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Thread: Reasons why you shouldn't be friends/in contact with your ex! (add your own)

  1. #1
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    Reasons why you shouldn't be friends/in contact with your ex! (add your own)

    Reasons why you shouldn't be friends/in contact with your ex or unrequited love.

    - it's another way to avoid dealing with the pain of a break-up or loss but you will have to deal with it sooner or later, like when your ex starts dating someone else... and it will happen

    - it shows your ex that you don't have the confidence to walk away from someone that has ALREADY told you that they don't see a future with you

    - it shows your ex that you are willing to settle for less than what you want

    - it shows your ex that you are not strong or confident enough to stand on your own two feet

    - it will keep the pain fresh and give you false hope

    - instead of living your life and healing, you will spend that time analysing your ex's behaviour. "does this mean he/she wants to get back together?" or you will spend your time trying to manipulate your own behaviour so that they will want you back (it's not fun).

    - you will have to see how much fun they are having when they are free and single without you tying them down

    - you will have to repress your true feelings because you are the one that accepted this arrangement, trying to let your ex believe that you are cool with it

    - your ex can sleep with you/lead you on/tease you/hang out together, but if you get "the wrong impression" your ex can say, "but babe, we're just friends, remember? You agreed to that and I don't want to be tied down right now." Ouch.

    - it will stop YOU from meeting and seeing (with your heart) people that WILL want to be with you. from meeting someone that will not be happy with just being friends. Someone that is so crazy about YOU, that friends simply won't do.

    - you will probably see or hear about your ex flirting with someone else, or worse, sleeping with them. Like a knife to your heart. Gah!

    - it keeps you in a perpetual state of limbo where you are uncertain about what your future holds (in a bad way)

    - it does nothing to help your self esteem and dignity (which is low after a break up anyway) because you are asking yourself, "why doesn't my ex want to be with me? what is so wrong with me that I'm right here waiting for them and they still turn me down?"

    - it doesn't give you time to get perspective or clarity or to learn anything from the relationship. You can only look at something objectively when enough time has passed. You cannot do that if you are in the middle of the hurricane.

    Walk away with dignity people! If your ex changes their mind - they know how to use a freaking phone or send you a letter, even! I'm sure that you can count on your hand AT LEAST five different ways that your ex can contact you if they change their mind AND want to make it clear to you that you are the love of their life. But staying friends is NOT an option!
    Last edited by dramallama; 05-03-2011 at 05:20 AM.

  2. #2
    Member BrokenSmile's Avatar
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    thank you for posting this.

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    - Why would you give your ex ego boosts when they're feeding you bread crumbs?

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    I completely agree...friends with ex's is a no go!!

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    Member garretp's Avatar
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    Great post, this is going to really help me. Thank you

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    Thank you for posting this, i'm going to print it & stick it on my wall.

    G x

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    Silver Member vivia12's Avatar
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    This is a truly well written to the point thread that answered many of my unanswered questions. Even though we are back in contact with eachother,in my heart I dont want to be stay friends,thats not what I want just bc he wants that-he's in a relationship.
    I even cringe when I wrote that,so imagine when he brings her up in a convo,which is something I really cant stand him doing that. This is why its not a good idea to stay friends,but i dont want to totally never hear from him either Just bit confused about it.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member zaza34's Avatar
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    Great post! I also have just realised that there is no such thing as being friendly after a break up and keep contact, though things are not just black or white, and we are not perfect and we might regret the break up and the mistakes we made, but I guess when we realise that there is no way back it is best to just move on, without looking back... By looking back we will just keep the pain alive and feed all our illusions and we will end up hurting ourselves even more... So I don t want my ex back, I don t want to stay friends with my ex any more, I decided to be my own best friend first of all and prevent myself from keep doing stupid things like waiting, hoping, asking useless questions about what was and what could have been...

  10. #9
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    can someone make this a sticky please. This is the realest list of reasons I have ever read to date, including lots of similar posts on this forum. They should all be pooled in one mega thread for newcomers (like myself) to learn from because they are just so true and helpful!

    cant thank you enough for posting this/all the help you are to everyone. You really do make a difference in people's lives, and I hope you know this

  11. #10
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    You're welcome everyone. The reason why I could write that list is because I have felt most, if not all of those reasons myself with my unrequited love.

    Another reason...

    - it lets your ex use YOU as their emotional tampon (where you have to soak up all of their problems), where you are there for them when THEY need you. But with them it's a different story when it comes to YOUR needs. Also, you may be reluctant to express your needs because you want to be "cool" and not put any "pressure" on your ex, so they don't think you are asking too much of them. In the end it just drives you crazy because you can't act how you want to act. You become frustrated version of yourself which drives you to be even more clingy.

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