girlfriend bpd?

Hi all.long story just wanted a bit of info.my ex girlfriend of 7.5 years was perfect at first.then I started to see her telling a few lies here and there to people and just thought it was a little strange.just little things like she speaks fluent spanish when she does not speak any at all.i started to notice that she would go through best friends all the time.she would have a new best friend every month and the one before she would never speak to again for some reason.she would play her friends against each other and tell lies about them behind there backs to each other.making them comment on the other and then waiting for a comment back and going straight to the other friend she said this and she said that about you.very strange!!!.anyway she would go on forums for mums with problems and tell them information that she really has no clue about and not just mum forums but lots of other things.its like she needed to be needed but had no clue about what she was talking about.she told people she is a nurse when she is a carer which is completely different and she has told me lots of stuff from her past which seem exaggerated but could possibly be true but im doubting it.im a martial artist and I have given her probably 3 1 hour lessons on self defence whilst having a drinking session with her at home so nothing would have stuck In her mind and these was probably about 3 years ago but 4 months ago she text me to say she was aattacked at work by a bodybuilder man but it was ok she done martial arts on him and restrained him in a arm lock until the police arrived!!! Really? Ive taken 10 years to learn that and still would struggle with a man larger than me

she wanted a baby and I was not in the right place to have one so I said no and she has left me.we have no contact for 3 months apart from when I try pleading which dont work and have only done this twice.she has a new man which after 2 weeks of us sepaerating she got involved with.it was our anniversary 2 weeks ago and she sent me a pic of us both last year on our anniversary and said happy times but I have ignored it.....is she normal sorry for the long story

Unfortunately you put up with 7.5 yrs of nonsense. It sounds like you dodged a bullet if she was this immature unstable and shallow. How old is she? Why were you together that long with no talk of the future?

Did you live together? Besides kids did she want marriage,etc? She does not sounds like gf material no less wife or mother material. What did she actually do for a job? Did she have a decent relationship with family or coworkers? Did she make up these lies to them also?

Good idea to end it with that ultimatum. Go no contact and block her so your heart and brain can heal from all this and you can move onto someone a bit less crazy..

she wanted a baby and I was not in the right place to have one so I said no and she has left me.we have no contact for 3 months. she has a new man which after 2 weeks of us sepaerating she got involved with.

No... She doesn't sound 'normal'...

But, unless she has been diagnosed by professionals.. no one can say who/what she is.

She does sound a little off her rocker... but if you look up BPD, bipolar, sociopath's, etc.. maybe that'll help.

I have encountered a couple of bipolar men.... very different, very challenging and relationships dont seem to last with many changes & things going on in their world & head... can be VERY emotionally overwhelming.

And both ended up walking away ( total silence) for a month or 2.. then came back.

I caught on quickly to the second encounter... nope.. not again!

But, yes they can be challenging.. liers, etc.

I suggest some counseling to understand what attracts you to this dynamic. Why was this OK for you????

This was a really chaotic and toxic environment.

obviously not healthy.

why is it important to understand what's wrong with her now?

what did she coax out of you- cognitively, emotionally, behaviorally. you have only yourself to unvail in retrospect. what did she trigger in you and from you. the latent things that pop up when relating to humans are the riddle we need to know. the other is a question mark followed by an exclamation point because i feel so inept, small, incompetent, stupid, fearful engaging with him. "what are you?!" is hence really "what am I?"

if her transference is intriguing, it is no more so than my countertransference (i mean the general "my").

your post is a long question, a confusion intended to be about her, but you're confused because you didn' know how to relate to such a person functionally. that's something one actually benefits from investigating.

