When 'Everything is Lost': Coping with Feelings of Regret and Overwhelming Sadness

We've all been there – overwhelmed with a feeling of regret, deep sadness, and a heavy heart. Chances are you may even be there now, desperately grappling for a sense of security in the midst of intense emotion. Maybe you're feeling that knot in your stomach as you contemplate the path you chose, or how life would have been so different if you only did things differently. Maybe like the post on eNotAlone.com, it's after you made what you thought would be the “right” decision, only to see an irrevocable outcome now, your plans for the future suddenly replaced by nostalgia for the past. It often seems like the only thing that can come out of this is to find ways to make peace with the painful memories and emotions that has followed.

But it's possible. It's possible to move beyond grief and regret, towards a place that is filled with understanding, self-love, and optimism. This can unleash your creative potential and bring more joy into the present. With guided intention, the right attitude, and a commitment to growth, it is possible to find peace regardless of the pain of the past.

The very first step is, of course, to grieve and allow conviction. However, it is important to have the ability to recognize when to stop the wallowing, and to learn how to get back on track, turning despair into something positive. The second is to move from a place of regret to one of clarity and understanding. You may need assistance from a therapist who is experienced in helping people handle strong emotions in a productive way. This can be especially helpful if past trauma or depression are making it particularly difficult to cope.

Your goal should be to evaluate and analyze the situation, untangle conflicting thoughts and beliefs about the event, identify individual responsibility and the encompassing forces at play, and reframe how the situation can be seen in a less emotionally charged light. This path offers the potential of moving past despair and towards an empowered position. After all, each experience can act as a springboard to personal growth.

Take the time to reframe your understanding of the situation. While it is natural to focus on what was lost, there is also value in looking at what can be gained. Yes, it can feel counterintuitive, but considering this perspective offers a new way to look at what happened and potentially a means of unlocking hidden treasures. Ask yourself – What strengths and skills were developed as result? How did the experience teach me something new? What insights were discovered? What actions can be taken in order to cultivate a better approach moving forward? Asking such questions can provide insight into the pathway to transformation.

It is vital to remember that the feelings of regret, sadness, and grief will never stop you from becoming your best self. It is ok to feel overwhelmed, to cry, to be silent, and to take a break. Losses that require grieve easily become entrenched when not acknowledged and given space to heal. Don't be too hard on yourself, know that these feelings are only temporary – an unfamiliar place that can be navigated with the gentle guidance of one's heart.

It will likely feel unbearable at times and impossible to comprehend. But in time, with some tools, and a great support network – you can survive and even thrive, from a place of acceptance and greater resilience. When everything may seem lost, this journey offers the possibility for renewal, hope and inner peace.