Contact other guy?

So if you read my initial post, i was dumped for another guy after 6 years, i caught her via social media, 5 dates so far with him, while telling me to give her space and that she loved me and that she was coming back.

Anyway, when i talked to her i said, "I wonder what the other guy would think if i tell him you had me on the sideline texting me i love you while you were watching sunsets with him', she just stayed silent.

What do you guys think about contacting the "other"?

What will it help?

No, she has shown her true colours.

Use it as motivation to move forward with your own life.

Best of luck.

Your relationship was already over in her mind long before she found a new guy to monkey branch to. Who cares what bs she is telling you to string you along as her safety net? It's on you to recognize that things are over, cut her off, heal and move on. Disengage, disentangle all that you had together as fast as possible and remove her from your life with extreme prejudice. That's your healthiest and best course of action. Creating more drama will only leave you feeling sh$tty about yourself later, so why do that to yourself. Onward and upward with your head held high.

Thanks, yeah, i know, i guess in my current mind state i was thinking the "other" would realize the type of person she is and walk away. But yeah, why do that.

Yes, I would contact the other guy. Not for your own benefit, but for the sake of preventing her from hurting someone else.

Helping someone else will help you feel better about yourself. If drama is "created" based on that information, it will be caused by your ex and/or their new boyfriend. It will not be your fault. Just being straight up, in one single occurrence, and telling the other guy what she did to you and was doing to him, then walking away from it and letting him know that you don't want to be involved in any drama, but felt he should know for his own sake.

Rather than being a "-stirrer", I think it's pretty noble to let someone know, even if that someone was "Mr. Steal Your Girl", what kind of person they're starting to gain emotional investment in.

No one deserves to suffer. No one deserves to be strung along. No one deserves to be taken advantage of in relationships. That includes the other guy.

Basically DancingFool* has summed it up in one paragraph....

I'm sorry for your loss...and in such a painful way....

I will just add that doing anything to do with them or their relationship will make you look worse...

Basically if this is how their relationship has started, chances are high that it won't be a bed of roses forever....and she'll probably do the same to him soon enough...

Just be careful because that 'soon enough' might be You...! A position you don't wanna find yourself in....

Please be kind to yourself as you heal from this*

Carus*

Yes, I would contact the other guy. Not for your own benefit, but for the sake of preventing her from hurting someone else.

I love you 11* but it will backfire....

He probably wont just dump her in the honeymoon stage even if Mojo tells him...He may not even believe it.....

He'll just have to find out on his own in due time....

Leave the dust mites in the dust*

Carus*

Yes, I would contact the other guy. Not for your own benefit, but for the sake of preventing her from hurting someone else.

 

Helping someone else will help you feel better about yourself. If drama is "created" based on that information, it will be caused by your ex and/or their new boyfriend. It will not be your fault. Just being straight up, in one single occurrence, and telling the other guy what she did to you and was doing to him, then walking away from it and letting him know that you don't want to be involved in any drama, but felt he should know for his own sake.

 

Rather than being a "-stirrer", I think it's pretty noble to let someone you know, even if that someone was "Mr. Steal Your Girl", what kind of person they're starting to gain emotional investment in.

 

No one deserves to suffer. No one deserves to be strung along. No one deserves to be taken advantage of in relationships. That includes the other guy.

It's not going to change anything about her.

The other guy is not likely to believe him anyway.

The OP will come across like that psycho jealous ex who just can't let go.

It will push them closer together.

It's likely the other guy already knows about the ex, aka OP, and doesn't care.

She has moved on and the OP needs to move on with least damage to himself. The further and faster, the better.

Yeah, im trying to move, but man, this has been the hardest thing for me so far, its like a chunk of my life just disappeared in a matter of hours.

Yeah, im trying to move, but man, this has been the hardest thing for me so far, its like a chunk of my life just disappeared in a matter of hours.

Definitely not easy. However, rather than dwelling on her, him and other negative stuff that will keep bringing you down, focus on making yourself happy. Go out with friends, workout, socialize, do the things you really like to do, do things that you've maybe put off or couldn't do because of the relationship and really indulge yourself. Pick up a new hobby just for the heck of it, just to try something new. Take on some extra projects at work to stay busy. The more you do that, the easier it will get, little by little day by day until you realize that you are actually totally happy without her and couldn't care less anymore. It doesn't happen overnight, but it's a tried and true path to healing and moving on quickly.

Hey Mojo.

Just wanted to chime in.

6.5 years my ex leaves to go back to her ex lol.

Trust me . You are not alone my friend. You are going to think of dozens of things during this ty time. Your brain won't stop. It's only normal. The first 3-4 months are going to suck and they are going to suck big time. BUT there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm 8 months on and things are slwly getting better.

Keep doing you and forget the other dude. Who cares if they marry . Have kids. Get a divorce. It doesn't matter and has no reflection on you. I know it's hard to imagine this but in due time you will get to a place of normalcy. It's just going to take time my friend. Dissappear. That's my best advice and focus on you

Hey Duzie, thanks, sigh, i am so depressed, i want to move on. But my mind. Keeps messing with me. All this things go thru my mind. Weekends are worst. I keep thinking they are together having a great time while i cant even get up from bed.