Thankyou for all replys.She is 29.no I didnt live with her but spent alot of time there.yes we discussed marriage and she was always telling me what I wanted to hear.she was always te ting me about drama everyday.she is a carer for old people but was always changing jobs due to falli g out with the boss and stuff.i have spoken to ex best friends which I would say she has had at least 10 in the last year but has broken contact with all of them and they think similar to me.she has a daughter and she shouts at the daughter alot especially if she is trying to write something on social media or texting and the daughtertries to distract her for attention.she has been married before and her ex told me once many years ago that she told him her maid of honour and bridesmaid at their wedding was her best friends from school. When I spoke to my friend who is her best male friend and he also tjinks the same as me he told me that he sent to the wedding and didnt have a clue who these girls were and he was in her class at school.so when he asked her who tjey was she had a massive go at him and asked what he was implying.lol struggling to forget her but I cant go back to her although she made me feel so good.i feel small and am trying to justify I guess to steer clear.which is hard when you have put so much effoort in.feel bloody stupid. Im a very strong person normally but cant work out what addicted me to her when I look back at the relationship.its like I was drawn in or something

Who does she live with? Does the ex pay child support?. Most of this drama sounds like nonsense and kid stuff.

Do you think you feel sour grapes that she left and that's why you are painting her as crazy? Because it's odd after 7.5 yrs that you just realized this.

Was this one of those hot/crazy messes? What is it you want? Is she still with the new guy? Is she in "29 and need a baby now" mode?

She is 29.no I didnt live with her but spent alot of time there. she has a daughter and she shouts at the daughter. although she made me feel so good.

She has just been given a house by government and is lonely hence this new guy so soon as she cant be on her own which is why she shacked up with me less than a month after her ex.he does not pay maintenece.she has always mentioned a baby at some point but not to argue like the night we did.during the argument my phone was in my pocket and I accidently phoned the male best friend of hers and heard our whole conversation.she texted shoortly after she left and completley changed the story to making her out to be the victim.perfect example her daughter was crying and I went upstairs and told her that it will all be ok and that we are just not happy at the moment.yet she told her best friend it was her that went up and I was outside smoking and told her to get her kid and get out.lol she was the one outside and never said a word to her daughter.her friend didnt mention this to her as she would have gone mad at him or something.i guess im just trying to put closure on things but and struggling cus I feel ive wasted so much time and effort.yes I can see she was like this now but at the time love was blind and I was sucked in maybe hoping things will change.cant work out why she wants to throw it all away so easily and has gone no contact and so cold with me.not yhe girl I knew.wouldnt be so bad if I smelt the roses and blew her out instead.just feel stupid and annoyed that it was on her terms and not mine.but yes lucky escape just got to try a moving on stage now

Sorry but all this is trivial nonsense including putting an argument on speaker for your friend to hear who's right who's wrong. Let her go and move on she's with the new guy.

I accidently phoned the male best friend of hers and heard our whole conversation.she texted shoortly after she left and completley changed the story to making her out to be the victim.cant work out why she wants to throw it all away so easily and has gone no contact and so cold with me

Yes she is with the new guy and im sure he will see alot sooner than I did.well hopefully anyway.thankyou for all replys I will read them if I get down to remind me.i have deleted her number off my phone and deactivated my facebook account until im ready to stary dating again in time as I want to get over this beforehand.thankyo

She sounds more like a Pathological liar then anything else and yes that's a disease. Not many Bipolar people do things like that. I'm Bipolar and I've never done any of what you described of her. If anything I live my life by honesty and expect the same from others. It's good she is moving on with her life. You definitely don't need that toxicity. I hope for her sake she gets the help she needs so she doesn't ruin this next relationship.

Lisa

I'm guessing you got addicted to the exciting drama. I also suspect the sex was off the charts.

Do you think about her a lot? I bet life seems quiet and tame now, doesn't it? Do you miss the excitement and the fantastic sex?

Many people get attracted to adrenaline and when sex hormones are added...they just can't get themselves to want a "normal" relationship anymore. A steady, reliable partner seems boring.

Unless you want a life filled with what she dished out, I'd recommend spending some time single to figure out what's missing in your life so you can try to understand why this seemed exciting and desirable to you.

Yes I do miss her alot.the problem I have is yes the longer I leave her the less I think of her.which is good but I know that the relationship she is in is a rebound one and I know she will try to make contact with me after christmas.just hope im over her by then as I know its not good to go back.problem is im not getting any younger and am paraniod about being left on the fence.im confident and am a nice guy and some would say good looking...not many thougj lol.just havnt been in the dating game for a long time and its too easy to to back to waht you know.but thankyou for replys