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Thread: "Men are never too shy to approach the girl they really like"

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I have heard men say they are totally flattered by being asked out but I rarely see a relationship that started with the woman doing most of the asking, planning and contacting and I know of no happy, healthy, long term relationships where the woman did most of the contacting and asking in the beginning.

    I always thought this too but I was at a wedding recently [where the groom was crying the whole time,completely in love with the bride etc] and there relationship was pretty much all her doing.

    She met him in some store and her friend made her go back in and ask him out , he had some other thing on that week so she then suggested
    something else [brave!].

    They went out etc - were together for a few years ,broke up - both met someone else.She never got him out of her mind so she called him up - he was still with his gf,she called him again a year later he'd broken up with the gf - they got together have been for years,they are now happily married and i have genuinely never seen a guy more in love with a woman.

    imagine if she followed this "Men are never too shy to approach the girl they really like" diatribe.What a loss!

  2. #22
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    Hmmm - thing is you do not know if she is happy or whether she has just accepted insecurities as to whether he is that into her. Obviously there are exceptions - I just said I didn't know of any. Also, my guess is that they would have ended up together anyway. What I was referring to is not just the first contact but a woman who does most of the asking planning and contacting in the first few months - she is the one asking out for most of the first 5-10 dates, doing most of the calling, etc. In your friend's case sounds like two contacts over several years where he responded with a yes.

    I know I have been at many weddings that ended in divorce where they seemed "so" in love with each other. You never know.

    Good for your friend - having asked several guys out myself I don't see it as so "brave" at least to me.

    Again I am not saying I am right just never heard of any exceptions to my example either in my "world" or in cyberworld (I have posted that several times on several different relationship forums - no real exceptions yet.)
    Last edited by Batya33; 11-17-2006 at 07:59 AM.

  3. 11-17-2006, 08:58 AM

  4. #23
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    I agree that with your mind set dating is not appropriate right now. The last thing I would want to do in a dating relationship is reassure someone constantly that he is worthy of me.

  5. #24
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
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    IMO,
    It's better to feel like a partner is joining you in your life, and not escaping from theirs. That works both ways.

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  7. #25

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    How can anyone reasonably presume to speak for other people and make a statement like that? For those that suffer from it, shyness is a terrible infliction that affects not only their romantic life but can also limit friendships, careers and almost all . To make an assertion like that shows a real insensitivity - especially on a forum such as this where so many people agonise over the shyness.

    And I also think it is a great shame if women listen to advice not to ask men out. Given the shyness factor so many people could have missed out on a life-long commitment because of such a silly and outdated concept.
    Last edited by DN; 11-18-2006 at 01:06 PM.

  8. #26
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
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    Well, it's just my opinion.
    Last edited by Dako; 11-18-2006 at 01:14 PM.

  9. #27
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    I agree with DN that a woman should make the first move with a shy man but only if she is comfortable being with a person who is that shy that he cannot even manage to ask a woman to have coffee with him. For some women I am sure that is not a problem - for me it would be as I need to be with someone who is reasonably comfortable in a variety of social and work situations.

    I also think many women mistake lack of interest as shyness- as in they see that the man is reasonably outgoing and extroverted with others and they know he has had serious and casual dating relationships in the past, yet they delude themselves into believing he has not asked them out yet because he is "shy."


    Extreme shyness can be a terrible affliction - I have never had it to any extreme but have suffered from a phobia that limited my ability to do certain activities, be in certain situations, as well as from a mild eating disorder in my teens/early 20s that similarly limited me. Those who chose to date me during the eating disorder time had to put up with some annoying/restrictive behavior from me - and at times I wouldn't have blamed them for not wanting to! Similarly, I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to date an extremely shy person if it would mean incompatible lifestyles, etc.

  10. #28

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    Originally Posted by Dako
    Well, it's just my opinion.
    I wasn't referring to your post but the original idea of the thread.

  11. #29
    Silver Member Budman's Avatar
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    False,

    A guy can actually adore a woman, Want to be with her, see himself with her for the rest of his life, and never say the words "I love you" or "I want to be with you"

    He'll be her best friend till the day she dies.

    Watch the movie dirty love, thats what happens when a guy grows b a l l s.

  12. #30

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    Preaching an open-mind while using biased language is hypocritical though how many can read between those lines I know not.

    For the quote mentioned above..

    Completely false and here are some reasons:

    The girl is already "taken"
    The girl outright has no interest in him
    The girl happens to be of a different orientation
    Their religion/family/society won't allow it (this can be chagned at times)
    He's already taken
    He chooses the safer alternative (friendship) in lieu of a riskier one
    There are many more examples.

    Now for the view "guys ask out the girl not vice versa"

    I know of two cases involving my friends where the girl did the leg-work and both relationship happen to be healthy into their third year.

    I believe both genders have the equal chances of starting and messing up a relationship as well as making one work. If you want to maintain equal rights then do yourself a favour and relinquish your right to be passive.

    If you have asked out guys and it hasn't worked then either keep trying or become a lesbian (the last part was a joke) as you can't make such a generalization while still maintaining both genders are equal.

    (unless you want to be bare-foot and pregnant cooking a "sammich" for you hubby while he watches the game)

    Finally shyness is not debilitating and if you are shy and try to be bold and bombastic it will back fire and you'll implode into yourself (that was nice wordplay).

    It is when you couple your fear of rejection with that shyness that you end up perpetually single (again awesome wordplay). Shyness is nuetral and it is up to us how we use it. Same with being confident..you can become either proud of yourself or be full of hubris (both use the same innate quality but with vastly different ramifications).

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