Abstinence

So my new boyfriend wants to remain abstinent which I think is amazing and would never want to sway him away from his promise to God. However, how do I deal with sexual frustration. I’m not a virgin but I want to be with him. We do oral and stuff but honestly it’s not enough. Toys are fun and all but I miss actually having sex. Has anyone else been through this I’ve been going strong for 6 months.

I've been involuntarily abstinent for about that long. I called it being single. Haha

I had dated a girl who was okay with sex but not oral. I guess it's not the exact same thing, but I guess the advice is to focus on the good parts of the relationship.

I wouldn't date someone who's abstinent because I'm not abstinent. Nothing against them or their beliefs, but it's just not compatible with me.

If you're engaging with oral, playing with toys, and pretty much doing everything under the sun that isn't sex itself yet still find yourself frustrated to this extent, it might be a sign. But you're the only person who can answer the question of how much sex means to you.

My question is WHY? Why does he want to be abstinent? Because it could be just who he is. Some people are asexual. chi

My question is WHY? Why does he want to be abstinent? Because it could be just who he is. Some people are asexual. chi

His dad is a pastor so Christianity. He said his almost had sex at least 3 times. But he admitted his never done anything sexual and was too embarrassed to tell me. I could already tell just by the way he touches me. It reminds me of this other virgin guy I slept with.

I've been involuntarily abstinent for about that long. I called it being single. Haha

 

I had dated a girl who was okay with sex but not oral. I guess it's not the exact same thing, but I guess the advice is to focus on the good parts of the relationship.

At least you got the sex part lol. It’s hard to focus on the other parts because the removal of intimacy just makes it feel like we’re friends.

I wouldn't date someone who's abstinent because I'm not abstinent. Nothing against them or their beliefs, but it's just not compatible with me.

 

If you're engaging with oral, playing with toys, and pretty much doing everything under the sun that isn't sex itself yet still find yourself frustrated to this extent, it might be a sign. But you're the only person who can answer the question of how much sex means to you.

Idk what I’m going to do. I really like him but without intimacy it just feels like we’re just friends.

Unfortunately you are not compatible, even though you respect his beliefs. If you don't have sex you'll resent him, if you do he'll feel guilty and resent you.

It's only 6 mos. Is he waiting for marriage? If so, can you do this for years or more?

So my new boyfriend wants to remain abstinent which I think is amazing and would never want to sway him away from his promise to God. I’ve been going strong for 6 months.

Unfortunately you are not compatible, even though you respect his beliefs. If you don't have sex you'll resent him, if you do he'll feel guilty and resent you.

 

It's only 6 mos. Is he waiting for marriage? If so, can you do this for years or more?

But it’s just too late for me to break up with him because I’ve fallen so hard for him. Honestly idk how long I can deal with it because I’m not looking to get married for at least 4-6 years. I think I’m becoming er tbh to everyone. I also feel like a at the same time for wanting sex so much. And I know if it comes down to it and he wants to have sex before marriage I’m not going to want to. Because the guilt for abstinence people is a very real a thing and I don’t want to deal with it.

Oh yes his waiting for marriage.

It just feels like we’re friends. I just keep telling myself it’s a new thing. I just read a bunch of articles on why is good to be abstinence. They keep saying it strengthens your emotional bond. But it honestly doesn’t feel like a strong emotional bond. Like I said it just feels like we’re friends who sometimes touch or kiss each other.

Unfortunately you are not compatible, even though you respect his beliefs. If you don't have sex you'll resent him, if you do he'll feel guilty and resent you.

 

It's only 6 mos. Is he waiting for marriage? If so, can you do this for years or more?

I didn’t realize the blank out bad words. First one with er starts with a b and the second one after a and before an started with a w

You can really like someone, even love them, and not be compatible. If you stay with him and are unhappy with a particularly important aspect of the relationship, in the long term it will be hard for you to stay committed and you will start to become unhappy with the relationship overall. Some people are happily abstinent and I can understand why, as it's not the most important thing to me even though I am married and love being intimate with my husband, it's just not a big deal for me personally, and never has been. I think for many people this would be a deal breaker. In your case, it sounds like a deal breaker, but it's obviously never easy to walk away from someone you care about. I am worried you will stay and then look back and regret not moving on sooner. Neither of you is wrong or bad in this situation.

I'm always amazed when I hear about so-called religious people that will do everything in the book besides vaginal penetration and think God (were he to exist) would be okay with that. Yeah, God's okay with classical sodomy, but that vagina's a no-no! Totally absurd imho.

I used to be religious and my wife and I were abstinent, truly abstinent. However, that put immense pressure on us to get married, which we did knowing eachother less than a year. I regret that.

Since I am not religious anymore, I would not wait, and would not be with someone that wanted that, even though I completely respect their decision.

Abstinence I think is something, that if you're going to do, you have to be COMPLETELY on the same page. And it doesn't sound like you are.

But it’s just too late for me to break up with him because I’ve fallen so hard for him.Oh yes his waiting for marriage.

 

It just feels like we’re friends. . They keep saying it strengthens your emotional bond. But it honestly doesn’t feel like a strong emotional bond. Like I said it just feels like we’re friends who sometimes touch or kiss each other.

You contradict yourself a bit here. You have 'fallen for him so hard' yet you don't feel a strong bond?

It's one or the other.

If you have fallen for him then it's a compromise you are willing to make.

If you only feel like friends then telling him this isn't going to work wouldn't be as difficult.

You get to decide which one it is.