balding, thin-haired, etc. Yet, I've heard comments that I should cut my hair shorter. Is this just another example of people being jealous of me or is having a nice full head of hair not cool anymore? I'm proud of my hair, I'm not going to change that for anyone, but I'm curious - is the current style of short hair cuts a result of actual style or is it because m
  16. These are modern, progressive times. According to the latest trends and my experience on this topic, according to the young people, the only communication healthy, normal adults should have with their parents is "hi dad, hi mom, bye mom, bye dad" on 4 major holidays a year. Anything more is viewed as creepy, weird, abnormal.
  17. Went on another date with someone new, and when the check came, she started staring at me. So I stared at her back. She rolled her eyes and I told her it's 2019, not 1989. We split the check and needless to say, that was the end of it. This was the first time in my life where I didn't pay the full way, and it was empowering! Had she said she was short of money, etc., I would have paid, but this blatant expectation business is so over with for me. Wanted to share this here, because if this helps another man regain his confidence or his inner strength, then I'm all for it!
  18. I like the way you started with the language of "meetings" versus "dates". That's exactly right. Unless two people are on the same page, it's not a date. Next, I wouldn't even spend 1 second of my time on these people. Unless they got arrested and went to prison for whatever number of months and are now out, there is no reason they should even be messaging you in the first place. Let's call it what it is - they threw you away, it ends right there. Why would anyone possibly give someone a second chance after being thrown away? You know how many people circulate in the dating world, or meeti
  19. My logic is very simple. Life is too short, make the best of it. Fail fast and keep it moving. In my experience, in dating and relationships, people are thrown away quicker than dirty paper towels. Don't take anything serious unless you're 100% that she is serious. And no, "your eyes are pretty" and "I miss you" don't count. Unless you're having sex, she's prioritizing you over other obligations, and other such things, don't take anything to heart. I don't know your particular situation, I don't know if she did all these things, but if she didn't, then it's a done deal, no point in even th
  20. Agreed, I have to admit I wasn't ready with any good tactful exit strategies. Yours is a good one. Thick skin is right!
  21. Excellent point about the Sopranos, and the comment makes sense about a lot of such issues, call them controversial issues. Kind of like a Democrats/Republicans thing, or any opposing entities dynamic. Reason why I like to bring out the Sopranos is it gives me a gauge about how sensitive a woman is, because it leads to not taking jokes and making me feel like I have to filter my speech and thinking. Maybe the two aren't related, I have to think about that, it's a valid point. Agreed, I could have treated this differently, as in, sure I'd never see these people again, but why not try out
  22. Thanks! True, agreed, my thinking was I'll never see this person again so there is nothing to lose. But whether I like it or not, this kind of reaction does raise my blood pressure, and it serves me no good. thanks for the feedback!
  23. Done, posted. In summary, I ended the dates pretty quickly; there was no interest or mutual understanding, so instead of conforming to whatever they had in their mind, I left. It's a good feeling, to be empowered, and not have to debase myself to make someone else happy.
  24. It's difficult to find actual dating details instead of hypothetical discussions, and this is a great forum for actual details. So I'm doing a journal. I crossed the path in my life where I would bend over backwards, changing myself to no end to make a woman happy, and these 2 dates were the first example of that. 8/3 - Met a girl introduced by a family friend, at a Starbucks. Did 10 minutes of general chit chat and then starting talked about hobbies, vacations, sports, but I all I kept getting were 3 word answers. In the past, I'd keep going and going, but about 20 minutes into the whole
  25. Thanks for checking in Ian4996, I think it's a good idea. Let me do that now.
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