I broke up with ex and after NC we exchanged emails till he told me to stop!

I broke up with ex boyfriend of 5 months about 9 weeks ago when we both were deeply in love with each other. He made clear that he 100% didn't want to break up. I told him I was 100% sure about my decision. I blocked him every way apart from email. I decided to go on NC. 3 weeks later he emailed to ask me to change my address. I replied "will do". However since then I had urge to contact him. So after 4 weeks of NC I wrote him email to ask him how he was. Then we started email tennis for about 2 months. Today he told me to stop contacting him. Is that because he's frustrated or he really didn't have feeling for me completely?

We had the connection soon we met and I had the best 5 months being with him. I have been missing him terribly since day one. But deep down I knew i made right decision. However the pain has been excruciating. It was a short term relationship but I found it impossible to get over him. That's why I come here to seek advice to give me strength to move on.

He was the most loving, caring, intelligent, generous and handsome man I've ever met. I felt so loved up and happy. We were like soulmates. We had similar interests and he brought the best part out of me. We had a romantic holiday, spent weekends away. He took me to my first gig. He made breakfasts in bed whenever I stayed over in his. He cooked lovely meals. We had so much in common. I gave him the best birthday celebration he's ever had. We loved each other tremendously.

On the second date, he told me he was given sentence for some degrading messages to his ex. He felt fuming that she did it. He didn't think it was a big deal because it was not physical abuse. I didn't feel too alterted at that time.

Then some more red flags showed up. He got very jealous for no reason. He accused me of flirting with a man in a bar when I just looked at that direction and by accident there was a man!( I even didn't know what the man looked like). Afterwards I felt like I had to choose seats facing walls or somewhere avoiding possibility of seeing anyone to reduce unnecessary misunderstandings. I couldn't share anything relating to any men during work or other occasions. In his eyes every man who had contact with me had intension of sleeping with me. I'm not a flirtatious woman at all. I have strong morals. Never did anything to give him impression of being a loose woman. He also told me that he would never leave me as he knew I was the best girlfriend he could ever dreamed of.

One night out of blue, he sent messages containing abusive languages, name calling etc. He was suspicious I slept with someone before I met him but didn't tell him about this man. I got confused and humiliated and angry. Then I thought about the criminal incident he told me. I knew he hasn't changed, I realised it could get worse. That's the moment I decided to leave him for good.

He blamed me that it was my problem for acting too quickly, then made snap decision. I should understand that when he's angry, his words didn't mean the true feelings. I needed to ignore him for some time till he calmed down. I acted like a child that I gave up a perfect relationship like throwing away a toy when I got angry. Was him right? Should I take some responsibility for the failure of our relationship?

Since we started email tennis, I did tell him I missed him very much but I didn't want him to be back. He said his feeling for me turned off instantly when I told him I was 100% sure to break up. However He never failed replying my emails. It's always me leaving a few days without sending him anything. Then he started sending something again. We had some short and casual conversations now and then.

He was nice to everyone. So I guessed his emotional abuse was only towards his partner. (Correct me if I was wrong). After breaking up, I'd like to have him as my friend. Loosing him in my life has been an unbearable pain for me. However he told me he didn't want to remain friends.

From last week he stopped sending emails for the first time. I dropped him one yesterday. He replied. We exchanged a few more. Today he sent me email saying that when I called a day, namely he would switch off any feeling for me and we weren't going to be friends. Now stop contacting him and delete his email address. I didn't reply and decided to leave him alone.

I felt very upset, realising he's gone forever. I knew there was no future between us. He never acknowledged that his abusive messages caused this break up. He blamed me that it was my fault for acting childish and made snap decision.

Can you tell me if I was really too irrational? Could he turn off his feeling instantly? He asked me to stop contacting him although he initiated most of the contact after breakup. Is that because after 9 weeks his feeling had gone? Will he reach out one day to become friends with me?

Last point, he told me that no woman had broken up with him ever, it's always him who left them. He has huge ego because his successful career, physical advantages and extreme intelligence. I felt he couldn't get over the fact that he got dumped and hurt. I felt so bad about it too.

I got so confused. Have spent lots of time on reading and searching websites. I'm really struggling to get over and move on.

Sorry to hear this. After dating only 5 mos you dodged a bullet a lot of red flags. He's an abuser.

On the second date, he told me he was given sentence for some degrading messages to his ex. He felt fuming that she did it. He didn't think it was a big deal because it was not physical abuse. I didn't feel too alterted at that time.

 

He is an abusive nut!!!!

