catfeeder

If you could win a million dollars to figure out anything that may have put these people off, what would be your top guesses?

Take this one step further. Why would you be ashamed, if not for the fact that your family or friends would question why you would put up with that, right? But the answer is, you wouldn't. And good for you!

Often as people are exiting a job, they just want the clean break they've been craving. The idea of connecting with anyone from that job is less urgent than that feeling of freedom. She has your number, she knows you want to get together with her, and I'd leave it at that. If she catches her breath and then gets the chance to grow sentimental, if she wants to see you again, she knows how to reach you. Head high.

Hi Sindy, great topic. Your friend was not on these dates with you. So regardless of having your best interests at heart, nobody else has experienced all of the micro-impressions you picked up from this man. Your gut responded to any number of inputs over both dates that amounted to your reaction. I would trust that. Even if the front of your mind believed that everything was wonderful until he ruined it all in that moment, or whether you'd been unconsciously picking up tiny flags along the way--none of which, on their own, stood out as anything that shouted 'red'--but then he went and tipped the scale with this behavior, none of that matters. We've seen you hold out for a good outcome with a guy in whom you were invested enough to learn over time whether he would invite you to his home and include you in his life in the way you deserve, and that didn't sound like an instant nix-over-nothing to me. I think you are intuitive, and you are not some kid who hasn't yet learned how to operate in her own best interests. I hope you won't allow even the best intentions of a friend to cause you doubts about this. If the guy's behavior struck you as rude and a potential problem that you don't want to engage, I think you did the right thing. Congrats on using your head instead of adopting rose colored glasses that can bite you in your butt later.

Terrific! Every time you can pull this off, it feels like a win, which builds more confidence. Then you carry that confidence into the next situation, which can curb the initial negativity. And when it doesn't, you also have the confidence to shift rather than allow the negativity to always rule your outcomes. So it's like an upward spiral. This is not about inserting 'false' positivity, it's just making the room to challenge the 'default' negativity. When your knee jerk is always to drill into the most catastrophic outcomes, you squelch your own potential for joy. But if you can squelch the insta-negativity instead, just long enough to credit yourself with the resilience to handle unknowns as you encounter them, then you're not building anything false, you are building your own resilience. I hear, and I'm glad you're working with someone who can support you in this goal. Holding yourself accountable to one who is on your side can make all the difference. You have someone to confide in whenever you do spiral, which in itself is a mental safety-net to catch the spiral. You'll need to use the rational part of your brain to narrate how you will describe this experience to someone else. THAT pulls your rational thinking into your emotional thinking, which taps a completely different part of your brain. During spirals you can ask yourself the kinds of questions your counselor might ask. This forces you to reach for rational thinking ABOVE the emotional thinking as you try to answer those questions. You're right, it's a learning process, and perfection can't be the goal. Our best learning comes from our most challenging experiences, and what can be a better challenge than to learn how to allow yourself to enjoy love rather than fear it?

Not good, and it will only escalate and get worse if you stay there.

My sympathy for the loss of your father. To make this your best day possible, I would stay focused like a laser beam on the joy that I'm bringing to my mother on this day. She birthed you and raised you, so this is a milestone for her, too. Congrats on your graduation!

I don't understand. I've never heard of anyone going on an actual job interview with their friend. That's something adults who are old enough to work can do solo.

You don't 'need' the reassurances, but you've sought them and have been rewarded for that. So you'll need to figure out how to stop fishing in that pond before you over-fish it dry. If you believe that your self-talk is within your control, then you can do this. In that case, it's a habit you can shift by changing the critical voice you use in your head to one of an inspiring coach. I worked with a coach on my job who taught my team that 21 days is the length of time it takes the brain to form new synapse patterns to replace a habit. Consistently 'catching' and replacing my initial thoughts really worked, and the results were life changing. I only wish that I had learned to do this earlier in my life. However, if you've been drilling into rumination, and you find yourself spiraling into obsessive thinking beyond your control, it might be a comfort to consider that there are people professionally trained in this stuff and can work with you. One low cost source of this help can be a university that offers PhD and PsyD programs. You can book sessions to work with their doctoral candidates who are supervised by practitioners in the field. It's your call, and I wish you the best. Head high, and write more if it helps.

Glad to see that you are self aware enough to recognize your tendency to over-think. Therapists often call this 'poisoning the well'. Why do you think they call it that? Nobody here can guarantee for you that this relationship is solid, despite that it sounds that way, or that an ex never poses a threat to a new relationship--or that any other attractive person on the planet could never pose a threat. But threats lie in crossing a street, or flying the skies, or attending a theater or schoolroom classes. There are no lacks in problems to obsess over. So you get to choose your focus. If you want to focus on potential threats to your relationship, you can do that--it's not against the law, but what does it buy you? If you can use the help of someone professionally trained to help you to train your focus away from catastrophes, or otherwise resolving older issues that prompt rumination, you can hire someone. Otherwise, decide the degree to which you're willing to 'lean in' to the relationship despite all real or imagined risks--because every investment has risks. I wish you jOy!

Invest the time you spend on the marketing into learning how to run circles around the technical aspects of your job. Then you'll feel more confident, and you'll feel more inspired to invest in the marketing side later, and also possibly finding and testing ways to consolidate her tech side, which you can suggest after successful testing. Once you demonstrate your competence in the basics, your new boss might be more open to your suggestions. Meanwhile, grasp that this is PART TIME INCOME. Do this, or go make ice cream cones for the money, but complaining only adds difficulty to whatever you choose to do. Your complaints are premature. Unless and until you've mastered the basics of a job, which on average takes up to 6 months, then reaching beyond that scope only adds unnecessary frustration--and for what payoff?

So where did you find the time to draft up all those marketing campaigns? She accepted 2 of them, so I don't understand the complaint. An ad agency would be happy with that. You say you invested all of this time on these campaigns, yet if you don't have the time to learn and do your job effectively, why do that? It just makes no sense, Alex. Sorry. Invest the time you spend on the marketing into learning how to run circles around the technical aspects of your job. Then you'll feel more confident, and you'll feel more inspired about investing in the marketing side and also finding and testing ways to consolidate her tech side, which you can suggest after successful testing. Once you demonstrate your competence in the basics, your new boss might be more open to your marketing suggestions. Meanwhile, grasp that this is PART TIME INCOME. Do this, or go make ice cream cones for the money, but the whining only adds difficulty to whatever you choose to do. Save that energy for cultivating a better social life on your own time, yes?

You don't have time to revisit a video, type some questions or get your work done, but you have all that extra time to create marketing campaigns?

They've demonstrated their ethics by pressuring you to answer the offer on the spot. Go easy on yourself about that, but understand, it would be the first of many such pressures. How many times will you want to kick yourself for operating under such pressure, only to regret it? Even if it's only a day or two, why subject yourself to even one more encounter with these people? You were not impressed with either person to whom you'd report. Of course, they told you that you'd be welcome to make changes. That's easy for them to say while they know full well that they, themselves, are the very barriers you'd face to change anything. I can only tell you where I'd stand, and it would be a quick call tomorrow to avoid ruining my stomach lining over the weekend.

Okay, so how would you like us to help you? I mean, if you don't even care, then what's left? One thing I'd consider is that often spouses who aren't heard tend to, at some point, find someone who will listen. That's usually a lover or a lawyer. Good luck.