Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 48

Thread: My boyfriend won't apologise for starting a silly fight

  1. #1
    25Kathryn
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    65

    My boyfriend won't apologise for starting a silly fight

    A few days ago my bf came back home and started a massive argument with me. Why? Because I was tidying up the place!

    I would understand if he came home and a place was a total mess and I was home all day doing nothing but starting a fight and being nasty to me because I made our place tidy and nice for both of us to relax?

    Now he said he felt like I was cleaning after him as if he didn't do a good job enough when he tidied up but that was 4 days earlier! And he said is was clean. But since then we had friends staying over for the weekend and I only gave the kitchen a quick clean up and was hovering when he came home.

    Now he says it's my fault. That I started this argument and of course won't apologise for being a ***. I told him it was ridiculous and if he didn't like coming home to a clean place, I will not tidy up again (until he realises he was wrong) and
    I stopped tidying up, I am leaving my clothes and dirty plates all over the place. He's not arguing about that as he knows why I'm doing it and he knows I was right but he won't apologise. We haven't been talking since then

    I'm really sad, what can I do about it? He's so stubborn!

  2. #2
    Lester
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    3,253
    Gender
    Male
    Stop pretending cohabitation can fix incompatibility, substitute for real commitment or fix anyone.
    If you let it, the 'live together' lie will steal the best years of your life.

  3. #3
    25Kathryn
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    65
    Thanks for the reply.
    Though I was actually hoping that someone can advise what I should do in this situation to solve this issue between us and not just to move out.

    Also, just wanted to add that it's not like he is a messy person and I like it to be clean. We both like when our place is clean and we both tidy up. It's just this one time he reacted like that and I don't know why and what to do about it. I don't think that I should leave the person because of one silly argument.

    So if anyone could share their thoughts on this particular issue, I would much appreciate it.

  4. #4
    Lester
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    3,253
    Gender
    Male
    "A few days ago my bf came back home and started a massive argument with me. Why? Because I was tidying up the place!"
    "Now he said he felt like I was cleaning after him as if he didn't do a good job enough when he tidied up but that was 4 days earlier!"
    "Now he says it's my fault. That I started this argument and of course won't [apologize] for being a ***."

    I'm sorry Kathryn, but I don't think the standard 'work on your communication skills, get into therapy' band-aids will fix him.
    He's sounds like an abuser.

    Was his Father an abuser?

    PS, I know you want it to work, but it never will if you have to force it.

  5. #5
    25Kathryn
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    65
    No, both his parents are lovely people and he did say that it was because he felt like I didn't think he tidy good enough and that I had to correct after him.
    And said that I should have just rest after a hard day at work and not tidy up. So on the one hand I can understand that he may have felt like I think he didn't do his job good enough.


    And should I really leave him after one argument like that? Nowadays people are too quick to leave as it's so easy to find someone else but I love him and don't want just to give up on him as soon as we have our first argument.

    I'm also trying to understand his point of view and why he may have reacted like that.

  6. #6
    LHGirl
    Forum Supporter
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    974
    Quote Originally Posted by Lester [Register to see the link]
    "A few days ago my bf came back home and started a massive argument with me. Why? Because I was tidying up the place!"
    "Now he said he felt like I was cleaning after him as if he didn't do a good job enough when he tidied up but that was 4 days earlier!"
    "Now he says it's my fault. That I started this argument and of course won't [apologize] for being a ***."

    I'm sorry Kathryn, but I don't think the standard 'work on your communication skills, get into therapy' band-aids will fix him.
    He's sounds like an abuser.

    Was his Father an abuser?

    PS, I know you want it to work, but it never will if you have to force it.
    How long have you been together? How long until you moved in together?

    This isn't some silly fight. This one is about power and control.

  7. #7
    j.man
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    8,401
    At face value, it would seem absurd for someone to get upset over their partner tidying up, but I'm wondering if that's not the exact yourself you are isolating the matter like this.

    How long have you two been together? Whose idea was it to move in? Do you have kids? Are you working? Are the finances equal? Whose house / apartment was it originally? And what exactly does a "massive argument" entail?

    Either there's a whole lot more driving him to be resentful and blow up over something so menial or, as Lester suggests, the guy's simply abusive. Personally, I'd be more inclined toward the former as he could be stewing for any number of reasons. If you could answer some of my questions above, that'd help actually interpret the situation.