My question, why in the world would establish contact again? If he is abusive, why would you want this control freak as your friend?

I suggest you do some research on abusive men. That's one search you failed to do.

Signs to Look For In an Abusive Personality

Many people are interested in ways to predict whether they are about to become involved with someone who might be abusive. Abuse can occur in any type of relationship whether it is a heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, , or gay relationship. Women, men, transgendered people, and gender people all have the potential to be abusers or victims and survivors of abuse. Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in people who abuse. If the person shows at least three of the first 15 behaviors there is a strong potential for physical violence – the more signs a person shows, the more likely the person is prone to abuse. In some cases, an abusive person may demonstrate only a couple of the listed behaviors but in a much exaggerated manner (e.g., will try to explain their behavior as signs of their love and concern). The victim may be flattered at first but as time goes on, these behaviors become more severe and serve to dominate and control the victim.

1. Jealousy: At the beginning of a relationship an abusive person will always say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love; it’s a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. The abusive person will question the victim about whom she/he/ze/se talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or be jealous of time the victim spends with family, friends, or children. As the jealousy progresses, the abusive person may call the victim frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. The abusive person may refuse to let the victim work for fear she/he/ze/se will meet someone else, or even do strange behavior such as checking the car mileage or asking friends to watch the victim.

2. Controlling: At first, the abusive person will say this behavior results from concern about the victim’s safety, the victim’s need to use their time well, or to make good decisions. The abusive person will be angry if the victim is “late” coming back from the store or an appointment. The abusive person will question the victim closely about where they went or whom they talked to. As this behavior gets worse, the abusive person may not let the victim make personal decisions about the house, clothing, or going to church. The abusive person may keep all the money or even make the victim ask permission to leave the house or room.

3. Quick Involvement: Many people who have experienced abuse knew their abuser for a short time before they entered a relationship with them. The abusive person comes on like a whirlwind, claiming, “You’re the only person I could ever talk to,” or “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” The abusive person will pressure the victim to commit to the relationship in such a way that later the victim feels guilty if they want to slow down their involvement or break it off completely.

4. Unrealistic Expectations: An abusive person expects the victim to meet all of their needs; they expect the victim to be the perfect wife, husband, partner, parent, lover, friend, etc. The abusive person will say things like “if you love me, I’m all you need and you’re all I need.” The victim is expected to take care of everything for them emotionally and in the home.

5. Isolation: The abusive person tries to cut the victim off from all other resources. They may say they are “hurt” or “lonely” if the victim wants to spend time with friends or family without them. If the victim has friends of the gender they tend to be sexual with they might be called a “whore”; if the person is a heterosexual woman who has women friends, she might be called a “lesbian”; and if she is close to her family, she might be said to be “tied to the apron strings.” The abusive person accuses people who are the victim’s supports of “causing trouble.” They may want to live in the country without a phone; they may not let the victim use the car or have one that is reliable. They may try to keep the victim from working or going to school.

6. Blames Others for Their Problems: If the abusive person is chronically unemployed, someone is always “doing them wrong” or is “out to get them.” They may make mistakes but then blame the victim for upsetting them and keeping them from concentrating on the work. The abusive person will blame the victim for almost anything that goes wrong.

7. Blames Others for Their Feelings: The abusive person will tell the victim, “You make me mad” or “You’re hurting me by not doing what I want you to do,” or “I can’t help being angry.” It is really the abusive person who makes the decision about what they think or feel but they will use those feelings to manipulate the victim. Less obvious blaming statements are claims that “You make me happy,” or “You control how I feel.”

8. Hypersensitivity: An abusive person is easily insulted and claims that their feelings are “hurt” when really they are very mad. The abusive person will “rant and rave” about the injustice of things that have happened – things that are really just part of living such as being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, being told some behavior is annoying or being asked to help with chores.

9. Cruelty To Animals and/or Children: A person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering. An abuser may expect children to be capable of things beyond their ability (i.e., may whip a two year old for wetting a diaper) or may tease children until they cry (60% of people who abuse other people also abuse their children). Abusers may not want children to eat at the table or may expect them to remain in their rooms all evening while they are at home.

10. Use of Force in Sex: This kind of abuser may like to throw the victim down and hold them down during sex and may want to act out fantasies during sex where the victim is helpless. An abuser may be letting them know that the idea of rape is exciting. (This kind of non-consensual, violent behavior is different than safe and consensual BDSM or SM (bondage/dominance/sadomasochism): a type of sexual activity that should use carefully negotiated sex play.)

