Great first date followed by near silence!

This may seem and probably is very insignificant but has me bugged for a full week now.

I am a 27yr old male and over the past couple of months I had my eye on a girl from near my home area. After meeting her one night briefly and chatting and having a laugh I decided to start texting 2 weeks ago as I sensed she liked me and me her. Anyway after 2 weeks of contact we decided to meet up. I was sceptical of the age gap yet I had heard from numerous people that this girl was very down to earth and very nice. I thought there would be no harm in meeting.

When we met we chatted, had a nice time and it was also apparent that our current situations were very different. I am working the past 5 years in a good job and she's in college. I'm living out and drive, she lives at home and doesn't drive etc. We hung out for a couple of hours and even though she had said she was shy we got on great and we seemed to enjoy each others company. She said at the start she never had met someone she didn't know too well like this before. I was very delicate with her and din't want her to feel any bit uncomfortable, I hoped I didn't come across as too delicate as I am a messer most of the time, but #i was wary of how I wanted her to be comfortable. Anyhow I dropped her home and was delighted how things had went, we shared a kiss also.

The following day I noticed the timing of her replies much longer than the two weeks of contact we had previously. Over the week they were sparse and I felt I was going to be ghosted. Then On Wed/Thurs we had contact and I decided to purposely delay my responses with the result that her responses actually fastened and she became more responsive. I liked her after the date and I suppose as big headed as it may sound I wasn't used to someone not being mad into me after a date. (This is perhaps my 5th date ever as I've had long term rel before!!) Anyway since, the contact has more or less ceased. She seems or is uninterested. It is muddling me as I didn't think I made a bad impression. When I'm out with my friends on a night out I would get attention from girls, and I've met a few since my last rel ended over a year ago but this girl is something different. I understand some girls will have plenty admirers and I'm sure she does with the looks and personality. Additionally she has a brother that is dating a cousin of my ex and I'm wondering did somehow that cause a stir.

I know if I heard this story from someone else I would say move on and get over it! I'm sure this is happening all the time. I'd love to meet her again but I feel I've tried with the contact and it's not as receptive so I'm not going to keep trying. I'm just a bit dumbfounded and disappointed! If she wanted to meet again she would have responded more warmly to my contact over the last 3 days... Should I ask her directly on a second date even though I'm fairly certain there is some issue or she is uninterested or just move on? I wouldn't be one to ruminate like this!

Over the week they were sparse and I felt I was going to be ghosted. Then On Wed/Thurs we had contact and I decided to purposely delay my responses with the result that her responses actually fastened and she became more responsive.

I think the problem is that maybe you were playing games to test her. If you like her - and she became more responsive, why not just ask her out instead of judge her on text speed. if she is in college, she could have had exams this week. She on her end could feel you didn't like the date because you didn't ask her out again - she may think its too forward to ask you out.

I think because she lives with her parents, there is some hesitation. If she is the right person, she's really not out of your age range to date. It just depends on how far along in college she is.you never know when her situationis going to change as far as car or moving out

Instead of trying to talk to her over superficial text, why didn't (or don't you) just ask her out on another date and see if she accepts or makes an excuse not to go. You'll know all you need to know as to whether you should move on or not by her answer.

I was supposed to be away this weekend however I got an event date muddled up.

When I realised this On Thursday I asked her was her diary free the weekend? To which she responded I've a busy weekend parties etc which I saw through her social media, in the same message she asked was I going away. I responded saying I got my dates mixed up and that's why I was asking if she was free so as to meet up. She laughed at my mistake yet ignored the part where i had mentioned wanting to meet up again. And since the contact has been non existant. As I've said from the outside looking in I would think she is uninterested, I suppose 'd try to make any excuse not to believe this although I believe it's clear.

I'm reluctant to ask her again as she ignored that message about meeting up and she is very reluctant to respond anymore and don't want to look desperate/her thinking does he not get the message. i'm sure i've been in similar situations whereas I'd be one to be up front and probably say I'm uninterested in a nice way.

Hey jam369,

Ask her on a second date. Trying to judge off txts after the first date is just torture. She may be wondering if you are really interested if you've just gone back to the same texting patterns as pre-date.

Be clear that it's a date. If she says yes, it should be much easier to judge in person if she is keen on you. If she vacillates or is flakey in her text responses, you already know what to do.

Good luck,

T

EDIT: In the time it took me to write this, 2 other people came back with basically the same advice. Plus I saw your response. Just put it out there! Worse case is your gut feeling is right.

I was supposed to be away this weekend however I got an event date muddled up.

 

When I realised this On Thursday I asked her was her diary free the weekend? To which she responded I've a busy weekend parties etc which I saw through her social media, in the same message she asked was I going away. I responded saying I got my dates mixed up and that's why I was asking if she was free so as to meet up. She laughed at my mistake yet ignored the part where i had mentioned wanting to meet up again. And since the contact has been non existant. As I've said from the outside looking in I would think she is uninterested, I suppose 'd try to make any excuse not to believe this although I believe it's clear.

 

I'm reluctant to ask her again as she ignored that message about meeting up and she is very reluctant to respond anymore and don't want to look desperate/her thinking does he not get the message. i'm sure i've been in similar situations whereas I'd be one to be up front and probably say I'm uninterested in a nice way.

