Why is he confusing me so much!

This guy and I have known each other for 3 years now, and have become really good friends in the last year.

As friends, he subtly flirts sometimes, very subtle so I just act like I didn’t notice it. This is because I think he just wants to hook up, and that’s not what I am looking for.

Lately, I think I am getting feelings for him though. And I don’t know what to do.

We talk everyday about anything and everything.

He has become very confusing. 1 minute he is telling me to listen to love songs, sending me pics of his family and friends, next minute he is telling me about some hot girl he is sleeping with.

He is also always saying how he doesn’t want to commit to one person unless he really likes them.

It’s worth mentioning that we also do not live in the same country but visit each other every other month.

I’m not sure how to know what he is thinking/feeling. I wouldn’t want to mention how I feel, because in case he doesn’t feel the same, it would ruin our friendship.

What do you all think?

All I can say is that you're wasting your time with this guy. Find someone where you are and go out on dates, hold hands, make out, walk on a beach, go out to dinner, and so forth. If you're spending so much time chatting with this guy, of course you're going to develop feelings. But it's a pen pal relationship. Even though you visit each other every other month, it's just not going to lead to anything. You need a real relationship. This is just a poor substitute.

You don't live in the same country, so he is living his life and dating accordingly (hookups or not) and you should do the same. He is attracted to you, that I don't doubt, and probably wouldn't mind having a fling when he's in town every other month or so (and what if it's not you that one time), but I don't see this as anything serious. Maybe if you were living in the same area, but he sounds like he's a bit of a player and you're colleagues, which is it's own set of issues. It's okay to enjoy the interactions, but don't get yourself invested or expect anything. This is not a long-term gig. People flirt with no intentions of forming a relationship and use their charm and skill to get what they want out of life, whether it's a work/business deal or better customer service or discounts...I absolutely would not take his actions seriously.

If he is talking to you about his dates, hook ups, etc - he is treating you like a platonic pal. Nothing at all confusing about this. The only thing that is causing confusion is that you are getting attached and so are trying to read something more into his behavior.....except it's not there. Probably best that you cool off on all the talking/seeing each other until your crush on him is gone and you can be just a friend.

>>It's worth mentioning that we don't live in the same country, but visit each other every other month.

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So what happens during these visits? Does he stay with you, or when you're in his country, stay with him? Do you share a bedroom during these visits?

Do you go on dates, kiss, cuddle up, have sex?

Or are you more like a "buddy" just hanging out as friends do? Or maybe he views you more like a sister?

Gotta say, this does sound weird.

I think it's time you ask him in a playful way what's going on, not how he feels per se, but what HE thinks is going on between you two.

Don't make it this big heavy thing.

I hate to even speculate without knowing more but he may have commitment issues, which is why he prefers long distance, why he isn't "pursuing" you in the standard sense, and why he's so back and forth -- flirting, sending you music, pics etc, then essentially taking it back by talking about some hot women.