Abusers may show little concern about whether the person wants to have sex and may use sulking or anger to manipulate them into compliance. Abusers may start having sex with the person while they are sleeping or demand sex when the person is ill or tired.

11. Verbal Abuse: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel or hurtful, verbal abuse can be seen when the abuser degrades the person, cursing at them or minimizing any of their accomplishments. The abuser may tell the person that they are stupid and unable to function without them. This may involve waking the person up to verbally abuse them or not letting them go to sleep.

12. Rigid Sex Roles: The abuser expects a person to serve them and may say the person must stay at home, that they must obey in all things, even things that are criminal in nature. An abuser may believe that women, men, transgendered people or genderqueer people are inferior to their gender, are responsible for menial tasks, stupid and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

13. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Many people are confused by their abuser’s “sudden” changes in mood – they may think the abuser has some special mental problem because one minute the abuser is nice but the next minute he/she/ze/se is exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who abuse their partners and these behaviors are related to other characteristics such as hypersensitivity.

14. Past abuse: This person may say they have abused people in the past but that the person made him/her/zir/hir do it. The potential victim may hear from relatives or ex-spouses/partners/dates that the potential abuser is abusive. An abuser may beat any person that they are with. If the person has been abusive in the past, they always have the potential to be abusive in the present unless they have done intense interpersonal work with a professional around their abusive behavior. If the person is with the abuser long enough, the violence could begin. Situational circumstances do not make a person abusive or prevent a person from acting abusively.

15. Threats of Violence: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control the person; “I’ll slap your mouth off,” or “I’ll kill you,” or “I’ll break your neck.” Most people do not threaten their mates but an abuser will try to excuse threats by saying that “everyone talks like that.”

16. Breaking or Striking Objects: This behavior of breaking loved ones’ possessions or needed home items can be used as a punishment but is mostly used to terrorize the person into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with their fists or throw objects around or near the person. Again, this is very remarkable behavior – not only is this a sign of extreme emotional dysfunction but there is a great danger when someone thinks that they have the “right” to punish or frighten their partner.

17. Any Force During an Argument: This may involve an abuser holding the person down, physically restraining them from leaving the room, or any pushing or shoving. The abuser may hold the person against a wall and say, “You’re going to listen to me!”

"On the second date, he told me he was given sentence for some degrading messages to his ex."

This should have been enough for you never to see him again.

I also think he was full of sh@t regarding you being the first to ever dump him. Why would he be harassing his ex, if he had dumped her? Doesn't make any sense.

Why would you feel bad about dumping him? I strongly suggest counseling.

Every time you contact him you are encouraging him to start abusing you again. Why would you want that?

Sorry you went thru this.. but this guys is.. Toxic! Get away & stay away.....

And he never had those 'feelings' for you. he's controlling & manipulating. He's a user. ( You were seeing red flags).

Believe me.. you don't want to be friends with such an ***.

Now, you are damaged because of his 'drama' with you.. and you need some time AWAY from him n all his crap.

You need to work on healing from this.. thankfully wasn't that long.

Keep away.. don't play any more of his 'Mind games'!.. get yourself back to good again..- good you started to see the red flags... and acted-- or at least are starting to.

Trust me, I did numerous research on controlling, possessive and jealousy abusers.

Because I don't know how to let him go. Just want him to be a friend in my life.

I knew he was. Sometimes I felt I made a lucky escape and some days I just missed how nice he was most of the time we were together.

Lesson learned! Will never ever involve with anyone who has the abusive history.

That's the charm of him. His ex didn't want to break up but didn't let him see their kids, so he got frustrated and sent abusive messages. She reported to the police. If we hadn't broken up, he would have been reported by me to the police again.

I felt bad because he showed up those red flags towards the end and I missed the sweet memories. I just felt that I hurt someone who loved me so much. Plus his accuse of me being childish and made snap decision. I wasn't sure if I played part in the failure of the relationship.

Every time you contact him you are encouraging him to start abusing you again. Why would you want that?

But he didn't abuse me during the contact after breakup.

Signs to Look For In an Abusive Personality

 

Many people are interested in ways to predict whether they are about to become involved with someone who might be abusive. Abuse can occur in any type of relationship whether it is a heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, , or gay relationship. Women, men, transgendered people, and gender people all have the potential to be abusers or victims and survivors of abuse. Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in people who abuse. If the person shows at least three of the first 15 behaviors there is a strong potential for physical violence – the more signs a person shows, the more likely the person is prone to abuse. In some cases, an abusive person may demonstrate only a couple of the listed behaviors but in a much exaggerated manner (e.g., will try to explain their behavior as signs of their love and concern). The victim may be flattered at first but as time goes on, these behaviors become more severe and serve to dominate and control the victim.

