"No Strings Attached" Friends-With-Benefits with Ex? Is is worth it?

Recently I broke up with my girlfriend and now she is saying she would like to stay friends and just have sex when we feel we need it. Now of course from a guys perspective that might sound like a great idea but I'm not really sure it is. I just want to see other peoples perspective on the situation.

To give a little history of our relationship. We dated 10 year ago in high-school in which things ended up pretty sour. She had some bad depression problems and says she used to have borderline personality disorder. So 10 years go by and we're now 27 and 28, we start talking and decide we should 'hang out' and get to know each other again. So that night ended up being amazing... Feelings of 'this is the one' started happening with us. So we hook up and all seems great. So great that me being the dumb ass that I can be sometimes decide that I'm ready to settle down and get married to this girl. We talked about it and she said she was ready for it as well and didn't think it was too soon into our relationship (This was like within a month of us being back together). So I get her a ring and we get engaged. WOW. Everything seemed perfect and good. Until we decided that we should just move in together.

So my son (3 years) and I move in to her place. I am going to college now and she just stays home currently with her 2 kids (1 and 2 years). She babysat my son while I was at school and everything seemed to be going ok. Then she started to become overwhelmed with the kids and the stress it can cause. I felt she was becoming upset over every little thing and 'walking on eggshells' became how I had to act around her. So the personality I saw 10 years ago started to come back it seemed, which caused me to start loosing feeling for her and think that I messed up on this one. Later that week she calls me up at school and we start talking about how we are feeling distant from each other. Few things were said and she gets really mad at something I said to her and tells me I need to "Come get my kid and get the F*** out". So I had to leave school early and find a way to get my stuff out of her place. So after that happened I told her that we are done but ended up changing my mind later on that day since I hate making choices when I'm really mad.

So now I'm living back where I was living prior to moving in with her and I had thought that living apart may be the best thing. But thing being distant from her and not seeing or being around her makes it really hard for me to stay connected in my feeling with her. And after that 'episode' I knew I couldn't live with her again. So I decided that it might be best to break things off since things seemed to be on the decline. So I break up with her ... weekend goes by... and then I start to feel lonely.

We end up talking and she tells me that it'd be ok to just be friends with benefits since she is comfortable with me and doesn't really want to go have sex with a stranger or go looking for someone new. She says that as long as we are honest with each other in that if we become interested in someone to let the other person know so we break off the sex. No strings attached sex. Thing is that I know more than likely if I go ahead with that we'll end up getting back together for it just fail again later on.

She claims that there's nothing wrong with her, but I'm sure she still has a little bit of borderline personality in there. When discussing the breakup she said that I'm just cheating myself for just breaking things off without trying to work things out. She said "How do you know things won't end up working out in the end" and "You gave up too soon"... and of course it all ends up to be my fault. I asked her for the ring back and she refused saying that I gave it to her as a promise and I broke the promise. She said she likes the ring and is going to keep it. That really ticked me off too about her way of thinking. She says that everyone in relationship have arguments and fights. I just don't think that the way each of us deal with the arguments is compatible.

I just don't want to be continually shooting my foot here breaking up with relationships when things go sour. But there has to be a way to know if the end relationship result is a good one or bad one.

So now she wants to just have sex. I really don't have anyone else around to have sex with or have much time to go out and find dates since I'm in school. So I was almost thinking that going along with the sex with the ex for now would be an OK idea for now. But at the same time I think that it might end up making the situation worse and more complicated.

you could give it a shot and see how things work out. Whenever you feel like things are going sour, you can break it off again.

I think it will end badly. If you have feelings for a FWB, ex or not, then it always ends badly. If you are honest with yourself I think you are hoping that a relationship will come from it. How about you tell her it's all or nothing? Because sex is one of the benefits of being in a relationship, and people should only have that if they choose to be committed, IMO.

She had some bad depression problems and says she used to have borderline personality disorder.

I felt she was becoming upset over every little thing and 'walking on eggshells' became how I had to act around her. So the personality I saw 10 years ago started to come back it seemed,

People with personality disorders rarely fix them forever.

she gets really mad at something I said to her and tells me I need to "Come get my kid and get the F*** out".]

I don't know what you said that caused this kind of reaction. Sounds like both of you have some fault in the demise of this relationship.

I asked her for the ring back and she refused saying that I gave it to her as a promise and I broke the promise. She said she likes the ring and is going to keep it.

This is not the sign of a woman with class...sounds more like an opportunist. A classy woman would give the ring back and not suggest an FWB, particularly with a man she is upset with for "breaking the promise".

If she is borderline, why would you even want to have any kind of relationship with her. Borderlines are possessive and can't let go. Break free from her.

Are her two children from a marriage or committed relationship? Sounds like a person who might not use the most effective birth control so your sex partner might become the mother of your next child. I would not have sex with her because of all the emotional and health risks -and she is not acting like a true friend so I don't see the "friendship" part of it.

Been there done that. It did not end well. Think about what you really want before jumping into this scenario.

I think it sounds like this will probably not end well.

But more importantly, I think subjecting your child and her children to all of this back and forth and potentially more fighting is incredibly unhealthy. I know you are lonely, but perhaps you put sex on the back burner while you are trying to finish school and focus on that goal, as well as your son. You are modeling relationships for all of these kids right now.

FWB can work, though I only know of one or two out of all I've seen that actually works long term without eventually losing the friend. A friend of mine went through something similar and had to cut all ties with her FWB after games of push and pull and lots of tears.

I think it sounds like this will probably not end well.

 

But more importantly, I think subjecting your child and her children to all of this back and forth and potentially more fighting is incredibly unhealthy. I know you are lonely, but perhaps you put sex on the back burner while you are trying to finish school and focus on that goal, as well as your son. You are modeling relationships for all of these kids right now.

Excellent post...

Personally, I don't think you should get involved again, unless however you like alot of drama in a relationship

It would probably not end well, especially with a history like that. It's bound to bite you back. And there is a fact that having sex gives off bonding chemicals to the other person, and that's why most FWB ends up with one liking the other or both each other. Think about that. I don't think that's a possibility you'd want. You'd have to think, do you really want her around your children like the others said? It wouldn't be healthy with drama around. And personally, I think a person should like the good and accept the bad of the other person. You don't seem to have the compatability to accept the bad side of her.

Done it, wont ever do it again.

Done it, wont ever do it again.

Absolutley quoted for the truth. Cant even talk to the girl at the moment, ended really badly lol