I feel you man. It's a dark dark place. I won't sugar coat it. I had 2 step kids in my relationship also so it was really really tough. I seeked therapy cause I had a family ripped out from under me in a split second.

But im telling you it's just going to take time. Sure, keeping busy helps but the ultimate solution is time and unfortunately that's out of our control.

The way I look at it is: time is on OUR side. Not theres. The universe has a way of shifting itself (;

One day at a time mojo. Cry. Scream. Wallow. But keep your day to day going. Don't ever let someone have that much power over you. If your Going thru hell....keep going!

Thank you. I feel for you. Im sorry you had to go thru that. I can't even imagine.

I don't understand why you are in contact with this woman - she is totally playing you, and clearly does not love you - much less considering a contact with this other guy? Do you know how desperate that would look!

Thanks, yeah, i know, i guess in my current mind state i was thinking the "other" would realize the type of person she is and walk away. But yeah, why do that.

Why don't you "realize what type of person she is?"

Damn this post takes me back, my ex was the same with the dreaded ' we will get back together one day '. I remember when I found out we stopped speaking for a bit, but slept together a few times a month later. She said she hopes I don't tell this new guy if they ever get more serious since me and her are 'friends now' dear god I cringe thinking back to myself back then.

Don't tell him, it will do nothing and more likely he probably won't believe you she could easily say you're the crazy ex trying to break them up. Like others have said you will realise what type of person she is and you'll be better off eventually when you get someone new

It happens just, enjoy being single for a while and tell yourself one day you will look back and not even care. My ex messaged me the other day to pick some stuff up, a few months ago I would have been all over this opportunity but this time I forgot to reply to her, even though we were on friendly terms for a few messages, and now I can't even be bothered replying at all

Unfortunately she broke up but in a vague way. Contacting this other guy will make you look like a stalker ex, not make them break up and then she'll run back to you. You shouldn't be contacting her at all, no less sending this type of jealous, scorned message:

when i talked to her i said, "I wonder what the other guy would think if i tell him you had me on the sideline texting me i love you while you were watching sunsets with him', she just stayed silent.

I think you need to be a little more realistic with this Ops situation HOllyj. He's fresh out of a 6 year relationship. I do agree with what you are saying but he needs comfort right now. Time will allow him to realize what type of person she is. The rose colored glasses are super fresh right now. He's in the denial stage.

Hang in there OP. 1 day at a time. Don't contact either of them

I don't understand why you are in contact with this woman - she is totally playing you, and clearly does not love you - much less considering a contact with this other guy? Do you know how desperate that would look!

I'm not in contact, i haven't talked to her since our last phone call last friday when she told me she didn't want me in her life now. And that she was going to continue hanging out with this new person. No messages, no emails, nothing, but i am a mess. Can't sleep, cant work, and i always have the urge to beg. But im trying to keep whatever dignity i have left since I already cried in front of her asking her to reconsider. I just don't see how someone who you spend 6 years on daily basis can become someone else in a matter of hours. Makes no sense to me at all.

She's just being harsh OP.

I know exactly how you are feeling. In my eyes it's to early to be harsh, your mind is not in the right place and that's Ok!

Talk to family and friends for support. That helped me alot

The reason i joined this forum was because everyone around me is tired of me always talking about her, I'm just looking for support, i am going to therapy twice a week since last week, but in between those 2 days i feel lost and hopeless. I just don't know what else to do, my life without her just doesn't make sense, its like i am in limbo, 6 years of having a routine with her was taken away from me in a matter of hours.

Your not alone OP. It happens to people who have been together for 20 years. This is part of life my man. Right now your are at your worst. Think about it this way. IT WILL ONLY GET BETTER. TRUST ME.

Cry. Scream. Feel lost. Feel depressed. It's ok and normal man. I talked about it for 3 4 months. Then I said screw it, I got so exhausted of trying to rationalize what she did. There's no point. They are not wired like us. Feel it OP but don't let it effect your day to day

Mrmojo there is a very good thread on here in the Getting back Together forum called "Reverse Psychology and Rebound Relationships"

There's a lot of great evidence there that shows that the longer you stay in the picture, the more likely this other relationship is to succeed. Without going into it too deeply (you really should read it, especially Zorba's posts) the attachment she feels for you will slowly transition over to him guaranteed. If you leave her alone completely, it puts her in a position to miss you (if reconciliation is your goal) and allows her new relationship to stand or fall on it's own merits.

Your best bet is to move on. Work on yourself, imp rove on your strengths and resolve your weaknesses. You badly need to reestablish your identity. She cannot be your world. She can only be someone you share yours with. Every time you try to speak to her, look at her social media, or let her know in any form that you're still waiting for her is another nail in your coffin. If there's any hope of her coming back it's because she chooses you, and there's nothing you can do to make that happen that involves her.