 

1. Jealousy: At the beginning of a relationship an abusive person will always say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love; it’s a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. The abusive person will question the victim about whom she/he/ze/se talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or be jealous of time the victim spends with family, friends, or children. As the jealousy progresses, the abusive person may call the victim frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. The abusive person may refuse to let the victim work for fear she/he/ze/se will meet someone else, or even do strange behavior such as checking the car mileage or asking friends to watch the victim.

 

2. Controlling: At first, the abusive person will say this behavior results from concern about the victim’s safety, the victim’s need to use their time well, or to make good decisions. The abusive person will be angry if the victim is “late” coming back from the store or an appointment. The abusive person will question the victim closely about where they went or whom they talked to. As this behavior gets worse, the abusive person may not let the victim make personal decisions about the house, clothing, or going to church. The abusive person may keep all the money or even make the victim ask permission to leave the house or room.

 

3. Quick Involvement: Many people who have experienced abuse knew their abuser for a short time before they entered a relationship with them. The abusive person comes on like a whirlwind, claiming, “You’re the only person I could ever talk to,” or “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” The abusive person will pressure the victim to commit to the relationship in such a way that later the victim feels guilty if they want to slow down their involvement or break it off completely.

 

4. Unrealistic Expectations: An abusive person expects the victim to meet all of their needs; they expect the victim to be the perfect wife, husband, partner, parent, lover, friend, etc. The abusive person will say things like “if you love me, I’m all you need and you’re all I need.” The victim is expected to take care of everything for them emotionally and in the home.

 

5. Isolation: The abusive person tries to cut the victim off from all other resources. They may say they are “hurt” or “lonely” if the victim wants to spend time with friends or family without them. If the victim has friends of the gender they tend to be sexual with they might be called a “whore”; if the person is a heterosexual woman who has women friends, she might be called a “lesbian”; and if she is close to her family, she might be said to be “tied to the apron strings.” The abusive person accuses people who are the victim’s supports of “causing trouble.” They may want to live in the country without a phone; they may not let the victim use the car or have one that is reliable. They may try to keep the victim from working or going to school.

 

6. Blames Others for Their Problems: If the abusive person is chronically unemployed, someone is always “doing them wrong” or is “out to get them.” They may make mistakes but then blame the victim for upsetting them and keeping them from concentrating on the work. The abusive person will blame the victim for almost anything that goes wrong.

 

7. Blames Others for Their Feelings: The abusive person will tell the victim, “You make me mad” or “You’re hurting me by not doing what I want you to do,” or “I can’t help being angry.” It is really the abusive person who makes the decision about what they think or feel but they will use those feelings to manipulate the victim. Less obvious blaming statements are claims that “You make me happy,” or “You control how I feel.”

 

8. Hypersensitivity: An abusive person is easily insulted and claims that their feelings are “hurt” when really they are very mad. The abusive person will “rant and rave” about the injustice of things that have happened – things that are really just part of living such as being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, being told some behavior is annoying or being asked to help with chores.

 

9. Cruelty To Animals and/or Children: A person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering. An abuser may expect children to be capable of things beyond their ability (i.e., may whip a two year old for wetting a diaper) or may tease children until they cry (60% of people who abuse other people also abuse their children). Abusers may not want children to eat at the table or may expect them to remain in their rooms all evening while they are at home.

 

10. Use of Force in Sex: This kind of abuser may like to throw the victim down and hold them down during sex and may want to act out fantasies during sex where the victim is helpless. An abuser may be letting them know that the idea of rape is exciting. (This kind of non-consensual, violent behavior is different than safe and consensual BDSM or SM (bondage/dominance/sadomasochism): a type of sexual activity that should use carefully negotiated sex play.)

 

Abusers may show little concern about whether the person wants to have sex and may use sulking or anger to manipulate them into compliance. Abusers may start having sex with the person while they are sleeping or demand sex when the person is ill or tired.

 

11. Verbal Abuse: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel or hurtful, verbal abuse can be seen when the abuser degrades the person, cursing at them or minimizing any of their accomplishments. The abuser may tell the person that they are stupid and unable to function without them. This may involve waking the person up to verbally abuse them or not letting them go to sleep.

