Kadbanoo

This is a thread where people share stories of reconciliations - you should start a thread in "Healing" or "Coping" if you need advice.

I have read every single post in this thread and it's been really great. I am 2.5 months out of my first breakup where I was the one dumped and I never thought I could get past the pain... I've had several other long relationships in my life - 5 years dating, 12 years dating, seven-year marriage (all which ended amicably and I remained great friends with my exes) and now my last relationship of a year where he left. I have truly never experienced such pain and never thought I could get past it, but I have (finally). After our breakup, we stayed in contact for three weeks, then I started absolute NC because it was clear that getting back together was not on the table at that time and it was too painful to stay in touch. No social media contact, no google searching, avoiding him at work (we are professors at the same university). He broke it to invite me out to dinner and as I was getting up to leave at the end, he proceeds to tell me that he (supposedly) had a new girlfriend (thanks a lot!). That caused harsh words (like "Why the eff would you tell me this, I was moving on???!!") and after some emotional email exchanges over the next few days, ended with him saying he didn't love me anymore and to not contact him anymore, which I haven't (five weeks). NC is really the best way to move on and I never thought I would get past the pain but I have. Now I can look back on our memories (photos of vacations, videos, etc) and smile from ear to ear because they were such wonderful memories!! I just wanted to comment on the part about "no response only means they still have feelings". While that can be true (who knows!) it can also just be that they aren't interested and don't want to be in contact. In the spirit of the thread, here are some reconciliation stories: 1. My parents were married for 22 years, divorced for two, then remarried again for two more years before divorcing again. They remained best friends for the next 25 years until my dad died. I think they reconciled not because they were romantically in love, but because my mom had gotten dumped by a boyfriend she had after the first divorce and they were both lonely. That said, they were good friends but I know my dad was really shattered by the divorce. I didn't know this at the time, but found out later. My mom went on to marry and divorce three other men... she's kind of a whackadoodle. 2. When my first boyfriend found out my last relationship ended (we still keep in touch - I am 45 now and we dated from age 14-19), he asked AGAIN for me to come back and start again with him... he has always tried to get back with me since we broke up 25 years ago! (He broke up with me because I cheated on him.) Not a reconciliation story, but an ex coming back. 3. One of my friends here in Paris was with her boyfriend for a year (she left her husband for him). He broke up with her, saying he didn't love her anymore and they didn't have contact for five years. She had to contact him to get a signature on some car sale papers (after five years) and he said that he always loved her and they got back together. They have had a couple of long breakups since then, but they live together and bought an apartment together a few years ago. All this said, it's a pretty dysfunctional relationship from what she's said - they haven't had sex in 18 months and he says and does horrible things to her. (Like "I dont' love you anymore" and putting his hands around her neck!). ugh... Not sure that's a reconciliation I would hope for. 4. After I was dumped by my boyfriend, I considered returning to my ex husband out of loneliness. Not a good idea and didn't do it (didn't want to hurt him or myself) , but can show that reconciliations can possibly happen for the wrong reasons. Not the most uplifting stories but from what I have seen and experienced, if people do get back together (which does happen a lot), if they don't work on problems that broke them up in the first place, a successful reconciliation is very unlikely. You have to have two very motivated people to make it work.