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Thread: Missed Opportunity - What should I have done?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by MrBrightside15
    Thanks for the feedback everyone! I guess it was a lot simpler of a scenario than I was making it out to be, and it's good to know my judgment was the right one. You just always hear people say "You gotta put yourself out there more," and it's hard to know exactly what that entails, so I thought maybe this was one of those moments.

    Good advice all around. Now I know that there needs to be some kind of connection before one approaches a person, and if there isn't you shouldn't force it, especially when the person isn't giving any indication of wanting to be approached.
    No you don't need a "connection" just don't approach someone who is clearly enjoying her private time. Put yourself out there by doing activities that involve other people where conversation happens naturally.

  2. #12
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    If I want to be social I will go somewhere alone but not bring my laptop or a magazine and I won't get out my phone. At a bar, for example, I will converse with the bartender in a strong voice about topics others can jump in on, such as sports or local events. Almost always someone else joins in.

    But if I have my face buried in my phone or laptop... nope, not looking to socialize.

  3. #13
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Excellent responses already, so that's covered.

    I'd like to address this for future....

    Originally Posted by MrBrightside15
    I'm very shy when it comes to talking to strangers, and that's hundred times worse with talking to girls.
    My suggestion for getting more confident in "talking to strangers" is improving your conversation skills with your current friends (same sex or opposite sex). Then, (and this is the critical part) when you do have an opportunity with an earbud-less girl you should reframe your mindset to "this girl is just one of my friends". Once practiced several times and mastered, that mindset takes away all fear of approaching women. You will learn that she is just another possible "friend" of yours.
    And if she doesn't want to talk, that's ok. There are other women!

    Having said that, you are fortunate to live in a world where we can meet total strangers on the internet and not have to cold-approach girls in the coffee shop in the first place!

    Good luck !

  4. #14
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    I must be the odd one out, hehe. When I'm reading a book, listening to music with headphones or writing, I genuinely don't mind being interrupted - provided there's some mutual interest. If it turns out there's no interest on my end, I'll find an excuse to get back into what I was doing.

    I find that asking what someone is reading can be a great conversation starter.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by greendots
    I must be the odd one out, hehe. When I'm reading a book, listening to music with headphones or writing, I genuinely don't mind being interrupted - provided there's some mutual interest. If it turns out there's no interest on my end, I'll find an excuse to get back into what I was doing.

    I find that asking what someone is reading can be a great conversation starter.
    I really wouldn't take the chance with a male stranger interrupting a woman.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I really wouldn't take the chance with a male stranger interrupting a woman.
    I totally understand. I might be the odd one out. I have to lift my head at some point to eat or drink something. That's a great opportunity to smile at me and take it from there, find out if there's mutual interest.

    Hey, everyone's different. :-)

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