Is being single my happily ever after?

I’ve been single for five months since my last break up. I was in a relationship with a man for a year and half. My first serious relationship was with a man I was married to for nine years. We had two kids together.

Anyway, I am finding that being alone and accomplishing things on my own feels much better than a relationship ever did. I’m starting to wonder if single is my happily ever after. The notion of it is terrifying, yet satisfying at the same time. I’ve found that men depend on me a lot in relationships and I just don’t prefer having to take care of a person in addition to the two kids I already have.

A part of me is very lonely and wants to try dating again, but another part of me is utterly terrified. I have days where I sit and cry because I’m so scared of going at life alone. On others, i feel completely happy with it. It’s so weird. Will I “just know” when I’ve met the right guy?

It is partly your fault, and I know I blame myself for settling into that role too....stop doing it. Don't do their laundry, don't clean their house, don't offer to do their shopping, and don't be cookin meals for them unless it's a trade off. It will be pretty easy to see if the man has that expectation or not within a few weeks of dating. Communication is key. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and expectations. For example...he sleeps over at your place...don't make him breakfast, suggest going out or show him where the kitchen is if he wants to whip up breakfast for himself. It's hard to get out of the habit, but with persistence, you can keep yourself out of that mommy role. There are men out there that are not looking for someone to replace their mother, you just have to be more wise about it.

The perfect time to date is when you don't "need" a relationship to be happy. That is called "having something to bring to the table".

Also it's always unexpected when love finds you again. I have a friend who after her divorce got herself settled for two years and swore off men altogether! The next thing she knows a friend of hers has a guy he wants her to meet. The guy pursued her until she was ready, now she's been with him for two years and is engaged. So I have learned a lot by taking advice from her.

It will happen just when you're settled with who you are first.

It is partly your fault, and I know I blame myself for settling into that role too....stop doing it. Don't do their laundry, don't clean their house, don't offer to do their shopping, and don't be cookin meals for them unless it's a trade off. It will be pretty easy to see if the man has that expectation or not within a few weeks of dating. Communication is key. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and expectations. For example...he sleeps over at your place...don't make him breakfast, suggest going out or show him where the kitchen is if he wants to whip up breakfast for himself. It's hard to get out of the habit, but with persistence, you can keep yourself out of that mommy role. There are men out there that are not looking for someone to replace their mother, you just have to be more wise about it.

You’re so right! I know it is my fault. I don’t know how to not be that way... I suppose I just expect the other person to recripocate and not be lazy. Lol.

The perfect time to date is when you don't "need" a relationship to be happy. That is called "having something to bring to the table".

I don’t need a relationship. I think I’d push men away if I tried to date right now, so I just don’t. I have great deal of anxiety around being with a man again.

Also it's always unexpected when love finds you again.

You can be more discerning when you date -- you can go out for coffee and its just coffee or you can say "next" more easily when you don't HAVE to have someone.

I don’t believe in the “when you least expect it” even though my story could be told that way. I do believe that if you feel desperate that’s the worst time to date so I think it’s awesome that you feel comfortable on your own and comfortable in your own skin. How about just experiencing this time and don’t make huge decisions either way right now ?

I don’t need a relationship. I think I’d push men away if I tried to date right now, so I just don’t. I have great deal of anxiety around being with a man again.

So you are not "happy by yourself" therefore a relationship is a bonus -- you are afraid of being in a relationship. Then its wise not to date. It is extreme being anxious "around men" vs just anxious about dating. Do all men make you anxious?

So you are not "happy by yourself" therefore a relationship is a bonus -- you are afraid of being in a relationship. Then its wise not to date. It is extreme being anxious "around men" vs just anxious about dating. Do all men make you anxious?

I don't feel anxious around men. I feel anxious about being with a man again.... So, I think the anxiety is more about the relationship.

Is being single my happily ever after?

I'd keep the word 'ever' out of it and just cultivate your own happiness NOW.

Sometimes you feel happy when you are in the relationship and the most of the time you think this relationship will change your life into a happy life.

Keep working on yourself. Good advice has been given here on what type of man you previously attracted.

Don't cry about being alone. Alone is great. Life is less complicated allowing you to really grow as an individual.

When you are ready, you will find somebody.