Anna Bell Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 I broke up with ex boyfriend of 5 months about 9 weeks ago when we both were deeply in love with each other. He made clear that he 100% didn't want to break up. I told him I was 100% sure about my decision. I blocked him every way apart from email. I decided to go on NC. 3 weeks later he emailed to ask me to change my address. I replied "will do". However since then I had urge to contact him. So after 4 weeks of NC I wrote him email to ask him how he was. Then we started email tennis for about 2 months. Today he told me to stop contacting him. Is that because he's frustrated or he really didn't have feeling for me completely? We had the connection soon we met and I had the best 5 months being with him. I have been missing him terribly since day one. But deep down I knew i made right decision. However the pain has been excruciating. It was a short term relationship but I found it impossible to get over him. That's why I come here to seek advice to give me strength to move on. He was the most loving, caring, intelligent, generous and handsome man I've ever met. I felt so loved up and happy. We were like soulmates. We had similar interests and he brought the best part out of me. We had a romantic holiday, spent weekends away. He took me to my first gig. He made breakfasts in bed whenever I stayed over in his. He cooked lovely meals. We had so much in common. I gave him the best birthday celebration he's ever had. We loved each other tremendously. On the second date, he told me he was given sentence for some degrading messages to his ex. He felt fuming that she did it. He didn't think it was a big deal because it was not physical abuse. I didn't feel too alterted at that time. Then some more red flags showed up. He got very jealous for no reason. He accused me of flirting with a man in a bar when I just looked at that direction and by accident there was a man!( I even didn't know what the man looked like). Afterwards I felt like I had to choose seats facing walls or somewhere avoiding possibility of seeing anyone to reduce unnecessary misunderstandings. I couldn't share anything relating to any men during work or other occasions. In his eyes every man who had contact with me had intension of sleeping with me. I'm not a flirtatious woman at all. I have strong morals. Never did anything to give him impression of being a loose woman. He also told me that he would never leave me as he knew I was the best girlfriend he could ever dreamed of. One night out of blue, he sent messages containing abusive languages, name calling etc. He was suspicious I slept with someone before I met him but didn't tell him about this man. I got confused and humiliated and angry. Then I thought about the criminal incident he told me. I knew he hasn't changed, I realised it could get worse. That's the moment I decided to leave him for good. He blamed me that it was my problem for acting too quickly, then made snap decision. I should understand that when he's angry, his words didn't mean the true feelings. I needed to ignore him for some time till he calmed down. I acted like a child that I gave up a perfect relationship like throwing away a toy when I got angry. Was him right? Should I take some responsibility for the failure of our relationship? Since we started email tennis, I did tell him I missed him very much but I didn't want him to be back. He said his feeling for me turned off instantly when I told him I was 100% sure to break up. However He never failed replying my emails. It's always me leaving a few days without sending him anything. Then he started sending something again. We had some short and casual conversations now and then. He was nice to everyone. So I guessed his emotional abuse was only towards his partner. (Correct me if I was wrong). After breaking up, I'd like to have him as my friend. Loosing him in my life has been an unbearable pain for me. However he told me he didn't want to remain friends. From last week he stopped sending emails for the first time. I dropped him one yesterday. He replied. We exchanged a few more. Today he sent me email saying that when I called a day, namely he would switch off any feeling for me and we weren't going to be friends. Now stop contacting him and delete his email address. I didn't reply and decided to leave him alone. I felt very upset, realising he's gone forever. I knew there was no future between us. He never acknowledged that his abusive messages caused this break up. He blamed me that it was my fault for acting childish and made snap decision. Can you tell me if I was really too irrational? Could he turn off his feeling instantly? He asked me to stop contacting him although he initiated most of the contact after breakup. Is that because after 9 weeks his feeling had gone? Will he reach out one day to become friends with me? Last point, he told me that no woman had broken up with him ever, it's always him who left them. He has huge ego because his successful career, physical advantages and extreme intelligence. I felt he couldn't get over the fact that he got dumped and hurt. I felt so bad about it too. I got so confused. Have spent lots of time on reading and searching websites. I'm really struggling to get over and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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