Very hard thing to bring up...how?

[inlove123]

Me and my gf have been dating for almost a year now. Our one year is actually next weekend. I love her more than anything. Thing is, when it comes to sex, I think shes becoming very selfish. I should say foreplay actually.

 

When it comes to oral, it feels she becoming very selfish. My gf is extremely clean. Never once have I tasted or smelt anything down there that was out of the ordinary. So, me being a generous giver, I dont mind doing it. I actually enjoy it. Thing is lately shes been giving to me, less and less. Our relationship hit a rough spot a few months ago but were now becoming really close again. So I dont think its relationship issue. As for me, im very clean myself. Showering usually twice a day. Always just getting out of the shower before I see her. So im ruling out a hygiene issue as well.

 

Basically, I feel so wrong saying this but is wanting more blowjobs so bad? I feel like an abusive boyfriend if I ask. Never once have I ever asked for it, i would just simply hope she would do it. Sometimes I get lucky but most of the time no. Yet if shes rubbing herself or something, she always asks. Even worse, I think shes doing it just to tease me. I stepped out of the shower yesterday when she was here, i took off my towel and she went at it. But she knew we had plans right then and there to go out, so shes doing it for like 20 seconds, then stops. Im standing there with a full blown erection, and now I gotta go get ready to leave.

 

I debated whether I should cut her off of giving oral myself but I dont know. Im not a spiteful person.

 

How on earth do I approach this? I cant imagine bringing up a thing like this without looking bad.

 

"hey how about more blowjobs huh?" sounds like something a drunk abusive husband would ask.

 

Any advice girls?

[Timebandit]

Well, she is no way obligated to give you oral pleasure. And I don´t think asking for it will help you much.

 

You can try two things:

 

Let her know how much you appreciate it when she is doing it

 

Try to find out why things changed between you. You should do it in a non-demanding and non-hostile way, instead of trying to manipulate her into giving you oral pleasure.

[heloladies21]

She's no mind reader my man, so you gotta let her know what you want. Same thing with leaving you high and dry that one time, you gotta let her know what it does to you so that she knows. If she doesn't want to do more oral then, then we have a sign that the relationship isn't where it needs to be on an emotional level and we're gonna have to explore other issues.

[itsallgrand]

Yes, I think you need to speak up.

 

May I ask - the little rough spot in the relationship a few months ago - did she see that as a transgression of yours?

 

Is it possible she is having a little less-than-noble fun with you now as a means of holding back/punishment?

 

I find it difficult to believe that she doesn't know what she is doing. Especially considering the shower incident! She may not be aware of how much it bothers you though. If you are laughing or letting it slide all the time - she will assume it is ok to keep doing it.

[run_little_rabbit]

I didn't realize how much my boyfriend enjoys it until he said something. I think I was worried about being too predictable, or something like that. Like Timebandit said, I think you should let her know how much you appreciate it.

[anggrace]

I do think you should say something. Its only fair to let her know before you make assumptions and get even more frustrated.

 

But how to say it? Well Im not sure. You see, I had the same situation. It has been going on for a while. I handeled it the best way I knew how. I told him I felt he didn't enjoy going down on me. He said it wasn't true. I asked about the hygene and he said that wasn't a problem. Nothing really changed and I became frustrated. I then decited to just ask for it if I wanted it, but I am still frustrated in the fact that he never acts like he really wants too.

 

Im afraid that now that he is aware of my frustation and simply b/c Ive asked for it, he doesnt want to do it even more. So while I think its important to say how your feeling, depending on you mate, it might make her want to do it even less. They either want to or they don't. I think the best thing to do is try to find out why she doesn't. It could very likely be that she is resenting you for something. It could be a number of things.

[scarew]

Next time she asks you to go down on her say, "How bout we 69?". That will get you some head!

 

But I also think that you should just ask when you guys are starting to get busy. I had one bf way back in the day that used to be SO appreciative when I did it and tell me how good at it I was (I was young so I'm sure he was just flattering me). Then rather than saying, "how about more blow jobs huh?" He would say, "Am I going to get lucky tonight?" Referring to going down on him of course.

 

Tell her how much you love it. Be confident

[inlove123]

Thanx so much for the advice people

 

Im not at all the forceful type, thats why bringing this up just isnt my thing. Im trying to work up how I can brng this up in the most non forceful, least rude way. I didnt mean for this to come off as "Ive been deprived of a blow for a year" I do get blowjobs. Just wish I could get more of them. and yeah if i showed frustration towards her, she probably would give me less and less just to get the upper hand so on the outside, this cant bug me.