You are assuming. Texting is no way to show interest and not texting is no way to show disinterest in the beginning. If her social media shows that what she said is the truth, then why would you think that she used her not being available as an excuse?

IMO you should ask her out on another date when you know you're going to be free and stop assuming. You cared enough about this to start a thread about it so why assume?

I was supposed to be away this weekend however I got an event date muddled up.

 

When I realised this On Thursday I asked her was her diary free the weekend? To which she responded I've a busy weekend parties etc which I saw through her social media, in the same message she asked was I going away. I responded saying I got my dates mixed up and that's why I was asking if she was free so as to meet up. She laughed at my mistake yet ignored the part where i had mentioned wanting to meet up again. And since the contact has been non existant. As I've said from the outside looking in I would think she is uninterested, I suppose 'd try to make any excuse not to believe this although I believe it's clear.

 

I'm reluctant to ask her again as she ignored that message about meeting up and she is very reluctant to respond anymore and don't want to look desperate/her thinking does he not get the message. i'm sure i've been in similar situations whereas I'd be one to be up front and probably say I'm uninterested in a nice way.

The girl I am interested in right now that I’m seeing, (but wouldn’t consider dating) has done something like this to me.

On a Monday night I was having a funny texting conversation with her and I slipped in “are you free this weekend?”

She answered to the other part of my text, but never answered to the “are you free this weekend text?”

I WAS HURT! I couldn’t understand why she’d do that to me and I spent the next 4 days torturing myself constantly thinking about it/ over analyzing everything.

So later that week on Saturday morning I randomly sent her a text asking if she wanted to go to my friends bday party with me and she simply responded “yes!”

We had our best time together yet and possibly put us into the dating stage.

None of that would have happened if I never asked her a second time..

One time when I was driving to pick her up on one of our first dates I sent a text saying “I’m on my way, be there in 15!” and right away also sent a text saying “What’s your address again?”

lol she replied saying “Okay!” and after about 10 min I pulled over to a gas station and started overthinking why she isn’t sending me the address.. then 2 mins later she texts me asking “where are you?” and seconds later she’s like “oh crap lol sorry” and sends me the address...

She blames her misreading/missing texts on her dyslexia so that’s why I was stuck between wondering if she purposely ignored that part of my text or if she just missed it or maybe she just forgot to reply.. WHO KNOWS!

Anyways! If you really like this girl, ask her again..

Maybe she didn’t notice? Maybe she wasn’t sure at that moment? Who knows!

She didn’t deny you, so ask again!

A girl will deny you no matter how nice she is. Ignoring someone is worse than saying “no sorry.”

This happens quite a lot in dating and for the life of me, I've never been able to figure it out. I had a couple of great 1st couple dates w/guys who seemed interested, then silence. Honestly I think its luck of the draw and if you stumble upon the right person, there won't be that silence. The best thing to do is go w/out getting your hopes up at all, don't get overly excited over a 1st, 2nd or 3rd date, that way of there is silence, you move on. Also don't stop going on dates w/others when you have had a 1st great date w/one woman. Of course if you agree to be exclusive, don't date other women, but cast your net out wide while just dating.

Instead of trying to talk to her over superficial text, why didn't (or don't you) just ask her out on another date and see if she accepts or makes an excuse not to go. You'll know all you need to know as to whether you should move on or not by her answer.

This is incorrect. If she hasn't been showing him good signs, asking her at such a low point will surely yield a "no".

Without knowing more of the specifics OP, it's hard to say precisely, but she's not buying something about your presentation. Maybe she could tell that you were trying to be too nice on the date. She may want someone a little more manly than that.

You can chat her up a little bit more, but you're going to have to change something. Don't be afraid to be a bit more controversial. Say something polarizing that will garner an emotional response from her. I just get the sense that she may find you too easy (no challenge there; getting you wouldn't be a "win" for her).

Maybe this isn't relevant to this woman, but a possibility. Some women don't take dates for the weekend if they are asked too late in the week. Firstly, they have made other plans. Secondly, they don't want to take the chance that they were asked because someone else said no or that they are an after thought. Also, some people prefer phone calls to texts - I know - very old-fashioned.

This is incorrect. If she hasn't been showing him good signs, asking her at such a low point will surely yield a "no".

 

Without knowing more of the specifics OP, it's hard to say precisely, but she's not buying something about your presentation. Maybe she could tell that you were trying to be too nice on the date. She may want someone a little more manly than that.

 

You can chat her up a little bit more, but you're going to have to change something. Don't be afraid to be a bit more controversial. Say something polarizing that will garner an emotional response from her. I just get the sense that she may find you too easy (no challenge there; getting you wouldn't be a "win" for her).

Yes I suppose there could be numerous reasons for the bit of a change. I think the best thing maybe to text her when I know ive free evenings coming up in the next week. And if its going well just ask her to do something together. I know we both have busy evenings so should I be be specific perhaps asking is she free friday night? Or more broad maybe one of the nights during the week? I suppose im thinkin if I pick a specific evening there is a goof chance shel be busy.

Interestingly when i organised the first date i couldnt pin a day down due to commitments yet she reiterated that she was free the friday and Saturday so whatever suited me suited her.

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