Breadcrumbs? Reaching out? Ego?

Posting this in the getting back together section because the "break up" has long since passed, there is current contact (kinda), and there isn't really a general section

It's been about 5 months since it ended, and every once and a while, every couple of months, he'll send me a snapchat. The last time was about 3 or four days ago, and we had a very small conversation.

I was just wondering why someone would do something like this? He was basically the one that ended things, and I think he still has a girlfriend right now too (not 100% sure though). It kind of surprises me given the fact he made it clear, a while back, that he would never contact me again, and he is a VERY stubborn person.

I just simply know that if I'm 100% over something, I don't tend to reach back into the past. Snapchat seems like the kind of app that is just perfect for reaching back into the past, because you see if the other person has seen what you've sent or not, and if anything, you can just claim accident (which he kinda did).

I haven't contacted him first for months, and I hardly see him either. It has been months, and he claimed he had no feelings (though given many things, I believe otherwise). However, we were very close, and he also does tend to be ego-driven in many respects.

Breadcrumbs? Ego boost? Misses my company? None of my other exes have ever done anything like this before, so I am curious.

I consider myself to be over this whole thing, though I do miss him as a person because he was a huge impact in my life, so my standpoint is relatively objective. Or so I hope lmao

(We ran into each other twice today, and I basically ignored him twice. He reached out to catch my attention with his hand the second time, and touched me on the arm. Very strange.)

He may want a fan club.

When I am honestly 100% over someone, silly things like this are nothing more than a minor annoyance and they don't occupy my head space.

I don't come up with several scenarios as to why they are doing it, because I don't care.

Ego, maybe. Maybe on both parts.

Maybe it makes you feel better if you think he's still pining after you. Sometimes we think that heals that little sore that's left behind.

It's ok. I might feel the same.

Not to be mean, just honest.

He does it to soothe any guilt he may have, but to also keep you in his reserve team. All digital media has a 'block' function, I suggest you use it for your own sanity.

Asking why is going to drive you nuts! Ask yourself what you want and make THAT happen.

I have an ex that still does this and I'm married and long since over this ex. It's really simple, especially if he has a girlfriend. He's hoping for some side action and hoping you have enough feelings for him that he can manipulate you into "taking it slow" and "see where it can all go" while of course helping himself to the goods.

Not really any mystery there. Block, delete, move on.

Well, I said "Screw it", figuring that he was either looking for an ego boost, or wanted to talk but was too scared to do it, and then sent him a message playfully making fun of something on his snapchat story. This turned into a very long conversation of us catching up, beginning with him saying "So, how have you been?" and then "I hope it's not weird for you that we're talking again after all this time". The whole thing continued on like the good old times, ahaha.

I guess this was a risky thing to do, and I'm sure all of this was partly an ego boost too, naturally, but I'm glad to know that he missed me at least a little bit too, even if he still has another girlfriend now (which made me sad when he brought it up all on his own, truth be told, but I feel better now). He meant a lot to me, and I'm sure I meant a lot to him.

Maybe it was a validation thing, me wanting to see what I meant to him. But I like how it turned out, even if it hurt a little. And besides, it could have been much worse.

I feel so much better about him and this whole situation now.

Of course, it would be nice if we were together in a relationship, etc, but I am not going to wait around for it at all.

I've let go of my anger towards him and although I'll acknowledge that he was a douchewaffle, I don't care as much anymore. We had been very close. From now on, if he wants to talk to me, he will. And who knows, the future is bulletproof. Maybe the unlikely will happen and we'll end up together after all.

Or maybe not. At least I know I meant something to him.

Que sera sera.

I'm going to take a contrary opinion, maybe because I'm in a good mood today.

Who's to say that he doesn't reach out to you because he thinks about you from time to time and wants to know how you are? It's not crazy to think that someone that you were close to at one point thinks about you and wonders how you are or misses talking to you. There isn't always some ulterior motive to it. I think, as the person that was dumped, we are always looking for "more" or the "underlying meaning" to everything. But for the dumper, who is less invested in the outcome of every conversation, it might be much less sinister. My dad always tells me that when faced with a question, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. In other words, it could be that he is playing some complicated game of keeping you on his hook for a FWB in the future. Or maybe he just thought of you.

The bigger question is how interacting with him makes you feel. If it makes you feel sad or anxious, then you may need to block him or ignore him until you have healed more. Only you can know. You can usually tell within a day or two after talking to him. Is it like any other friend that you get a message from, that you can reply and not overthink it? Or do you stress for days and days and wonder when he will contact you again? That will tell you where you are in healing.

If anything, you should be angry with him for reaching out to you while he has a girlfriend. That's disrespectful to both you, and his girlfriend.

Either way, he's a prize to no one, therefore why not close that final door and walk away with your self-respect intact?

Good answer. I think that, given the conversation that was had, he did genuinely want to talk as friends. I am not stressing about the situation anymore, and am feeling much calmer after this happened. I suppose it's nice to know that someone you care about also cares about you. Of course, I was sad for a bit when he mentioned his girlfriend, but that passed and I feel like I've healed more after this conversation, interestingly enough.

@heartgoeson:

Yeah, I suppose you're right about the anger. But the deal is, there were no words on sex or relationships or anything like that, we just spoke and caught up, and it was nice. I'm not too well versed in relationships, is that still disrespectful?

The final door is closed and has been closed. I have my self respect, firstly in the fact that I not once acted out of desperation or heated emotion, and secondly + mainly, because I give value to myself and his opinions on me, after all this time, don't really matter anymore.

I avoided him for a long time and gave him the cold shoulder and felt awful all the while. What he did was narcissistic but if you look deeper, can you really blame someone if they don't want to be with you in that way? I was exerting too much time and energy worrying and hating this person who wasn't even in my life anymore.

The door is closed, I am done with him. But not everything is black and white.

I admit that he was a douche waffle. But he is so far from my orbit right now I think, that it hardly effects me anymore.

Besides, this conversation honestly makes me feel better, and I don't think we'll talk anytime soon anyways.

Snapchats are nothing and can be sent to multiple people. He hasn't contacted you directly.

Read this from CW:

""f an ex or someone you were dating got turned off by your behavior, contacts you through text messages, email, Facebook Messenger, or phone calls, then you must assume they want to see you, and this should be your first response. (Their liking your Facebook posts or commenting on your social media posts does not count as them contacting you. They must contact and message you directly and engage you in a conversation.)"

Lumos - why are you posting this on every thread...?

Lumos - why are you posting this on every thread...?

I'm handing valuable information to OP that he can choose to read or not.

My ex played all the same games on snapchat stuff like I sent you a snap did you get it, a snapchat to say goodnight a snapchat to show she had the ring off her finger that I got her ie taking a selfie but showing both hands. Playing games so she got deleted problem solved if you cant delete just do not open