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About amco43

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  1. I love my brother and I do want a relationship with him, but I want a more balanced relationship. I suppose what I'm looking for is some sort of interest in my life from him. I think this is the root of the problem. It's all about him, always has been, and I have always been the big sister (by 3 years) who has been forced into the parent role. Because my mother was not very capable of being a mother to him...I seemed to fall into that role and I resented it. And I still do. I want to be a sister, an equal. For him to respect and accept me as I am. Any way lots of food for thought on t
  2. Yes, I think what you say could be the case. As my partner says, he didn't care for 6 years so what's changed? Well, he's had a child and suddenly all is supposed to perfect between us. I think talking on this forum has helped and I will try and implement what you suggest. Thanks.
  3. To keep it as short as I can. My mother was just 18 when she married. She came from alcoholic parents so obviously had some issues. Her mother hated being a mother. She wanted to be an accountant but was prevented such an education because she was a woman. Hated her life an so became an alcoholic. Had 6 kids because the first 5 were girls and they had to have a son due to pressure from society to have the 'ideal' one of each gender. Education was pushed on them. My mother failed at it and felt she would get recognition by having a child. So along came I. My father was just 22. He came from
  4. Well, I had a mother and father who divorced and should never have married in the first place. I also had grandparents who divorced and my other grandmother's partner died and left her to bring up 6 kids on her own. This is life. It was all made worse by religion because people tried to live the religious lives society pressured them into and it didn't work out! Because it was forced onto them. There aren't many happily married couples I know if that's what you mean.
  5. j.man - I make the distinction between childless and childfree because some people don't realize you can be happy and content in life without having children. Some people actually believe women who don't have children are miserable and I think it's important to point out that this is not the case. I am secure in my decision. That's why I say childfree. You see the distinction does have to be made as people who can't understand it will always doubt it. I'm not understanding what you mean when you say: 'The overcompensating tone is pretty unbecoming, though. There's probably a reason bey
  6. Thanks LH Girl. That actually helped. I do enjoy looking at the photos and I love my nephew. I think the problem is still my relationship with my brother. When we became estranged, he also cut relations with our mother. Since we started talking again and I found out they were pregnant, I have done all that I have mainly for our mother's sake. I want her to enjoy her grandchild. I encourage her to get involved. She suffers from serious mental illness (although well controlled on medication). She is happier than she has ever been and is even knitting a baby blanket. I bought her the kit a
  7. Childless and childree are not the same thing. Childless describes couples who wanted to have children, but for a variety of reasons were unable. They are sad about it. Childfree is a concious decision you have made and you are secure and content in that decision. Now I know about the mute notifications, that's what I will do. But as I've just figured out through this forum... the real issue is I feel my brother doesn't take any interest in my life.
  8. I do respond. I have responded to every single photo and video they have sent. But they say nothing back. My partner actually thinks I should stop responding as this is what might be encouraging it. They both send the photos. My brother sends mostly videos. He sends things like the baby in his cot sucking on a dummy. He also sent a video of the babies mouth - he was actually trying to zoom in on his phone to the inside the babies mouth. As for the assualt that led to our 6 year estrangement - he threw a footstool at me because I sounded like our father who he despises! They have not spok
  9. I had an aunt who I rarely saw as a child. As a teenager she became a massive part of my life and I loved her like another mother. I never called her partner uncle (they weren't married either, but did eventually marry as it made them more financially stable) He was always nice to me and I called him by his first name and saw him as a friend, not an 'uncle'. Maybe this has some unconcious bearing on my thinking. They had 30 beautiful years together. The most inspiring people I ever met. And she had no children of her own. She was an amazing woman. I dind't see her as an aunt or a mother tho
  10. He will be part of my life. I love him and intend to build a relationship with him. However, I do live far away and can only visit them at the very most for two weeks out of the year. Why does this determine your answer?
  11. Just because he doesn't want to be referred to as 'uncle' doesn't make him a 'curmudgeon'. It's not about the kid calling him uncle either. It's about the kids mum insisting on calling him that. He probably won't build up any type of relationship with this child as we live far away and he doesn't travel to my home town with me very often. Plus, I wouldn't say we have an 'intense' anti-marriage stance. We just believe in the right not to marry. My brother and his partner are not married either and my brother is 40 so it was a long time coming for him to decide to have a kid. They had to un
  12. Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I need some advice on how to handle a situation. My brother and I didn't speak for 6 years. He assualted me and refused to apologise.Then one day out of the blue he called me and apologised. Said he and his partner were trying for a baby and we should patch things up because of it. I'm 43 and don't want kids - my partner and I are childfree (not childless). Anyway, he contacted me in August to say they'd gone through IVF and by September they were pregnant. I met him in October, he apologised for how he'd behaved six years
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