    But this is what I don't quite get:

    I stopped tidying up, I am leaving my clothes and dirty plates all over the place.
    How does him [in his eyes] not wanting you to clean up after him lead to you not even picking up after yourself?

  8. #8
    25Kathryn
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    65
    We've been together almost 4 years and we've been living together almost 2.

  9. #9
    nutbrownhare
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    7,136
    Why? Because I was tidying up the place!
    If someone's starting a massive fight about you tidying up the place, it's really about something deeper within your relationship. Finding out what that might be could be the starting point for growth.

  10. #10
    25Kathryn
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    65
    Quote Originally Posted by j.man [Register to see the link]
    At face value, it would seem absurd for someone to get upset over their partner tidying up, but I'm wondering if that's not the exact yourself you are isolating the matter like this.

    How long have you two been together? Whose idea was it to move in? Do you have kids? Are you working? Are the finances equal? Whose house / apartment was it originally? And what exactly does a "massive argument" entail?

    Either there's a whole lot more driving him to be resentful and blow up over something so menial or, as Lester suggests, the guy's simply abusive. Personally, I'd be more inclined toward the former as he could be stewing for any number of reasons. If you could answer some of my questions above, that'd help actually interpret the situation.

    But this is what I don't quite get:



    How does him [in his eyes] not wanting you to clean up after him lead to you not even picking up after yourself?
    1. We've been together almost 4 years and living together almost 2.
    2. The first year of living together was great and then things started to change.
    3. He has 3 kids from his first marriage. Teenagers. 2 boys and 1 girl. Things were OK until his daughter entered a teen age and became mean - to everyone, not only to me. They don't live with us, they live with their mom.
    4. We both are working and sharing bills equally.
    5. We moved in here after we found the place together.
    6. I guess there may be some things that as you said, make him resentful but not sure what because I do find it really strange that he started a fight because I was tidying up. So if there are other reasons behind it, what can I do to find out or fix the situation? Should I really just gave up on this relationship and leave without even trying?
    7. I told him that if he's not happy to come home to a clean place, he would probably like it more to come back to a dirty one to see that it could look like if I didn't tidy up. And he is not telling me off for making all that mess because, as I see it, he knows I am right just doesn't want to admit it so keeps his mouth shout.

  11.  

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
My lazy boyfriend.
Honestly I am so annoyed. Like I LOVE my boyfriend I really do but he is so lazy. I work full time as a server and he doesnít work. He contributes
Did the Psychologist get this wrong??
Me and my boyfriend have been together 8 years. We have not married or had kids yet which is more because of me in the sense I don't feel ready. He
My Sister in law is in love with me
I am always very friendly with my sister-in-law(my own brothers wife). She is very beautiful and she has a 3 year old son. Sometimes I used to get
Boyfriend hasn't visited me in the hospital
Ok, so I have a question about a currebt situation. I an not sure if I am over reacting. I have been in the hospital for the last month. My
Plans
Ok, so my boyfriend has been super busy with work because of the holidays. We have only seen each other maybe a couple hours a few days out of the
Need help girlfriend is confusing me
I (29) have been with my Girlfriend (21) for a year and a half. We live together (my house) Everything has been great for the first year, but we just
My BF offered to his female friend to fake being her BF
I used to love his friend she was really nice to me and us! I used to think she loved us as a couple! Anyways, she broke up with her BF, and at

Featured Threads
Red Flag if the guy on first date does not pay for my food?
A guys asked me out to a dinner and picked the restaurant. Toward the end, when the waiter came to drop off the bill, the waiter leaned toward the
narcissistic ex - help/ how to get back at him
So this is a post about a narcisisstic, immature ex. Not an ex boyfriend, not an ex boy, but something in between. It was something in between
University freshers fling?
[B]Hey there! [/B] Thank you so much for reading this. I just [I]REALLY [/I]need advice as it's SERIOUSLY affecting MY LIFE
Should you call out your ex when you find out they've been cheating on you?
Just some thoughts guys. Have you been cheated on? What did you do? Did you call your ex out on the lies and deceit? Or go on with your lives?
Ex is being so angry and hateful
I was in kind of relationship for almost 6-7 months but unexpectedly we broke up. He dumped. Just on a fight. Just day after our breakup. I went back
How to avoid checking up on ex social media?
Hi friends, Iím finding that posting here and seeing so many of us in the same boat is proving rather helpful in my own journey to move on. That
Break-up
Hi, I've recently just been broken up with by my girlfriend of two years, she has stated it wasn't all my fault and she is part to blame, but would
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •