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Thread: Family relationships

  1. #41
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
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    Has the communication with your brother been all about the pregnancy/baby since he got back in touch, or is the one-sidedness most noticeable since the baby was born?

    I think if youíre truly committed to building a relationship with your brother, then itís going to take some time and effort and I would try both to show interest in his son and to also bring up other topics of conversation. I do understand your frustration; my sisters-in-law will frequently contact me (say hello on Facebook or another chat app), but will then let me do the heavy lifting of conversation. I ask them questions about how they are, they answer, and they almost never ask me about my life. That being said, I chat with them to keep up a relationship and have also accepted that theyíll never be my BFFs. I would assume your brother and his partner are in a bit of a ďbaby fogĒ after having their son, and may just be overexcited and assume youíre enjoying all the baby pics. Reply less frequently, and perhaps ask for a good time to call for a real conversation. As you and your brother re-acquaint yourselves, you could bring it up, and say you love it when he asks you how you are or contacts you to see how you are doing.

    As to the ďuncleĒ issue, I think giving your partner that honorific is a way of trying to include him and to validate his ďstatusĒ - my friends may tell their children I am aunt Sophie even though I am not related, and itís always a compliment as to how they view me and my importance in their life. Once your nephew begins to talk, your partner can have him call him whatever he prefers, or you can just refer to your partner by his name and thatís what your nephew will call him. So I wouldnít make a fuss about that as, while I respect your partnerís point of view, I think bringing it up with the explanation you put on here makes your partner sound uninterested in developing a relationship with your nephew (whether thatís true or not).

    If you donít think your brother wants a real relationship, then itís all much easier. Just reply generic replies every once in a while and Iím sure they will understand that you donít wish for such frequent baby-related contact. I think - from personal experience - that itís hard for a child to be close to an aunt if his parents are not close to the aunt in the first place, but close may not be on the table given how infrequently you see them anyway.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I was a new mother once and my husband and I took a ton of photos and videos of our kids as they grew up. I'm sure we were annoying too because I'd send a lot of photos through the snail mail (postal mail) to many friends and family. Close friends were referred to aunt and uncles, too.

    When you step back and look at relationships, ask yourself if you want to make issues out of every nit picky thing. Ask yourself if it's worth disrupting peace. Foresee the outcome from being too fussy, too demanding, too commanding and noisy. In relationships, friendships, in-law / relatives / family relationships, you have to keep the peace if you want it. You can't blow things out of proportion all the time otherwise you'll risk escalated arguments, feelings of ill will, people hold onto grudges, become bitter, resentful and you'll make the relationship feel fragile and rocky which is so unnecessary.

    Be pleasant. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Ask yourself that question. Dynamics are complicated and a delicate dance. Many times you have to walk on eggshells in order to make it work and remain harmonious with everyone. You can enforce and exercise your own set of healthy boundaries without getting ugly about it.

    The mute / ignore method is good. The uncle reference is a form of endearment and don't take it to heart and get all uppity about this. Peace is best. Keep your spirit at a happy medium and take it easy. No Getting upset and angry over this is petty. No sense getting your feathers all ruffled over this.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    ^ exactly!

    This is why the mute button exists. No need to make an issue. Just mute and move on and only look at the pics when you feel like it, if you ever feel like it. I can tell you personally that I have muted a number of people once they have kids. Why make an issue and cause problems when there is an easy, discreet solution? (mute) They won't ever know and it solves your problem!

  4. #44
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I have responded to every single photo and video they have sent.
    Skip that, and you won't feel so put out.

    I'd just roll with it and stop responding to the pics unless you come across one that legitimately thrills you. You can also block their feed without blocking them.

    Plenty of people, including neighbors and other non-family members are referred to as Aunts and Uncles as goodwill inclusion rather than a formal Mr. or Ms.

    Does any of this really need to be a big deal?

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    For sure, a baby does not erase nor instantly heal up all the pain you and your brother have been through nor the rocky relationship.
    But if consider how important your nephew is to him, and that he wanted you to be part of that, I would say your brother does care about you. He has limited ways of expressing it, so do you, but this could be a beginning.
    Try to look at the positives here. I can tell you love your brother.
    I really hope the two of you can both find peace.

    And yes,vid stop replying to every photo. Try to assess the role you had of being a mom to not only your bro but your mom. It doesn't have to be like that anymore. It will take time and effort, but there is hope in building a new dynamic that is more balanced.

    .

  7. #46
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why are you tampering with condoms? [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by amco43
    I'm 43 and don't want kids -

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