 

12. Rigid Sex Roles: The abuser expects a person to serve them and may say the person must stay at home, that they must obey in all things, even things that are criminal in nature. An abuser may believe that women, men, transgendered people or genderqueer people are inferior to their gender, are responsible for menial tasks, stupid and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

 

13. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Many people are confused by their abuser’s “sudden” changes in mood – they may think the abuser has some special mental problem because one minute the abuser is nice but the next minute he/she/ze/se is exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who abuse their partners and these behaviors are related to other characteristics such as hypersensitivity.

 

14. Past abuse: This person may say they have abused people in the past but that the person made him/her/zir/hir do it. The potential victim may hear from relatives or ex-spouses/partners/dates that the potential abuser is abusive. An abuser may beat any person that they are with. If the person has been abusive in the past, they always have the potential to be abusive in the present unless they have done intense interpersonal work with a professional around their abusive behavior. If the person is with the abuser long enough, the violence could begin. Situational circumstances do not make a person abusive or prevent a person from acting abusively.

 

15. Threats of Violence: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control the person; “I’ll slap your mouth off,” or “I’ll kill you,” or “I’ll break your neck.” Most people do not threaten their mates but an abuser will try to excuse threats by saying that “everyone talks like that.”

 

16. Breaking or Striking Objects: This behavior of breaking loved ones’ possessions or needed home items can be used as a punishment but is mostly used to terrorize the person into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with their fists or throw objects around or near the person. Again, this is very remarkable behavior – not only is this a sign of extreme emotional dysfunction but there is a great danger when someone thinks that they have the “right” to punish or frighten their partner.

 

17. Any Force During an Argument: This may involve an abuser holding the person down, physically restraining them from leaving the room, or any pushing or shoving. The abuser may hold the person against a wall and say, “You’re going to listen to me!”

He definitely hit a few of these 17 problems

Sorry to hear this. After dating only 5 mos you dodged a bullet a lot of red flags. He's an abuser.

Yes he is an abuser. I broke up after his first abusive episode. Maybe I should have had discussion about it with him and given him one more chance?

"Can you tell me if I was really too irrational? Could he turn off his feeling instantly? He asked me to stop contacting him although he initiated most of the contact after breakup. Is that because after 9 weeks his feeling had gone? Will he reach out one day to become friends with me? "

Can anyone answer these questions please? Thanks!

Yes he is an abuser. I broke up after his first abusive episode. Maybe I should have had discussion about it with him and given him one more chance?

NO, NO, NO!!!! What in the world are you going to talk to an abuser about. What are you not understanding!!! He is dangerous!!

Get some professional therapy!

"Can you tell me if I was really too irrational? Could he turn off his feeling instantly? He asked me to stop contacting him although he initiated most of the contact after breakup. Is that because after 9 weeks his feeling had gone? Will he reach out one day to become friends with me? "

 

Can anyone answer these questions please? Thanks!

Why would you be so desperate to be with someone like this? Why would you want someone like this in your life? Do you not have friends and a family? Is emotional abuse and manipulation normal for you? Clearly you know that something is wrong with him. What are you not understanding that he is not a good person???

Sorry you went thru this.. but this guys is.. Toxic! Get away & stay away.....

 

And he never had those 'feelings' for you. he's controlling & manipulating. He's a user. ( You were seeing red flags).

 

Believe me.. you don't want to be friends with such an ***.

 

Now, you are damaged because of his 'drama' with you.. and you need some time AWAY from him n all his crap.

You need to work on healing from this.. thankfully wasn't that long.

 

Keep away.. don't play any more of his 'Mind games'!.. get yourself back to good again..- good you started to see the red flags... and acted-- or at least are starting to.

I think you're right! I got damaged!!! That's why I can't get over him. I felt difficult not to think about him.

"On the second date, he told me he was given sentence for some degrading messages to his ex. He felt fuming that she did it. He didn't think it was a big deal because it was not physical abuse. I didn't feel too alterted at that time.

Then some more red flags showed up. He got very jealous for no reason. He accused me of flirting with a man in a bar when I just looked at that direction and by accident there was a man!( I even didn't know what the man looked like). Afterwards I felt like I had to choose seats facing walls or somewhere avoiding possibility of seeing anyone to reduce unnecessary misunderstandings. I couldn't share anything relating to any men during work or other occasions. In his eyes every man who had contact with me had intension of sleeping with me. I'm not a flirtatious woman at all. I have strong morals. Never did anything to give him impression of being a loose woman. He also told me that he would never leave me as he knew I was the best girlfriend he could ever dreamed of.