 

Ill see how things go. Thanx guys

[EvaGina]

The teasing thing is normal

its to make you want her all night

 

Just say "I love it when my ****'s in your mouth"

positive reinforcement!!

[needopinions]

my boyfriend and i have a VERY open (communication wise) relationship...and we also joke around A LOT...pretty much constantly...although we know when the other is serious too...but if he wants it he just says..."maybe wanna suck on him a little?"...or something like that so it's in a joking, non-forceful way but it gets his point accross and makes it kinda fun(ny) for me too.

[sweetheart607]

Just say "I love it when my ****'s in your mouth"

positive reinforcement!!

 

positive reinforcement yeah say how much u love it when she does it. That would make me want to do it cos u love it and yet its a nicer way than asking but there is nothing wrong with asking in my opinion.

[TheFoglifter]

... would make me want to do it cos u love it and yet its a nicer way than asking but there is nothing wrong with asking in my opinion."

 

You guys are all soooo lucky.

 

I agree that if you ask the wrong way, you are going to make her feel pressured and obligated, which means she will do it less, and she'll hate every second of it. I also agree that holding back isn't going to accomplish anything because then she'll be even more spiteful and you'll get even less. Finally, I agree that doing nothing is not the way to go because she'll assume she is doing nothing wrong (she knows what she's doing -- make no mistake about that) and you'll just hate her inside.

 

I know how hard it is to hope and hope and be disappointed. In my own relationship, I believe that the exuding of that desperation is part of what makes her have little to no interest in sex. For us, it also only happens after showers on certain days, so its very hard for me not to look anxious and hopeful given how infrequently the opportunity comes up. When it DOESN'T happen, I'm pissed and hateful -- bad downward spiral.

 

There is only one way I can see to break this. Some women are VERY "whats in it for me". Your gf (and mine) are definitely these types -- if there is something in it for them, they will make it a priority. Besides the heaps and heaps of praise, creating a mood might help (if she isn't already jaded on this front -- with my gf, the mere hint of anything sexual instantly becomes an accusation of me being sleazy).

 

Perhaps when you are out, whisper to her about how much you desire her. Keep it at the forefront of her mind, how much you care and how much you want it. Don't sound like you are pressuring her, sound like its the sexiest thing in the world and how she is the only one who can do it for you and blah blah blah blah blah -- whatever you have to say to make it happen.

 

Finally -- I know you'll hate this advice, probably because you know I'm right. Put your feelings on hold, and keep things in check. If after a few months (and this will take months, not weeks) you have not seen any improvement, get out as fast as you can. I am many years further down the road you are on, and the only place it goes is her lying on her back once every 2 months with a "lets get this over with" attitude, while you are too deep in love and consoling yourself with her other fine qualities, which while they DO exist, don't help the problem at hand.

 

Sex is like air -- you don't realize how badly you need it until you don't have it.

[RayKay]

I love giving them (love knowing he is enjoying it!) and will usually just go for it as I want too, or when I am initiating sex.....but there are still times I have been "asked" to do it while we were messing around with foreplay. Depends on the mood, but I think it is sexy when there is some dirty talk about it, or even if he does push me to that area (not abusively, but firmly)....we are okay with that as we are comfortable with those boundaries.

 

If I were you I would say something while during foreplay that "he" (use your shared term for it!) would like a personal visit, and a kiss/lick/suck...whatever....and see how she responds. Let her know how much you love it, be verbal about how good she is at it (guarantee it will have her wanting to do it more).

 

Another thing to do is to put the sexual intercourse itself off limits for a night or two...and make a "rule" between you two that you can JUST do oral for that night or two....not only will you be DYING to get to the sex, it gives you more time to explore one another orally, manually, etc.

 

If nothing changes, you may have to just tell her in a non confrontational way that you just want more oral.

[TheFoglifter]

Also, be thankful that sex still seems to happen quite often for you. If your gf starts to feel that you are too demanding, she'll cut the frequency immediately. This goes back to the "whats in it for me" thing.

 

If she doesn't feel appreciated, she'll go on strike.

 

I know this is a very difficult issue -- she is not obligated to give you anything (I think thats wrong, but its how they feel), so you have to be thankful for what you DO get -- even when its not enough.

[EvaGina]

BRILLIANT POST

She might give the OP less oral because he cums to quickly afterwards? I dont give my bf a lot becuase it takes me so much longer than him, I dont really need to excite him any more than nessasary