My wife is lesbian

My wife told me she is realizing that she is gay and she has a crush on her gay female friend. we are married almost 3 years. the marriage was an arrangement at the beginning. After we got married we fell in love with each other. Our relationship been on and off all this time. we had a lot of stuff going on all this time. Im a calm person, I would say too calm, Closed inside. its hard for me to share my real feelings that boil inside of me. She is an active strong personality. I was aggravating her with all small things I was doing or not doing. When I see her getting mad on me Im shutting down emotionally (which bring me down). she wants me to be the strong partner, but Im trying to avoid arguing (i dont like to argue with people I care) or to turn into her baby dady (he is a violent person, now in jail) (the baby is 9). what I can tell is that my job contributed to ruining my marriage. (I work over 2 years with no vacation, 6 or 7 days a week mostly in the evening, so when Im at work she is home, when Im home she is at work). I didn't offer them much of my time trying to make some money to pay the rent and the bills. her anger had its role in this play too. when im at work seeing other couples makes me feel horrible. we sleep separate and no sex life. cannot afford a counselor thats why Im here. Now I cant focus on anything. I became very sensitive and this is affecting me a lot. I want to be with her. But if she would feel better and happy with someone else I will step to the side ( even this is not what I want). Sorry for my interrupted story , just cant explain all I have inside. Even if all this story brought me down I still want to be happy.

What do you think about all this?

Do you really think your actions were so reprehensible that they not only caused the relationship to fail but also turned your wife into a lesbian? That's the height of arrogance, my friend. I'm guessing she played a part in this outcome as well.

Does she want a divorce or your approval for an open relationship? Was she always bi/lesbian? Was she forced into this marriage by your families?

Are there repercussions in your culture about divorce or homosexuality? Do you think she was lesbian all along and this is a sham marriage? Do you support her financially? Are women allowed to work in your culture?

the marriage was an arrangement at the beginning. we sleep separate and no sex life. if she would feel better and happy with someone else I will step to the side.

Leave.

You are struggling with money, work alot of hours, want to be happy and dont like fighting with people you love. Those are all things that are understandable.

A partner who cares about you would understand, live the struggle with you, instead of fighting with you would team up with you to take on problems together.

Get peace of mind, leave the drama and stress. Plus she wants something else.

Get urself together and find yourself another woman who is worth all this trouble.

the arrangement was between me and her. we r in US. She is american Im european. Its not a sham marriage. She wasnt lesbian. SHe was the one that fired up our relation. we a liberal, no cultural problems. I pay the rent and the bills, she is buying the groceries.

Would you be okay with an open marriage? One where you both are free to see other people on the side but remain committed to eachother? It works for some people.

in last couple moths I work about 75-90 hours/week. so most of the time Im not home

Im a loyal person, an open marriage will destroy me. just thinking she is sleeping with someone else make me feel like an idiot. i know in some cases works but not with me. if loyal i wait that other person is loyal too.

in last couple moths I work about 75-90 hours/week. so most of the time Im not home

Two months of long hours wouldn't destroy an otherwise healthy relationship.

thanks for opinions, ill keep reading

Was this arrangement for US residency status? What do you mean 'arranged'? Who supported her before you? Her parents?

the arrangement was between me and her. we r in US. She is american Im european. I pay the rent and the bills, she is buying the groceries.

That's the height of arrogance, my friend.

Could you explain please, (Im not English native).

You are not compatible. At all! This will not work!

No. I would NEVER be receptive to an open marriage.

Don't you think it's time that you sought a divorce attorney?

the arrangement was between me and her. we r in US. She is american Im european. Its not a sham marriage. She wasnt lesbian. SHe was the one that fired up our relation. we a liberal, no cultural problems. I pay the rent and the bills, she is buying the groceries.

Why aren't expenses split down the middle?

You have allowed yourself to be her doormat!

Was this arrangement for US residency status? What do you mean 'arranged'? Who supported her before you? Her parents?

She was in the relationship with the baby dady who turned to be violent and at the end charged with home battery. after he was arrested in couple months I appeared in her life. her parents didnt help. so before me her friends supported her.

Oh God! So, she doesn't even work?

at the beginning we were splitting the rent and bills, then I started to bring more money home then her, also she is paid less than me. i tried to be "useful"

Why isn't she contributing more? You are breaking your back, for someone who contributes little financially, provides no sex or intimacy, puts you down and has now told you that she is a lesbian.

C'mon, you should have left already!

Oh God! So, she doesn't even work?

she is working

Lastly, if she is gay, this is done. You cannot compete with thAT!

she is working

Why does she only pay for groceries? How many hours does she work a week?

Why isn't she contributing more? You are breaking your back, for someone who contributes little financially, provides no sex or intimacy, puts you down and has now told you that she is a lesbian.

 

C'mon, you should have left already!

HOPE and feelings, this is what is holding me. Cant live with just hope, but here I am

Why does she only pay for groceries? How many hours does she work a week?

I earn about 3 times more than her. she is workin 40/week but she is taking care of the boy too, but beeing a mother would be a job too. especially when im not home most of the time

That's called denial and self-hurt! SHE IS GAY!!!!!!! Plus, she does not expect you, at all! Are you going to continue in a disrespectful, sexless marriage?

Why does she only pay for groceries?????????????????

Dude, this is sad. Would you advise your brother or best friend to stay in a nothing relationship like this? The worst part is how hard you work to support this unhealthy relationship.