i feel like a horrible partner.

My fiance is a very emotionally and verbally abusive man. He makes me do everything. He hasn't had a job in 2 years. Won't take care of our daughters and neglets them badly. I love him and have been hoping he would change for our girls. Lately I've had too much of it and without thinking about it I've started cheating on him with a guy from my work place. It's been going on for about 2 months and I feel like the worst person in the world. I need someone's opinion on this.

hi.

the way your husband is behaving isnt right. if he treats you the way you describe i wonder why you would love him.

however, a lot is revealed when you say you are cheating on him. this, to me, mean you do not love him.

if you love someone you dont cheat on them.

regardless of the cheating i would get out of your marriage as soon as you can.

you dont need him in your life.

good luck. by the way, i still dont condone cheating, but i would get out of that mariage.

^^^

I agree... leave the marriage cause i absolutely hate cheating but your husband is a horrible partner.

Still he deserves that you leave him, not cheat on him!

Good luck!

If I leave him I could possibly loose our eldest daughter. She is not technically my daughter. Ive raised her since she was very small and had planned to adopt her after we got married but now I don't know what to do. My family is the only family she has. She would more than likely go into the foster system or be raised in a very dangerous household if taken away from me. That is what has made this so difficult.

You have to be smart. If you truly are concerned for the children, you need to be doing everything possible to keep yourself totally above board and not compromising your credibility ( for example, having this affair).

Have you ever called for legal council on your situation? I would suggest doing that. You could begin with calling a local women's resource Center, or a resource Center for those who are experiencing abuse.

You need to stop the affair. It only adds complication to the mix. Gather round yourself as much support as you can. You can sort this. There is a way out.

hi again,

i think there are two different agendas here.......you're worried about splitting up in case you lose touch with your eldest daughter.

however, you're cheating. if your husband finds out you will more than likely lose touch with your eldest daughter.

a lot of friends of my daughters have never spoken to the cheater parent again - and that's a biological parent.

so i would tread very carfeully.

My fiance is a very emotionally and verbally abusive man. He makes me do everything. He hasn't had a job in 2 years. Won't take care of our daughters and neglets them badly. I love him and have been hoping he would change for our girls. Lately I've had too much of it and without thinking about it I've started cheating on him with a guy from my work place. It's been going on for about 2 months and I feel like the worst person in the world. I need someone's opinion on this.

Don't feel bad. You're only human and we make mistakes.

Having a side guy isn't going to resolve situation at home. I understand the novelty of having a new toy to play with. Since the toy knows that you have a fiance. Shows what kinda of character he is. Fiance isn't making you happy either and sounds like a terrible man. I think you should start a clean slate and be single.

Good luck.

hi.

the way your husband is behaving isnt right. if he treats you the way you describe i wonder why you would love him.

however, a lot is revealed when you say you are cheating on him. this, to me, mean you do not love him.

if you love someone you dont cheat on them.

regardless of the cheating i would get out of your marriage as soon as you can.

you dont need him in your life.

good luck. by the way, i still dont condone cheating, but i would get out of that mariage.

Not really. People can love and cheat. It's more selfishness and lack of self control than anything else. Op's partner sounds awful, it's time to breakup.

OP,

You say he is emotionally and verbally abusive. How does this manifest? I've been in a relationship where my partner had an almost irrational response to a raised voice (childhood trauma / former relationship). Oddly not her own raised voice, but what seems to the outside world to be a normal argument, was very threatening / scary. My point is, what does he do (that you don't do) that is abusive?

Have you tried discussing it with him? Going the nuclear option and cheating on him seems quite an extreme response. Do you love him? If we love someone we protect them from hurt (not be the cause of hurt). If you don't, leave him. Don't play logistics with infidelity.