Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21

Thread: How to Handle Needy Ex-Boyfriend

  1. #1
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    187
    Gender
    Female

    How to Handle Needy Ex-Boyfriend

    Okay, so our relationship ended over two years ago. It wasn't a dramatic break up, or anything like that, I would just say that we have just reached our expiration date. There were no hard feelings, we still talked every now and again.

    Fast forward to present day. I have moved on with my life and I am not at all attracted to my ex. And to be brutally honest (since this is the internet and I can do that here), I don't really enjoy his company. Part of the reason why we broke up was because we had nothing in common and our relationship was so dull. He's a sweet guy, don't get me wrong, but we should have remained friends. A relationship should have never happened, but we tried it, and that's in the past now. We hang out once and a while. Maybe once or twice a year. Contact is very minimal.

    Here's the meat and potatoes of the situation. The other day, my ex started freaking out about his health. His friend recently died from illness, his other friend also got diagnosed with cancer and his mom had to go to the hospital. This caused my ex to look at his health and freak out. He refused to go to the doctors. I honestly think he's over reacting (but I applaud him for making positive healthy changes) but now he think he's next in line to get sick. He confided in me because he's lonely. He doesn't get out, he looks down on himself; I can empathize because I too have that problem. So I made it a point to call a little more to see how he was doing/feeling. I agreed to go over his house for a movie. I just wanted to be a good friend after he confided in me.

    He made it extremely uncomfortable by squeezing my leg on occasion. would try to make it known that I didn't like that by moving my leg, but he would ignore that. I left and thanked him for his time. Now, he's been texting me all throughout the week for weeks. He keeps asking me to hang out. At first I would say no back to back, but now, I won't even respond. Yet every single day without fail he'll have a full fledged conversation with himself. I'm starting to get annoyed, but I don't want to be a jerk. How do I tell him to chill out without being a jerk. I know he's lonely, but I can't be the only person he talks to.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    642
    Gender
    Female
    You opened the door to all of this communication.

    The quick way to solve this is to simply not be available for texting. If you don't text him back, maybe he'll get the message.

    Or you can just send him an email that goes something like this: "Dear Henry, I don't think it's a good idea for us to be constantly texting with each other and hanging out. When we broke up, we both realized that we weren't right for each other. I think it's time for you to move on and seek companionship elsewhere. Take care of yourself. Fondly, Lady."

  3. #3
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    187
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    You opened the door to all of this communication.

    The quick way to solve this is to simply not be available for texting. If you don't text him back, maybe he'll get the message.

    Or you can just send him an email that goes something like this: "Dear Henry, I don't think it's a good idea for us to be constantly texting with each other and hanging out. When we broke up, we both realized that we weren't right for each other. I think it's time for you to move on and seek companionship elsewhere. Take care of yourself. Fondly, Lady."

    I think he's a sweet guy. He just feels like society crapped on him. I don't want to be rude and shut him off, but now he's acting beyond weird. We've been over for a while and hung out before.. but now he's being really needy. You think cutting him off completely is the only way?

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    642
    Gender
    Female
    You've said you don't enjoy his company, so why allow him to think that you do?

    You have nothing in common with him and he's becoming an annoying hypochondriac. If you have any kind of friend, male or female, and you don't enjoy his/her company, what's the point? Just stop communicating with him.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    11,499
    What do you think would be more unkind, being honest with him or continuing to allow him to think you "like" him?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,616
    Gender
    Male
    Sarah is nailing this.

    I don't know about you, but I don't want any of my friends hanging out with me out of pity or obligation. Last I checked, no one's really into that. Which includes him. Let him work on himself elsewhere, or take refuge from himself elsewhere. It's pretty simple, in the end. There's nothing really kind, after all, in hanging out with someone who you find bothersome.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    187
    Gender
    Female
    It's not that I dislike him. I respect him, I think he's nice. I have tried to enjoy his company, we just don't have any chemistry at all. That doesn't mean I think he is a bad person. I confided in him at times, and he has done the same to me. He has complained about how lonely he is and how he doesn't have friends. I would feel bad to leave him in the dust. I want to stay a cordial distant friends but I'm not sure if he is/will grasp that...

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,719
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    I think he's a sweet guy. He just feels like society crapped on him. I don't want to be rude and shut him off, but now he's acting beyond weird. We've been over for a while and hung out before.. but now he's being really needy. You think cutting him off completely is the only way?
    Why are you prolonging this? You should follow Sarah's advice.

    You can't have it both ways.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    187
    Gender
    Female
    I don't want to meet him in person to let him down. I don't even know how to let him down without hurting his feelings.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    11,499
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    What do you think would be more unkind, being honest with him or continuing to allow him to think you "like" him?
    Quoting myself because I didn't see that you acknowledged this.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •