Just having a really hard time

[Batya33]

28 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

She was in a friends with benefits relationship and wanted to be in a romantic long-term relationship. She was telling us all this bad information about him. His terrible finances and credit, how he was hiding her from his family, how he kept losing jobs, and he has an addiction to Marijuana with raging mental health issues. He was a train wreck and I told my friend how she deserved an amazing guy who was willing to commit to her and not string her along while he saw other women on the side. He did eventually commit to her. But then there was cheating allegations after they were together. Evidence of him dating others on his phone. She bought her own engagement ring. She married him. He's been unemployed since their marriage 4 years ago. She bought their house, pays for everything, and she did come crying to us once that he was verbally abusive and didn't help her at all with the house chores etc. So yes, I was concerned about my friend. 

Yes in instances of abuse I too would feel obligated to say something.  Otherwise if a friend doesn't ask you for your input or advice I'd be a good friend by minding your own business especially if this is an adult who knows whatever it is -knows he is not calling her much, knows he was still active on a dating app, etc.

I agree with Bolt which is why I asked about your expectations.  

[rainbowsandroses]

Alex, there is an "Articles" section on ENA and wondering if you've ever read any of the articles posted?

I just read one entitled "How Do You Know if You Are Attractive to Men?"  I thought it was a great article and would highly recommend you read!

Not a brag but I do pretty well with the men, attracting them, most want to be in a relationship with me, and much of what I've learned about attraction, interpersonal relationships and male/female polarity and behaviors I learned from reading! 

Not the standard self-help fluff but good books on what I just described from reputable psychologists and the like. 

Anyway, just a thought and if interested, you can start with that article, it may help. 

I hope you feel better, all the best. 😀

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, Alex39 said:

. I mourn being alone, not feeling attractive or worthy of love and companionship. 

It's great to join a group of single women to socialize with. However that's not going to get you any closer to dating or finding a husband.

It's just a way to avoid the friends whose lives you envy.

The way your other friends got husbands? They accepted what they got and made room in their lives for it rather than filling up life  attached at the hip with family and the umbilical cord still connected to their mothers calling all the shots. 

[Seraphim]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's great to join a group of single women to socialize with. However that's not going to get you any closer to dating or finding a husband.

It's just a way to avoid the friends whose lives you envy.

The way your other friends got husbands? They accepted what they got and made room in their lives for it rather than filling up life  attached at the hip with family and the umbilical cord still connected to their mothers calling all the shots. 

I married my husband against my mother and father’s advice . I didn’t care what their advice was since their lives were not the greatest . Did some stuff happen they said would ? Yeah , sure . Have we had troubles and issues ?? You bet. Some really hard and dark days but we have had fabulous times too and more good than bad . If I had listened to my parents I wouldn’t be having the life I have now and I wouldn’t have the son I have now. True , I might’ve had a different husband and different children, but it wouldn’t be these ones. 

Time to let the parents go and tell them to stay in their lane . 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

The way your other friends got husbands? They accepted what they got and made room in their lives for it rather than filling up life attached at the hip with family and the umbilical cord still connected to their mothers calling all the shots.

This^^ is great advice.  It's the same or similar advice written in many books and articles, but with way more detail.

Not sure why some people are so averse to reading and learning.  You read these forums for advice, right?

Why not educate yourself further in the area of interpersonal relationships, laws of attraction, human behavior etc?  There is so much information out there we can learn from!  Besides advice forums that go pages and pages from which you have learned nothing it seems. 

I also believe in learning through experience however Alex, you don't appear to have learned much from all your experiences so why not try something new on, like reading the articles like the one I mentioned on this forum, for starters?

I have also recommended a couple of great books, so have a few others throughout your threads.

I don't get your reluctance.  The articles on ENA are posted for a reason and some are very very good. 

Anyway, again good luck.

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

5 hours ago, Jaunty said:

 

I said "some."  Certainly NOT all.  I mentioned one in particular I thought she might want to check out. 

IDK, I love to read.  I've learned tons about so many things including love and relationships from reading. 

NOT just on anonymous advice forums. Lol

Reading is knowledge, knowledge is power. 

If she has the time ro read 20+ pages on an advice forum, she has time to read a book written by a reputable psychologist.

[Batya33]

I recommend reading authors like Elizabeth Strout and Eleanor Lippman -their novels are so good about women's experiences in relationships, in life, in friendship.

[waffle]

The only relationship reading I ever did that actually resonated with me was Why Men Love B!tc#3s.

[rainbowsandroses]

22 minutes ago, waffle said:

The only relationship reading I ever did that actually resonated with me was Why Men Love B!tc#3s.

Yup and don't let the title fool ya.  It teaches women how to have and maintain strong boundaries and NOT be a doormat. 

Another poster (male) used to often recommend "He's Just Not That Into You."

NOT my favorite but everyone has a different take-away from whatever we read. 

It's a guide, not gospel.

[Alex39]

I went out with my new friend and we had a good time. It was so funny, we have lived totally completely different lives, but we shared a lot of similar perspectives on life and men problems. She too struggled exactly the same as me to meet a good man. We exchanged funny horror dating stories and she completely understood my frustration with online dating.

She is really nice and she even insists we go out and do something extra fun for my upcoming birthday. I haven't had someone want to celebrate my birthday in years, unless I made a huge effort and begged. She's actually insisting. It was such a nice change. 

I sort of met a man at the gym last night. Nothing special.  When I walked in, I noticed him. He looked cute, but he wasn't some crazy huge meat head. That's just not my type. He looked my way. I proceeded to then do my workout. As I git in my car to leave, he was walking to his car. He was making some strange gesture with his hands. I had no idea what he was meaning. So I proceeded to drive. He quickly caught up to me speeding in his car. He got up next to me and rolled down his window to let me know I forgot to put my headlights on. It was extremely nice of him to tell me and I thanked him as he sped away. I'm questioning now, do I go to the gym every night at the same time, that maybe I'll see him? Who knows.  

[boltnrun]

Why not? You can playfully tell him since he saved you from getting stuck on the road with a dead battery you owe him a coffee. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

. He got up next to me and rolled down his window to let me know I forgot to put my headlights on. It was extremely nice of him to tell me and I thanked him

Good Samaritan (or crazy stalker... just kidding). He definitely saved you a ticket/$100-200 fine, so next time you see him tell him that and that you would like to take him for lunch to thank him. 

[boltnrun]

35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Good Samaritan (or crazy stalker... just kidding). He definitely saved you a ticket/$100-200 fine, so next time you see him tell him that and that you would like to take him for lunch to thank him. 

Great idea! 😜

[Wiseman2]

On 2/22/2024 at 12:34 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

 "He's Just Not That Into You."

 Never read the book but hilarious scene only because it's so true.