An ex i cant give up on

I started dating this guy about a year ago - we clicked straight away and he ticked box's i didnt even know i had - it was my first relationship since getting my heart absolutely shattered so i was cautious and wanted to take things slow - he had other ideas. He would say things like "marry me already" and "you amaze me" one night he took me out to dinner and asked me to be his gurlfriend, i cried and admitted i was terrified of getting hurt again but he said "i havent had a gurlfriend for 5 years because i promised myself i wouldn't date anyone unless i was serious about them. I am excited about a future with you and i want to introduce you to my family " - one week later, he came over, said "this isnt working " and left. He wouldnt respond to my texts or my calls. No fight, nothing. A couple of months later we started sleeping together again. Simple booty calls on weekends. It started being every single weekend- for 5 months. He would plan it, massaging me early in the night asking to come over, complimenting me, staying the night and cuddling. Last week i messaged him saying i liked spending time with him again, would he consider going on a date with me? He never replied.....why wouldnt he just send a no? I dont understand why we broke up in the first place and getting no reply still kinda gives me hope. What do i do?

Is there someone else? Is he looking for sex without commitment? He seems to want an FWB situation, not a girlfriend. I think if you push him hard enough, he'll leave rather than commit.

Hi,

This guy sounds like he was playing you all along I hate to say. If he had true intentions of being serious he wouldn't have broken up with you. He just wanted sex. I say block, delete and move on. You are worth more then this.

Lisa

He said all those nice things to get you into bed. I am sorry you ran into a man like this. I know you want so much to believe that it's not just about sex for him, but it sure sounds like it. I would cut him off of sex altogether and see how much he cares then.

Don't allow yourself to keep being used.

But why can't ge just reply "no" then?

But we were sleeping together before he asked me out. I didn't want to be official so why push so hard to get me to date him?

Because why should he?

I ignore people I don't want to see or talk to or hang out with. If i reply no, then they suggest other dates or times or things. This is easiest.

Take the hint - he's not interested

Thank you for being honest

Not replying is a little hurtful. It takes alot of confidence and courage to ask a boy out- to put your emotions on the line, and for guy to think its all to much effort to reply is a hurtful rejection and embrassing. In this case it was an open invite "would you consider going on a date with me?" So a no would have been final - no other options. An answer is always nicer than nothing at all

I am curious about some of the details here - what are your ages, circumstances of your heart-shattering breakup and time since the breakup, circumstances behind his breakup that caused him to be single for the five years following that? How did you guys meet? Who contacted whom after you broke up the first time?

Guys who rush with giant proclamations really soon (You're the best! I want to have a future with you! I want you to meet my family!) - that is often "red flag" territory... not always, but definitely something to pay attention to... there is a tendency to burn hot and fast... I am disagreeing with those who say he "played" you - whether he could fulfill his fantastical ideas of a future together, he did choose to end the relationship. Sure "this isn't working" doesn't feel like a satisfying response, but he didn't continue to lead you on and sleep with you and all you can do (or could have done) is take him at his word.

Re-connecting with him two months later when he had been clear he didn't want a relationship puts the onus on you - you let your self go into a "booty call" relationship with someone that was offering you nothing more than that. And when you wanted to have me, his non-response was his response. Yes, in a perfect world, he would say "I don't want this to be anything more than sexual" - but through his words and actions (and non-words and non-actions) you have the information you need. Trying to turn this into anything more would be a fool's errand.

There is nothing wrong with having hope, there is nothing wrong with feeling sad or missing someone (those feelings can't be controlled) but if you try to pursue him (even to just get answers, which are rarely satisfying even when we get them), you will end up hurting yourself even more.

I got cheated on for almost 4 years by my first love. It made me very insecure and broken. I matched with this guy on tinder 2 years after i got dunped. I actually told him not to bother with me - i told him i was broken and told him everything about my past. We spoke fot almost 6 months before we went out on our first date. His ex he dated for 8 months then they broke up for 6 months before they dated for another 3 months. She was still in his circle of friends and was goid friends with his sister still. After we broke up i tried to be friends and reach out to him a few times, but he never responded until one day. I agreed to fwb because i thought i was over him and was getting lonely.....i should have known better that i would ofcourse fall for him again. I am the fool - i know

It sounds like you need to work on learning how to set healthy boundaries. Trusting blindly and disregarding red flags leads to hurting yourself. People can say anything to suit their agenda. More so the ones off Tinder. The key is to leave if words and actions don't match. This guy sounds like a jerk that would say anything and everything to get sex, if not he is a basket case. Either way, he is clearly unsuitable. It's YOUR responsibility to cut off hurtful people as soon as they show you their true face, NOT stay on analyzing inconsistent behaviour. The inconsistent part is the only information you need to know that you should move on from them.

P.S. If you can't give up on people who treat you in a hurtful manner then maybe it's time to seek therapy.

But why can't ge just reply "no" then?

Because he still needs you around to have sex, and the only way he can accomplish that is by keeping you in limbo. If he told you a flat no, chances are you won't stick around because no implies there's no chance of anything other than sex happening between you two. By him not responding, you still have hope that something more may develop.

Unfortunately the best thing to do is no longer reply to him, if and when he calls again. And definitely don't be a booty call again.

Why were you on tinder only to tell people to leave you alone and go on and on about how "broken" you are?? Doing that leaves you vulnerable to users. Seriously there are people who prey on others who are "broken" or otherwise vulnerable. You put it on a silver platter for him.

Don't spill your guts to complete strangers on dating apps. It will lead to dangerous situations.

This guy sounds like your run-of-the-mill jerk (my original expletive didn't show in the post!) , to put it bluntly. Definitely be wary in the future of guys that start tossing out the "I love you" and "Marry me" lines so early on. I'm sorry you had this happen to you. It truly sucks.

Because he Wants To confuse you to keep the no strings sex going.

But why can't ge just reply "no" then?