Is it ok for a man in his mid 40’s-early 50’s to party?

[ThatwasThen]

i can’t answer that

 

Then you may benefit from therapy to find out why you continue on with your involvement with him.

[boltnrun]

So, I am lactose intolerant. I can come on here and complain about how evil milk is and how it just insists on including lactose and that every time I drink it, it gives me the runs!!! Don't you all agree milk is evil?

 

Wouldn't everyone advise me to stop drinking milk?

[boltnrun]

Lol no he isn’t

 

Then why continue to be involved with him?

 

You must enjoy your interactions with him or you would stop.

[Hollyj]

Then why continue to be involved with him?

 

You must enjoy your interactions with him or you would stop.

 

Yet she trashes his lifestyle. I am guessing he is not as bad as she portrayed; otherwise, she would be done.

[Gymgirl71]

Yet she trashes his lifestyle. I am guessing he is not as bad as she portrayed; otherwise, she would be done.

I am not even going to respond to that..no pun intended

[Hollyj]

If he is so bad, then why do you stay in contact? That makes zero sense.

[Cherylyn]

yes unless it’s cultural right? [emoji849]

 

I doubt it. A drinker knows no nationality. Alcohol is alcohol. Drinking habitually is drinking habitually.

[katrina1980]

Yet she trashes his lifestyle. I am guessing he is not as bad as she portrayed; otherwise, she would be done.

 

I am not even going to respond to that..no pun intended

 

I'm sorry what was the pun that was not intended? You lost me on that one.

[Gymgirl71]

I doubt it. A drinker knows no nationality. Alcohol is alcohol. Drinking habitually is drinking habitually.

it’s an excuse that’s all

[Cherylyn]

it’s an excuse that’s all

 

That's right.

[Wiseman2]

Interesting. All the more reason to google AlAnon and educate yourself on this. As you can see there is no concrete definition of alcoholism. It's not solely defined by amount, level of impairment, physical dependence or health sequelae. Plenty of people with jobs, families, millions of dollars, etc checking into rehabs every day. More public awareness to the problem has now defined binge drinking as problem drinking, even if physical dependence has not yet set in.

 

The US has a national crisis with addictions. People don't like the word addiction or alcoholism. They think it means drinking out of paper bags or having a needle in your arm in an alley. But it's the drinking you describe in your father and this ex bf that is the real problem. These are the ones who haven't hit rock bottom and still drive and ruin other people's lives.

 

This is the suburban housewife who became dependent on opioids started for pain. This the the guy who thinks of himself as a partyer. This is the frat house they find the dead kid in who had to pass an initiation ritual, who maybe never even got drunk before. This is the clubber who can't remember how they got home or if they had sex.

 

Be aware of this because having it in your family history can be a blind spot.

It’s serious...my dad had this problem which is why I stayed with him-which wasn’t very long...it’s a downward spiral that I wasn’t going to be dragged in..I don’t mind drinking now and then..but when it interferes with work it’s a problem

[boltnrun]

Then why continue to be involved with him?

 

You must enjoy your interactions with him or you would stop.

 

Are you unable to answer this as well?

[itsallgrand]

I agree with Wiseman, in that it's time to seek some help for yourself.

Your dad was an alcoholic, and now you are obsessing about an ex who has a drinking problem.

Clearly there are some issues here for you to address within yourself.

 

Life is short. Put your energy into you, and everything you can do to give yourself a chance at finding a healthy relationship.

[Gymgirl71]

Interesting. All the more reason to google AlAnon and educate yourself on this. As you can see there is no concrete definition of alcoholism. It's not solely defined by amount, level of impairment, physical dependence or health sequelae. Plenty of people with jobs, families, millions of dollars, etc checking into rehabs every day. More public awareness to the problem has now defined binge drinking as problem drinking, even if physical dependence has not yet set in.

 

The US has a national crisis with addictions. People don't like the word addiction or alcoholism. They think it means drinking out of paper bags or having a needle in your arm in an alley. But it's the drinking you describe in your father and this ex bf that is the real problem. These are the ones who haven't hit rock bottom and still drive and ruin other people's lives.

 

This is the suburban housewife who became dependent on opioids started for pain. This the the guy who thinks of himself as a partyer. This is the frat house they find the dead kid in who had to pass an initiation ritual, who maybe never even got drunk before. This is the clubber who can't remember how they got home or if they had sex.

 

Be aware of this because having it in your family history can be a blind spot.

Thanks yes..I was working on this with a therapist but she retired...we were starting to work on ACOA and the reason for my codependency, etc..she was really knowledgeable in this area and I have yet to find one as good..still looking

[boltnrun]

can you not be a troll? [emoji849]

 

How is asking a question trolling?

 

It seems very simple...this man's behavior is unacceptable to you, yet you choose to continue to interact with him. I don't see how having people say "no, it's not 'ok'" for him to "party" at his age is helpful if you don't want to remove him from your life.

[bluecastle]

can you not be a troll? [emoji849]

 

Bolt's questions to you are the furthest thing from trolling on this thread. I'm sorry, but when you find that therapist who works for you I'd suggest showing her this thread.

 

Those who knock your boyfriend—your ex, I mean—you engage with right away. Those that go down some alarmist, diagnostic path about drinking—which I'd call knocking him indirectly—also engage you.

 

Which is to say they help you continue to engage with him, with us serving as proxies.

 

That's not healthy, Gym. Whether his drinking is a problem—well, I don't think anyone here as remotely enough information to say. Regardless, he's not the one here asking for help. He may very well just enjoy Beer Pong, and if he's paying his rent and not driving cars into walls? Well, go for it. He can find someone who compliments him on that journey.

 

Right now—here and, by the sounds of it, out there in the world—you are linking your journey to his. I think asking why that is, rather than polling us about when Beer Pong is no longer cute will provide you with a lot more clarity.

[MissCanuck]

I have no clue what's going on in this thread anymore, OP, but you evidently are not really looking for advice.

 

You're looking for a reason to be mad at the man who doesn't want to date you, and you're trying to get others to support your opinion so you don't feel so bad that he ended it with you. I get that it helps your ego to feel like he's trash anyway, but if you're continuing to engage with him, well, that's your fault, girl. Can't really whine too much when playing with fire burns you again.

[Batya33]

Completely agree. As they say often there’s a cover for every pot. He wasn’t violent with you or similar right ? So he will find someone who has compatible values and stuff in common where they’re both into each other. Not everyone will be into you. Often that’s a good thing.

[catfeeder]

Is it ok for a man in his mid 40’s-early 50’s to party?

 

Sure. If what the guy is doing is legal, he can do whatever he wants, and he doesn't require your permission, or ours.

 

So what's the real question?