One night out of blue, he sent messages containing abusive languages, name calling etc. He was suspicious I slept with someone before I met him but didn't tell him about this man. I got confused and humiliated and angry. Then I thought about the criminal incident he told me. I knew he hasn't changed, I realised it could get worse. That's the moment I decided to leave him for good.

He blamed me that it was my problem for acting too quickly, then made snap decision. I should understand that when he's angry, his words didn't mean the true feelings. I needed to ignore him for some time till he calmed down. "

This was not perfect! This is not normal. HE IS AN ABUSER! Your ex is sick, manipulative, controlling and weird. Nothing in his behavior says that he loved you.

Why would you be so desperate to be with someone like this? Why would you want someone like this in your life? Do you not have friends and a family? Is emotional abuse and manipulation normal for you? Clearly you know that something is wrong with him. What are you not understanding that he is not a good person???

I don't know how to answer your questions. I do have friends and family, emotional abuse is NOT normal for me. I saw the warning signs. But he was not a bad person! Oh I'm confused...

What are you not understanding! You know that he is emotionally abusive, controlling and manipulative. Does this guy have to physically hit you for you to understand that this is dangerous? Emotional abuse is also very dangerous behavior, and by the sound of it, he would get violent.

Do you think it is normal for a man to be constantly accusing you of cheating and looking at other men, when you are not? Do you think it is normal for a man to humiliate you and call you names? He is incredibly insecure and has a lot of problems. He does not respect or love you, or would have NEVER have treated you in this way. You also know that he has a history of this behavior, This is who he is. He will not change. He is not a friend, unless you like abusive friends. Anna, he will treat all women this way, as something is wrong with him.

I have said all I can say. Please get therapy, to understand and move on from this creep. As I said before, most women would have dumped this guy after he mentioned the charge for abusive messages. Why you thought this was OK, and decided to move forward with him, is scary.

Do your family and friends know about this? If so, what do they think of him? Also, would you want your best friend or sister to be with a man that treated them like this?

You got out because you knew something was wrong with him. Don't second guess yourself. You made the right decision to end it.

Good luck.

Sorry you went thru this.. but this guys is.. Toxic! Get away & stay away.....

 

And he never had those 'feelings' for you. he's controlling & manipulating. He's a user. ( You were seeing red flags).

 

Believe me.. you don't want to be friends with such an ***.

 

Now, you are damaged because of his 'drama' with you.. and you need some time AWAY from him n all his crap.

You need to work on healing from this.. thankfully wasn't that long.

 

Keep away.. don't play any more of his 'Mind games'!.. get yourself back to good again..- good you started to see the red flags... and acted-- or at least are starting to.

How did you know he never had feelings for me? I felt that he was in love with me. He showed those warning signs towards the end and picked up and finished with him. He's an abuser but shall I deny his love for me?

When people love you, they don't treat you like that! They are kind, not controlling and cruel. These types of men treat all of their victims like this.

You never answered any of my questions?????

Be done with this and get help.

Anna:

The words "love" and "abuse" cannot exist in the same sentence. An abuser does not love anyone, least of all himself (or herself).

You "felt" that he was in love with you. That was your feeling, something which understandably you wanted to believe. People like him can mimic any emotion, and are adept at convincing their unfortunate target of just about anything.

When people love you, they don't treat you like that! They are kind, not controlling and cruel. These types of men treat all of their victims like this.

 

You never answered any of my questions?????

 

Be done with this and get help.

Your messages are so powerful!!! You're incredibly insightful and sharp!! Every word is like a bullet waking me up. I seriously can't thank you enough. You reassured me, cleared my doubts. I felt lot stronger today. It's sad to hear your words that he never loved me. I thought he did and I hurt his feelings, I thought he'd crop up as he wouldn't bear the pain without me. If I had believed that he never loved me, I probably had not been this difficult to get over him.

Anna:

 

The words "love" and "abuse" cannot exist in the same sentence. An abuser does not love anyone, least of all himself (or herself).

 

You "felt" that he was in love with you. That was your feeling, something which understandably you wanted to believe. People like him can mimic any emotion, and are adept at convincing their unfortunate target of just about anything.

It makes sense that "love" and "abuse" can't be together. However I did deeply felt his love, care, generosity, affection and all other feelings exclusive to lovers. In fact I felt he loved me the most than any other exes.

He accused me of flirting or cheating or sending abusive messages towards the end of the relationship.

Can abusers not love anyone genuinely apart from themselves??